Where do I belong?
Disclaimer:
Me: lol I own two more characters. Suzaku Akai and Seiryuu Aoi. I still own Hirashi Kimiko. But no… I don't own anything else… what a pity.
WARNINGS: OOC characters cos I want it that way. NO FLAMES are welcomed. Don't like my fic DON'T REVIEW!! I am only doing this for my fun and the readers who actually want to read it. One more thing MAJOR SPOILERS!
Notes:
* phew* it's holls again but like always I'm busy during these holls… directing a presentation… writin the script for it… choreographing the dance… all the technical stuff… it's a sorta play… a skit… anyways I've got bball and EVERYTHING! But aren't you guys glad I got this up? Lol anyways I'm not dead… I think I can get up the next chapter maybe next week… only a few more chaps to goo woooooo! And this fic is nearly a year old! Ahhaha anyways onwards! CHEERS!
~ Fiery-Ice ~
Readers delight:
The Shadow Hawk: Rosieeeeeee! Umm hiiiiii! I'm so so soooooo sorry! Lol well about this death thing it just came out… =P I suppose I'll be apologising to everyone here! Lol anyways check out this chapter I swear I'll TRY to make it a happy ending =P
FYfangirl26: umm I think you're gonna kill me here… anyways I hope you guys don't slaughter me…. ^_^
Metajoker: ahahha since you killed tasuki in one of your fics too you can't blame me now! NYAHAHAHH! ^_^ * evil grin * hee hee anyways check out the chapter.. and thanks for the compliments.
Halee: It's all right… anyways… I hope y'alll don't kill me for this chapter! Hahahha anyways enjoy
SpaceVixon: I know it's a horrible cliffie and I'm more evil to let you guys wait so long! But seriously I am veeeery sorry! * begs for forgiveness*
fangiezz: Nyahahah PUNISHMENT FOR LETTING IT SLIP TO MY SISTER! muahahaha
Kimna: hee hee only a few more chaps to wait out for.. don't worry! Enjoy the chap!
Meta Lise: Long time no see girl! Anyways good luck with your chapters! And hope you enjoy mine! ^_^
Meika-chan: Aaaaah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! * cowers * don't kill me!
nAtsume :D: Sorry can't answer that question now… but it will be answered soon! Just keep reading! Someone who can relate to this story? * blink blink * wow… that's sorta cool. And you've thought about this the whole day? I thank you then! It always makes me feel happy when my fic can inspire emotions in people… I'm glad you like it…
Songwind: ya know what? I love the way you speak your opinions of my fic. Ahha and yea I know what you're talking about… the 3rd ova right? Lol I understand! But I really don't mind… to me Tasuki's still hot ^_^ and I've updated so hand over the pocky! * threatens playfully * lol! Pocky pocky pocky! * chants *
Chapter 19
Relived Joy But Soon Forgotten
That night was the hardest for everyone. The mikos were still tired and sore but were safe. On the Suzaku side, Nuriko worried about Kimiko and distraught with the thought of the vibrant pyromaniac seishi dead, the rest tense, worried and in mourning and Kimiko showing zombie-like motions.
~ Kimiko~
I am sitting under a tree in the same garden back at the palace in Konan. In fact, it's the same tree that Tasuki kissed me in his alcoholic haze. It is night and the stars are twinkling brightly and happily, the exact opposite of my emotions. I felt empty nothing more, devoid of emotion.
I thought about my whole journey in this world. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that brought me back to life only to end with a crash and burn. I chuckled dryly at the soap opera-ish happenings in this world. Even I was pulled into it. I haven't bothered to take off my goddess robes which just appeared when I transformed.
It's funny. It felt all real… all the reactions… all the happenings… if I were an outsider I would say that this was very soap opera-ish. But I'm living this reality or dream now. And the emotions feel very real and genuine but most likely those on the outside wouldn't be able to understand it.
I know everyone is worried. I can't help myself. Feeling sad? Yes, I am. Even though I stopped fate from killing so many people, it still came back and hurt me where it hurts most. Tasuki. He wasn't supposed to die. But with my intervention, he did. But if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would probably have done it the same way. Now I will live. I will live because Tasuki f**king died for me to live. I won't dishonour him by doing something stupid like dying no matter how much the idea tempts me.
I broke down after the whole battle. I had snapped at Taiits-kun. I was tired. So tired of being used and not being told. Nobody told me that I was a goddess in the beginning not even Suzaku or Seiryuu. I would never have believed it if I didn't experience it. But if I were a Seiryuu goddess why did Suzaku bring me here and not Seiryuu. So many questions but no answers. Everything is over. I don't have a purpose here anymore especially with him gone. I doubt I'll ever have the answers I want.
The funeral will be tomorrow. I don't want to go but I will because I could never stay away from him anyway.
I stared up into the sky again. I saw Tasuki's constellation sparkling brightly as if reassuring me everything will be allright. But it won't be not for me anyway. I closed my eyes wanting to drift and imagine he was still with me. I felt a presence in front of me. I snapped my eyes open watching the new intruders warily.
What is it now?
"What is it now?"
"Kimiko. You wanted answers. Now you will get them." There's no other thing that I can say except that I felt I knew what they, Suzaku and Seiryuu were talking about. I knew them. I knew what they were going to tell me. Only it was as if I were blocking them out.
I blinked. Then in that split second my surroundings changed drastically. I was in a place. A place with a familiar feeling. There was no start no end. Just a place that stretched on endlessly. The room was one of palace nature, so ethereal. Then I knew it was too god-like to be a place on earth. I stared at the place in awe before turning my gaze onto the two gods who were staring piercingly at me.
"Is this some sort of god dimension? And if you don't mind I really would like to get back so can you tell me quickly?" I said this tiredly because I felt tired in so many different ways.
There was a pause then bluntly Seiryuu said, "Suzaku is your grandfather as well. Your 100% goddess."
I'm what? 100% goddess? Suzaku is my grandfather? Oh gods… they seem to just lo-ove messing with my mind. I'm not 100% goddess. It's impossible! I have parents in the other world. I don't believe them.
"What if I said I don't believe you?"
"Then we'll just have to explain and prove it to you. Where do you think you got the powers from?"
"I never questioned it. I never had enough time to think about it. You gods FORCED it onto me and it was in a rush." I told them coldly. "You tell me! How DID I get these powers? Because unfortunately for you I lost someone that meant MORE to me than you'll ever know! So ex-cuse me if I'm being less than rational now."
"You know how. You know why. You are just choosing to block it out." Seiryuu cynically mused.
Then Suzaku broke in, "Try Kimiko. Remember. You know it."
"Stop speaking in riddles." I snapped.
"Your parents are Akai and Aoi. Akai was my daughter and Aoi was Seiryuu's son."
"You expect me to believe that? I was brought up by Mr and Mrs Hirashi who are my parents and I'm very sure that they are mortals."
"Use your brain Kimiko! You were not their real daughter!" Seiryuu roared. It sounded like a roar in Kimiko's ears but his mouth moved a minimal amount. I staggered back.
Not their real daughter… but how? Uso…
"Gods are allowed to marry only mortals only once. The reason is because there is only 4 gods of this realm and no more should be there. Not even demi gods are allowed to marry each other. Mortals die out and so do their children even if they are conceived with gods. This is to ensure the balance of power does not shift."
"Okay so what you are saying is that I'm half goddess? What?"
"No you are a full goddess. That is what the gods didn't want. Because of your parents who tipped the balance you as the offspring with full goddess powers that could surpass ours are fated to instead be the balance of power. Which is what you did and you had to suffer. This is what the gods did not want. We did not want descendants to bear suffering or tip the balance once again."
My thoughts scattered at the new information. I was really a goddess. I'm destined to have a crappy life. Does that mean I'm immortal? Also that I have parents? Wait… where are my parents?
I then asked the question I knew the answer to yet still wanted confirmation.
"Where are my real parents then?" I whispered, scared of the answer.
The gods stared at me sadly as though remembering something agonising. I knew then that my parents were no longer.
I swallowed then spoke shakily, "Please… tell me… why?"
I felt as though some cruel force was trying to make sure that I do something rash. But unfortunately I can't even die to ease the pain.
The gods came nearer as I crumpled to the ground. My legs no longer able to hold me up. Then Suzaku gathered me in his arms, cradling me. The familiar warmth from when I first came.
"Daijoubu little one. We will tell you."
Little one… it is him… I felt his warmth. It was similar to Tasuki's. Warm, protective, loving. Though this was one of paternal love. Still it reminded me of Tasuki and eased the ache. I felt tears escape from under my closed eyelids. I felt a gust of wind and a sensation of flying until all came to a stop.
I curled up still in Suzaku's arms. I felt like a little child in need of reassurance. I opened my eyes on instinct and a scene played out before me. It was more like a memory.
I saw a young woman and young man entwined in each others arms sweetly kissing. I was entranced by the scene because by instinct I knew that was my mother and my father. In that moment I believed what the gods had said.
Flaming crimson hair of the woman and icy midnight blue hair floated together. They looked like a picture, a fantasy picture to entrap viewers in its beauty. They clutched at each other. I started to tune in to what they said after breaking away from their kiss.
The woman wept, "Aoi, koi, what are we going to do? Our parents will kill us!"
Aoi was holding the woman stroking her back as she wept. "Shh… Akai…ashiteru, we will protect our child. Our parents will never know." Akai shifted and sighed as she had her back to Aoi and he caressed her now slightly visible bulge in her abdomen.
Akai turned her head and for a moment I thought she was staring at me. Those were my eyes. Clear emerald green. Then she shook her head slightly and settled back on Aoi's chest smiling serenely. She looked so peaceful. I then stared at my tou-sama who gazed down on my kaa-sama lovingly but I could see a touch of worry in those icy blue eyes.
I reached out absentmindedly wanting to go to them as I breathed, "Kaa-sama… tou-sama…" The image rippled like the water removing the image. I snatched my hand back curling up once again. Another image came on.
My kaa-sama was holding a small bundle with shining eyes. My tou-sama was embracing them both as he grinned proudly down at the bundle with his head resting on kaa-sama's shoulder. They were under sakura trees with the blossoms floating down surrounding the young happy couple.
"We'll name her Saikai for reunion because one day she will re unite our families although she will carry a burden." A glassy expression flickered in Aoi's eyes. As though foreshadowing the worst to come. I could see them mouthing 'I love yous' at the baby and at each other. The baby was me. I could feel it. I could even remember it as a baby.
Memories I had blocked or they were blocked for me came rushing into my head. I could feel the love that washed over me that I had always wanted. I always had it but didn't accept it or didn't remember it. My father and mother loved me.
Another scene. This time the couple were holding the baby of about 1 year old. Clutching at the baby while they looked on with panicked expressions. They were holding a book…. Shi Jin Ten Shi Sho. It was the book that was the portal between the worlds.
"Aoi! They know! They know! No! My baby will be forced to bear the hurtful balance! I won't allow it! Just for our love my baby will be the one to take the fall! I will not allow it to happen! We have to do something! Onegai Aoi!"
Aoi held his wife tightly and bent to kiss his sleeping daughter on the forehead. He straightened and looked at his wife. Their gazes were of felt emotion and then he said, "We'll use what little power we have to send her to the other world. She will never have to carry out her destiny. We will change her fate."
I knew then of what they did. The baby in the picture floated flickering in a ball of red and blue as the couple held on to each other and stared at the sphere encasing their baby with firm expressions. They drained themselves of their little power and life force to protect their baby and give her… me a new life in the other world. I saw them drop to the ground in eternal embraced sleep.
I knew what they did now… sacrificed themselves after all they've been through just to send me to a couple in the other world and changed the history of that couple making as though the couple had given birth to me but they didn't. The couple must have known something was wrong by the way they treated me… an instinct. My parents didn't count on that happening which just made my destiny continue its path.
The fate of Shi Jin Ten Shi Sho changed when they had me. The gods had battled against each other because they had to, to try and prevent the birth of a full god child by their children. Then the gods' war intensified with my birth because of the danger of the delicate balance and the betrayal and death of their beloved children. I felt weak at that moment.
"I don't want to see anymore… I don't…want this anymore." My voice cracked. All my senses were in turmoil. The shock of my parents, the shock of Tasuki's death and just the impact of everything is tearing me apart. I'm not strong enough for this…
"Saikai… Kimiko… would you like to see your parents?"
"How can I? They're dead." I bit out bitterly. My lips bled because of the constant biting. I tasted the metallic flavour of pain.
"You can… but just a while." Their voices echoed and swirled around me. Somehow gods don't seem to talk. Their voices and intent just surround you. My surroundings dropped away.
Then I had an out of body experience. It was like your very soul was torn out of your body and you feel weightless.
I was transported to a world. To Taiitskun's mountain. I could recognise. It was only my spirit I could tell. There is a couple standing next to the baba. Translucent forms.
I felt myself descending slowly. I didn't want to see them. I didn't feel worthy. No… tears are coming back, I would have thought I didn't have anymore to cry. Tasuki taught me that it was all right to cry when I felt pain. But still it is a weakness. I'm not worthy…I'm the cause for their deaths and the tip in the balance of this great world.
I touched down to the ground. My bare soles feeling the gravel beneath them. I stood there stiff and unmoving. I can't lift my head. Shame for being the cause of their deaths, the shock of losing Tasuki so soon, being a goddess and just everything made me feel the weight.
I bit my lip hard. Then I tasted the metallic flavour of my pain. No…No my tears are threatening to escape. Then I felt a presence fill up the space in front of me.
"Child. Look up." Taiits-kun's dry and papery voice said gently.
I can't… I can't…not when… when… I can't do this. Cool and smooth fingers grasped my chin tenderly and lifted my teary eyes to meet clear azure orbs. I saw a crimson head beside the azure eyed visage. I could recognise them anywhere.
"Tou-san." I breathed. Slowly tears fell from my eyes slipping down my cheeks unheeded making burning tracks. Still I didn't let go of fighting the urge.
He smiled serenely but in his eyes I could see relief and something pure? Pure happiness? The crimson haired woman slid out from behind my father coming forward curiously. My gaze met with sparkling emerald eyes so similar to my own. Her face lit up when she got near me and she embraced me smiling through happy tears. Slightly shocked I failed to return the embrace and she pulled back slightly and with long slender fingers wiped away my tears affectionately.
"Daijoubu ka?" Her melodious voice filled with concern triggered my breakdown.
I threw my arms around her and buried my face into her shoulder crying out all my pains, all that I had to endure.
"Kaa-san! Naze? Why did you and tou-san have to go? Doushite?"
She was stroking my hair comfortingly and tou-san gathered us both in his arms.
"Saikai…gomen…we had to. We thought we could save you the pain of all this. But I guess we couldn't."
"Is Saikai really my name?" I have stopped sobbing and I felt subdued. The emptiness I felt filled up slightly with the feeling of quiet delight of finally knowing my parents.
"Yes it is. We thought that 'reunion' would be a nice name because we always knew that you would reunite together with us and this world."
"Can we just call me Kimiko? It's for personal reasons…"
My parents looked at each other. A look of unspoken understanding passed between them.
"That's allright with us, Kimiko. Child of the gods. It suits you." My mother winked and grinned. My parents look so young, as they exchanged another secretive smile.
I felt a tug. I knew it was time to go. I clung to my mother and father tightly.
They looked at me half sad half contented. They knew as well.
"It's time to go Kimiko. Go… be the ones who love and are living."
"I don't want to… Tou-san…Kaa-san… I love you…"
They smiled, "We love you too. Go…"
I hugged them once more then pulled back to memorise every detail of their faces, to engrave them in my mind smiling. They both planted a kiss on my forehead as a reminder that they love me and also to say farewell.
I held their hands tightly before I could see that my whole body was disappearing going back to my physical body. I closed my eyes feeling pain at leaving them once again but slight relief that the meeting dulled the pain of loss in my heart.
When I opened my eyes I was back in the gardens and it was early morning, the sun was hardly up yet. This afternoon would be Tasuki's….I knew what I wanted to do. First, clear this whole mess of power up then set everything straight. I wiped at the dried tear tracks.
Then I stood up and walked into the palace feeling slightly fatigued but ready to face the public. I met Nuriko first. He didn't say anything but walked beside me as I went to the throne room.
Everyone was there. I walked up to Miaka and told her that she should choose her last wish wisely and I have faith in her that she will, then I went up to Hotohori. Miaka and Yui have already used up their second wishes to secure protection for their countries.
"Hotohori-sama… I have a request. May I have a carriage to go to Kutou this morning? I would like to establish relations with the Kutou emperor. I will be back in time… in time to pay respects."
Hotohori looked startled but agreed, "It will be done but I will go with you as well to establish relations with Kutou for the good of my country." I noticed Nuriko was still staring at Hotohori with a smile on his face. There was something I knew I had to do.
"Arigatou Hotohori-sama."
I went up to Nuriko, my friend who was there for me. I spoke quietly, "Nuriko… do you love Hotohori-sama? Because I will change you into a woman if you love him that much. I think you were meant to be one. You deserve someone to love just as much as you love others."
His eyes became huge as hope sparkled in his eyes. He nodded still shocked then burst out, "I do! But are you sure that you want to do this? I don't want you to if you don't--"
I smiled, "It's the least I can do. I love you as a friend and you deserve this more than any other person."
I stepped back giving myself some space to work. I thought of how much Nuriko was there for me. My first real friend. I used that to focus on granting his request because it didn't really matter than Nuriko was a woman or a man. Nuriko was just Nuriko.
I don't know when I learnt how to use my powers. I felt it was just used how I willed and how my heart and mind shaped it to be. I closed my eyes and waved my arms feeling the power shoot out of me encasing Nuriko in a pulsing blue and red ball. I heard Miaka shriek and someone gasped. The bright lights flickered and exploded. Slowly the mist surrounding Nuriko cleared.
I looked on curiously. I hope it worked. Nuriko walked out of the mist cautiously and looked down. Nuriko was exotically striking. Her hair hung loose against her back and she now had the shapely curves of a woman.
Nothing much changed except her slightly deep voice changed into a complete lilting woman's voice which we heard as she cried out in joy and her more womanly shape. The mist had cleared and Nuriko radiated an inner glow of happiness. I was happy for my friend and smiled to convey my pleasure.
Nuriko mouthed a thank you at me and I smiled in return. The rest of the seishi had their jaws dropped. Miaka squealed then laughed with joy. Nuriko's turning into a woman lifted the seishis' spirits at their lost comrade.
I saw Nuriko shyly look from under her long eyelashes at the dazed and enraptured emperor.
I would have laughed but I had business to attend to. Such as looking for my escort because I knew that Hotohori wouldn't allow me to leave without one and now since I would like to give him some time with Nuriko, I asked Amiboshi and requested to him to accompany me. I can reunite his brother and him. I quietly exited the throne room alone.
Once out, I exhaled loudly a breath I didn't know I was holding. I went to the railing which overlooked the gardens in the east direction. The sun was rising. Its glow cast a fresh new look to everything, warming my skin. The flaming colours reminded me of Tasuki's hair and flaming personality. I jerked my head and tore my gaze away.
"Everything is going to remind me of him," I sighed.
The saying 'you'll never knew what you've had till you've lost it' came to my mind.
I walked; thinking of all I've been through trying to figure out what had changed me so much. Then I realised I was still wearing my goddess clothes. I waved my arm at my clothes to make it less revealing. I didn't change knowing that I needed to look this way to do what I needed to do at Kutou.
I went to the gates of the palace and saw Amiboshi was already waiting for me there. A carriage with four guards on horses was to accompany us.
"Is this necessary?" I asked lowly to Amiboshi.
"Hai! It is because the people know that you are the goddess of Suzaku and Seiryuu, so there might be danger as the people know the general outline of what happened as well."
I groaned silently. We were off to Kutou. It was a quiet ride as I gazed out of the windows not in the mood to talk. I asked a few questions to Amiboshi whether he was excited to see his brother again but nothing else. Images plagued my mind. Images of the late flame haired seishi and how I was going to handle seeing him at his… his… burial. Images of my parents filtered through once or twice. Soon we were arriving at the palace.
I calmed my nerves which pulsed with adrenaline. I was going to see the emperor. The slimy bastard. Does he remember me? He was seemingly the cause of the near destruction and corruption in his country. I felt the need to work out my frustrations and it seems that doing this would provide me an outlet and maybe bring about some positive changes.
I strode into the palace as regally as I could. A guard to came out to stop me seemed to recognise me and quickly went to warn the other guards. They kneeled on the ground before me but it spoke calmly, "Get up. There is no need for that."
At the end of the hall was the throne room. I threw open the double doors looking more confident than I felt. Nakago and the rest of the seishi were there and so was the emperor. My icy cold expression in place, I strode up to the freaked emperor.
"No… no! Go away! You're not real!" The emperor nearly squeaked.
I narrowed my eyes then sweetly said, "Heika-sama? I believe you remember me?"
He tried to run but I waved my arm and held him in his place. Nakago looked mildly confused. "Heika-sama, you know the goddess of Seiryuu?"
"She c-came h-here 15 years ago and threatened me not to go near you ever again." The emperor practically cried.
This is the Kutou's emperor? Snivelling, slimy, ignorant, selfish, cowardly, disgusting bastard! I turned my head to the rest of the seishi and saw realisation dawn in Nakago's eyes. K'so…
My attention turned back to the emperor.
"I came here today to do something important. It is to see whether Seiryuu still accepts you as his country's ruler or whether he doesn't."
With that I called to Seiryuu.
"Seiryuu-seikun! I ask your decision. This man has led your land to destruction and corruption. Do you still seek his rule?"
I felt a burning in my very body and soul. A roar like the rushing waters burst forth from my lips.
"I am Seiryuu-seikun. My granddaughter has asked a question and I shall answer. This man is unworthy of the throne. He slaughtered the Hin tribe because they were the original Royal kin allowing him to ascend the throne. He shall be put to death for his treachery."
Lightning struck the palace forming a hole in the roof. Then lightning struck once more striking the frozen emperor, killing him. My eyes closed and I knew Seiryuu had left my body. I didn't think that the emperor had to be killed but I also didn't know that the Hin were the real Royal family. I didn't feel compassion for the evil man. His body turned to ashes when lightning struck.
I opened my eyes to see all the seishi staring into space, shocked. Nakago had a frozen look upon his face and Soi was gently trying to rouse him. Soi obviously truly loves Nakago with all her heart. I wonder how long it will take for Nakago to see it. Next, I saw Amiboshi and Suboshi hugging each other. Miboshi and Tomo stood to the side. I went up to them.
"Miboshi… Tomo… protect these lands with all your abilities. May you both find someone to love and be loved."
I turned to walk back out the way I came but before closing the doors I spoke once again, "Ayuru… ascend your throne and rule your new lands wisely. I trust you and know that you will make peace with Konan and the other countries with your love by your side." I gestured towards Soi and smiled at her delighted confusion. "Ja ne."
I saw Amiboshi start towards me but held up my hand to halt him. "Stay here with your brother Ami-chan… I can make my way back to Konan."
I walked towards the carriage again to take me back to Konan. Soon… after seeing Tasuki one last time I will do it. I stepped back into the carriage. It was noon. I should be able to get back in time.
Dreamless sleep took over my exhausted body and mind.
******************************
The carriage made it's way back to Konan with a sleeping Kimiko in it. Protected by four guards of Konan, the carriage reached Konan safely just before dusk.
~Kimiko~
I woke up feeling slightly hungry. A guard who rode beside my window saw me awake and gave me some food and drink by passing some of it through the window in a bag that they had packed for food.
I ate in the carriage then saw when we reached the palace that it was almost sunset. Time for Tasuki…Tasuki's burial. I shivered.
I stepped out of the carriage and thanked the guards for accompanying me. Slowly, I went to my room and gathered what came with me when I first came, my clothes and my necklace. Reluctantly, I trudged to the bath place and slipped myself into the warm waters.
Finishing my task, I took off my goddess clothes and dressed myself in my red tank top and sweat pants. When I put on my necklace, the familiar weight gave me strength. Red for Suzaku. I don't care what they say about wearing bright colours to funerals.
I walked out of the bath place and headed towards the courtyard near the gardens where Tasuki was to be buried. It sounded so final. So finished.
The seishi including Miaka, all looking sombre stood around Tasuki's body. Nuriko held hands with Hotohori, tears falling silently. Chichiri performed the ceremony of paying respects. The Seiryuu seishi were there as well looking unsure whether they were to be there. They had followed my carriage without my knowing.
I stood there feeling empty as though a piece of me had been ripped from me. I couldn't dredge up the feeling of anger at Ayuru. I couldn't… not against someone whom I knew his motives, his feelings of betrayal, hurt and everything. Ayuru… one whom I felt protective over and Genrou… one who protected me.
Swallowing the bitter taste of irony, I saw Tasuki's pale face and still flaming hair. His eyes closed as his tessen lay in his hands which rested atop his chest. Others went forward to pray and pay their respects then backed away. I went last.
I stepped towards Tasuki hesitantly. Kneeling beside his limp body, my heart wrenched. Lifting my fingers to caress his cold cheek, I bent my head trying to resist but failed, letting tears fall mutely onto his other cheek. Biting my lip, I struggled to stand but only rose to my knees. Finally, I whispered near his lips, "Aishiteru…zutto" before lightly pressing my lips to his. Perhaps I needed him to help me make the decision to do what I needed to. Then I straightened and stood up. One last glance at Tasuki I took before…
I tore my gaze away then broke away from the group, falling to my knees and looked towards the heavens. I choked out the words to call Suzaku and Seiryuu. Once more I came to face them, the seishi and Miaka fading into the background.
"Oji-sama… gomen… I just can't do this.."
The knowing expression on their faces told me they knew what I was going to ask.
"I guess I feel too human… to be a goddess… I don't want to live forever… especially not after what h-happened… onegai… please take my powers away and my immortality or anything that doesn't make me mortal… I just want to go back to the other world… I don't want to r-remember this… I don't want this anymore… onegai…"
"You don't want the power Kimiko?"
"No… although it could bring people I care for, joy it comes with a price. I've paid that price and I just want to forget. One-gai." I said this firmly but quietly as though speaking to myself.
Quietly both gods stared at me as though they were trying to peer into my soul. Then they spoke as one.
"It will be done."
Both came towards me and enveloped me in their embrace. I could feel their elements. The fire of the phoenix scorching me but not burning, the waters of the aoi dragon cooling me but not cooling the heat of body. It felt like they were trying to rip out my insides. Their embrace comforted me even though they brought pain.
Together they were dragging out the very being of me. I felt paralysed. I couldn't move. I wanted to cry out but couldn't. I wanted to make them stop but forced myself to bear it.
I turned my head towards the group. "Minna… arigatou…" I choked out.
My gaze found Tasuki again. I knew he would be in my thoughts even if the gods took this memory of the few months in this world. This journey of finding my place to belong. I found my place here in this world, in Tasuki's protective loving arms and yet he's gone. My place snatched away. Tears filled my eyes. I love him but this memory taken, I shall forget that and who I really am. But that is what I want to dull the pain of loss.
Sayonara… Tasuki…
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Kimiko woke up and found herself still in the library in the corner of the study room where no one saw her. In her hand, she held the Shi Jin Ten Shi Sho.
In confusion, she saw the librarian had just unlocked the doors to the library. Checking the huge clock in the library she saw that it was 7 in the morning on Monday. Wondering how she could have slept in the library for more than a day, her mind went back to her dream.
A dreamlike memory. A journey of love, friends, pain and joy. She remembered it vividly but it was only a dream… She gazed at the Shi Jin Ten Shi Sho in her hands then put it in her bag which lay next to her.
She was late to get to school and she still didn't have her report. Suddenly, her alert yet confused eyes saw a neatly printed report on ancient china and its myths on the desk she had slept on. Slightly dazed she rushed home with the report, running past a surprised librarian.
Her thoughts filled with her dream and a certain fiery seishi, she made her way to school.
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Notes: * stares fearfully at all the readers holding knives and other sharp objects * I'm SORRY I'm SORRY! GOMEN GOMEN GOMEN! I know you all are gonna kill me! And no it isn't done yet! So there is time for me to repent! ^_^ let's see whether I CAN DO THAT! Lol anyways a few more chapters! I can't bear to just let it finish like that! ^_^ so keep an eye out for it yea? CHEERS!
Arigatou!
Matta ne!
~Fiery- Ice~
P.S: R/R onegai shimasu! Arigatou!!