The Truth Hurts
Chapter XXVIII: Sins
By: Michelle
"WHY?"
Kurt waited for Mystique to answer his question. Why can't she answer me? I've been waiting for so long to find out the truth and now she seems like she doesn't want to give it to me. Why?
He felt his eyes water. Logan and Remy would tear him to pieces if they knew he was about to cry, but at that moment he didn't care. Why, after so many years, can't she now tell me the truth?
Kurt looked down at his hands. They are so misshapened and deformed, like myself. He felt a tear roll down his cheek. That's why she didn't want me. That's why she didn't love me.
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Storm tried to steady the jet through the rough weather she was causing. She couldn't help it though. She was so full of anger and fear that she couldn't control her emotions.
After her bath, Ororo in the kitchen to eat ice cream with her friend, Vi. She felt bad that she and Kurt came there to take Evan back to the institute with them, but she sensed Vi wasn't thinking about that at the moment.
"So Ororo." Vi said to her as she sat down. "What's new with you?"
"Nothing much." She replied. "I've been busy with the school a lot. The new semester starts soon."
"That's not what I meant." Vi answered taking a bite of her ice cream. "I meant your friend Kurt."
She shrugged slightly. "He's my friend. That's all."
"Ororo, I've seen the way you look at him."
"What way do I look at him?"
Vi smiled at her friend. "Star struck, like you are in love."
Ororo's cheeks brightened. "Nothing is like that between us. He's my friend."
Vi knew better than that. "That's usually how it starts out."
"Vi. What makes you think that?"
"Well Ororo, you are almost 30 years old." Vi said to her. "It's about time you found yourself a nice man to settle down with."
"I know." Ororo admitted. "I'm just afraid."
"Of what?" Vi argued. "Kurt is a good decent man. He polite, kind, and obviously worships the ground you walk on. You must be blind if you can't see that. I don't see any reason for you to be afraid."
"It's not that simple." Ororo stirred her now soupy ice cream. "I'm an X-man, Vi. You know that. My life is too complicated to pursue a relationship."
"Oh I see." Vi said to her finally realizing her friend's fear of getting close to Kurt. "You're afraid if you get to close to him and lose him, you will end up like Scott."
She sat in silence for a moment. It was true. She was afraid she was going to be devastated and heartbroken like Scott if anything happened to the one she fell in love with. The Truth Hurts.
"Hey Darlin'" Wolverine snapped her out of her daze with his grunting voice. "You need to call down. It's going to be alright. We'll get the Elf back."
"I know Logan." Ororo remember the ring in her pocket. I love you Kurt. I am not going to let anything happen to you. She calmed down to reveal the clear night sky as they headed towards their destination.
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It's cold in here. Rogue curled up in the corner of the cell. Well it is my own damn fault. Maybe I should of join Mystique. If Kurt did it willingly, why couldn't I? Mystique is my mother too.
Oh God! I'm so confused. She felt her head spinning in circles. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I don't know how much more of this I can take. She placed her hands on her head and closed her eyes. I just want to get away from here.
What the? Graydon's eyes widened as he looked across the cell at Rogue. I can't believe it. She is actually lifting off the ground.
Rogue looked up and glared at him with her blue eyes. For once that entire day, he was speechless. They she realized why. She was literally floating three inches off the ground.
Graydon didn't know if he wanted to stay or run for his life. Something is definitely not right with that girl.
Rogue felt herself drop on her butt as she heard the bars bending again. She stood up again and found herself dreading the first person that stepped through. She had a feeling Sabretooth wasn't there to say HI.
Graydon backed up against the wall as his father stepped inside and towards him. I guess it's time for one of those father-son talks. He tried his hardest not to wince and show fear, but not everything goes according to the plan.
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Mystique stood in silence. There was so much to tell him and so much she didn't want him to know. The Truth Hurts, yet he deserved to know.
She looked at Kurt's face. So much of him reminded her of his father. It was enough to make her sick. However, as she looked closer at him, she could almost see herself: covered in sin.
Nearly every part on Kurt's body had a tattoo on it. Each tattoo represented a sin he committed in his life. Not only did he receive punishment from his God, but he also punished himself. With the knife he carried strapped around his ankle, He carved every tattoo carefully and painfully into his own flesh. Before she made an effort to answer him, she wondered how many tattoos she deserved.
Adultery. Her affair with Azazel resulted in his conception. Plus the fact that he was conceived in front of the alter of a Catholic Church with a red man with pointed ears and a tail didn't help the fact either. That was just one of the Ten Commandments broken that night.
Lust. She admitted it. Ever since she laid eyes on Azazel she wanted him. She desired him. She had tried to stay away from him, but she couldn't help herself. His mysterious and seductive nature made her want him in so many ways. The temptation of his body and soul drew her to him.
Greed. She was greedy alright. She wanted a child and was going to do anything she could do to have one even if it meant committing adultery. She had tried man times with her husband and various other men with no success. However, Azazel was Azazel and she loved him passionately.
Gluttony. She was never satisfied with what she was given in life. She wanted a child more than anything, but when Kurt was born she didn't want him anymore. He was first son, but the mere fact that he looked like a demon rather than an innocent newborn caused her to throw him over the waterfall.
Pride. She always put herself before others. She was the only one she ever cared about. Sure, she was excited about her pregnancy with Kurt, but after he was born she was to self involved to worry about him. It was a wonder she even tried to contact him the few times she had the opportunity.
Hatred. In truth, she hated him. He looked too much like his father. His appearance caused her to loose her life of luxury. She was chased out of her own home because of him. She had to start from scratch because of him. To put it simply, He had done to her everything his father had done to her: ruined her life.
Wrath. All of her angry and hatred from losing her 'perfect' life was taken out on innocent Graydon. She beat him. She dumped him in that boarding school. She gave him up when he didn't manifest her or Victor's mutation. No wonder why he was so messed up. She didn't blame him for recipracating hatred back at her.
"Kurt." She looked into Kurt's watering eyes and finally decided to tell him the truth. Or her version of it. "Son, I can explain…"
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Shadowcat typed confidently on her keyboard. "Ok, like by using the earth's satellites, I can bounce an image of Magneto's lair into the Blackbird's computer system." She explained as a layout appeared on her screen. "Giving us like a 3-D model of his entire lair."
The more and more Shadowcat talked, the less and less Gambit paid attention. Sure, everything Shadowcat was finding was important to him, but he could not keep his focus. His mind was elsewhere. His mind was on Rogue.
Remy stared into the night sky as he wiped a tear from his cheek. He didn't want to talk to anyone, even Ororo who he considered as a sister. He just wanted to be alone on the roof sulking in his own self pity. Besides, Logan was probably looking to tear him to pieces for swiping three beers from his mini-fridge.
As he finished up his first beer, he heard someone approaching. Maybe they can push me off the roof. Or would that be wishful thinking.
"Oh." He heard her sweet voice say. "I didn't realize anyone was up here."
"It's a'ight." He answered pulling out another beer from his trench coat.
"Are you alright." He could feel the concern coming from her voice. She walked carefully over to him.
"Gambit fine." He lied turning away from her. "It's not'ing."
"It doesn't look like nothing to me." She replied and sat down next to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Non." He chucked the second empty beer bottle in the air causing it to disintegrate. He pulled out the third beer ready to open it before she stopped him.
"Don't do this Remy." She said realizing what he was trying to do to himself. "Don't hurt yourself like this."
He hung his head still staring at the beer in his hand. He fixed his eyes on her gloved hand that kept him from opening it. Then, he pulled away form her grasp and opened the beer anyway ready to drink it.
"I know what it's like." She admitted to him. "My father doesn't want me home either."
He sniffled. It wasn't that his father didn't want him home. His father missed him a lot, but, because of the mess he made, he was banned from New Orleans. He looked at the bottle in his hand and debated drinking it.
"You are not alone. Don't shut us out." He felt her place a gloved hand on his shoulder. "Don't shut me out." She turned his head with her other hand and looked into his demon eyes. "Please Remy. I don't want to loose you as a friend."
Other than Ororo, Logan, Kurt, and Xavier, Rogue was the only person who could reach him. She was a good friend to him even though he aggravated the shit out of her. There was just something about her that touched him like no other. He dropped the bottle suddenly realizing the impact of her words. He didn't want to hurt himself like this. He didn't want to hurt her like this.
He placed one of his hands on top of hers and squeezed it gently. They sat there silently until the sun rose that morning. He knew from that moment that his thoughts of friendship with her, changed to love. He envied the fact that she was Bobby's girlfriend.
"Gambit."
"Huh." He snapped from his daze.
Shadowcat stared into his dull eyes. "You were thinking about her, weren't you?"
"Oui." He nodded and looked at the layout on the computer screen.
"You like her a lot, don't you."
"Oui."
Shadowcat looked quickly over to Iceman, who was distracted with his own problems, before she whispered to him. "She likes you too."
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Iceman sat impatiently in his seat between Colossus and Jubilee. As he stared at Gambit, he felt a wave of jealousy come over him.
Bobby waited patiently for Rogue in her room. He asked Kitty and Jubilee to leave so He could surprise her with flowers. But, she hadn't been in her room all night. No one knew where she was.
He stood up frustrated and decided to go look for her. He wandered around for what seemed like hours, but after a few minutes he found her. He found her with him. He hid around the corner of the hallway and listened in.
"Remy, it's going to be alright." She said to him. "Just don't let it bother you. Things are going to work out. You just have to give it some time."
"Remy know." The trench coat Cajun replied. "Thanks Chere."
"You're welcome." She smiled and waved. "See ya later Swamp Rat."
He watched a slight smile come over Gambit's face as the Cajun turned to walk in his room. "Au Revoir River Rat."
As he turned and walked away, He folded his arms jealous of the display he found between his girlfriend and the Rajun Cajun. Does Rogue actually like that swamp trash? She does have a lot in common with him, but I'm her boyfriend. I care about her. That Cajun is a thief and a player. What could she actually find attractive about him?
"Oh hey Bobby." His mood changed when heard her voice.
"Hey Rogue." He turned and said. "I was just looking for you."
"Well you found me now." She said giving him a hug and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
Iceman shook away the image and looked to his friends for the truth. "What happened when I was gone?"
Colossus sat straight up. Should I tell him the truth? No, I can't. But, he is my best friend. However, the truth hurts. Yet still, I don't want to get into the middle of this again. This has nothing to do with me. This is between him and Gambit. "Uhhhh."
Jubilee blew a bubble with her gum. She didn't know how to answer him either. Bobby is my friend, but so is Rogue. Yet, he should know. However, Rogue trusts me not to say anything about that crush on Remy that she thinks she is hiding from us. This is so complicated. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. "Uhhhh."
Iceman looked back and forth at his friends. They are hiding something from me. I just know it. "What happened while I was gone?"
Colossus and Jubilee looked at each other to decide what to do or say. Neither one, was willing to give in though.
"He was flirting and hitting on her all day." Iceman said to get them out of their silence.
"No comment." Jubilee said and rushed to find a new seat.
"He was." Iceman folded his arms as he watched Jubilee flee. What I would give to turn Gambit into a Popsicle right now. Then, he turned to Colossus. "I thought told you to watch over her."
"Damn, Bobby. What am I, her babysitter?" Colossus argued back. "You're her boyfriend. That's your job."
"Yeah, but I trusted you to keep him away her as much as possible." Iceman answered.
"Look, Bobby. Remy ain't a bad guy." Colossus tried pleading with him. "Besides, Rogue was flirting with him too."
"Rogue wouldn't go for a piece of trash like Gambit." Iceman denied Colossus' answer. Or would she? "It's impossible. She would never choose him over me."
"Maybe you ought to let Rogue make that decision." Colossus said and left to check on Kitty.
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"Kurt."
Kurt's watery golden eyes met her own. So she finally wants to speak.
"Son, I can explain…" Mystique said as she turned away. "I was young…barely 17 when I met your father. He was a guest at my employer's home."
Kurt watched as she turned to face him again. She had a sad look in her eye that made him want to crumble. It's almost like it pains her to tell me this.
"I was just a maid. But, He was a handsome…charming…sophisticated man with wealth and power…" As she said each word, she took a step forward. "I fell for him." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "And believed all his lies."
Kurt hung his head feeling guilty about putting her through this.
"He told me he loved me." She said truthfully. "He told me he would give me anything I need…and I believed him."
HE watched as she placed a hand on her lower abdomen.
"Then, I got pregnant." She said with tears rolling down her cheeks. "And he didn't want me anymore. So, He left me. He left me alone and pregnant."
He wanted to run over and hug her as he watched her full loose her composure.
"After I had you, I didn't know what else to do." She sniffled. "I was seen as a demoness and kicked out of my home." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I placed you in a basket and ran from the mob that was chasing me."
He blinked causing a tear to roll down each of his cheeks as he remembered the vision he saw with Xavier.
"I ran to the river, finding myself trapped."
What was going on? Where are we going mother? Out of breath, she stopped. He could hear the sounds of water crashing in the distance.
"I didn't know what else to do so I placed your basket in the river and watched as you floated away from me."
"Behold." She shouted disguised as the townsman. "The devil's child." He felt her let go.
"I'm sorry Kurt." She fell to her knees crying and placed her hand over her eyes. "I didn't know what else to do."
Kurt at this point was crying also. He paused and looked at her pathetic figure, debating what he should do next.
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He clung to the ceiling hearing everything she had said hoping his son would not believe her lies. He did want him. He just had no use for a newborn.
With the bundle crying in one arm, he knocked on the door of his friend's trailer.
Margali opened the door, shocked to see him standing there. "Azazel, what are you doing here? I thought you had business to tend to."
"I did." He said walking inside. "But, this is more important." He uncovered the screaming baby in front of her.
"Oh my God." She replied as she picked him up and began calming the baby down. "He's so cute Azazel. He looks so much like you." She said covering the baby with the blanket. "I didn't expect this of you."
"If you think I'm keeping him, then you are wrong." He answered. "He's staying with you."
"Staying with me." Margali said shocked. "Azazel I can't take him. I have two young ones of my own."
"You'll manage." He replied. "Besides, I'll check up on him while on my travels."
"Where's his mother?" She demanded.
"She didn't want him." He snapped angrily. "And I can't take care of him."
Margali looked down at the baby in her arms, feeling guilty as her friend told her the story and instructions for what to tell his child when he got older. "Alright. I'll take care of him."
"Thanks."
"So what's his name?"
"Call him Kurt." He answered. "Kurt Wagner."
He glared down at Mystique and Kurt. He had Margali pump lies into Kurt's head about his parents, but was pissed Mystique was now doing it to him. He didn't like that one bit.
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Kurt stared at her pathetic form debating on what to do next. So, he prayed.
1 Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2 Happy are those to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
3 While I kept
silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For
day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the
heat of summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my
sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my
transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the guilt of my
sin. 6 Therefore let all who are faithful offer prayers to
you; at a time of distress the rush of mighty waters shall not reach them.
7 You are a hiding place for me; you
preserve me from trouble; you surround me with glad cries of
deliverance. 8 I will instruct you and
teach you the way you should go; will counsel you with my eye upon you.
9 Do not be like a horse or a mule, without
understanding, whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will
not stay near you. 10 Many are the torments of
the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the LORD.[1]
11 Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, O
righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.
Kurt walked over to her and dropped to his knees and hugged her. "Mutter, I forgive you." His eyes flowed with tears. But, why did you have to lie to me?
For the first time, Mystique felt her son hug her. Suddenly feeling guilty, even more tears rolled down her cheeks. What have I done?
[1] Psalm 32