Where do I belong?
Disclaimer:
Me: Aww c'mon people! Its my big day tomorrow! Can't I just pretend for one day that you guys are mine? * sniff *
Cast: Nope but we'll borrow you Tasuki for your enjoyment tonight! * wink * * Tasuki appears in front of Fiery-chan *
Me: O.O YES! Tasuki! Yay
Tasuki: Ah…. * turns around to yell at the cast * TRAITORS!
Me: * Hugs Tasuki content * I do not own any of the FY characters though I have this one with me now hee hee I only own Hirashi Kimiko!
WARNINGS: OOC characters cos I want it that way. NO FLAMES are welcomed. Don't like my fic DON'T REVIEW!! I am only doing this for my fun and the readers who actually want to read it. One more thing MAJOR SPOILERS!
Notes:
Weee! My birthday is tomorrow! Happy advanced 15th birthday to me and also to my dear friend Shadow Hawk! We share the same birthday right Rosie dear?
This is a sort of birthday present to Shadow Hawk for being the friend she is, for supporting me and everything since the beginning. I don't know how I could have gone this far without you Rosie! So I dedicate this to her! To the rest of you here is another chapter up! Enjoy! Oh yea sorry for not updating much it's cos of my schedule AND EXAMS! Ugh exams are the bane of my existence!
~ Fiery-Ice ~
Readers delight:
Shadow Hawk: Rosie! Glad you liked it! HAPPY B'DAY TO YOU! 16 now ain't ya? Can drive already wooo! That's cool! Haha you practically know my whole plot line anyways! But I'm glad you are still here! I wouldn't be where I was without you! ^_^ Here's your present! This chapter! Hee hee sorry I'm a little cheap but I rushed to finish this in time for it!
Meta Lise: Oh yea he is cute! I kept imagining how he would look like! Fun chapter? Why THANK YOU! * hugs * Piano lessons? O.o What grade are you in? I'm in the transition stage in grade 5 getting ready for grade 6!
Chibi Tenshi: Ahahaha yea I know I hate the emperor soon! Ouch! Man…girl I am gonna stay away from you when yer mad cos yer DANGEROUS * grin grin *
Songwind: Yeap that was a chapter dedicated to you! Thank you so much for the support! EW EW EW! But lol you gotta check it out to find out ne? lolz hahaha Tasuki and Nakago? Lol I have a lot of people asking about that! My cousin and friend who reads but DOESN'T REVIEW! Lol but I don't mind they tell me in person anyways! Sorry I couldn't comply with your request but then I tried the best I could to get this up! Hee hee forgive me ne?
michiro_shizume: I gave gen-chan a whole new character? O.o but not losing the old tasuki? Lol my dear ARIGATOU for the WONDERFUL compliments * feels ego swelling * hee hee but how I write the whole story is basically I portray them as how I think they would react and stuff. But glad you think its good! Cos that makes me feel good! Lol oh and I'm really sorry about the late updates! Lol feel free to try and prod me to update! Lol!
Meika-chan aka MiakaLookAlike: Oh perfect! We have the same opinion of the emperor yay! You are my friend lol great minds think alike! You didn't see it coming? WAAAAAI! I thought I made it too obvious! Phew! Lolz!
raine_ellie: You love my twists? * glomps raine-chan * Aww yer tooo sweet * grins * Hmm why Nakago? I guess it because before writing this fic… I read MANY fics and I saw many of the author's opinions of Nakago and also when I thought about it… I guess he deserved it in my opinion. Everyone has their reasons for what they do. There is a hidden meaning here that I am trying to convey. That is don't judge a book by its cover. Because many people are misjudged and then this is the reason why those misjudged get worse. So I'm basically trying to say that Nakago isn't bad cos he has his reasons. Yes he is a * censored * for acting the way he is but well try to understand his position. That's why I chose him. Lol it's a good question! I love answering it!
Fyfangirl26: O.o you would? Woah scary! Lol hey hey hey I am not that prejudiced! Even though I were mad at you I would still give my honest opinion on how your fic was progressing! Plus I think you can see my warnings up there! No flames! Hee hee! I am glad you love it! I love yours too! It's a good idea you've come up with! I wonder where you get your inspiration! Tell me ne? so I may be able to get mine too! lol
Halee: Hey girl! Surprising for Miboshi to be portrayed as a nice guy? Lol he is being respectful and my opinion is that he was evil evil in the show because he was supposed to be I mean the Suzaku group was the enemy! Lol this is my opinion on how he would be if you talked to him without being the enemy! You mean its original to have a Tasuki x Kimiko x Nakago triangle? Really? COOL! Lol! Well here's the next chappie!
Chapter 16Ayuru's Past
@ Future time frame @
The Suzaku seishi quickly ran to the Byakko shrine where they were certain Tatara was.
Meanwhile Nakago came back to his tent to find Kimiko gone.
@ Back in the past @
It was morning and Kimiko had yet to awaken. The only way to stop her pain from continuing she had to face up to her inner demons. But she doesn't know this yet.
~Kimiko~
* Yawn *
Eh? Doko wa?
I got up cautiously because my mind was still fuzzy and I couldn't remember where the hell I was. Then I remembered where I was and almost laid back down wanting it to be a dream. I watched as the colours of the sun's rays changed in the room indicating the sunrise.
Wait where's Ayuru?
I peeked around the junk. Okay the bed's there but there isn't anyone on it. Where did he go?
Worried I ran over to the bed hoping for a sign of him. The bed was made and completely and undoubtedly flat signifying that he wasn't there.
Knowing my efforts were futile I do not know why my hands kept searching the bed as if not believing that he was gone.
Then I heard a small voice from somewhere in the room.
"Why are you here?"
"Ayuru?"
"Why?"
I spun around to see hooded blue eyes hiding in the shadows the rays had cast upon a corner of the room. The corner opposite where I had slept.
I repeated his name again, "Ayuru? Is that you?"
Baka of course it is!
I have an agonising throbbing in my head. Ite… I need to sit down. But first things first.
"Ayuru come out onegai?"
I held pressed my fingers against my temples in attempt to ease the hammering in my head but to no avail as I inched towards Ayuru's corner.
Silence took its reign upon the both of us. When I reached the corner I tried to take the Ayuru's hand but he snatched it back and huddled further into the corner.
I knew forcing him to come out would be no use considering that the future Nakago was the most stubborn pig-headed person I knew other than Tasuki. Tasuki! K'so he seems to invade my thoughts when I am not expecting it. No… don't go down that road. Just concentrate now.
I sat in front of Ayuru cross legged then engaged into a staring contest with him as if challenging him and showing him that I would not hurt him. It seemed like eternity before either one of us moved. Staring into Ayuru's eyes, I marvelled at the difference between Nakago and him. In his clear cerulean eyes I could see his emotions as if they were running through his eyes. So different yet so similar.
Finally, a loud sound from outside startled us out of our trance. Footsteps from outside caused arms to latch around neck.
"What is it?" I whispered. I found my own arms holding Ayuru.
He shivered shaking his head.
"Ayuru, what do you do here?"
"Don't! Don't let heika-sama take me again." His fingers gripped my shirt tightly.
Holding a 10 year old who was scared of something made me feel like he were younger and I needed to protect him. Except this boy wasn't crying but was silently struggling with himself. I wish I had someone to do that for me when I was like that.
What can I do? What can I do?!
Doubts filled my mind at the moment yet again. I fought to push them down because someone needed my help now. I could not ignore it as others had.
I can't do much. But I can try to comfort the boy.
"Ayuru." No response. I tried again. " Ayuru."
"I don't know what I can do." His expression dimmed. "Demo…I'll try." He doubted me but trusted me a little. I don't even know if I can keep that promise."
"Ayuru, can I ask you a question?" He now sat in between my legs with me holding him protectively. I felt awkward. Ayuru was almost as tall as me.
"Hai."
"What do you do around here?"
"They make me practise my seishi powers with the soldiers. I'm allowed to go anywhere in the palace but then they don't care what I am doing when heika wants…wants… me to go to him." I felt a shudder go through him. I held him tighter.
"Ayuru… just remember whatever happens. Strive for your dreams and fulfil your destiny wisely. Never give up okay? Someone always cares." He nodded slightly. I knew I was thinking about the future where Soi loves him.
What to do for the rest of the day now? We can't just sit here. A loud rap on the door interrupted my thoughts for the day.
"Nakago-sama. Its time for your training." A voice barked out.
Even though there was a suffix for respect attached to his name, it sounded like the other person on the other side of the door was giving the command. How ironic. I scowled at the door.
I have no idea what I will do for the rest of my time here. But for now I think it's best to lie low.
"Ayuru… I think you should go."
He didn't answer but wordlessly got up and changed behind a screen and went to the door. He slipped out and I was alone once again with my thoughts.
So far my life is a mess. I've discovered I am not who I thought I was. I am tangled up in something that is so surreal. I finally feel that I may have come to care for people only to have them be snatched away again but I guess it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. How long will I be here? Can I truly make a difference? But… I'm afraid. So afraid of what I will and will not do.
No don't think just…just… go on instinct for these precious moments where you need to at least pretend that you are worthy of caring.
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For the next few days Kimiko stayed with Ayuru for company and to comfort him. Each time she watched him leave the room she felt anger at not doing anything. The days turned into two weeks. Finally she broke after seeing Ayuru stumble into the room bruised badly, filthy and unconscious.
~Kimiko~
I heard footsteps trudging outside of the confines of the room. Like I've done in routine for the past two weeks I hid behind the changing screen and got ready the cleaning supplies.
So far for the past few weeks the emperor did his disgusting deed and I watched Ayuru stumble into the room, his eyes deep pools of blankness. I don't understand why I didn't do anything. I can't stop the emperor unless I want the whole kingdom after me.
I heard the door slam open and peeked around the screen just as the door closed.
"K'so!" I swore.
Ayuru was in the worst state than I have ever seen. He lay unconscious bruised and battered on the cold stone floor. Cuts laced his body. What is this, ancient china bondage?
I rushed over and lifted his head gently onto my lap. I light patted him on the cheeks and then tried smoothing his hair down trying to get him to wake up. Wake up to show me it isn't so serious onegai…
His eyelids quivered and slid open giving me a split second of relief as he focused on my face then slipped back into unconsciousness. I tried to lift his body onto the bed. Not possible. I half dragged half carried him and deposited him gently on to the bed before getting the wash cloth, bandages and water.
I washed the dried blood and dirty remains of the emperor. Kono yarou. I will destroy that bastard. I clothe Ayuru again and covered him letting him sleep. Once that was done I could feel my nails digging into my palms. White-hot fiery anger I felt. I couldn't care less what happened next.
I stormed out of the room. Gone was my control over my emotions as I stopped thinking. Acting and pure and unadulterated rage I walked down the hall, my senses on the alert. I had no control over my powers as they grew to a scary level. I waved my hand on seeing guards rush up to me and they stopped as if they couldn't move. Undaunted, I walked around looking for the throne room or the emperor's chambers. I didn't know what I was doing but the release of power was overwhelming.
It was nighttime but I gave no attention to the time nor those to were in my way. Subconsciously I knew I will not harm those but I will pave my way and make sure nobody stops me in my mission.
I strode into the emperor's chambers. I knew it was it because there were A LOT of guards there. I didn't see them I was focused on the bastard that calls himself an emperor. I waved my arm in an arc just willing the doors of the chamber to slam open and the guards to scatter. I was angry and I didn't know what I was doing and what were these powers I was using.
There he was. The obese spineless repulsive bastard was cowering on the bed. Girls surrounding him.
" Get out. I would like a word or two with the revolting cockroach you call your heika."
The girls ran out shrieking.
I held my head high and looked disdainfully down at the so-called emperor of Kutou.
"Heika? Do you even deserve that title you tyrant?" I spoke with fury interlaced with venom. He cowered.
"You listen to me. If you ever touch Ayuru again I will come back. I've had enough of your senseless and selfish rule. Ayuru or should I say Nakago will respect you at that very least for the time being. He is a Seiryuu sichiseishi and should not be tainted by your soiled hands. He is to be given honour. DO YOU HEAR ME?" I coldly inquired.
He nodded trembling.
I narrowed my eyes and him then turned.
"GUARDS! KILL HER!" I heard the command.
I stared while raising my eyebrows at the guards. With another wave of my arm I left the guards suspended on the ceiling.
I glared coldly while turning on my heel once more towards the emperor.
"Remember what I said heika. Or I will not be responsible for my actions. Oh and one more thing. You will not speak of this incident ever again."
He shook with anger or fear I do not know. I left going back to Ayuru's room. No guard came after me. When I reached the room. I dropped to the floor in the shock of the aftermath of what I did. Ayuru was awake. I must have taken a very long time looking for the emperor's room.
"Ano… Kimiko what was all the noise about?"
"Ah nan demo nai yo…"
He regarded me silently through those blue eyes and all of a sudden I wished more than ever I had Tasuki with me to assure me that everything was all right. HAH! As if he would do that… he'll probably be freaked out or against me because somehow I am Seiryuu's granddaughter.
Was that why these powers surfaced? Does this prove that I am goddess? Yada yada! I just have very strong ki that's all! Ayuru came over to me and hugged me. I blinked in surprise. Then I hugged Ayuru back to assure him I was fine then the next moment he was in front of me pressing his lips to mine. It was so innocent I didn't respond.
"Kimiko…aishiteru yo!"
"Nani? How can you? Do you know what you are saying? You're too young!" At that moment I regretted my words immediately at his expression.
I gently continued, "Ayuru… its not that I hate you… I care for you. But do you understand what you are saying? Don't make such rash decisions at this age okay? I'm very sure there is a girl for you next time in future who will love you with all her heart. You just have to concentrate on succeeding in life right now. Remember what I said and I promise that you will see me in future."
He nodded resigned. He got back into bed and I sat against the door. I watched him as he stared at me through sleepy eyes.
I felt a tug at my consciousness and when I looked at my hands, I blinked in confusion. Was it just me or were my hands translucent?
Ayuru noticed this and bolted up straight. I knew that I would be leaving now. I smiled tiredly at Ayuru.
"Ja ne Ayuru but never sayonara. Strive remember that…and survive." He lunged forward but I felt myself jerked away.
I was back in the zipping images ride. I closed my eyes to ward away the nausea. It felt like I was dropping through vacuum at a high speed. Wonder where I will land up this time?
Then all stopped. Only then did I dare to open my eyes. Now where was I? Back in the tent? I was on the bed where I must have disappeared. Time goes on. Will there be any changes? Or is this just one loop like it was preordained and now it is fulfilled? I'm guessing it's the second one because now I understand why Nakago…Iie… Ayuru reacted so strongly when he saw me. He hasn't spoken of it since.
Oh Suzaku… so many decisions. I don't trust myself to make the right one. Please let me do the right thing. Please let this turn out well.
I feel so tired. But no, I will not sleep. I can't risk the chance of another interference from the Gods. My mind needs to recuperate. I dragged my tired limbs to the washbowl and splashed water to wake myself up. I stared into the surface of the still water feeling an almost soothing trance-like haze settle upon me relaxing my exhausted body. I was oblivious until a deep familiar baritone interrupted my trance-like state by questioning flatly, "What are you doing?"
In surprise, I swung around and my arm swiped the washbowl onto the ground. I looked in mortified dismay of my clumsiness as the bowl crashed and broke into pieces. Cheeks burning I kneeled on the ground trying to pick up the pieces without cutting myself. I looked up from the ground.
"What are you staring at?"
"There is no need to pick those up. We'll be leaving soon."
My hair was being a nuisance covering my face and I answered him with a question while continuing to pick up the pieces just to give my hands something to do.
"Why are we leaving? It's in the middle of the night!"
"It is a little before dawn. Let's go."
The curt reply left no room for argument though it wasn't a cold one. I gathered my hair at the nape of my neck and found a piece of cloth, which I used to tie it. Then I nodded. His eyes registered a hint of surprise but as quick as a flash it was gone. I must have imagined it. Why was I being so compliant?
Was I feeling compassion for the blonde man? Is it possible he could really remember me taking care of him? Is it possible he knew about that last night I was with him when he was Ayuru to my eyes? Nevertheless I followed him knowing that I could do nothing else.
How many months have I been in this world? I've lost track.
I was set in a carriage with Yui. The rest rode on horses. They really must think that I wasn't that dangerous. My eyes ran over her. She looked defiant mostly and very stubborn. I wondered whether I should talk to her. She scowled at me then looked out the carriage window.
Throwing caution to the wind, "Yui? Can I ask you a question?"
"No."
"I'm gonna ask it anyway. What did they tell you about me? And why do you feel such a need to take your revenge against Miaka?"
She stared at me. I could see fury mainly in her eyes like blue flames.
"You're asking me WHY? Do you know what she did to me? She betrayed me!" She didn't yell but she hissed out viciously.
"I know what YOU think she did. She didn't do any of the things that Nakago has purposefully told you." I spoke quietly.
"How would you know?" She spitefully said.
"Depends on what they told you about me?"
"They didn't tell me much about you except that you were going to help us."
"Yui, you weren't raped. Miaka didn't know therefore couldn't help you but the whole reason why she is determined to go through this whole thing is because of you. Stop don't say anything till I am through. Tamahome is a fringe benefit and you don't love him, you just want Miaka to feel as hurt and betrayed as you felt. Miaka loves you very much and is doing her best to bring you back to her. Why are you being so stubborn? I can't show you proof at the moment but I will later." I took a deep breath, " Don't do anything that you will regret later."
She sat there is silence and didn't look convinced.
"Nakago lied because he needed to for the wishes you would get if you summoned Seiryuu. He manipulated you. You needed to be a virgin to summon the Beast God. So if you were raped how could you have gone through with the ceremony even if you had all your seishi with you?"
Her eye opened wide at this information and she shook her head wildly.
"I happen to come from another world like yours but not exactly the same and it seems that I am part of the Seiryuu side but I don't care what Nakago wants me to do. I won't help him."
Her face took on an expression of half denial and half digesting the information with that smart brain of hers. I thought cynically perhaps my "parents" would have been proud of her if she were their daughter. I shook my head clearing the ridiculous thoughts. I needed to clear the air.
"Where are we going?"
"Sairo to summon the Seiryuu." She said absently.
I settled myself in for a long trip. Gods, I hope minna has gotten the shinzaho. Please summon Suzaku before we do.
Tasuki… I wish you were here. Motto soba ni itai ( I wish I could have stayed longer.)
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With that thought in mind, Kimiko surrendered to the clutches of sleep. This time there were no interruptions. Yui's mind in turmoil, Nakago slight surprised and mind working furiously, the rest of the Seiryuu seishi and Suzaku seishi oblivious to the building climax ahead.
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Notes: Lol I'm thinking that with just a couple more chappies this will be done. Woah… don't worry to all those who don't understand! You can either ask me or wait till everything is revealed! Also please people excuse me for being late on my updates and please give me suggestions or ideas! Comments but not flames on certain parts of the story will be appreciated greatly!
Arigatou!
Matta ne!
~Fiery- Ice~
P.S: R/R onegai shimasu! Arigatou!!