Kokoro no Hitan
I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden, Hatsuharu's expression of numbness, of border-line insanity, of a lust for revenge....melted away. And after it did, he fell to his knees...And screamed.
A scream that sent tears to my eyes and daggers piercing my heart. It was a cry only the soul of one who had loved and lost the thing that meant the most, could sound. It was the sound of being lost, and knowing you'd never be found. It was knowing you'd be alone forever, and that no one could heal the scars on your heart.
Soon I found myself on my own knees, trembling, tears pouring from my eyes.
"Kagura..." He was hunched over, his arms crossed against his chest, his fingers digging into his shoulders. Tears were pouring down his face as he whispered her name.
I felt my own hand clutch at my heart. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but that would only cause him to transform, and make things worse. So I sat there, sitting on my heels, contemplating all the pain and suffering I had caused.
-Tohru Honda
~~~
The tears just wouldn't stop. They were the ice that had melted, that had once frozen my heart.
I didn't know what to do. There was no more lust for revenge, there was no comforting numbness. All the pain had flooded back to me in a few moments, and now I just couldn't stop. I wanted to scream, but the lump in my throat prevented me from doing so.
I wanted to stand to my feet, but my legs wouldn't listen, my knees were too weak, so I just sat there, and cried. I could feel that Tohru was watching me, but there was nothing I could do. All I wanted was to be with Kagura, to tell her how I felt and that...that could never happen.
-Hatsuharu Sohma
~~~
There was nothing I could do. All I could think about was how everything would have been better if I had never been there at all. Kagura would still be alive, Hatsuharu wouldn't be in this much pain, no one would be mourning the death of one of the zodiac.
Maybe it'll be better if I just leave. If I leave and never return.
I stumbled as I tried standing to my feet. My legs were weak under me, it was if they didn't want me to leave.
I looked at Hatsuharu one last time. Sayoonara, I thought, as I walked away. Sayoonara, minna! I thought, as I began to run, tears caught in the wind and whisked behind me as I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. Gomen. Gomen for all the trouble I've caused.
I didn't know where my feet where taking me, all I knew was that it was away. Away from the Sohma property, away from the people I called family, from the people I had hurt so much...too much.
They had welcomed me with open arms, had given me a place to stay when I was homeless, had loved me like I was one of their own...And the only thing I had repayed them with was pain...
-Tohru Honda
~~~
All of a sudden, in the middle of the service, I got a really bad feeling, like something was horribly wrong. Yuki must have sensed it too, because we both looked behind ourselves, at the door in the back of the room, at the same time. Then we looked at each other, as if questioning if our instincts were right.
"Tohru," Yuki said, after taking a quick look around. "Tohru isn't here anymore."
The realization hit me like a blow to the back of my head. He was right! Tohru was no where in sight!
We both jumped out of our chairs and ran down the aisle. "Nee, rat-boy, did you see her leave?" I asked Yuki when we reached the hallway, the door to the room we were just in shut behind us.
He shook his head. "No."
We then both noticed a figure dressed in black with shockingly white hair hunched over about halfway down the hallway.
I just stared, instantly knowing it was Hatsuharu. I was smart enough to know it would be stupid to apporach him now, after what he had said earlier. Yuki, on the other hand, hurried over to him.
"Y-yuki!" Too late, he was already talking to him. I sighed and resigned myself to walking towards him as well.
"Hatsuharu, what's wrong? Did you see Tohru?" Yuki asked Haru.
The moment he looked up, I could tell that he wasn't Black Haru anymore. His eyes were back to normal.
"Tohru...left." I could tell that he had been crying. There were dried tears on his face.
"Why?"
"She said that...she...was the reason...that Kagura was dead." He sniffled.
I looked at him in shock. "Her?!...How?!!" Hatsuharu turned his gaze toward me.
"She said...that...if she had never shown up...then Kagura wouldn't have had competition...and...I figured out the rest..." My mind was going a hundred miles an hour.
"What are you talking about?!"
"Think about it, Kyo," Yuki said. I turned and looked at him. "Kagura would have never gotten depressed if it wasn't for Tohru, wouldn't have died, wouldn't have caused so many people so much pain." Yuki looked at Haru with an expresson of pity on his face.
"That stupid girl! You meant to tell me she just RAN OFF??!!!" I yelled.
Haru nodded his head. I turned around and ran down the hallway, looking for the nearest exit. "Kyo, matte!" I heard Yuki yell behind me. "We have no idea where she could have gone,...or where she could still be going!" I stopped, and turned around to look at him...causing him to almost run right into me, stopping just in time.
"Fine, rat boy. Let's think. Where do you think she is?"
-Kyo Sohma
~~~
I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden, Hatsuharu's expression of numbness, of border-line insanity, of a lust for revenge....melted away. And after it did, he fell to his knees...And screamed.
A scream that sent tears to my eyes and daggers piercing my heart. It was a cry only the soul of one who had loved and lost the thing that meant the most, could sound. It was the sound of being lost, and knowing you'd never be found. It was knowing you'd be alone forever, and that no one could heal the scars on your heart.
Soon I found myself on my own knees, trembling, tears pouring from my eyes.
"Kagura..." He was hunched over, his arms crossed against his chest, his fingers digging into his shoulders. Tears were pouring down his face as he whispered her name.
I felt my own hand clutch at my heart. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but that would only cause him to transform, and make things worse. So I sat there, sitting on my heels, contemplating all the pain and suffering I had caused.
-Tohru Honda
~~~
The tears just wouldn't stop. They were the ice that had melted, that had once frozen my heart.
I didn't know what to do. There was no more lust for revenge, there was no comforting numbness. All the pain had flooded back to me in a few moments, and now I just couldn't stop. I wanted to scream, but the lump in my throat prevented me from doing so.
I wanted to stand to my feet, but my legs wouldn't listen, my knees were too weak, so I just sat there, and cried. I could feel that Tohru was watching me, but there was nothing I could do. All I wanted was to be with Kagura, to tell her how I felt and that...that could never happen.
-Hatsuharu Sohma
~~~
There was nothing I could do. All I could think about was how everything would have been better if I had never been there at all. Kagura would still be alive, Hatsuharu wouldn't be in this much pain, no one would be mourning the death of one of the zodiac.
Maybe it'll be better if I just leave. If I leave and never return.
I stumbled as I tried standing to my feet. My legs were weak under me, it was if they didn't want me to leave.
I looked at Hatsuharu one last time. Sayoonara, I thought, as I walked away. Sayoonara, minna! I thought, as I began to run, tears caught in the wind and whisked behind me as I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. Gomen. Gomen for all the trouble I've caused.
I didn't know where my feet where taking me, all I knew was that it was away. Away from the Sohma property, away from the people I called family, from the people I had hurt so much...too much.
They had welcomed me with open arms, had given me a place to stay when I was homeless, had loved me like I was one of their own...And the only thing I had repayed them with was pain...
-Tohru Honda
~~~
All of a sudden, in the middle of the service, I got a really bad feeling, like something was horribly wrong. Yuki must have sensed it too, because we both looked behind ourselves, at the door in the back of the room, at the same time. Then we looked at each other, as if questioning if our instincts were right.
"Tohru," Yuki said, after taking a quick look around. "Tohru isn't here anymore."
The realization hit me like a blow to the back of my head. He was right! Tohru was no where in sight!
We both jumped out of our chairs and ran down the aisle. "Nee, rat-boy, did you see her leave?" I asked Yuki when we reached the hallway, the door to the room we were just in shut behind us.
He shook his head. "No."
We then both noticed a figure dressed in black with shockingly white hair hunched over about halfway down the hallway.
I just stared, instantly knowing it was Hatsuharu. I was smart enough to know it would be stupid to apporach him now, after what he had said earlier. Yuki, on the other hand, hurried over to him.
"Y-yuki!" Too late, he was already talking to him. I sighed and resigned myself to walking towards him as well.
"Hatsuharu, what's wrong? Did you see Tohru?" Yuki asked Haru.
The moment he looked up, I could tell that he wasn't Black Haru anymore. His eyes were back to normal.
"Tohru...left." I could tell that he had been crying. There were dried tears on his face.
"Why?"
"She said that...she...was the reason...that Kagura was dead." He sniffled.
I looked at him in shock. "Her?!...How?!!" Hatsuharu turned his gaze toward me.
"She said...that...if she had never shown up...then Kagura wouldn't have had competition...and...I figured out the rest..." My mind was going a hundred miles an hour.
"What are you talking about?!"
"Think about it, Kyo," Yuki said. I turned and looked at him. "Kagura would have never gotten depressed if it wasn't for Tohru, wouldn't have died, wouldn't have caused so many people so much pain." Yuki looked at Haru with an expresson of pity on his face.
"That stupid girl! You meant to tell me she just RAN OFF??!!!" I yelled.
Haru nodded his head. I turned around and ran down the hallway, looking for the nearest exit. "Kyo, matte!" I heard Yuki yell behind me. "We have no idea where she could have gone,...or where she could still be going!" I stopped, and turned around to look at him...causing him to almost run right into me, stopping just in time.
"Fine, rat boy. Let's think. Where do you think she is?"
-Kyo Sohma
~~~