Title: Lies Once Told, Love Once Given
Author: Gillian Leigh
Summary: A teenage girl's world falls apart, and her mother's begins to fall back together.
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing them for the duration... using them as puppets to act out my insane plots... Please don't sue!!!
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Dana sat at her desk, trying to grade the essays of her Biology students, but found that her mind was not on mitosis. She had been staring at the same essay for over an hour. She heard the door slam downstairs, and looked up from her work. Glancing at her watch, she found that it was ten minutes to seven. Not even bothering to get out of her chair, she sat and listened to her daughter as she thundered up the stairs.
"Mom?" Liv called loudly. "Mom, where are you?"
"In my office, Liv," she yelled back, finally rising out of her chair. As she stepped into the hallway, all ninety pounds of her five-foot-one-inch daughter were thrown upon her in a hug.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't give you a chance to explain to me what happened between you and my father..." she said hurriedly as she clung to her mother, who was too stunned to respond at first. Liv let go of Dana, and said, "Can you forgive me?"
"Oh sweetie, I'm the one who should be apologizing," she replied. "I kept so much from you all these years. I'm ashamed of myself, and you have every right to be mad at me."
"Grandma explained to me that you were going to tell me, and that you kept it from me to protect me and keep me from being ashamed. But now, if you don't mind telling me... I want to know all about him. And..." she paused, pulling the photo from her pocket. "And I was wondering what happened between the two of you. Grandma said you were so happy...." Dana accepted the picture from her daughter and studied it with a smile. She examined the details for a moment, remembering that moment, and the feel of Mulder's arms.
"You want to know everything?" she queried. Liv nodded. Dana sighed, and said, "Alright then. I'll make some hot chocolate. This is gonna be a long one...
"Mulder and I met a long time ago, when I was assigned to him as his new partner at work. We hated each other at first- I thought he was a crackpot and he thought I was a spy," Dana said as she entered the living room with two steaming mugs of cocoa. She handed one to Liv, and then sank into the couch beside her.
"A spy? Really?" Her mother nodded.
"Yeah. I was put on to use my science to debunk his work in the paranormal... which didn't happen. It just verified his findings and made his beliefs stronger. Eventually we grew to trust one another, and we became best friends. It wasn't until we'd been partners for almost six years that we admitted that we loved one another," she said. "Did your grandmother tell you about Antarctica?"
"Yup."
"Alright, then I can skip ahead a bit. It was about six months after that whole ordeal that your grandma and Walter, who was then my boss, got married. And I take it that your grandmother also explained the picture to you then, right?" Liv nodded. Her mother nodded as well and then continued.
"That night, your father asked me to marry him--" Liv gasped.
"God, Mom, what did you say?!" she asked, staring wide-eyed at Dana.
"I said yes, of course. I mean, he had a ring for me, but I couldn't wear it. The FBI forbade inter-office relationships, and the fact that we had even been dating was endangering our jobs. We decided that we would get married, but we had to wait a while and decide what we were going to do about work," she said, looking over at Liv, who was twirling her hair around her finger absentmindedly as she listened intently.
"It was during that time that my doctor told me that I was barren--totally incapable of conceiving, carrying and giving birth to my own child. It hit me really hard, and it hit your father hard too. My doctor sent me to an infertility specialist, who told me that I might be able to get pregnant through in-vitro fertilization. I went through a series of treatments before they did the actual procedure, where they would inject me with synthetic hormones to try to get mine balanced out again, and maybe get my body functioning the way it was supposed to. Once they actually did the procedure Mulder and I waited anxiously for two weeks until they could see if the procedure had worked; if I was pregnant." Liv nodded. Her mother had always been honest with her about her fertility problems, and often told her what a miracle she was. That was also the reason Liv was an only child; no matter what Dana and Dave had tried, they couldn't have children.
"The results came back negative, and the doctor explained that there were no other viable alternatives. Your father and I were devastated; I thought I would never have a child of my own," Dana said, her eyes flooding with tears at the painful memory.
"I still don't know how it happened, Liv. I don't know what caused us to drift apart, but we started fighting more frequently after that. I think it was what we both went through after the in-vitro failed. It tore us apart. When they Bureau shut down the X-Files and reassigned us, it was the final straw. I refused to accept a transfer and quit the FBI altogether. When I told your father, he flipped out on me. He told me that he couldn't believe that I quit and didn't even try to fight it. We got into a huge argument, and both said some things that we shouldn't have. We didn't speak for almost three months after that.
"The next time he called, it was to tell me that he was engaged to an old girlfriend from college, a woman named Jessica Coolidge, and that he was moving to England with her. I went to say goodbye to him, and we wound up spending the evening reminiscing over some wine and a bad Sci-Fi movie, and well...things happened..." Dana's cheeks flushed slightly, and Liv smiled at her.
"Mom, you can say the word 'sex' in front of me, you know. We had the 'birds and the bees' talk when I was fourteen. I can handle it," she said, laughing slightly. Dana laughed too.
"Well, like I said, things happened, and we said our goodbyes. He left for England the next morning, and it wasn't until a month later that I learned that I was pregnant with you. As much as I wanted to tell him the news and have him come rushing home, I didn't want to ruin his life with Jessica. They were happy like we had been once, and I didn't want to chance things going bad between them. So I resolved to raise you on my own, and when the time was right I assured myself I would tell Mulder the truth."
"But you couldn't ever bring yourself to do it?" Liv asked, sipping her cocoa. Her mother shook her head.
"No. I think meeting Dave had something to do with that," she said, quietly. "I wasn't so alone anymore. I wrote letters until you were about five years old, but after that; I kind of just... stopped. I hadn't spoken to him in so long, I didn't even know if he still lived in England, or if he and Jessica had kids. I lost my nerve totally, and gave up on the idea of ever talking to him again. It was terrible of me to keep you from him, and him from you, but life was so complicated... I didn't know what to do..." Liv set her mug down and hugged her mother, who was crying silent tears.
"Do you still love him?" Liv asked, not releasing her hold on her mom. There was no hesitation before Dana replied,
"Yes. More that I've ever loved anyone else. He has my heart."
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Author's Notes: Umm, it's gonna be a long time before the next chapter is up, because I'm having a hard time writing it. Well, I hope you liked this one. Leave a review to tell me what you thought!