Note: Don't own…
Monster
~
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this contemptuous rage,
Created you a monster
Broken by the rule of love.
~Sarah McLachlan
~
Damn it all! How dare she? How dare she act like her pain is everything, like she's the only one that matters? How can she just flip her blonde hair over her turned shoulder and walk away… from me?
When I, the vampire, the one exiled from a normal life, the one who constantly has some Slayer breathing down my back about this and that… when all I really want to do is kill her.
But, you know what they say… that hate is the same thing as love, that in the end you think about the other person just as much in anger as you would in love.
I'm beginning to think that maybe my obsession with having her dead… is turning unhealthy. Turning into the want of not her death but just her touch…
~
Spike smashed the table, watching the pieces scatter on the floor. She made him feel so little every time she looked at him. Her eyes told him everything, lending voice to her thoughts without the harsh words.
He couldn't stand her, never could.
You are beneath me…
Beneath me…
He could still remember those words, from long ago. God, why was love so evil.
Spike stopped, staring at the wall. What? He turned his head, slowly scanning over his room. Love? When did it ever come down to this? When did I ever need her?
Never.
Spike stormed from the building, anger coursing through his veins as night engulfed him. He was going to prove it.
~
I can stop this, this nonsense. I've lived a few hundred years, when did love ever cross my mind? Drusilla never even held my love, maybe my lust, maybe my birth into this world of darkness.
The slayer has to die… simply as that, and along with her all my weakness.
~
Spike perched himself atop a tombstone, waiting patiently for Buffy to make her nightly rounds like she always does. Thoughts on how he would kill her floated through his head. Clean or violent, slow or quick. He was so caught up he nearly missed her blond hair coming from behind the bushes. Nearly.
"Why, hello, love. You're out late, a little bit past your bed time, don't you think."
"Hey, Spike, always nice to see you," Buffy sighed, tapping her stake against her hip. "What do you want?"
Spike jumped down from his perch, grabbing her right arm. When she raised the stake, he knocked it out of her hand, sending it flying through the mist to land with a thump somewhere in the shadows. Gripping both of her arms, he pulled her towards him. "Look, Slayer, I just want you to know," he skimmed her face as he was talking, his insides were swimming in circles with not only the thought that she was so close, but that she was brave enough to still be calm. That was his Buffy. His Buffy.
"What Spike? Get it over with."
His eyes locked on to hers briefly, before he leaned down, catching her lips with his.
~
….Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing only for you…