Disclaimer: Alastor Moody, Harry Potter, Hogwarts, and all related characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. The song "I Will Survive" is not mine, either. I'm just responsible for tossing them together and writing this for fun, but not profit.
Author's Notes: Thanks to several players in the "Unholy Trinity" RPG for inspiring this travesty. Please be warned that this song parody contains dirty language and crude humor. If this offends you, please turn back now. But if not... carry on! Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated.
(To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive")
"He's Got the Eye"
He was not afraid, when he was petrified
Nor when his right leg was cut off quickly at the thigh
You might think he spent his nights all scarred up and alone
Stayin' at home
With no one to call his own
But to an Auror, that'd be disgrace
And so he goes wherever he pleases with those scars upon his face
He might have a clunking walk
And that eye might be freaky
But Moody doesn't care much, just as long as he can see
He gets around, goes out the door
Goes to the Muggle disco
And gets down out on the floor
Did you think he couldn't breakdance just 'cause he's over sixty-five?
Did you think he'd tumble?
Did you think he'd have a heart attack and die?
Oh, he won't cry, he's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror and he's quite the disco guy!
Though he is missing a limb
It makes no difference to him
He's got the eye,
He will survive,
Hey hey!
(He, he's got the eye!)
Hey hey
(He, he will survive!)
Every day
(He, he's got the eye!)
Oh yeah
Moody has a lot of stamina, he's a surprising old fart
He's thankful that all the curses missed that one important part
You might think that with his face, all he could do is wank himself
But he is spry; he's always with a different guy
And you'll see him, with different boys
He's done Snape, Potter, and Dumbledore, and both of the Malfoys
He's chained up Neville Longbottom, and taught him something new
And it's rumoured through the castle, he gave Hagrid quite a screw!
He gets around, when he is able
Goes straight to the Three Broomsticks,
Drinks 'em all under the table
Did you think he couldn't hold his whisky like an Auror should?
Did you think he'd black out?
Did you think he'd quit drinkin' for good?
No, not that guy! He's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror and he's sexy, my oh my!
Though he is missing a limb
It makes no difference to him
He's got the eye,
He will survive,
Hey hey!
He gets around, goes out the door
In many different bedrooms
He leaves them begging for some more
Did you think he couldn't screw, just 'cause he's missing a limb?
Did you think he'd fumble?
Did you think his partners out-last him?
Oh, not that guy! He's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror, but he's hung and that's no lie!
Though he is an amputee
His cock's all his partners see
He's quite a guy,
He will surivive,
Hey hey!
Author's Notes: Thanks to several players in the "Unholy Trinity" RPG for inspiring this travesty. Please be warned that this song parody contains dirty language and crude humor. If this offends you, please turn back now. But if not... carry on! Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated.
(To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive")
"He's Got the Eye"
He was not afraid, when he was petrified
Nor when his right leg was cut off quickly at the thigh
You might think he spent his nights all scarred up and alone
Stayin' at home
With no one to call his own
But to an Auror, that'd be disgrace
And so he goes wherever he pleases with those scars upon his face
He might have a clunking walk
And that eye might be freaky
But Moody doesn't care much, just as long as he can see
He gets around, goes out the door
Goes to the Muggle disco
And gets down out on the floor
Did you think he couldn't breakdance just 'cause he's over sixty-five?
Did you think he'd tumble?
Did you think he'd have a heart attack and die?
Oh, he won't cry, he's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror and he's quite the disco guy!
Though he is missing a limb
It makes no difference to him
He's got the eye,
He will survive,
Hey hey!
(He, he's got the eye!)
Hey hey
(He, he will survive!)
Every day
(He, he's got the eye!)
Oh yeah
Moody has a lot of stamina, he's a surprising old fart
He's thankful that all the curses missed that one important part
You might think that with his face, all he could do is wank himself
But he is spry; he's always with a different guy
And you'll see him, with different boys
He's done Snape, Potter, and Dumbledore, and both of the Malfoys
He's chained up Neville Longbottom, and taught him something new
And it's rumoured through the castle, he gave Hagrid quite a screw!
He gets around, when he is able
Goes straight to the Three Broomsticks,
Drinks 'em all under the table
Did you think he couldn't hold his whisky like an Auror should?
Did you think he'd black out?
Did you think he'd quit drinkin' for good?
No, not that guy! He's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror and he's sexy, my oh my!
Though he is missing a limb
It makes no difference to him
He's got the eye,
He will survive,
Hey hey!
He gets around, goes out the door
In many different bedrooms
He leaves them begging for some more
Did you think he couldn't screw, just 'cause he's missing a limb?
Did you think he'd fumble?
Did you think his partners out-last him?
Oh, not that guy! He's got the eye!
He's a one-legged ex-Auror, but he's hung and that's no lie!
Though he is an amputee
His cock's all his partners see
He's quite a guy,
He will surivive,
Hey hey!