Obsessions

Disclaimer:

You don't WANT me to own these characters anymore. Admit it. Enjoy the second in my series of short, first person perspective dark romances. By your demand I write more, and by your demand will I write more.

Obsession 2: There's Me

Can you ever forgive me? I tried so hard, I did so much to save you from the pain and in the end, it all amounts to this. I have to claw at the dirt to remain sane. How could it all lead up to this? The answer! Of course, it's so simple. This is all his fault. He must have planned it. He's always been out to hurt me. That's why he seduced you, you know, because he knew I would fall in love with you the moment I saw your face. I want to kiss your brow now, but that wouldn't be right.

Why does right matter anymore, after what he's done to me. Don't you remember? Why are you looking at me like that? Stop, don't stare at me. This is his fault, not mine. Stare at him. He was always the boss, it's always his decisions, his ideas and his theories that everyone wanted to follow. Not mine. I wanted to be the one with a good idea, the one to receive that rare smile when I came up with an exceptionally good plan. Instead, you looked at me with disdain because I was always at the back.

I was always the grass in the food chain of the Teen Titans. Fits me, really, it's like you're judging me on my skin color. I'm green, and it's not easy being green. You stick out in a crowd. I stuck out next to him. Mr. Handsome, the debonair leader of our group. I followed him with the loyalty the rest of you gave him, but I never believed in him. I would say I would, of course, but only because if I did I thought maybe you wouldn't scold me or shoot down my jokes.

I just wanted to impress you, Raven! Why is it he was the one that had you? He never deserved you. He was always after the easy girls like Starfire. I swear, half the time she lets me see up her miniskirt on purpose. She was trying to distract me from you, but I wouldn't stray. Not ever. Nothing can stop me from loving you. That smell, what is it? How long has it been since then? A week? Not even. A day or two. Oh, your eyes are so dangerous, Raven. I wanted to tell you I love you. That's why I'm here. No one's around, I can finally prove it to you.

I know, I'm not the one you want. I could never transform into that one bird for you, though I wanted to oh so much. If I could, I would have in a flash. I would become a hero like him for you, and I tried to be cool and smart and prepared, and thought you'd like me then. But no, everything I tried just made you ignore me more. Why did you ignore me?

He made you cry, don't you remember? Let me cry for you, instead. That way you can ignore the pain. He must cause you pain. I saw him just a while ago. He told me he had come to say goodbye. The scum, saying goodbye so soon. He wanted to stay with Starfire, because she was the light and the life of the group, but he never appreciated what you could have offered him.

Your body's so soft, and yet tough. The feel of your cool form is exhilarating. I never had such a thrill before in my life. I wonder what he would have said if he had gotten my letter instead of you. I wanted to talk to him about you, you know, and stop him from hurting you. You always tried so hard to tell him but still he turned to Starfire instead. She was here too. Finally, she's paying for all the times she's hurt you. She cried, cried for all the crimes she had committed to you. You should have laughed. So I laugh for you. That's better isn't it.

I'm always here for you, Raven, you just needed to call for me and I would follow right behind you. You never did, though. You just left me behind because I was too young to understand. Now, Raven, teach me what you wanted me to understand. My body yearns for it. I don't even know what that means, and yet it's just the word I need. This is a yearning, and it's something I need now. You're so cold, Raven. That's why I love you.

Why didn't you say something, Raven. That could have stopped all this. It was perfect, oh so perfect, until he deceived you. Of course you knew that letter was for him, not for you. The others don't. They can't find the letter, I have it with me still.

"Meet me at the Graveyard at midnight. We need to talk," was all I wrote. Perhaps I should have written it expressly to him, or put it under his door, but I didn't. He forced me to leave it where anyone could see. And it had to be you. He arranged it so perfectly. No one else could be as insidious. I hate him the more I think about it. What did I want to talk to him about? Don't you remember, Raven. Let me tell you.

You once painted him a beautiful picture. I remember how much art was important to you. Your works were always precious to me. The effort you put into them made them more precious than any gold. However, did he ever see why you painted for him. Your picture had two birds, a black bird and a red breasted bird nuzzling together in the cold of winter. I could see what you meant. I was so jealous. It should have been me who had earned that, and not him. He deserted you whenever you needed him. Why did you need him?

I was angry, Raven. I still am. But now I'm angry at him for entirely different reasons. His trickery lead to all this. I spent all day preparing for it. I picked the place and worked hard. It took so much effort, you know, and in the end it all worked against me, it was all for naught. "Raven, I'm so sorry I couldn't defend you," I whisper aloud. No one can hear me. "Let me kiss you," and I do, "Thanks." Your lips are so frigid, Raven, but that's just like you.

It was midnight, and the moon was blotted out by dark clouds. They case a shadow over that graveyard that night. Every shadow grew in size, and I watched them grow as night settled in, and I sat there waiting for the hour to come. I was so eager that I couldn't tear myself away from waiting and watching, but for one second. It was as though I blinked and a new shadow took over the monolithic field in which I was hidden. I'm somewhat glad you didn't see me. I'm not sure how I would have gotten away from him. I can imagine you now as a fallen angel among those graces. You would look around for some elusive figure and see nothing. And then you saw my work. The grave that was dug and empty. A mahogany chest lay open beneath there, hard and strong. Nothing would break it. You looked down there, wondering what it was and why it had been put there. I wonder if you thought there was a zombie there.

I was there. Look behind, there's me.

When you stood over that grave, you didn't sense anything because there wasn't a threat. But you shouldn't have thought that. You should have turned around and saw that I was there, standing by. It was such a thrill, hearing you in that graveyard. I didn't know until it was too late, but still there are nights I think I wouldn't have given up anything in the world for that sound.

You screamed as my hands pressed against your warm back. I pushed forward, and you began to descend into the bottom of that pit. Your voice raised an octave and it was a sound that had my blood rushing. It was almost, and I'm almost a bit embarrassed to say it, erotic. And call it sick, but the sound of your neck cracking, even in that depth, was a sound that inspired a sense of passion in me.

You're looking at me like that again. You know what it does to me. Even if it's forbidden, even if it's crude and insane, I don't care. I was always there for you in life, I think I deserve it. Let me love you tonight, Raven.

That's all I ask of you for now.

I'll be there...just look behind... there's me.

Fin