Authors Note- So this is chapter one. Sorry it took so long for me to get it up. I will try to be quicker next time. I hope you enjoy the story. I responded to your reviews. They are at the bottom. Oh, and I have no clue where this chapter came from. Please read and review:)
~Chapter 1~
"How do I look?" Donnie runs his fingers through his hair once more. A nervous smile on his face, I know he is not keen on doing this presentation.
"Beautiful." I grin. He leans down to my level, planting a kiss on my lips. "I'll be there, I promise. I just have to meet Susan for coffee first, so she can drill me on our relationship." I sigh rolling my eyes. Donnie pulls me into another quick hug, I pull away tugging at his tie. He looks so handsome dress nicely. Though he doesn't do it much. He'd rather be in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. But, can you really blame him?
"Okay, well have fun with Susan. Tell her Tayte has been bugging me to visit with Baxter more." I laugh, they were best friends from birth.
"I'll arrange something." He trails his fingers along my shoulder, as he makes his way out of the lounge and to his impending doom. Presentations, not exactly a thrilling part of the job. Nor one that happens very often. Well, not to me, or Donnie, but he got roped in by Weaver. I twirl on my heels, taking another glance around the disassembled lounge. Damn residence.
Susan and I don't go for coffee much anymore, McDonalds, all the time. But not coffee. We don't have much time to talk, not like we use too. More then when Baxter and Tayte first arrived on the scene, but still not enough. Life is hectic with kids, and a possible husband. Serious boyfriend, for around seven years. I know that will, inevitably, be the main topic of conversation today. She can't help it, its curiosity. Its been this way since Tayte was born. I haven't the faintest clue what I want to do. Is marriage really a road I want to venture down again? Will I have the same luck with Donnie that I had with Richard? Time will only tell, but I have to be willing to take that risk. This time not only is my heart on the line, so is Tayte's. The most important person in both of our lives.
I push through the heavy hospital doors, the Chicago wind smacking me in the face, nothing like a cool day to wake you up. I head straight for the diner that is strategically placed right across the street. Beats cafeteria food. I rush towards it, running in, knowing how pissed off Susan is going to be about my tardiness. I frantically search the diner, trying to look as though I am truly sorry about my lateness. I'm not.
"Over here." I hear Susan say in an irritated sing song voice. I smile sympathetically, she doesn't buy it.
"Don't even try it." She grins, the waitress comes over placing coffee in front of me and tea in front of Susan. Smart women, ordering for me. Gotta love Susan. I nurse the steaming cup of coffee that lay in front of me. The lack of sleep catching up to me. Carefully, I take a sip of the bitter hot liquid. The taste fills my mouth, I hesitantly swallow it.
"So?" I begin, trying to get this ball rolling before I have to go see Donnie's presentation.
"How's Tayte..." She pauses watching me, "Donnie?" I suppress a light chuckle, figuring on a day like today, we're best not to beat around the bush. Or we may just poke ourselves in the eye with a wayward thorn.
"They're both good." I sigh, "look Susan..."
"I miscarried." Our eyes lock, no words said. Nothing can fix the deafening silence that has just smothered us. I watch as she looks down at her coffee. Watching as it ripples as the table shakes gently. She grips tighter around the ceramic cup. Her eyes downcast, she looks up at me again. Once again our gazes meet. This time her eyes are full of emptiness. No emotion, no pain, tears don't seem to be an option right now. She looks at me, knowing words won't bring her solace, I carefully place my hand over hers. She looks around the diner, its vacant. One waitress stands at the counter doodling. For a moment both our eyes set upon her. Just for the sake of something to hold on too.
"Does Chuck know?" I ask breaking the painful silence. She nods her head, looking back at me I see the emotion I was waiting for. A single tear escape, it traces its way down her cheek. Leaving a trail of its pain behind its self, before finding its home above Susan's lip. She wipes away the tear. They weren't trying. Its just happened, she was so thrilled when she found out. Now, all her dreams are gone. Drowned in a sea of misery and rejection. Where so many of our dreams lay. Never to be thought of again, only bring pain when we do.
"I would have come... If you talked to me last night, I would have been there." She nods, biting on her bottom lip. Fighting back the tears. They slowly make their way down her cheek, I reach my hand forward, capturing one on my index finger. She buries her head in her hands.
"I feel so stupid." She manages through sobs, "I- I am crying over something I didn't have, something I didn't think I wanted." She wipes her hands over her face, smearing her running mascara.
"Because... For a while," I pause, watching as her body shakes with sobs. "You were part of it, it was part of you..." My voice cracks... She lifts her head up, the pain that once was sketched upon her soft features has now been replaced with anger.
"How can you say that?" I lean back in my seat, startled not knowing what she is about to do or say. I watch as her features transform, her eyes glossy, yet the anger and hatred she has suddenly developed for me is quite evident. "After what you..." Her voice trails off, unable to utter the words. She stands up looking at me.
"Susan-" I start, she shakes her head. Leaving the diner, the door slamming against its worn out frame. The sound echoing in my ears.
She's right.
~*~
"Its for you-" I look up from the chart I am looking over. Frank shoves the phone at me. I release an exasperated sigh and speak into the receiver.
"Hello-"
"Ms. Lockhart?"
"Yes, this is she." Giving my full attention to the unknown speaker on the other end.
"This is your sons Taytes school. He isn't feeling well, could you come and pick him up?" I look down at my watch, remembering Tayte's constant annoyance this morning. 'Mommy, I don't want to go to school. I want to go with you and daddy. I don't feel good, honest.' I sigh, rubbing my forehead.
"He's not really sick." I don't need to deal with this right now. I look up to see Chuck passing by. His eyes focusing on nothing in particular, a lost look apparent on his face. A smile forces its self onto my lips. He does the same, I signal for him to wait for one moment.
"Ms. Lockhart, he disgorged all over his desk." The lady says a little irritated.
"Okay, I'll come get him." I hang up the phone glancing at my watch, Donnie's presentation starts in an hour. Crap. Then I have to work. This is not turning out to be a good day.
"Hey." I say softly, we close the distance. His smile long gone by now. A miserable smirk lays across his lips. I know his type, they try to make the best out of every situation. Not possible, not this time. His hand makes his way up to his brow. His fingers pushing the skin together.
"She was pretty pissed when she got home. Things not go to well?" I look up at him, his eyes filled with unshed tears. I shake my head no, biting down on my bottom lip. "Its hard you know. It all it is. But we can't take time to grieve. We have to keep going." I nod knowingly. A single tear threatens to fall, hanging on by a single lash.
"We can, we can take the kids if you want." I offer.
"You have to work."
"Donnie is off after the presentation. We can take them tonight- give you two..." He looks at me, my mouth hangs open, preparing to finish my sentence.
"Thank you Abby." I nod, pulling him into an awkward hug. He pushes off of me and out of the automatic doors. I watch as his sullen figure walks out of sight. I did the best I could to assuage the pain, with both of them. I seemed to have failed. Yet, this time its not about me.
"Frank, I have to go pick up my son from school." I say, not giving him a moment to come up with a clever retort about 'my bastard son.'
The way to Taytes school seems short. My mind is lost in a swarm of thoughts. None of them pleasant. This day started off much better then it seems to be finishing. Sadly its only ten o'clock or so. At first, I thought the topic of conversation would be Donnie and I, yah I know, how selfish. It seemed to be her main focus yesterday. I wonder when it started, last night most likely. So unexpected. I just wish, I wish I could have been there for her. I know she is upset with me right now, not that I think it will last. It was a moment, a moment of sheer pain, she needed to lash out at someone. I'd be that someone for her, just like she would for me. I get off of the train, my thoughts encompassing me. No way out of my own head. None of them involving me. Well, a few, but I push them to the side. I wish I could do something to help Susan, that's impossible, she has to recover on her own. Let time heal all pain. Although, there will still be a scar. Over time the gash will slowly fade, scabbing then fading into a scar, that is only evident on the heart, but only when you look closely. Into her eyes. It will be there.
I push threw the doors of the elementary school, I head towards the office. My son bounces off the chair, immediately clutching his stomach after he does so. Obviously that did not appear to be the best decision.
"Mommy." He says in a scratchy voice. I lean down to his level, picking him up off the chair. His arms encircle my neck.
"How yah, feeling?" I whisper into his ear.
"Sick." He croaks. "I blew chunks." Thanks, Tayte.
"I don't need a picture painted for me, Taters." He laughs lightly into my ear. I put him down, feeling his warm forehead. Maybe he really is sick. He did throw up.
"Mrs. Lockhart." I look over my shoulders, only to meet the eyes of the frumpy secretary. "Here are Tayte's belongings. I grab his knapsack, then pick him back up.
"Thank you." She nods, and I follow her into the office to sign him out. His fingers tangle in my hair as I sign the book. We leave the building, and Tayte rests his tiny head on my shoulder.
"You're going to have to sleep with us tonight, if you're sick, Tayte."
"Why?" He furrows his brow, I can tell this idea doesn't bother him, but he always lets his curiosity get the best of him.
"Baxter and Kory are coming over." He grins widely, I wonder if someone is suddenly feeling better.
"Yeah, Baxter is my best friend."
"I know, they will sleep in your bed."
"Ew, Kory's a girl."
"Get over it."
~*~
I make my way into the presentation, the room crowded with people. A stuffy heat fills the air. My least favourite kind of heat. I manage to find a seat next to Sam. She smiles at me, I look around finding Donnie talking to some man.
"Has he started yet?" I lean in closer to Sam. She shakes her head 'no.' I watch as he gets everything prepared. He looks nervous and bored. A deadly combination for a guy like Donnie. That means he may not follow the plan play-by-play. He will add lib. Nothing good can come from that. He turns around starting to speak, his voice echoes through the now still room. I lean back, preparing to have my 'common law, boyfriend' preach about the lack of accommodations in the ER, something I know all too well. I close my eyes, trying to listen to all the speeches, while deal with everything that seems to be taking toll in my life right now. I can't get Susan out of my mind. Maybe because similar things have happened to me. How do I tell her that? Can I? Maybe it would help her to know how I felt. Although she does know what happened, she never knew how I felt. How all of it affected me.
I feel a soft nudging on my arm, only to see Sam looking over me. "Abby-" I look at her groggily, Great I fell asleep. Donnie will be thrilled.
"I fell asleep?" She nods, wearing a smirk.
"I was that boring?" I hear Donnie say annoyed, as he brushes past us. I sigh standing up, I try to follow him out of the room, but get lost in the masses. I manage to catch the same elevator as him. He glances down at me, as I squish my way past people.
"I'm sorry-" I start, but he doesn't let me finish.
"Its fine."
"Donnie-"
"Don't worry about it Abby." He scoffs, looking straight ahead, as the numbers flash there way down.
"Susan, she uh- miscarried." I whisper. He looks down at me, suddenly sympathetic. "She got upset with me. But that's besides the point. Anyways, I told Chuck we would take the kids for the night. You know, just give them time." He nods understandingly. "Tayte is here too. He's sick, puked." I sigh. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, leading me out of the elevator. "I'm sorry, about-"
"Yeah, don't worry. We'll talk later. You go- go see Tayte." He walks over to admin, as I walk towards the lounge. I stop in the doorframe, watching as he converts with some of the staff. He runs his fingers through his hair, lazily. I sigh, pushing through the door.
~Review Responses~
Jane- Hey, that's just the first chapter, don't jump to conclusions. Thanks for reviewing.
JulianToo- I, honestly, have yet to decide what exactly is going to happen in this story. Thanks for reviewing. (I do admit those stories are over done.)
carbytothecore-ga-ba-dee, to you too. I will update as often as possible. Thanks for the review.
hyperpiper91- Heh, thanks, I will do my best to keep people interested.Thanks for reviewing.
tars- Or will he make an enterance? Heh. Thanks for reviewing.
rizzo1- You're welcome! I will try to get you more. Thanks for reviewing.
CarbyFan100- Yeah, All Is Lost, was weird. Definetly, the weirdest thing for me to write. Mostly because I had no clue wehre it was going. So I didn't really have any clue how I wanted it written, that really makes it difficult. Thanks for reviewing.
~Chapter 1~
"How do I look?" Donnie runs his fingers through his hair once more. A nervous smile on his face, I know he is not keen on doing this presentation.
"Beautiful." I grin. He leans down to my level, planting a kiss on my lips. "I'll be there, I promise. I just have to meet Susan for coffee first, so she can drill me on our relationship." I sigh rolling my eyes. Donnie pulls me into another quick hug, I pull away tugging at his tie. He looks so handsome dress nicely. Though he doesn't do it much. He'd rather be in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. But, can you really blame him?
"Okay, well have fun with Susan. Tell her Tayte has been bugging me to visit with Baxter more." I laugh, they were best friends from birth.
"I'll arrange something." He trails his fingers along my shoulder, as he makes his way out of the lounge and to his impending doom. Presentations, not exactly a thrilling part of the job. Nor one that happens very often. Well, not to me, or Donnie, but he got roped in by Weaver. I twirl on my heels, taking another glance around the disassembled lounge. Damn residence.
Susan and I don't go for coffee much anymore, McDonalds, all the time. But not coffee. We don't have much time to talk, not like we use too. More then when Baxter and Tayte first arrived on the scene, but still not enough. Life is hectic with kids, and a possible husband. Serious boyfriend, for around seven years. I know that will, inevitably, be the main topic of conversation today. She can't help it, its curiosity. Its been this way since Tayte was born. I haven't the faintest clue what I want to do. Is marriage really a road I want to venture down again? Will I have the same luck with Donnie that I had with Richard? Time will only tell, but I have to be willing to take that risk. This time not only is my heart on the line, so is Tayte's. The most important person in both of our lives.
I push through the heavy hospital doors, the Chicago wind smacking me in the face, nothing like a cool day to wake you up. I head straight for the diner that is strategically placed right across the street. Beats cafeteria food. I rush towards it, running in, knowing how pissed off Susan is going to be about my tardiness. I frantically search the diner, trying to look as though I am truly sorry about my lateness. I'm not.
"Over here." I hear Susan say in an irritated sing song voice. I smile sympathetically, she doesn't buy it.
"Don't even try it." She grins, the waitress comes over placing coffee in front of me and tea in front of Susan. Smart women, ordering for me. Gotta love Susan. I nurse the steaming cup of coffee that lay in front of me. The lack of sleep catching up to me. Carefully, I take a sip of the bitter hot liquid. The taste fills my mouth, I hesitantly swallow it.
"So?" I begin, trying to get this ball rolling before I have to go see Donnie's presentation.
"How's Tayte..." She pauses watching me, "Donnie?" I suppress a light chuckle, figuring on a day like today, we're best not to beat around the bush. Or we may just poke ourselves in the eye with a wayward thorn.
"They're both good." I sigh, "look Susan..."
"I miscarried." Our eyes lock, no words said. Nothing can fix the deafening silence that has just smothered us. I watch as she looks down at her coffee. Watching as it ripples as the table shakes gently. She grips tighter around the ceramic cup. Her eyes downcast, she looks up at me again. Once again our gazes meet. This time her eyes are full of emptiness. No emotion, no pain, tears don't seem to be an option right now. She looks at me, knowing words won't bring her solace, I carefully place my hand over hers. She looks around the diner, its vacant. One waitress stands at the counter doodling. For a moment both our eyes set upon her. Just for the sake of something to hold on too.
"Does Chuck know?" I ask breaking the painful silence. She nods her head, looking back at me I see the emotion I was waiting for. A single tear escape, it traces its way down her cheek. Leaving a trail of its pain behind its self, before finding its home above Susan's lip. She wipes away the tear. They weren't trying. Its just happened, she was so thrilled when she found out. Now, all her dreams are gone. Drowned in a sea of misery and rejection. Where so many of our dreams lay. Never to be thought of again, only bring pain when we do.
"I would have come... If you talked to me last night, I would have been there." She nods, biting on her bottom lip. Fighting back the tears. They slowly make their way down her cheek, I reach my hand forward, capturing one on my index finger. She buries her head in her hands.
"I feel so stupid." She manages through sobs, "I- I am crying over something I didn't have, something I didn't think I wanted." She wipes her hands over her face, smearing her running mascara.
"Because... For a while," I pause, watching as her body shakes with sobs. "You were part of it, it was part of you..." My voice cracks... She lifts her head up, the pain that once was sketched upon her soft features has now been replaced with anger.
"How can you say that?" I lean back in my seat, startled not knowing what she is about to do or say. I watch as her features transform, her eyes glossy, yet the anger and hatred she has suddenly developed for me is quite evident. "After what you..." Her voice trails off, unable to utter the words. She stands up looking at me.
"Susan-" I start, she shakes her head. Leaving the diner, the door slamming against its worn out frame. The sound echoing in my ears.
She's right.
~*~
"Its for you-" I look up from the chart I am looking over. Frank shoves the phone at me. I release an exasperated sigh and speak into the receiver.
"Hello-"
"Ms. Lockhart?"
"Yes, this is she." Giving my full attention to the unknown speaker on the other end.
"This is your sons Taytes school. He isn't feeling well, could you come and pick him up?" I look down at my watch, remembering Tayte's constant annoyance this morning. 'Mommy, I don't want to go to school. I want to go with you and daddy. I don't feel good, honest.' I sigh, rubbing my forehead.
"He's not really sick." I don't need to deal with this right now. I look up to see Chuck passing by. His eyes focusing on nothing in particular, a lost look apparent on his face. A smile forces its self onto my lips. He does the same, I signal for him to wait for one moment.
"Ms. Lockhart, he disgorged all over his desk." The lady says a little irritated.
"Okay, I'll come get him." I hang up the phone glancing at my watch, Donnie's presentation starts in an hour. Crap. Then I have to work. This is not turning out to be a good day.
"Hey." I say softly, we close the distance. His smile long gone by now. A miserable smirk lays across his lips. I know his type, they try to make the best out of every situation. Not possible, not this time. His hand makes his way up to his brow. His fingers pushing the skin together.
"She was pretty pissed when she got home. Things not go to well?" I look up at him, his eyes filled with unshed tears. I shake my head no, biting down on my bottom lip. "Its hard you know. It all it is. But we can't take time to grieve. We have to keep going." I nod knowingly. A single tear threatens to fall, hanging on by a single lash.
"We can, we can take the kids if you want." I offer.
"You have to work."
"Donnie is off after the presentation. We can take them tonight- give you two..." He looks at me, my mouth hangs open, preparing to finish my sentence.
"Thank you Abby." I nod, pulling him into an awkward hug. He pushes off of me and out of the automatic doors. I watch as his sullen figure walks out of sight. I did the best I could to assuage the pain, with both of them. I seemed to have failed. Yet, this time its not about me.
"Frank, I have to go pick up my son from school." I say, not giving him a moment to come up with a clever retort about 'my bastard son.'
The way to Taytes school seems short. My mind is lost in a swarm of thoughts. None of them pleasant. This day started off much better then it seems to be finishing. Sadly its only ten o'clock or so. At first, I thought the topic of conversation would be Donnie and I, yah I know, how selfish. It seemed to be her main focus yesterday. I wonder when it started, last night most likely. So unexpected. I just wish, I wish I could have been there for her. I know she is upset with me right now, not that I think it will last. It was a moment, a moment of sheer pain, she needed to lash out at someone. I'd be that someone for her, just like she would for me. I get off of the train, my thoughts encompassing me. No way out of my own head. None of them involving me. Well, a few, but I push them to the side. I wish I could do something to help Susan, that's impossible, she has to recover on her own. Let time heal all pain. Although, there will still be a scar. Over time the gash will slowly fade, scabbing then fading into a scar, that is only evident on the heart, but only when you look closely. Into her eyes. It will be there.
I push threw the doors of the elementary school, I head towards the office. My son bounces off the chair, immediately clutching his stomach after he does so. Obviously that did not appear to be the best decision.
"Mommy." He says in a scratchy voice. I lean down to his level, picking him up off the chair. His arms encircle my neck.
"How yah, feeling?" I whisper into his ear.
"Sick." He croaks. "I blew chunks." Thanks, Tayte.
"I don't need a picture painted for me, Taters." He laughs lightly into my ear. I put him down, feeling his warm forehead. Maybe he really is sick. He did throw up.
"Mrs. Lockhart." I look over my shoulders, only to meet the eyes of the frumpy secretary. "Here are Tayte's belongings. I grab his knapsack, then pick him back up.
"Thank you." She nods, and I follow her into the office to sign him out. His fingers tangle in my hair as I sign the book. We leave the building, and Tayte rests his tiny head on my shoulder.
"You're going to have to sleep with us tonight, if you're sick, Tayte."
"Why?" He furrows his brow, I can tell this idea doesn't bother him, but he always lets his curiosity get the best of him.
"Baxter and Kory are coming over." He grins widely, I wonder if someone is suddenly feeling better.
"Yeah, Baxter is my best friend."
"I know, they will sleep in your bed."
"Ew, Kory's a girl."
"Get over it."
~*~
I make my way into the presentation, the room crowded with people. A stuffy heat fills the air. My least favourite kind of heat. I manage to find a seat next to Sam. She smiles at me, I look around finding Donnie talking to some man.
"Has he started yet?" I lean in closer to Sam. She shakes her head 'no.' I watch as he gets everything prepared. He looks nervous and bored. A deadly combination for a guy like Donnie. That means he may not follow the plan play-by-play. He will add lib. Nothing good can come from that. He turns around starting to speak, his voice echoes through the now still room. I lean back, preparing to have my 'common law, boyfriend' preach about the lack of accommodations in the ER, something I know all too well. I close my eyes, trying to listen to all the speeches, while deal with everything that seems to be taking toll in my life right now. I can't get Susan out of my mind. Maybe because similar things have happened to me. How do I tell her that? Can I? Maybe it would help her to know how I felt. Although she does know what happened, she never knew how I felt. How all of it affected me.
I feel a soft nudging on my arm, only to see Sam looking over me. "Abby-" I look at her groggily, Great I fell asleep. Donnie will be thrilled.
"I fell asleep?" She nods, wearing a smirk.
"I was that boring?" I hear Donnie say annoyed, as he brushes past us. I sigh standing up, I try to follow him out of the room, but get lost in the masses. I manage to catch the same elevator as him. He glances down at me, as I squish my way past people.
"I'm sorry-" I start, but he doesn't let me finish.
"Its fine."
"Donnie-"
"Don't worry about it Abby." He scoffs, looking straight ahead, as the numbers flash there way down.
"Susan, she uh- miscarried." I whisper. He looks down at me, suddenly sympathetic. "She got upset with me. But that's besides the point. Anyways, I told Chuck we would take the kids for the night. You know, just give them time." He nods understandingly. "Tayte is here too. He's sick, puked." I sigh. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, leading me out of the elevator. "I'm sorry, about-"
"Yeah, don't worry. We'll talk later. You go- go see Tayte." He walks over to admin, as I walk towards the lounge. I stop in the doorframe, watching as he converts with some of the staff. He runs his fingers through his hair, lazily. I sigh, pushing through the door.
~Review Responses~
Jane- Hey, that's just the first chapter, don't jump to conclusions. Thanks for reviewing.
JulianToo- I, honestly, have yet to decide what exactly is going to happen in this story. Thanks for reviewing. (I do admit those stories are over done.)
carbytothecore-ga-ba-dee, to you too. I will update as often as possible. Thanks for the review.
hyperpiper91- Heh, thanks, I will do my best to keep people interested.Thanks for reviewing.
tars- Or will he make an enterance? Heh. Thanks for reviewing.
rizzo1- You're welcome! I will try to get you more. Thanks for reviewing.
CarbyFan100- Yeah, All Is Lost, was weird. Definetly, the weirdest thing for me to write. Mostly because I had no clue wehre it was going. So I didn't really have any clue how I wanted it written, that really makes it difficult. Thanks for reviewing.