Where do I belong?

Disclaimer:

Me: * grabs Tasuki glomping him so that she doesn't have to say the disclaimer *

Cast: * chorus * We shall say it! Fiery-chan does not own us but only Hirashi Kimiko, her creation.

Me: * biida *

WARNINGS: OOC characters cos I want it that way. NO FLAMES are welcomed. Don't like my fic DON'T REVIEW!! I am only doing this for my fun and the readers who actually want to read it. One more thing MAJOR SPOILERS!

Notes:

Man I feel like I have been steam rolled… my head hurts… so hard to write this chapter… and my readers are dwindling probably cos I don't update much! Lol

Lookee it's been half a year since I started this fic. Support from my readers is the best and I thank all of you once again. But anyways here is the next chappie!

GOMEN NASAI for the delay! Not one of my best ones but enjoy anyway! ^_^

~ Fiery-Ice ~

Readers delight:

Halee: Hrm… not exactly but that's an idea to ponder on! Hope to see ya again soon! ^_^ Thanks for reading!

Meta Lise: Hahaa poor gen-chan! Yep I guess so! Thanks for all the support you've given me! I appreciate it! Here's the next one!

Shadow Hawk:  Interesting? Yay! Glad you think so! Well yea to confirm your suspicions. It is a triangle though I am not portraying it as well as I hoped! Haha thanks for telling me to buck up! And I have to say I LOVE LOVE LOVE A&E! I wait for the next chapter on the edge of my seat ^_^

Cortney: Awww you're too sweet! Boosts my ego which has been squashed flat! You read those fics? Fantastic! And you like em? Show your appreciation by dropping them a review ne?

Chibi-A: Glad to know that there are more of you out there who like my fic! Ami will come in later since he is at Konan with Hotohori on the other hand Suboshi eh? Perhaps perhaps… Welcome anyways to WDIB! Hope to see you here again although I really take my time in updating due to pressing time. But anyways enough of my rambling… Enjoy!

Meika-chan aka MiakaLookAlike: Yep my first fic! But I thank all my supporters! Because you all are the best! I think I may have quit if it weren't for you guys! Ahahah you finally caught up eh? Good for ya! Gomen if I update slow but I hope to see you here again next time ne?

Miss uots: * sniff * I am a little sad at how I portrayed Nakago. My opinion is the same as yours. No guarantees! * wink * but lets see ne? lol love the dialogue! Tomo is here. But just a little. I gotta work on how I portray the Seiryuu seishi. Must…be better…ugh my poor little brain is shrivelling up and dying from stress.

* Tasuki pops up hugging Fiery-chan * hahaha I feel refreshed! Thanks gen-chan! Lol uots-san love your fic especially at the humour! It's my humour fic! I am still reading! Sorry for the lack of reviewing! I'll try to review as soon as I can! Ja!

        Italics – Other person thoughts in telepathy

'…….' – Current character's thoughts in telepathy

Chapter 14

Confusion, Doubts and Emotional Outbreak

Nakago rode towards the Seiryuu campsite in Sairou. Kimiko was in a state of despair. The Suzaku seishi and miko raced to retrieve the second shinzaho while one of them, Tasuki, for once was silent.

~Kimiko~

I still can't believe it. I am Seiryuu's granddaughter? If I was shouldn't I be very attached to the Seiryuu? I should feel nothing for Suzaku. I can't take this anymore. Who do they think I am? Someone who has no feelings at all? Emotional trauma and torture this is what this is.

I caught sight of a big patch of blue a little distance in front of us. It looked a little blurry because my eyes felt dry from the wind and from exhaustion. I guessed it was the Seiryuu camp. Welcome home. I thought dryly. I am not looking forward to meeting Soi. She seems to hate me a lot. Suboshi, Tomo, Miboshi and Nakago will be here while Amiboshi is safe in Konan with Hotohori.

I wanted to block out everything. I feel as if that if one more bad thing happens I am going to crack. This is insanity speaking. Finally we reached the camp and everything was bathed in blue. I missed the red surroundings I was used to of the Suzaku group. It gave me a warm feeling while here surrounded in blue it reminded me of water. Another element which I can relate to but it felt as if I was taken out of a warm bath and thrown into a cold one.

I was lifted off the horse when I made no attempt to move. My soft shoed clad feet made contact with the hard ground and with no resistance I was made to walk towards a big tent. I was oblivious to my surroundings with no control over what I was doing.

Is this was it feels to be broken? For the first time in a long time I felt helpless. As soon as I was in the tent, I took no care in my surroundings only spotting a bed then flopping down on it staring at the ceiling blankly. I could feel no presence in the tent and knew I was alone.

I felt a pressure building up in my chest and a burning behind my eyes. Was it possible that I had held everything in for the past few years? I wrestled with myself blinking hard trying not to allow the pain seep out. If I was a goddess then shouldn't I be perfect or something like that? I should be beautiful, smart and able to easily tap into my powers. Basically, be perfect. But I am not.

Gods, I shouldn't even be thinking that I could be one. And even if I am one this only shows that I am a failure. Why did I even think that by coming into this world I could succeed? Maybe my parents or whoever they are, are right in saying I was useless and worthless. I sucked in a death breath. Then I rolled onto my side in a fetal position, curling myself into a ball then trying to force the persistent tears from making their destined path.

In a way, I wanted to change things. I wanted to force fate to change its path. But to no avail, the tears fell silently. I didn't realise that someone was in the tent with me until a hand touched my arm followed by someone saying, "Ano…Kimiko-san. Daijoubu ka?"

I whipped around guarded only to see Suboshi standing next to the bed looking slightly curious and concerned. I flipped back turning my face away from him to hide my tears. I swiped my eyes trying to compose myself.

When I turned sitting with my knees tucked under my chin, to face Suboshi again, I saw the look in his eyes and knew that I still looked like I had been crying.

He asked again, " Daijoubu ka, Kimiko-san?"

This time I managed to reply with a shaky smile, " Hai hai Su-chan, daijoubu demo call me Kimiko ne?"

"Na Kimiko… I know something is wrong. Don't you want to be here? I mean I know that we aren't the nicest people but Nakago has told us that you are part of us because you are actually Seiryuu seikun's granddaughter."

To me Suboshi seemed like such a nice but naïve boy. Thank gods he didn't go crazy this time. For this fact, I am glad I came into this world but it is not enough to be happy.

I stared into the distance, "He told you that? I don't know what is true and what is not anymore Suboshi. I thought I could handle things but it's taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally." The last part I said it more to myself than to him.

Tears were slowly but surely gathering at the corner of my eyes. I could feel the hot tears but couldn't stop them from flowing. I swiped at them several times then looked skywards blinking to prevent them from falling. I so badly wanted to show weakness. I kept holding on to my tattered beliefs even though I knew it was useless by now.

Am I actually afraid? Of letting go? Of letting someone help me? I was silent as I tried to control the countless emotions. I wanted Tasuki. No matter how selfish it sounds. I want him even though it would cause trouble. Was he thinking of me now? Or has he given up on me?

Thoughts ran through my head until I hadn't realised that I had let my tears go. Like a dam breaking loose, I cried. I sucked in breaths loudly, burying my face in my arms. I cried for all the times that I should have cried but only locked it up making it build the frustration in me. I only noticed a few minutes later that Suboshi was awkwardly patting me on the shoulder.

I gradually stopped but I knew I looked awful and couldn't bear to lift my head. I knew my eyes must look puffy and red-rimmed, my nose red and tear tracks streaking across my face. I made a gesture with my arm indicating that he leave but managed a muffled thank you to him and my voice came out muffled as I told him that I would talk to him later.

I heard footsteps going out of the tent. I breathed a sigh of relief then berated myself for losing myself so completely with Suboshi. I felt a twinge of embarrassment. I lifted my head, wiping my messed up face with an edge of the sheets, when I felt a presence behind me.

~Suboshi~

I headed towards Kimiko's tent on orders to tell her that Nakago was coming to see her. I heard she arrived and I wanted to ask about aniki. I'm sure Nakago knows that he is alive and not dead and he turned traitor on us. But for some reason, he doesn't seem to care. I know he has a secret plan but I know it isn't a good one for us.

When I walked in quietly, I was about to call her but then I saw a figure on the bed faced away from me shaking slightly. At first I had thought she was cold then I realised she was crying. She didn't seem like the type to cry but then she's a girl so who knows.

I wonder what she is crying about? I felt a little uncomfortable so I went up to her and touched her arm since she didn't seem aware of my presence.

"Ano…Kimiko-san. Daijoubu ka?"

She turned but quickly turned her head to hide her tears but no one could mistake the fact that she had puffy eyes. She turned back then told me she was okay. But in fact I could see that something was bothering her.

She stared off into the distance after a small confession then suddenly as if she couldn't take it anymore she started sobbing. Stressed out. I felt very uneasy and surprised.

I didn't know what to do but I patted her trying to comfort her. I could never understand why she cried but she is Seiryuu seikun's daughter so now I must treat her with respect. After a while, with her head buried in her arms, she lifted an arm indicating I should go. Then I heard a muffled, "Arigatou" and "I'll talk to you later Su-chan."

I took my leave and bumped into Nakago outside. And ONLY then did I remember I forgot to pass Kimiko the message. Uh Oh. Nakago set me with another of his chilling glances and I quickly went away. I just hope she's not going to be too startled.

~Nakago~

I wonder why Suboshi looked unsettled.

No matter. I strode into Kimiko's tent.

~Kimiko~

I whirled around. Damn this place. Why can't I tell whether someone is behind me and this place doesn't seem to have any good security. Have to keep my guard up.

I saw him assessing my teary face. I grabbed the sheet and wiped my eyes once more. Then dropped it because who cares what this golden boy thinks. Then I stared into the wall of the tent behind him not wanting to look at him directly.

He moved to hold my chin up surveying my face. I took his hand and firmly removed it from my face.

I could stand the tension anymore.

"What do you want Nakago? What is your plan to do with me? I know there is one." I demanded. It's nearly impossible to break through this guy.

Gods…his eyes were such a startling icy blue. A flash appeared in my mind of an image of the very same blue eyes innocent, scared and sad. Then there was another flash of those eyes looking warm. I shook my head. What was that?

I realised Nakago had started speaking. "You are going to help me that's all. And you are going to meet the rest of the seishi soon."

"Oh…" I couldn't say anything more.

"Why were you crying?" He asked quietly. My first thought was that I had imagined it because for gods' sakes this is Nakago. When I finally realised dumbly that he had asked and was waiting for an answer. I stumbled slightly on my reply.

"M-me? Cr-crying? Don't be ridiculous." I hated the tremble in my words.

"Oh really… then how would you explain this?" He fingered the dried tear tracks. I hated the way he talked and presented himself. So confident; like a panther prowling. Either way, he has caught me.

"It's none of your business."

"Well. I would have thought that you were happy to have found out you are a goddess." He said calmly.

Happy? Should I be happy? To have my beliefs stripped away in a second? I don't know anymore.

"Wakerenai desu. I don't know." I voiced my thoughts.

*****************************

Nakago watched her reactions. Kimiko to him was in a rut. She didn't know what to do with her new surroundings. He was acting out of character in his opinion and resented that Kimiko could make him feel things that he thought were not possible.

For once he didn't know exactly what to do which internally frustrated him. With a swish of his cape he muttered stoically, "You'll meet the rest soon." Proceeding to walk out of the tent.

Nakago encountered Suboshi walking around. Knowing that the girl had not eaten yet and was looking pale he ordered Suboshi to bring her food to her. He also ordered Tomo and Soi to meet Seiryuu seikun's granddaughter. He couldn't find Miboshi.

Suboshi collected Kimiko's dinner then headed to Kimiko's tent intending to ask her about his aniki. To his surprise he saw Soi and Tomo at the entrance to her tent. Soi seemed to be fuming and Tomo just scary in Suboshi's opinion.

~Kimiko~

I saw an expression cross Nakago's usually cold and stoic face but then it was too quick and could have been my imagination. He left without a word then I did nothing again.

I don't feel like escaping or anything. I sighed, sitting on the bed. I then ensued to observe my surroundings.

The tent was blue. Is that even possible? The bed I was sitting on was soft. There was a washbasin in the corner and a table and chair covered with plans or something that looked like it. Is it possible this is someone's tent?

In the middle of my musings, three people burst into the tent. K'so don't people knock? Or wait they can't do that here but can't they at least alert me of their presence?

I recognised the three figures and unconsciously tensed on seeing Soi. Tomo was still wearing his makeup and Suboshi was holding a tray, which has what looked like food on it.

The first one to break the silence was Suboshi, "Kimiko-san…here is your dinner."

Before I could speak, Soi hissed venomously, "You! You're the Seiryuu goddess?"

I was sitting on the bed but my body was tensed up ready to battle if needed. Instinct I guess.

"Hello Soi. Nice seeing you again! I don't see why you hate me so much but maybe you are PMSing? Anyway, Arigatou Su-chan although I am not hungry."

Her face grew nearly purple in rage. I was a bit disappointed that she hated me so much. I mean I know she is a good person but really her obsession with Nakago is too much. Why does she hate me so? Soi then stormed out of the tent. Shouldn't have done that. If I really am Seiryuu's granddaughter these people should be my allies. It's not good to have rivalry in here. Suboshi had left already probably didn't want to see what Soi would do.

"Ah so you are the Seiryuu goddess. I am Tomo. Nice to see that queen of the world has met her match."

I had forgotten about him.

"Oh hello Tomo." My mind went blank I couldn't think of what to say.

"Are you sure you are Seiryuu seikun's granddaughter? You don't look like anything special to me."

The curiosity unnerved me but the second part stung. I know I don't look like anything special which brings me to my next question. How can I be Seiryuu's granddaughter?

 "Honestly? I have no idea. Did Nakago say anything else other than me being Seiryuu's granddaughter?"

He cackled his famous cackle, which sent chills up my spine, "Well, maybe he did maybe he didn't."

Something about Tomo really pulled at me. What had his past been like? I remember reading something but I had no idea whether it was true. Ryu Chuin was his real name.

"Nanda? Is there something on my face?"

Oh the irony of that question. His makeup. I know remember a picture I saw of him without the makeup. I asked him the question that flitted through my head at the moment.

"Na Tomo-san, I know that your makeup symbolises qualities and given your past opera standings but why wear them now?"

His eyes showed me that he was guarded. And he replied a little coldly, "That is none of your business."

"Oh…um…gomen…but I know that you are actually good looking under that mask."

"What do you know? Nakago said you were an oracle."

So he has said something. Tomo came around to stand by the bed I was sitting on.

He repeated, "What do you know about us?"

Oh crap…

"Not much."

He sat on my bed looking interested. I know he is gay. He touched me on the arm with very deadly long crimson nails. A flash shot through my mind.

An image flashed in my mind of a thin boy with black hair and a scared expression crouching in a dirty corner. I felt the intensity of the feelings of the boy I recognised as a younger Tomo with no makeup because of the distinctive golden eyes. Cold, scared and misery were the major intense emotions.

My eyes were open but I felt myself squeeze them shut at the familiarity of the emotions.

"Kimiko-sama?"

My eyes popped open at the suffix attached to my name. What the hell was that? Why am I having these flashes? It worries me. My eyes finally started to focus on Tomo's made up face.

"What happened?"

"Um nan de mo nai."

He looked suspiciously at me. Then huffed, he has his airs, I guess its habit.

"Excuse me Kimiko-sama, I'll take my leave now."

"Um okay Tomo but don't call me Kimiko-sama I don't think I am what you all think I am…"

He looked at me strangely, "Okay Kimiko."

Tomo left. I felt relieved in a way. I know they are all still suspicious. I have yet to meet Miboshi and Soi still hates me. I am thankful that Ashitare is somewhere out there not dead. Nuriko can forgive and forget which one of the greatest things about him is.

I pressed my hands to my face. Gods forget about them Kimiko. You cannot act as a traitor. This seems to be the only explanation to my powers so I have to believe it for now. I just can't help but hope they are all okay and succeeding in their quest.

I mused about all that happened in the last twenty four hours. I closed my eyes. Nuriko's and my near death, Tasuki showing that he really cared, the shinzaho, Seiryuu happenings, these strange flashes, my purpose here.

Suzaku said that I was to help both sides. He never said anything about my being a megami. Oh gods how am I going to handle this. It feels like everything is crumbling around me. A sense of dread fills every vein in me. I can't escape this place because if I do Nakago may very well attack the Suzaku group and I don't want to because although I feel unsure in this place I feel a sense of belonging just like in the Suzaku group. This is really strange but I've relied on my instincts for far too long to change now.

The last flash of images flooded my mind. Tomo…that was what it was like when he was younger. I never really knew much of him although there were sites of him in the other world. I knew some stuff like that his real name was Ryu Chuin, he was abandoned when young and what was given in the show.

That's really all. I must have been kidding myself to state that I was an oracle in the first place. I told myself aloud.

"I let myself get into this mess and now…"

I broke off as I heard footsteps coming toward the tent. A golden head appeared. Nakago.

@ In former Byakko seishi Tokaki and Subaru's house @

"Ahh come in come in!" Subaru ushered the Suzaku group in.

She took in their weary expressions. Tamahome and Miaka content but distressed, Mitsukake, Chiriko and Chichiri solemn, Nuriko struggling to keep his face in an impassive mask and finally Tasuki whose hair and eyes were blazing but features were set in an icy mask which seemed much displaced on the young seishi's face.

"Oi obake-chan! What's with all the tension?" The white haired Tokaki suddenly popped up saying.

Tamahome jumped at his former seishi master then growled seeing Tokaki drooling at Miaka's legs. Subaru came from behind smacking the hentai Tokaki upside in the head.

"So what have you kids been up to? I suppose you are looking for the shinzaho. Come come tell us over dinner."

Tokaki grumbled, "Baka onna…"

"What was that?"

"Nan demo nai!"

Chichiri was silently told that he was to represent them to tell the recent events.

@ Back in the Seiryuu camp @

Nakago went back to his tent to get his plans. (A/N: what plans you say? Hmnn no idea either but its his plans maybe for world domination. _ Honestly I don't think I am portraying Nakago very well here but I am just guessing his reasons… and my imagination to how he acts also he acts differently to Kimiko for certain reasons… oh well enough of my babbling get back to the show!)

He flung open the tent flap and saw a faintly startled Kimiko glaring at him. He coolly walked towards the table to get his plans.

"What are you doing?" Kimiko questioned with a certain amount of steel in her voice. "Why is it you keep coming and going out of this tent?"

Nakago raised an eyebrow, "Kimiko-sama this is my tent and I think for that reason my things are here."

"Then why am I here?" She said slightly irritated.

"For many reasons which I am not going to elaborate on so if you would excuse me Kimiko-sama." He swept out of the tent after scooping up his plans like the wind.

Kimiko felt very bemused and remembered she forgot to correct Nakago that she was to be called just Kimiko.

~Kimiko~

K'so that guy is so annoying. The rest I've realised how much terrible things they have gone through. I can't seem to hate them knowing their situations and pasts. Annoyed yes but not hate. Nakago on the other hand is an enigma. I don't know the extent of his pain though I am sure it is just as bad.

Gods what am I going to be used as here? How am I going to ever forget them, my friends and…Tasuki. I may not be afraid in the other world of situations…but here is a different matter. Why… why do I feel afraid here. Is it because now I have people I want to protect and care for?

I have to know… I have to know how they are doing… but how? Escape to somewhere? Send messages through birds? Do I have any powers like that? Oh wait… telepathy! Seriously I think I am losing my mind here. Should I try it? I'm no goddess but this has happened before.

Any catches? Can the Seiryuu seishi sense whether I used my powers? Better to sneak out of here.

I went to the back of the tent lifting the bottom hem of it. Making sure the coast was clear, I ran for the nearest sand dune. Not much security around here. The tents I noticed were all centred around one tent, which must be the miko's tent. I also noticed that Nakago's tent was the closest to the miko's tent.

I sat down safely my back making an imprint in the sand knowing I was shielded from sight. All right… I just need to get a bit farther. There is nothing in sight except for sand. Sairou…desert country. I only see another small sand dune. Just try it here then. Hopefully no one will come near enough to sense it.

I inhaled deeply. Imagine yourself reaching out to grab something. Chichiri would be best to make the connection with. I was thrown into a myriad of flashing lights then I came to a stop in front of 7 strong pulsing balls of crimson ki and 2 pure white ki gathered in an area.

All right which one is which. The image in my mind was focused on Chichiri so that I could try to make a connection with him but the image kept wavering to form fiery red hair, blazing amber eyes and a sexy fanged smirk. It was like I was sensing the personalities of each ball of ki to identify them.

The image and personality of Tasuki kept jumping out at me. I shook my head. FOCUS! Chichiri's image wavered again as I reached out to make the connection. I was in the presence of someone's mind now. This is new. Awed. It's more of a feeling than physical reactions. No sight. Just feeling.

I tried to say something in thought.

'Hello?'

'What da F***?'

The reply was like a loud sound reverberating in my head.

Oh crap…wrong person.

~Tasuki~

I was just thinking deaf to the world. Silent for the first time in my life as the others were telling the Byakko couple about our journey.

How is Kimiko over there? If that blonde bastard has done anything to her I swear he is the first one to go down.

Like a light brush to my senses I heard a distant, tentative, 'Hello?'

My eyes grew wide as I looked around the room thinking 'what da f***!'

'Who?'

Tasuki?

I recognised that voice. I could almost feel her. But where is she?

Tasuki? It's me Kimiko… I don't have much time. I know what you are thinking. And I am talking you to by telepathy.

'Kimiko? Daijoubu ka? Don't worry we'll get you out of there!'

NO! Don't! Nakago will probably cause more trouble for you later if you do. Watashi mo daijoubu desu.

I feel myself get angry not being able to get her out of there.

Hontou ni Gen-chan. Watashi mo daijoubu desu. Relax… Are the rest all right? Tell them that they need to get to Tatara quickly and get the shinzaho and summon Suzaku. I don't know for sure what I am supposed to be doing here or whether what Nakago told me… um nothing…

At her use of my nick name I softened but pressed on.

'What is it? What did he tell you?'

She was silent.

'Kimiko!' I warned her.

Nan demo nai desu! Tell them to summon Suzaku quickly! Someone's coming! Aishi… Sayonara Gen-chan!

Then I could feel the connection break as if she was snatched away from the area of my mind.

She was going to say… ah forget it. Need to alert the others then we can everything over and done with then get Kimiko.

My being felt strangely lightened just from hearing that she is okay. I vow I will get her back even if it is the last thing I do!

***************************

Tasuki raced to alert the rest. Kimiko on the other hand faced something else.

************************

Notes:  So? Whatcha all think? Kinda boring… nothing much in this chapter… just pondering no action…. Need to set up the atmosphere ^_^ oh well tell me whatcha all think! Onegai? ARIGATOU!

Matta ne!

~Fiery- Ice~ 

P.S: R/R onegai shimasu! Arigatou!!