Kokoro no Hitan
I didn't wear my neko backpack as I journeyed to Shigure's house with Hatsuharu. I was so nervous I was like a little kid, and almost asked Haru if I could hold his hand, but then thought better than that, and gathered my strength.
When we were within sight of the house I could feel the sweat building on my palms. They had become very clammy from my being anxious and nervous. Of course I wanted to know what Kyo's response to my questions would be, but the question was, did I really want to hear it? Even now I'm still not sure if I would've been better off not knowing.
I walked behind Hatsuharu up until we reached the front door, so Kyo wouldn't run and hide when he saw that I was there. Haru was the one who went in first and asked if Kyo could come outside.
I peeked over the side of the door way and saw the confusion on Kyo's face as he walked towards him and then as Haru motioned for him to come outside. Then the door closed and Kyo didn't notice me until he was standing practically next to me and Hatsuharu pointed.
I smiled as a look of terror came over his face, but only a small one, and it only lasted a moment. Not even a whole second.
"Gomen, nee, Kyo-kun, for bothering you like this, demo, there's something I have to ask you." I was looking down at this point, at my hands.
I looked up into his eyes when I started to ask him what was deepest on my heart. "Nee, Kyo-kun, do you hate me?"
He tried answering right away. His mouth opnened, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. Then he started looking at me as if trying to analyze my motive, or maybe he was trying to figure out if I would flip out on him if he didn't answer me "correctly."
It was here that I noticed that Hatsuharu had already slipped away, and was probably inside the house now talking to Yuki.
"Kagura. I don't...I don't hate you...It's not that, it's more like...More like you just get on my nerves sometimes...And that I don't understand...Why you like me so much."
He was being sincere, I could tell, but then he looked away, like he felt guilty or something. Maybe it was then that the tears started to build up in my eyes.
"Sou, ka?...You love Tohru, don't you...Kyo?"
He blushed again as his head swung forward to look at me. "Chiga-"He stopped. He knew he was lying to himself. I could see it on his face. He looked down, at his feet, his face blushed an even darker shade of red.
He couldn't admit it.
"I-...I...see." I said, trying to told back tears.
I pulled back the sliding door. "Hatsu-" My voice stopped in almost a squeak. A lump was caught in my throat.
Kyo put his hand on my arm, the one I was using to support myself from falling into the doorway, not the one that was still pressed against the open door. I ripped my arm out of his grasp. Don't touch me! I screamed inside my head, but the words just didn't come out. Like Hatsuharu. Hatsuharu didn't come out of the house fast enough, and I couldn't take it anymore.
I ran. I turned and ran. I ran as fast and as hard as I could.
"Nee, Kagura!" I heard Haru call out behind me. "Matte!"
Iee, I thought. Iee. The tears felt like they would never stop and the ever-growing lump in my throat made me want to scream, which I might have done, I really don't remember. All the trees on either side of me blurred into a giant pool of mixed green watercolors, and the only thing I could hear were my sobs and my sniffling to keep my nose from running. All I could feel was the aching pain in my heart that was flooding out into my chest and pumping through my whole body, an all encompassing pain that grew with every step. A pain that reminded you every moment you sought to escape from it that you were alone, and that this pain would stay with you for as long as you were alive.
-Kagura Sohma
~~~
I didn't wear my neko backpack as I journeyed to Shigure's house with Hatsuharu. I was so nervous I was like a little kid, and almost asked Haru if I could hold his hand, but then thought better than that, and gathered my strength.
When we were within sight of the house I could feel the sweat building on my palms. They had become very clammy from my being anxious and nervous. Of course I wanted to know what Kyo's response to my questions would be, but the question was, did I really want to hear it? Even now I'm still not sure if I would've been better off not knowing.
I walked behind Hatsuharu up until we reached the front door, so Kyo wouldn't run and hide when he saw that I was there. Haru was the one who went in first and asked if Kyo could come outside.
I peeked over the side of the door way and saw the confusion on Kyo's face as he walked towards him and then as Haru motioned for him to come outside. Then the door closed and Kyo didn't notice me until he was standing practically next to me and Hatsuharu pointed.
I smiled as a look of terror came over his face, but only a small one, and it only lasted a moment. Not even a whole second.
"Gomen, nee, Kyo-kun, for bothering you like this, demo, there's something I have to ask you." I was looking down at this point, at my hands.
I looked up into his eyes when I started to ask him what was deepest on my heart. "Nee, Kyo-kun, do you hate me?"
He tried answering right away. His mouth opnened, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. Then he started looking at me as if trying to analyze my motive, or maybe he was trying to figure out if I would flip out on him if he didn't answer me "correctly."
It was here that I noticed that Hatsuharu had already slipped away, and was probably inside the house now talking to Yuki.
"Kagura. I don't...I don't hate you...It's not that, it's more like...More like you just get on my nerves sometimes...And that I don't understand...Why you like me so much."
He was being sincere, I could tell, but then he looked away, like he felt guilty or something. Maybe it was then that the tears started to build up in my eyes.
"Sou, ka?...You love Tohru, don't you...Kyo?"
He blushed again as his head swung forward to look at me. "Chiga-"He stopped. He knew he was lying to himself. I could see it on his face. He looked down, at his feet, his face blushed an even darker shade of red.
He couldn't admit it.
"I-...I...see." I said, trying to told back tears.
I pulled back the sliding door. "Hatsu-" My voice stopped in almost a squeak. A lump was caught in my throat.
Kyo put his hand on my arm, the one I was using to support myself from falling into the doorway, not the one that was still pressed against the open door. I ripped my arm out of his grasp. Don't touch me! I screamed inside my head, but the words just didn't come out. Like Hatsuharu. Hatsuharu didn't come out of the house fast enough, and I couldn't take it anymore.
I ran. I turned and ran. I ran as fast and as hard as I could.
"Nee, Kagura!" I heard Haru call out behind me. "Matte!"
Iee, I thought. Iee. The tears felt like they would never stop and the ever-growing lump in my throat made me want to scream, which I might have done, I really don't remember. All the trees on either side of me blurred into a giant pool of mixed green watercolors, and the only thing I could hear were my sobs and my sniffling to keep my nose from running. All I could feel was the aching pain in my heart that was flooding out into my chest and pumping through my whole body, an all encompassing pain that grew with every step. A pain that reminded you every moment you sought to escape from it that you were alone, and that this pain would stay with you for as long as you were alive.
-Kagura Sohma
~~~