** Hey guys... yeah I know, it's been over a year, I'm a big fat douche bag for not updating. Things got seriously strange for a while and I unfortunately didn't have time to update in all the chaos... But thank your lucky stars that I got rid of my nut job room mate and now live half way across the country, because now, I can finally finish this story for you all. So far, I have most if it done, it's just typing that kills me, but I promise to wrap this up in the next few weeks to come! Thanks for the reviews, even if it took so long for me to respond, they really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to get into motion and finish this thing.**
"I'd like to close my eyes and go numb
But there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest, high rise today.
It's not a breeze, 'cause it blows hard
Yes and it wants me to discard
The humanity I know, watch the warmth blow away.
Do you think I should, adhere
To that pressing new frontier
And leave in my wake a trail of fear
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench in spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?
Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old."
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
- Incubus, "The Warmth."
Chapter 4
Faye stared at the TV screen intently, as the anchorman reported the grim news.
"It seems as though there is a connection to this mass cereal killer people are now calling 'The Ripper'. Like his 19th century namesake, this Ripper seems to be targeting members of underground prostitution and killing them inhumanely. Galaxy famous, Peter Zigman, the mastermind behind many of Jupiter's high ranking brothels, was brutally murdered weeks ago by The Ripper and shortly after, Kimmy Bui, said to be the most famous mistress in the Galaxy was also found, her body mutilated beyond recognition. Weeks have gone by since then, and this morning, two more bodies were found, their faces completely torn from their skulls" The anchorman seemed to turn green at the thought. Two pictures appeared on the screen, both young women, both very beautiful. "Andrea Materson and Mana Pheap are said to be the victims, after detailed DNA research. More on this story within the hour--"
Faye clicked off the TV, and stared at the blank screen. Jet entered the room behind her, wiping his hands in a rag.
"You're all set Faye. And this is the last time I--"
"Two more were killed, Jet.' Faye said solemnly, standing from the couch and stretching her arms above her head.
"The same guy?"
"Looks that way. They're calling him 'The Ripper' after Jack the Ripper, because of the way he mutilates his victims."
Jet shrugged, digging with the rag below his thumbnail. "Makes sense."
Faye bent down and picked up the napping Morris, who had been at the other end of the couch. He yawned and began purring, nudging against her chin.
"Where's Julia?" She asked, suddenly realizing she hadn't seen the blonde all morning.
Chuckling Jet shook his head. "She took Edward out for a while." He nodded towards the computer. "Better put the news back on a watch for reports of a woman killing an annoying child."
Faye smiled, petting Morris's back. "I think I'm going to go out for a bit." She said. Not really to Jet, but to herself, as she looked out the windows and into space. "How far are we from Jupiter?"
"A few thousand miles, probably take you about 20 minutes."
She nodded, and nuzzled Morris's fur. "Wanna go for a ride?" He meowed in response.
* * *
She stood outside the glass windows, staring up at the neon eye. Glancing down, she looked at Morris, who had sat down and started licking his paw. For some reason she felt like she needed to come here, even if the old hag running it was a cheapskate and was going to screw her out of money.
"You coming in?" She asked Morris. The cat looked back up at her, doubtfully, and went back to licking his paw. "Jerk." Faye grumbled, pushing open the door. The bells on the door jingled once again as she entered the small, sweet smelling store.
"I knew you'd come back." Called the same crackily voice from the other room. The crone stuck her head out from the curtain and grinned, showing off her few remaining teeth.
"I would hope so, since you call yourself a psychic." Faye commented blandly, looking about the linen draped store once again. It was a very beautiful place, made you feel relaxed and peaceful inside. But then again, who knew what the old lady was burning back there; maybe this tingly feeling was just a contact high. "Look," She told the old woman, who had come out from curtains and started lighting incense. "I don't have a ton of money--"
"I know that."
"And I didn't come here to get screwed--"
"I know." The old woman smiled gently up at her and gestured to the pillows before her with a knarled hand. "Have a seat."
Reluctantly, Faye took a seat across from her, folding her legs and sitting Indian style. She watched as the woman closed her eyes and began chanting quietly to herself. Her low, gravelly voice was almost soothing to Faye as she also closed her eyes, finding herself taking deep breaths, her limbs relaxing more with each exhale.
"Dear child," The woman said softly, a hint of pain in her voice. "Much turmoil you have faced. Your life has never been what you expected, has it? No, no it hasn't." She answered herself. "You have a wall around your heart, around your soul. When one barricades their soul, it is easy not to feel pain, because no one can get in. But one did, didn't he?" Faye could almost hear her smiling. "Someone who you least expected, someone you never imagined could love you." She paused for a moment, taking in a few deep breaths, as if to relax herself even more. "Spike."
Faye's eyes snapped open and she could feel tears threatening to spill over the rims of her eyes. The old woman remained relaxed, almost looking like she was asleep.
"He was quite a man." Her forehead wrinkled. "But he smoked too much."
Despite herself, Faye chuckled, wiping her eyes. "Yeah, he did."
"And he also had a past that haunted him." Her face softened. Faye was astonished to see wetness seeping out of the corners of her closed, wrinkled eyes. "Oh child... how he loved you." A small, comforting smile pulled up her lips. Faye was crying openly now, though silently, not wanting to disturb the peaceful setting. "It's something you've often wondered, isn't it? If his words were real." A soft, wrinkled hand brushed Faye's cheek. "There was so much he wanted to share with you, so much he wanted to tell you. But the Blood dragon was out for his soul..."
Faye's heart felt heavy in her chest as her chin fell. She already knew Spike was dead, she really didn't need salt rubbed in that wound. "Please stop." She whispered weakly.
Slowly, the old woman cracked open her eyes, her pupils remaining dilated, even though the room was fairly bright. She gave Faye a soft smile, like a Grandmother would give her kin. "Things aren't always as the seem, my dear. Someday you will see him again."
Faye shuddered at the creepy statement. She never wanted to think about dying, not after Spike. She unfolded her legs and stood, quickly brushing away any stray moisture on her face. Reaching into her pocket she grabbed a wad of cash. The old woman waved her hand slightly.
"No fee, it was my pleasure." And with that, she hobbled off behind the curtain and disappeared. Never being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if it did seem wrong, Faye shrugged and walked out the door, back onto the street.
* * *
When she arrived back on the Bebop, everything was already dark. She had spent more time in town than she had expected. As she passed him, Ein gave her a tired glance, then lower his head again.
"Some watch dog you are."
Not even bothering to stop anywhere else, she stumbled strait into her room, pulling off her red jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Maybe she was a lot more tired than she had originally thought. She draped herself carelessly over her bed, a limb or two hanging off the side. Why had she gone back to that old woman? Why couldn't she just bury Spike and let him rest in peace?
Her eyelids felt heavy as she struggled to stay awake. She looked at the macaroni picture Ed had made for her. It was funny how she now accepted this life, these people. They were her family now. The only home she could go to. Why had she been so reluctant to see that in the beginning? Why had she rejected them? Pushed them away? With a sigh, she rolled to her side, facing the wall.
Things were so much different now that he was gone. It seemed the relationships on the Bebop went in strange, sitcom like stages. At first it was four strangers, picked to live in a ship and try to make a living, only surviving on bell peppers and beef. Then it turned to one crazy kid, a genius dog, two grown adults who fight like children, and the man who tries to keep it all strait. After that, it morphed into, a couple who were hard on their luck and went to live with their 'father figure' of a friend, and his demented little girl and dog. And then he was gone, and Julia was there. So it was, widowed wife and ex-wife try to live in peace, while the ships owner has no say in anything that goes on, especially when it comes to the cat, the dog and the girl. Jesus H. What a strange group of people.
And yet she wouldn't want it any other way. Faintly, she wondered what weird role shift they would go to next, before she lost her battle with consciousness, and fell to sleep.
* * *
Space stretched out infinitely before her as she placed her hand on the cool glass window. Secretly, the universe still fascinated her. Before the accident, space travel was still at a minimal. Trips to the moon where all the were achieved, and now... well now they were so deep in space she didn't even know where the hell they were. But it was like that all the time. After all, it was easy to be swallowed up in the vastness of space, considering how infinite and miniscule she was, simply existing as a human being.
"What are you doing up this late?" Asked a smoky smooth voice behind her. She jumped slightly, looking to the reflection over her shoulder.
Spike stood behind her, illuminated from the dim light of space. He was shirtless and stood in his usual position, hands in his pockets. She felt her cheeks grow warm as she lowered her head, praying he couldn't tell.
"Couldn't sleep." She offered simply, quietly.
She heard him spark his lighter, then take a deep drag, before stepping beside her. A steady stream of smoke came from his mouth before hitting the glass and rolling away.
"Me too."
They stood in comfortable silence; each lost in their own thoughts.
Faye glanced over at him through her eyelashes, hoping he wouldn't catch her. His hair was wild and messy like always, the outline rimmed with light, while the rest was silhouetted in darkness. She saw the curve of his cheek, the slope of his nose, the sweep of his jawbone and the glint of his eye. All the rest blended in with the night.
"Do I have something on my face?"
Faye, startled for the second time that night, blushed with embarrassment. He had caught her. Quickly she scrambled for something to say. She noticed a small dark trickle running down his arm, from the bandage that secured it.
"You're bleeding."
Spike glanced down at the bandages disdainfully. "Shit." He grumbled, cigarette between his lips. He started to unwrap the gauze, when Faye placed her hand over his. It felt warm and stable against her own trembling one. She pulled away.
"Sit down, I'll rewrap it for you."
She turned, her heart fluttering up to her throat. She had never touched Spike's hand before, and normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but for some reason it haunted her. As she reached into the medical cabinet, she could fell the brush of his knuckles against her palm. Come to think of it, she and Spike never had any physical contact, other than times like this when she was fixing him up.
He sat on the couch, elbows on knees, hands dangling between them. Quietly, she kneeled before him, placing all that she needed on the floor beside her. She leaned forward, her hands reaching to unwrap the old bandages. Spike leaned back slightly, putting some distance between their faces. Cursing her still trembling fingers, she tried to work quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice her uneasy behavior. Deep down, she had been thinking about him differently lately. Strange thoughts began to coil themselves in her mind, and she wondered where that had come from. They made her blush, made her stomach feel weightless and made her heart race. And she hated it.
Afraid he might be reading her thoughts; she gave a small smile. "Funny how I always seem to be patching you up."
Spike, whose chin had been resting in his other hand, elbow still planted on his knee, gave her a sideways glance. "Wouldn't call it funny, considering I'm always hurt."
Faye looked over at him. "Maybe you should stop being such a lunkhead and you wouldn't be shot up all the time."
He smirked slightly. "I'll keep that in mind. And this is a stab wound, not a bullet hole."
"Oh well, in that case..." She mumbled sarcastically.
His hand dropped from his chin and he began to watch as she rewrapped his arm with a new spool of gauze.
Uneasy from his gaze, Faye tried to lower her head to hide her face behind the safe curtain of her hair. It wasn't working. She fastened the bandage and sat back on her legs, tucking her hair behind her ear. He leaned forward again, elbows on knees. Selfishly, she wished she had taken a little more time, just to be in the warm frame of his body a little while longer.
"What were you thinking about earlier?" He asked.
Faye gave him a puzzled look. "Since when do you ask me stuff like that?"
Spike returned with a shrug and a grin. "It doesn't happen very often, you should take full advantage while you can."
Her gaze wandered back towards the window. She turned her head from him, wondering if she should even bother. Deep down she was scared. What if he laughed at her? What if he didn't understand? She spent the past 3 years, building up walls for a reason. Why let someone in so easily now? Especially someone so heavily guarded as Spike. But she found herself wanting to confess, not being strong enough to hold up the shield this time.
"I was thinking," She began quietly, barely above a whisper. "About how tiny and obsolete we are, as people. I mean, look at the earth. From here, it's just a tiny, pale blue dot. And yet it's our home. All of our home's, whether you were born on Mars or Jupiter, we all originally came from earth. As tiny as it may seem from here, millions upon millions of people live there, inhabit that space and many others through out the galaxy. And what are we? Even smaller dots, mere blips in the span of time." The thoughts were even more depressing when she expressed them out loud. Her eyes lowered to the floor, her face still turned, afraid to meet his judgmental gaze. "All this time I've wondered about my life, why things turned out the way they did. Why I was the one who woke up decades later, still young, yet unable to remember a damn thing. Why I was chosen to be truly alone in life. I don't even have memories to visit for comfort. No birthdays, no friends, no family. Just me... alone." To her surprise, she felt a tear slip over her cheek. Fear raced through her body, and she hoped he hadn't seen it.
But she felt his warm fingers brush below her eye, gently sweeping the moisture away. She turned her head to him, her eyes wide in disbelief. He gazed back at her evenly, no expression on his face to betray his emotions and she wondered if she had imagined his touch.
"I hate it when women cry." He said simply.
His breath warmed her cheek. She felt goosebumps flow over her skin. "I hate to cry."
He was so close, staring right into her eyes and yet, she couldn't pull herself away. She had yearned for this. This closeness, this contact with another being.
"We're always alone." His voice was low, hushed, maybe because she was so close; he didn't want to startle her. "We're born alone and die alone. We spend our entire lives trying to make contact with others, trying to feel wanted, to feel connected." She watched as his eyes washed over her face, taking in her features. "We fool ourselves into believing we'll be fulfilled if we're not alone. But when it comes time to die, it's only you. No one else. Realization comes only then, and you finally see the irony of it all. That in the respect of always being alone, you're not, because everyone else is too."
She swallowed and allowed her eyes to close for a moment. Her senses were going into overload being like this. When she opened her eyes, he was still there, mere inches before her. His mouth looked inviting, so she moved up to his eyes. "I don't want to be alone." Somehow meekly exited her lips.
"Neither does anyone else."
She felt slightly drugged suddenly, the chaos and monotony of the day finally catching up with her. Her entire body seemed to relax and give way to her subconscious. She felt the brush of his nose to hers, before the soft pressure of his mouth covered her own. At the moment, she wasn't sure who had leaned into who or how it really happened, but the gentle press of her lips to his seemed to stop the universe. Nothing else existed in the deep, cold vacuum, just his warm mouth. No thoughts went through her mind, no issues with the past, no worries of the future, just the calmness of the present.
His mouth lifted away and her eyes remained closed briefly. It wasn't a passionate kiss by any means, but it spoke volumes with out making a sound. Her body felt free floating, the weight of her existence lifted for one frame in time.
Slowly she opened her eyes again to meet his. They just stared at each other, neither one making any effort to move. There was no shock, no beams of sunshine, no fireworks. Just a comfortable warmth.
And suddenly it was gone and she was grounded. Reality hit her with a vengeance and she backed away from their cozy position, quickly finding it awkward and alien.
"I should go to bed." She stood, almost a little too fast, as her mind began to stream once again with its endless questions.
Spike watched as she made haste. He stood casually from the couch and made his way towards the window again.
Faye paused in the doorway. "Spike?"
He turned his head from the window to look at her. All at once she felt that elated high all over again. She wanted to turn back and let it happen again. To run, kiss him till she was breathless and tell him all the things she wanted to say, all the things that always occupied her mind. But instead, she settled on: "Goodnight."
Something passed over his face; she wasn't sure what it was really. Disappointment or maybe a ghost of a smile, but at least he responded: "Goodnight, Faye." Before he turned back to the stars.
* * *
The early morning noises of the Bebop signaled her it was time to get out of bed. Yet she stayed, wrapped up in the cozy cocoon of blankets. With a deep sigh she turned to her side and closed her eyes again.
"Why can't you just leave me alone, Spike?"
**Sorry, that's all for now. I'm awful at typing, and that took me forever to do, which is seriously pathetic. But anyway, I hope you guys like it. Just incase you didn't realize, it was a memory, not a dream. Faye is haunted by memories, Spike is stuck in the weird dream world. I'm really excited to finish this, let me know what you guys think so far!**
"I'd like to close my eyes and go numb
But there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest, high rise today.
It's not a breeze, 'cause it blows hard
Yes and it wants me to discard
The humanity I know, watch the warmth blow away.
Do you think I should, adhere
To that pressing new frontier
And leave in my wake a trail of fear
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench in spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?
Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old."
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
- Incubus, "The Warmth."
Chapter 4
Faye stared at the TV screen intently, as the anchorman reported the grim news.
"It seems as though there is a connection to this mass cereal killer people are now calling 'The Ripper'. Like his 19th century namesake, this Ripper seems to be targeting members of underground prostitution and killing them inhumanely. Galaxy famous, Peter Zigman, the mastermind behind many of Jupiter's high ranking brothels, was brutally murdered weeks ago by The Ripper and shortly after, Kimmy Bui, said to be the most famous mistress in the Galaxy was also found, her body mutilated beyond recognition. Weeks have gone by since then, and this morning, two more bodies were found, their faces completely torn from their skulls" The anchorman seemed to turn green at the thought. Two pictures appeared on the screen, both young women, both very beautiful. "Andrea Materson and Mana Pheap are said to be the victims, after detailed DNA research. More on this story within the hour--"
Faye clicked off the TV, and stared at the blank screen. Jet entered the room behind her, wiping his hands in a rag.
"You're all set Faye. And this is the last time I--"
"Two more were killed, Jet.' Faye said solemnly, standing from the couch and stretching her arms above her head.
"The same guy?"
"Looks that way. They're calling him 'The Ripper' after Jack the Ripper, because of the way he mutilates his victims."
Jet shrugged, digging with the rag below his thumbnail. "Makes sense."
Faye bent down and picked up the napping Morris, who had been at the other end of the couch. He yawned and began purring, nudging against her chin.
"Where's Julia?" She asked, suddenly realizing she hadn't seen the blonde all morning.
Chuckling Jet shook his head. "She took Edward out for a while." He nodded towards the computer. "Better put the news back on a watch for reports of a woman killing an annoying child."
Faye smiled, petting Morris's back. "I think I'm going to go out for a bit." She said. Not really to Jet, but to herself, as she looked out the windows and into space. "How far are we from Jupiter?"
"A few thousand miles, probably take you about 20 minutes."
She nodded, and nuzzled Morris's fur. "Wanna go for a ride?" He meowed in response.
* * *
She stood outside the glass windows, staring up at the neon eye. Glancing down, she looked at Morris, who had sat down and started licking his paw. For some reason she felt like she needed to come here, even if the old hag running it was a cheapskate and was going to screw her out of money.
"You coming in?" She asked Morris. The cat looked back up at her, doubtfully, and went back to licking his paw. "Jerk." Faye grumbled, pushing open the door. The bells on the door jingled once again as she entered the small, sweet smelling store.
"I knew you'd come back." Called the same crackily voice from the other room. The crone stuck her head out from the curtain and grinned, showing off her few remaining teeth.
"I would hope so, since you call yourself a psychic." Faye commented blandly, looking about the linen draped store once again. It was a very beautiful place, made you feel relaxed and peaceful inside. But then again, who knew what the old lady was burning back there; maybe this tingly feeling was just a contact high. "Look," She told the old woman, who had come out from curtains and started lighting incense. "I don't have a ton of money--"
"I know that."
"And I didn't come here to get screwed--"
"I know." The old woman smiled gently up at her and gestured to the pillows before her with a knarled hand. "Have a seat."
Reluctantly, Faye took a seat across from her, folding her legs and sitting Indian style. She watched as the woman closed her eyes and began chanting quietly to herself. Her low, gravelly voice was almost soothing to Faye as she also closed her eyes, finding herself taking deep breaths, her limbs relaxing more with each exhale.
"Dear child," The woman said softly, a hint of pain in her voice. "Much turmoil you have faced. Your life has never been what you expected, has it? No, no it hasn't." She answered herself. "You have a wall around your heart, around your soul. When one barricades their soul, it is easy not to feel pain, because no one can get in. But one did, didn't he?" Faye could almost hear her smiling. "Someone who you least expected, someone you never imagined could love you." She paused for a moment, taking in a few deep breaths, as if to relax herself even more. "Spike."
Faye's eyes snapped open and she could feel tears threatening to spill over the rims of her eyes. The old woman remained relaxed, almost looking like she was asleep.
"He was quite a man." Her forehead wrinkled. "But he smoked too much."
Despite herself, Faye chuckled, wiping her eyes. "Yeah, he did."
"And he also had a past that haunted him." Her face softened. Faye was astonished to see wetness seeping out of the corners of her closed, wrinkled eyes. "Oh child... how he loved you." A small, comforting smile pulled up her lips. Faye was crying openly now, though silently, not wanting to disturb the peaceful setting. "It's something you've often wondered, isn't it? If his words were real." A soft, wrinkled hand brushed Faye's cheek. "There was so much he wanted to share with you, so much he wanted to tell you. But the Blood dragon was out for his soul..."
Faye's heart felt heavy in her chest as her chin fell. She already knew Spike was dead, she really didn't need salt rubbed in that wound. "Please stop." She whispered weakly.
Slowly, the old woman cracked open her eyes, her pupils remaining dilated, even though the room was fairly bright. She gave Faye a soft smile, like a Grandmother would give her kin. "Things aren't always as the seem, my dear. Someday you will see him again."
Faye shuddered at the creepy statement. She never wanted to think about dying, not after Spike. She unfolded her legs and stood, quickly brushing away any stray moisture on her face. Reaching into her pocket she grabbed a wad of cash. The old woman waved her hand slightly.
"No fee, it was my pleasure." And with that, she hobbled off behind the curtain and disappeared. Never being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if it did seem wrong, Faye shrugged and walked out the door, back onto the street.
* * *
When she arrived back on the Bebop, everything was already dark. She had spent more time in town than she had expected. As she passed him, Ein gave her a tired glance, then lower his head again.
"Some watch dog you are."
Not even bothering to stop anywhere else, she stumbled strait into her room, pulling off her red jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Maybe she was a lot more tired than she had originally thought. She draped herself carelessly over her bed, a limb or two hanging off the side. Why had she gone back to that old woman? Why couldn't she just bury Spike and let him rest in peace?
Her eyelids felt heavy as she struggled to stay awake. She looked at the macaroni picture Ed had made for her. It was funny how she now accepted this life, these people. They were her family now. The only home she could go to. Why had she been so reluctant to see that in the beginning? Why had she rejected them? Pushed them away? With a sigh, she rolled to her side, facing the wall.
Things were so much different now that he was gone. It seemed the relationships on the Bebop went in strange, sitcom like stages. At first it was four strangers, picked to live in a ship and try to make a living, only surviving on bell peppers and beef. Then it turned to one crazy kid, a genius dog, two grown adults who fight like children, and the man who tries to keep it all strait. After that, it morphed into, a couple who were hard on their luck and went to live with their 'father figure' of a friend, and his demented little girl and dog. And then he was gone, and Julia was there. So it was, widowed wife and ex-wife try to live in peace, while the ships owner has no say in anything that goes on, especially when it comes to the cat, the dog and the girl. Jesus H. What a strange group of people.
And yet she wouldn't want it any other way. Faintly, she wondered what weird role shift they would go to next, before she lost her battle with consciousness, and fell to sleep.
* * *
Space stretched out infinitely before her as she placed her hand on the cool glass window. Secretly, the universe still fascinated her. Before the accident, space travel was still at a minimal. Trips to the moon where all the were achieved, and now... well now they were so deep in space she didn't even know where the hell they were. But it was like that all the time. After all, it was easy to be swallowed up in the vastness of space, considering how infinite and miniscule she was, simply existing as a human being.
"What are you doing up this late?" Asked a smoky smooth voice behind her. She jumped slightly, looking to the reflection over her shoulder.
Spike stood behind her, illuminated from the dim light of space. He was shirtless and stood in his usual position, hands in his pockets. She felt her cheeks grow warm as she lowered her head, praying he couldn't tell.
"Couldn't sleep." She offered simply, quietly.
She heard him spark his lighter, then take a deep drag, before stepping beside her. A steady stream of smoke came from his mouth before hitting the glass and rolling away.
"Me too."
They stood in comfortable silence; each lost in their own thoughts.
Faye glanced over at him through her eyelashes, hoping he wouldn't catch her. His hair was wild and messy like always, the outline rimmed with light, while the rest was silhouetted in darkness. She saw the curve of his cheek, the slope of his nose, the sweep of his jawbone and the glint of his eye. All the rest blended in with the night.
"Do I have something on my face?"
Faye, startled for the second time that night, blushed with embarrassment. He had caught her. Quickly she scrambled for something to say. She noticed a small dark trickle running down his arm, from the bandage that secured it.
"You're bleeding."
Spike glanced down at the bandages disdainfully. "Shit." He grumbled, cigarette between his lips. He started to unwrap the gauze, when Faye placed her hand over his. It felt warm and stable against her own trembling one. She pulled away.
"Sit down, I'll rewrap it for you."
She turned, her heart fluttering up to her throat. She had never touched Spike's hand before, and normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but for some reason it haunted her. As she reached into the medical cabinet, she could fell the brush of his knuckles against her palm. Come to think of it, she and Spike never had any physical contact, other than times like this when she was fixing him up.
He sat on the couch, elbows on knees, hands dangling between them. Quietly, she kneeled before him, placing all that she needed on the floor beside her. She leaned forward, her hands reaching to unwrap the old bandages. Spike leaned back slightly, putting some distance between their faces. Cursing her still trembling fingers, she tried to work quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice her uneasy behavior. Deep down, she had been thinking about him differently lately. Strange thoughts began to coil themselves in her mind, and she wondered where that had come from. They made her blush, made her stomach feel weightless and made her heart race. And she hated it.
Afraid he might be reading her thoughts; she gave a small smile. "Funny how I always seem to be patching you up."
Spike, whose chin had been resting in his other hand, elbow still planted on his knee, gave her a sideways glance. "Wouldn't call it funny, considering I'm always hurt."
Faye looked over at him. "Maybe you should stop being such a lunkhead and you wouldn't be shot up all the time."
He smirked slightly. "I'll keep that in mind. And this is a stab wound, not a bullet hole."
"Oh well, in that case..." She mumbled sarcastically.
His hand dropped from his chin and he began to watch as she rewrapped his arm with a new spool of gauze.
Uneasy from his gaze, Faye tried to lower her head to hide her face behind the safe curtain of her hair. It wasn't working. She fastened the bandage and sat back on her legs, tucking her hair behind her ear. He leaned forward again, elbows on knees. Selfishly, she wished she had taken a little more time, just to be in the warm frame of his body a little while longer.
"What were you thinking about earlier?" He asked.
Faye gave him a puzzled look. "Since when do you ask me stuff like that?"
Spike returned with a shrug and a grin. "It doesn't happen very often, you should take full advantage while you can."
Her gaze wandered back towards the window. She turned her head from him, wondering if she should even bother. Deep down she was scared. What if he laughed at her? What if he didn't understand? She spent the past 3 years, building up walls for a reason. Why let someone in so easily now? Especially someone so heavily guarded as Spike. But she found herself wanting to confess, not being strong enough to hold up the shield this time.
"I was thinking," She began quietly, barely above a whisper. "About how tiny and obsolete we are, as people. I mean, look at the earth. From here, it's just a tiny, pale blue dot. And yet it's our home. All of our home's, whether you were born on Mars or Jupiter, we all originally came from earth. As tiny as it may seem from here, millions upon millions of people live there, inhabit that space and many others through out the galaxy. And what are we? Even smaller dots, mere blips in the span of time." The thoughts were even more depressing when she expressed them out loud. Her eyes lowered to the floor, her face still turned, afraid to meet his judgmental gaze. "All this time I've wondered about my life, why things turned out the way they did. Why I was the one who woke up decades later, still young, yet unable to remember a damn thing. Why I was chosen to be truly alone in life. I don't even have memories to visit for comfort. No birthdays, no friends, no family. Just me... alone." To her surprise, she felt a tear slip over her cheek. Fear raced through her body, and she hoped he hadn't seen it.
But she felt his warm fingers brush below her eye, gently sweeping the moisture away. She turned her head to him, her eyes wide in disbelief. He gazed back at her evenly, no expression on his face to betray his emotions and she wondered if she had imagined his touch.
"I hate it when women cry." He said simply.
His breath warmed her cheek. She felt goosebumps flow over her skin. "I hate to cry."
He was so close, staring right into her eyes and yet, she couldn't pull herself away. She had yearned for this. This closeness, this contact with another being.
"We're always alone." His voice was low, hushed, maybe because she was so close; he didn't want to startle her. "We're born alone and die alone. We spend our entire lives trying to make contact with others, trying to feel wanted, to feel connected." She watched as his eyes washed over her face, taking in her features. "We fool ourselves into believing we'll be fulfilled if we're not alone. But when it comes time to die, it's only you. No one else. Realization comes only then, and you finally see the irony of it all. That in the respect of always being alone, you're not, because everyone else is too."
She swallowed and allowed her eyes to close for a moment. Her senses were going into overload being like this. When she opened her eyes, he was still there, mere inches before her. His mouth looked inviting, so she moved up to his eyes. "I don't want to be alone." Somehow meekly exited her lips.
"Neither does anyone else."
She felt slightly drugged suddenly, the chaos and monotony of the day finally catching up with her. Her entire body seemed to relax and give way to her subconscious. She felt the brush of his nose to hers, before the soft pressure of his mouth covered her own. At the moment, she wasn't sure who had leaned into who or how it really happened, but the gentle press of her lips to his seemed to stop the universe. Nothing else existed in the deep, cold vacuum, just his warm mouth. No thoughts went through her mind, no issues with the past, no worries of the future, just the calmness of the present.
His mouth lifted away and her eyes remained closed briefly. It wasn't a passionate kiss by any means, but it spoke volumes with out making a sound. Her body felt free floating, the weight of her existence lifted for one frame in time.
Slowly she opened her eyes again to meet his. They just stared at each other, neither one making any effort to move. There was no shock, no beams of sunshine, no fireworks. Just a comfortable warmth.
And suddenly it was gone and she was grounded. Reality hit her with a vengeance and she backed away from their cozy position, quickly finding it awkward and alien.
"I should go to bed." She stood, almost a little too fast, as her mind began to stream once again with its endless questions.
Spike watched as she made haste. He stood casually from the couch and made his way towards the window again.
Faye paused in the doorway. "Spike?"
He turned his head from the window to look at her. All at once she felt that elated high all over again. She wanted to turn back and let it happen again. To run, kiss him till she was breathless and tell him all the things she wanted to say, all the things that always occupied her mind. But instead, she settled on: "Goodnight."
Something passed over his face; she wasn't sure what it was really. Disappointment or maybe a ghost of a smile, but at least he responded: "Goodnight, Faye." Before he turned back to the stars.
* * *
The early morning noises of the Bebop signaled her it was time to get out of bed. Yet she stayed, wrapped up in the cozy cocoon of blankets. With a deep sigh she turned to her side and closed her eyes again.
"Why can't you just leave me alone, Spike?"
**Sorry, that's all for now. I'm awful at typing, and that took me forever to do, which is seriously pathetic. But anyway, I hope you guys like it. Just incase you didn't realize, it was a memory, not a dream. Faye is haunted by memories, Spike is stuck in the weird dream world. I'm really excited to finish this, let me know what you guys think so far!**