Chapter: I "The Only Thing He Ever Wanted"
The streaming smoke of Hogwarts Express swam under the dark gray sky.
Today was the awaited day of most young witches and wizards. Because this day, they shall return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with their mixed emotions. Excitement and fear for the new term ahead of them; being with their friends and most of all, learning much more things this year.
This year, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived Again and Again, is now facing his 6th year at Hogwarts. Together with his friends at Gryffindor, they will race with the opposite Houses (Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin) to win the Quidditch Cup and the House Cup. Everyone is ready to prove himself or herself, to earn points for their Houses, and be at one of the top graders at the school. Everyone is glorious and excited for this year's adventures, everyone else except maybe for one...Harry Potter.
The famous Harry Potter as they call him, famous for the only person escaping death over and over again from the deadly hands of the Dark Lord, Voldemort, and surviving as a toddler with only a scar of lightning bolt across his forehead. Whereas they say, when Voldemort tried to kill him with a deadly curse, it rebounded onto himself, leaving Harry with only the scar.
If possible, this year, Harry wasn't that excited at all unlike his previous comebacks towards his beloved school which he had always called as his only and real 'home'.
Harry's heart was still heavy with sorrow, grief, and anger because of the recent death of the only family he got, his beloved godfather, Sirius Black. Sirius was the only person Harry ever felt as a relative, even though they had only known him for quite some time. He was the last living family Harry could ever have. He was the bestfriend of Harry's father, James Potter. Sirius was once thought so as a mass murderer, but before they have even proven that he indeed was innocent, he never have reached that point. Because, he had died...just last year, he had died of battling with the followers of Lord Voldemort, known as the Death Eaters. He died in bravery, laid down his life for his beloved godson. Where, Harry continuously regret that he was the very reason his only living family had died.
After Sirius' death, Harry had wished that he too had died to be with his godfather ever after. If he just have listened to the Order that he should powerfully close his mind against Voldemort. Maybe if he hadn't been that stupid as to just listen to the Order of the Phoenix and never trusted his wrong thoughts and instincts, maybe Sirius was still alive...
Harry had never felt so much grief and regrets inside his heart before. He should just have listened to all of Dumbledore's orders. But no, he trusted his dreams and instincts inside of him, which he never realized had just been using by the Dark Lord for his plan. Voldemort had known that with Harry's scar, he could sometime control his thoughts and dreams; he used it to lure Harry, to trick him. And now, Harry couldn't return the time back when he could have spared his godfather's life. He would do and give up anything and everything, just for that very moment to appear again and rewind hours and hours and hours, until he is able to turn it upside down and do what is right. To never have got to the Department of Ministries, and just checked that Sirius was alright with the mirror he had given him. The mirror, that he should have opened long before, the mirror which could have been their communication until now. The mirror which could have spared Sirius' life and the mirror that could have told him everything he thought to be wrong.
"How could I have been so stupid not to listen to Dumbledore when he was always right...," Harry thought quietly to himself as he stared outside the window of Hogwarts Express leading them all towards their school. "If I just listened to him, maybe Sirius could have lived...he could still be alive...and that he never should have died..." he thought miserable as the memory of the scene when his godfather died flashed inside his mind again and again. The picture of how Sirius died came to Harry's mind more often than when he had seen Cedric died in the same deadly hands of Voldemort.
Every now and then, the picture of it plays inside his mind, the more he could see it, the more miserable the thought that it was his own fault he died. "It's my fault he died," Harry muttered angrily, unable to stop the burning silence inside of him, "it's my fault. If I didn't meddle, he could have lived and still be with me. It's my fault that Sirius died. It's all my fault." Harry knew that he could never ever again felt this much regret and grief inside of him. For him, nothing could change that fact that Sirius died because of his and only of his fault.
The door of Harry's compartment slid open, and still he didn't look up. "Hey Harry! Can we join you?" asked a female's voice. It was Hermione, together with Ron. "Help yourselves," Harry muttered heavily not even looking up at his own bestfriends. Hermione and Ron looked at one anoter, Ron was to ask Harry something when Hermione shot him a silencing and venomous stare. Ron remained silent. They both sat opposite of Harry and was really concerned at the look around his face. Minutes, minutes and minutes passed by, and still none of them talk as their journey continued. Neither of them didn't know what to say. Harry was still lost in his regretful thoughts, while Hermione and Ron remained silent. They perfectly knew why Harry was like this, they perfectly know to ask "how was your summer' was a bad idea, they perfectly what Harry's thoughts are at the moment, and they perfectly know what he feels and how hard this all was for him.
Later on, the food cart came to their door, Hermione bought all of their lunches and handed it to them. "Here, Harry, here's yours, eat up," she said as she handed Harry some juice, pasties and some other sweets. For the first time, he looked at them, took the food Hermione had offered and said in a very low and short tone, "Thanks." And then, there was another long silence. Harry stared at both his friends who were both busy with their cakes, Harry didn't know what to do. His insides were still rumbling with his emotions but still, he would explode into thousand pieces if he didn't distract himself by talking to his friends. Maybe in that way, his feelings would lighten a bit. After a miserable summer...
"So, how was your summers, you two? Ron? Hermione?" Harry asked slowly as he stared down on his food. The other two automatically stared at one another and slightly dropped their jaws. It was the very topic they were avoiding to discuss with Harry, and yet, here was the question, surprisingly asked by Harry himself. "Well, our-our summer was good-""It wasn't that much-""I had been grounded for some time-""I had to do all of our homework-"Hermione and Ron burst out as they tried their best to sound as if they too had a bad summer like him. "Mine wasn't that bad," Harry said slowly, "the Dursleys didn't want me in their sight, and it suit me well for the first time. Since...," he said, "since I need some time for myself." And to their surprise, Harry even gave a small smile at this. It was the first time he actually smiled since they joined in the compartment. Ron caught Hermione's eyes, it was a sign that they could start a conversation with him, but not too far on the topics. "Did you know why I got grounded? Because I accidentally put all of our hairs colour green for quite some time. I was practicing a Charm homework. Mum looked as if she was to explode." Ron said heartily. At this, Harry gave a weak smile, he was still trying his best to be happy. "Anyway, I'm really excited about the upcoming year, we're near on graduating and you know what? There'll probably be a new Defense professor!" Hermione exclaimed out loud. "I hope it's Lupin," Harry said quietly as he started talking to them again. He should stop mourning all over and over again or he'll ran mad. There was just no point about it. It won't bring Sirius back...
"Yeah, I really wish he does. He send me a letter this summer, told me that maybe I'll see him at school but I'm not that sure. His letter was really short as if he was in a hurry. And you know guys," Harry said and his tone was even more quiet, "since we left the train back home last year he said he and the others will write to me. But he didn't, maybe it was because he's busy. It's just that he just wrote late. Maybe he was busy with the others." Harry said smiling at little yet again. "Yeah, I think he's busy too, Harry," Hermione said grinning at him. "honestly, we wish that Lupin will be back to teach again. He's the only professor that really taught us something." Hermione applied. "Yeah, I like him too. He's one of a kind. And he's on his right tracks on teaching. He's the only one I like there, dunno what Dumbledore thought of hiring Quirrell, Lockhart, Moody and the fat witch Umbridge-"Ron said, "Dumbledore didn't have a choice, he's got to hire her for Ministry purpose last year." Hermione pointed out raising her eyebrows. "But still he's got choice! He's the headmaster!" Ron argued, "Even so! The government has their own rights around Hogwarts!" Hermione snapped angrily. Harry was just staring at the two, he wasn't angry of seeing them bickering like this. They were always bickering at almost everything. And he Harry, for some reason found it amusing at the moment. "Yeah, alright but do you have any idea who will teach this year?" Harry asked them out loud so they would hear him out. And at this, instead of alarming Ron and Hermione they were kind of relief to see a little smile around his face. They knew that maybe Harry was going back to his own self. They returning to the nature he had always liked, maybe he'll be alright. Maybe with his friends, he'll be back to normal and erase the memories slowly as he could, maybe around her friends and the thought of returning to his so called 'home' maybe he'll be alright. And maybe, returning to Hogwarts wasn't bad after all...
"I don't know, but for one thing, whoever the new professor shall be, Snape won't like him or her." Hermione said as she put away her finished food. "Since when did Snape-the-git like any new professor? Since when did Snape like any new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor? Or since when did he like any professor?" Ron said irritably as he opened a chocolate frog. Harry didn't say anything, he just remembered what he'd seen last year in the Pensieve about Snape. He wasn't sure if he felt pity for him or was glad about what his father had done to him. But in any angle, he was sure of one thing, and for the first time he could say that his father had indeed been the wrong one. He'd ofcourse kept his word on what he'd seen as Snape told him so to do. Eventually, even if he hadn't said that, he would not tell anyone. He knew too well what if felt to be humiliated in front of many people, as Dudley and the Durleys had done to him in countless times.
The door of the compartment opened again, the three looked up and saw Luna Lovegood standing there at the doorway. She was smiling at them and they noticed she was again holding another issue of The Quibbler. "Hi, Luna," Harry said forcing another smile again. "So, are you guys excited about the year ahead of us? I heard there will be a new Defense professor." Luna said proudly as she entered. "We've heard," Ron said a little dull in his tone of voice, "we just don't know if it's a mad or a woman again this time." Luna looked at him, "Oh I see," she said in her usual tone, "Hermione, have you read the 26th issure of The Quibbler?" she asked turning to Hermione. "Uh-yeah, is that the one where they stated that new securities shall be places at Hogwarts this year? They're not sure of it are they?" Hemione asked smiling. Luna nodded smiling too, "Yes, the government are thinking twice about it. Have you had any idea what or who shall take new securities though?" she asked Hermione. "Don't know yet," Hermione replied as she shook her head, "but the headmaster will surely use a new set of security at Hogwarts and-""And I just wish whatever those securities are this year, they're not dementors." Harry suddenly interrupted as everybody looked at him, Harry stared back blankly at them. "Where's Crookshanks and Hedwig?" Ron asked the two moments later. "The compartment at the end," Hermione said, 'they have new case for the pets. They magically labeled their cages for who owns them." "Alright," Luna suddenly said, "hey I think we're near, we better change. Hermione, would you like to change in my compartment? I'm alone there." Luna offered. Hermione looked back at her, "Sure, no problem, thanks. Hey, see you two at school." Hermione added to Harry and Ron as she and Luna exited the compartment. "Girls." Ron muttered irritably as he and Harry started to dress into their robes too.
After the long journey on board on Hogwarts Express, the students settled themselves on carriages in Hogsmeade Village; while the first years traveled by boat on the lake.
The carriages were drawn by unpleasant looking thestrals. This creatures were mostly invisible to people, but to some, they are visible. And those who could see them, also meant that they had seen death. And in Harry and Luna's case, they were visible. Harry shuddered to think the sight of this creatures, so he immediately get inside one of the carriages with Neville, Ron and Dean.
Minutes and minutes on as they drove towards the castle, Harry had thought that he wanted this last minute trip to be quiet. But he was wrong at this. He didn't want to be quiet around him or his thoughts would again divert towards his godfather. So instead, he tried his best to look as happy as everyone and to join in any topic he could think that would drive his mind away from Sirius. Maybe being around his so-called "real home" would lighten up the burden inside of him.
When they had reached the grounds of Hogwarts, the rain had stopped even though the sky was still dark and a little cloudy. The rain, however, had been replaced by very cold light breeze around them, which from Harry's view looked as if they were welcoming him to Hogwarts.
Once his feet was at the castle's stairs he felt that atlast he was really home...the home he had once thought he never wanted to return to because of some dreadful events that had occurred here...the only home he knew he belonged into...the only home he knew he will be and will always be welcome...the only home he knew where he will be forever welcome...
The stone steps echoed out the students' rumbling shoes around the castle. They walked the gigantic and steps and at last, entered the Great Hall through the gigantic front oak doors. The Great Hall looked as magnificent as ever... Its candles were illuminating the high ceiling, giving a beautiful light all around the hall.
Moments later, as Harry and his friends settled themselves at the Gryffindor table, the Sorting Ceremony began. Harry could see Draco Malfoy at the opposite table smirking and grinning broadly at the Slytherin newcomers. "I heard there will be a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Harry," Ron whispered as he and Harry stared up the staff table to search for a new face for who shall be their new professor. But there wasn't any new face there, Harry could see the same all group of teachers every single year. There was professor Dumbledore at the middle of the table, next to his side was McGonagall who was staring at the new students; next to her was Severus Snape, the Potions Master, who was as usual looking cold- tempered, then Sprout, and tiny professor Flitwick then Hagrid and so on and on. The new DADA professor, if there was any, obviously isn't there yet. "I wonder who it'll be this year," Harry said, "they always seem to run out of professor for that post. No professor we know lasted for more than a year." he told Ron and Hermione. Ron nodded, "Yeah, like there's one killed, the other one gone off mental, the other one's resigned, the other traumatized after being locked in his own trunk and the other, probably still shaking in fear." Ron said chuckling remembering their last professor, the horrible Dolores Umbridge. "Guys, I think Luna knows who the new professor is," Hermione said as she looked around the hall. "Who?" the other two asked her staring around the hall hoping they would see sight of the new professor. "Well, Luna says, his father met the will be new professor in his office. Luna says that this new professor of ours is uh I think settled in another country before working here in Hogwarts." she explained staring back at the two. "Well, is there anything else?" Ron asked impatiently raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, guess what?" Hermione asked her eyes widening a little. "What?" Harry asked her feeling a little irritated with this guessing game of hers. "The new professor is a woman." Hermione finished satisfied at the little look of horror around Harry and Ron's face. "A woman?!" the two said together, "Again?!" New professor this year, a woman? Would that be something Harry and the others should worry about? "Who's she then? What's her name?" Harry asked thinking that this might be someone related to Umbridge. "I don't know exactly," Hermione said biting her lip, "but Luna told me that this new professor had already taught in other wizarding schools. But she mostly quits on her job, because Luna says that she quiet doesn't like the schools. She said that the schools she'd been weren't good enough for her standard of teaching." Hermione said as he stared down at her empty golden plate. "Really? Why is that? Why, where had she been teaching?" Ron asked as his mind started to imagine what kind of professor they'll be having this year. "Dunno," Hermione said quitely, "but I heard she'd taught at Durmstrang and-"but Hermione stopped as the front oak doors suddenly opened. Everyone's eyes fell on the doorway, were a beautiful, tall woman was standing there with her arms crossed in front of her. "Who's she?" Ron whispered to the other two, "don't tell me she's our new professor?" he whispered unbelievingly dropping his mouth open.
Then, the woman started to walk forward towards the staff table, with her hands crossed in front of her. She was a tall woman, her complexion was beautifully white and she seemed still young compared to the other professors. Her lips were crimson, and she has a very long dark black hair tied into a very tight ponytail behind her back. And to everyone's great surprise, she wasn't wearing any school robes or any normal robes. Actually, she was wearing a pair of muggle clothes. She was wearing a pair of black pants and a long sleeved denim blue blouse. Everyone was gaping at her direction while she walks down the hall. Everyone's gaze followed her while she passed the house tables and looking at her as if she was something different. Well she was, why would she wear something like that in the wizarding world. And as she walk down the hall, her eyes were just staring straight up the staff table and she was completely ignoring the open- mouthed students gaping at her direction and looking as if they just saw a mad criminal enter the Great Hall. The woman indeed stopped at the staff table, ignoring the murmurs around her and she was clearly aware that everyone was wondering why she was wearing something like that. Dumbledore draw a chair where she sat on it nodding a little at Dumbledore. The woman sat without saying any word or even thank you towards Dumbledore. Then Dumbledore stood up to start his announcements. "Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I am glad to see you all back here and I give a warm welcome to those new students that made it this year!" he said as there was some applause and then silence again. "Before I start for my other announcements, I would like you all to give a warm welcome to our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," he said as the students remained silent as he spoke. "Maybe she's the new professor." Neville piped up near Harry and Ron. Harry stared to Neville then back up the staff table to the woman with dark hair. Harry stared at her for some moments, her dark eyes moved across the hall staring firmly at the students. And in Harry's opinion, if this was the new professor, she definitely wasn't the ideal professor to cross to in any case.
"Yes, as I was saying," Dumbledore continued after some moments, "we will have our new professor this year. Our new professor this year is a foreign dear lady that I'd like you all to welcome with warm hands and respect dearly as all of you had done to out past professors," Dumbledore said and Harry could have sworn that the headmaster stared straight at the Gryffindor table and straight at him. "Now, I'd like you all to welcome this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Dumbledore said smiling at them all, "Laura Evita Veregnicea!" the hall started to give her big round of applause though Harry was still staring fixedly at the new professor, Laura, with mixed expressions.
Laura merely stared at them all but did not smile, she remained observing the students like a still statue. Then she slowly got to her feet and cleared her throat, "I thank you all for this warm welcome you've given me," she said and her tone was something somewhat firm and a little too icy, "however," she continued as her dark eyes furrowed at little, "I would much more adore all of you if you would all be making this school year a much more proper one," she said, her eyes sparkling because of the candles overhead. "And by that, I mean I want all of you to study hard this year, harder than you ever did. I want you all to listen carefully to all your classes as you ought to have done for the past years. That is all I want to say." Laura finished raising her eyebrows around them all and sinking back her seat. "Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore announced as the goblets and plates began to fill with mouth-watering dishes.
Harry and the others started to eat the dear foods served in front of them all. In Harry's mind, he felt that for this moment, even only for this moment he had forgotten to think about Sirius. He felt glad like everyone else, excited as they could be without worries but their upcoming homeworks which were all seemed so far for them all. But there was something else bothering Harry's heart... he doesn't know why, but he could feel that there was something in their new professor that would surely make all the new differences around Hogwarts this year...
Up the staff table, the professors were filing themselves with this delicious feat before the classes' pressures tomorrow.
"How do you like your views here at Hogwarts, Laura?" Dumbledore asked the new professor smiling at her. Laura stared around the hall, drank from her goblet and answered in her soft and icy tone, "Honestly," she started, "my views for your school is just like my views in the other schools I've worked with. They are all quite simple as they could all be. But I cannot deny the elegance of Hogwarts." Laura said giving him a little smile which she quickly withdraw. "Thank you, Laura, I am glad you like the place. And if there is anything you needed you can call on the staff." Dumbledore said and drinking from his goblet. "Yes," Laura said with firmness and elegance in her tone, "I will ofcourse do that."
That night, after dinner, Harry and the rest walked towards their dormitories to have a fresh new start tomorrow.
Harry lie awake on his closed-curtain four poster bed. It was late at night and still Harry really couldn't sleep. His mind was still full of thoughts on how this year was going to be like. If he was able to play Quidditch again, how his classes and homeworks are going to be, until his thoughts landed again back to Sirius.
What if he hadn't been that stupid to fall on Voldemort's plan? Maybe Sirius would have lived...maybe when he's near graduating from Hogwarts, maybe after school he could have lived with him. The plan they had before Pettigrew escaped, the thought of being with his innocent godfather for his lifetime and escaping the terrible Dursleys. The thought that for some moments, Harry had the feeling of a happy life for forever...all of it was ruined for just one night. A night that changed everything...
If only he closed his mind from those attacking dreams, he may have prevented Sirius' death. If he only listened...he could have prevented everything...Sirius could have lived...They would have been happy together...he was innocent and an innocent doesn't deserve that kind of fate. And then, a burst of thoughts burst inside Harry's mind where he felt much more wide awake, the thoughts he slowly remembered. Why was he so stupid not to see it long before? All the signs? Why didn't he see it before?! He remembered his first year at Hogwarts where he met a centaur who once told him, "Always the innocent are the first victims,"; from the time when all 13 of them dined together at Grimmauld Place, whereas Trelawney once said that if 13 dined together the first to rise shall be the first to die...The time where Sirius said that when the Ministry figure out that Voldermort's alive they would be begging for their forgiveness and Sirius said he wasn't sure if he's still able to forgive them... the time when Harry had the feeling their last parting was something he felt that was foreboding. The time they said good-bye to one another, where he felt he didn't want to leave Sirius, he had the bad feeling about that parting, if they were able to see one another again... and the words that Sirius said when he, Harry wanted to join the Order, "This is how it is - this is why you're not in the Order - you don't understand - there are things worth dying for!" Those words kept ringing inside his mind over and over again. Why didn't he noticed those signs long before? Why didn't he listened to Dumbledore when he ordered him to study Occlumency even if it kills him because of Snape? Why didn't he listened? And not it's all too late...Sirius couldn't be with him again... Sirius is gone... "If only I could turn back the time," Harry thought grievously to himself, "if I cannot revive Sirius now, I just want to turn back the time, why can't I?" Harry said softly fighting back his tears, "the only thing I ever wanted is just for him to comeback, even only a glimpse of him... I'll do anything for him to comeback, I'll give anything for Sirius to return...I'll accept anything just for him to comeback..." then he couldn't fight it anymore, a tear so rare from him fell from his green eyes, a tear that seemed so powerful from his grief, "the only thing I ever want is for Sirius to return..."
The streaming smoke of Hogwarts Express swam under the dark gray sky.
Today was the awaited day of most young witches and wizards. Because this day, they shall return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with their mixed emotions. Excitement and fear for the new term ahead of them; being with their friends and most of all, learning much more things this year.
This year, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived Again and Again, is now facing his 6th year at Hogwarts. Together with his friends at Gryffindor, they will race with the opposite Houses (Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin) to win the Quidditch Cup and the House Cup. Everyone is ready to prove himself or herself, to earn points for their Houses, and be at one of the top graders at the school. Everyone is glorious and excited for this year's adventures, everyone else except maybe for one...Harry Potter.
The famous Harry Potter as they call him, famous for the only person escaping death over and over again from the deadly hands of the Dark Lord, Voldemort, and surviving as a toddler with only a scar of lightning bolt across his forehead. Whereas they say, when Voldemort tried to kill him with a deadly curse, it rebounded onto himself, leaving Harry with only the scar.
If possible, this year, Harry wasn't that excited at all unlike his previous comebacks towards his beloved school which he had always called as his only and real 'home'.
Harry's heart was still heavy with sorrow, grief, and anger because of the recent death of the only family he got, his beloved godfather, Sirius Black. Sirius was the only person Harry ever felt as a relative, even though they had only known him for quite some time. He was the last living family Harry could ever have. He was the bestfriend of Harry's father, James Potter. Sirius was once thought so as a mass murderer, but before they have even proven that he indeed was innocent, he never have reached that point. Because, he had died...just last year, he had died of battling with the followers of Lord Voldemort, known as the Death Eaters. He died in bravery, laid down his life for his beloved godson. Where, Harry continuously regret that he was the very reason his only living family had died.
After Sirius' death, Harry had wished that he too had died to be with his godfather ever after. If he just have listened to the Order that he should powerfully close his mind against Voldemort. Maybe if he hadn't been that stupid as to just listen to the Order of the Phoenix and never trusted his wrong thoughts and instincts, maybe Sirius was still alive...
Harry had never felt so much grief and regrets inside his heart before. He should just have listened to all of Dumbledore's orders. But no, he trusted his dreams and instincts inside of him, which he never realized had just been using by the Dark Lord for his plan. Voldemort had known that with Harry's scar, he could sometime control his thoughts and dreams; he used it to lure Harry, to trick him. And now, Harry couldn't return the time back when he could have spared his godfather's life. He would do and give up anything and everything, just for that very moment to appear again and rewind hours and hours and hours, until he is able to turn it upside down and do what is right. To never have got to the Department of Ministries, and just checked that Sirius was alright with the mirror he had given him. The mirror, that he should have opened long before, the mirror which could have been their communication until now. The mirror which could have spared Sirius' life and the mirror that could have told him everything he thought to be wrong.
"How could I have been so stupid not to listen to Dumbledore when he was always right...," Harry thought quietly to himself as he stared outside the window of Hogwarts Express leading them all towards their school. "If I just listened to him, maybe Sirius could have lived...he could still be alive...and that he never should have died..." he thought miserable as the memory of the scene when his godfather died flashed inside his mind again and again. The picture of how Sirius died came to Harry's mind more often than when he had seen Cedric died in the same deadly hands of Voldemort.
Every now and then, the picture of it plays inside his mind, the more he could see it, the more miserable the thought that it was his own fault he died. "It's my fault he died," Harry muttered angrily, unable to stop the burning silence inside of him, "it's my fault. If I didn't meddle, he could have lived and still be with me. It's my fault that Sirius died. It's all my fault." Harry knew that he could never ever again felt this much regret and grief inside of him. For him, nothing could change that fact that Sirius died because of his and only of his fault.
The door of Harry's compartment slid open, and still he didn't look up. "Hey Harry! Can we join you?" asked a female's voice. It was Hermione, together with Ron. "Help yourselves," Harry muttered heavily not even looking up at his own bestfriends. Hermione and Ron looked at one anoter, Ron was to ask Harry something when Hermione shot him a silencing and venomous stare. Ron remained silent. They both sat opposite of Harry and was really concerned at the look around his face. Minutes, minutes and minutes passed by, and still none of them talk as their journey continued. Neither of them didn't know what to say. Harry was still lost in his regretful thoughts, while Hermione and Ron remained silent. They perfectly knew why Harry was like this, they perfectly know to ask "how was your summer' was a bad idea, they perfectly what Harry's thoughts are at the moment, and they perfectly know what he feels and how hard this all was for him.
Later on, the food cart came to their door, Hermione bought all of their lunches and handed it to them. "Here, Harry, here's yours, eat up," she said as she handed Harry some juice, pasties and some other sweets. For the first time, he looked at them, took the food Hermione had offered and said in a very low and short tone, "Thanks." And then, there was another long silence. Harry stared at both his friends who were both busy with their cakes, Harry didn't know what to do. His insides were still rumbling with his emotions but still, he would explode into thousand pieces if he didn't distract himself by talking to his friends. Maybe in that way, his feelings would lighten a bit. After a miserable summer...
"So, how was your summers, you two? Ron? Hermione?" Harry asked slowly as he stared down on his food. The other two automatically stared at one another and slightly dropped their jaws. It was the very topic they were avoiding to discuss with Harry, and yet, here was the question, surprisingly asked by Harry himself. "Well, our-our summer was good-""It wasn't that much-""I had been grounded for some time-""I had to do all of our homework-"Hermione and Ron burst out as they tried their best to sound as if they too had a bad summer like him. "Mine wasn't that bad," Harry said slowly, "the Dursleys didn't want me in their sight, and it suit me well for the first time. Since...," he said, "since I need some time for myself." And to their surprise, Harry even gave a small smile at this. It was the first time he actually smiled since they joined in the compartment. Ron caught Hermione's eyes, it was a sign that they could start a conversation with him, but not too far on the topics. "Did you know why I got grounded? Because I accidentally put all of our hairs colour green for quite some time. I was practicing a Charm homework. Mum looked as if she was to explode." Ron said heartily. At this, Harry gave a weak smile, he was still trying his best to be happy. "Anyway, I'm really excited about the upcoming year, we're near on graduating and you know what? There'll probably be a new Defense professor!" Hermione exclaimed out loud. "I hope it's Lupin," Harry said quietly as he started talking to them again. He should stop mourning all over and over again or he'll ran mad. There was just no point about it. It won't bring Sirius back...
"Yeah, I really wish he does. He send me a letter this summer, told me that maybe I'll see him at school but I'm not that sure. His letter was really short as if he was in a hurry. And you know guys," Harry said and his tone was even more quiet, "since we left the train back home last year he said he and the others will write to me. But he didn't, maybe it was because he's busy. It's just that he just wrote late. Maybe he was busy with the others." Harry said smiling at little yet again. "Yeah, I think he's busy too, Harry," Hermione said grinning at him. "honestly, we wish that Lupin will be back to teach again. He's the only professor that really taught us something." Hermione applied. "Yeah, I like him too. He's one of a kind. And he's on his right tracks on teaching. He's the only one I like there, dunno what Dumbledore thought of hiring Quirrell, Lockhart, Moody and the fat witch Umbridge-"Ron said, "Dumbledore didn't have a choice, he's got to hire her for Ministry purpose last year." Hermione pointed out raising her eyebrows. "But still he's got choice! He's the headmaster!" Ron argued, "Even so! The government has their own rights around Hogwarts!" Hermione snapped angrily. Harry was just staring at the two, he wasn't angry of seeing them bickering like this. They were always bickering at almost everything. And he Harry, for some reason found it amusing at the moment. "Yeah, alright but do you have any idea who will teach this year?" Harry asked them out loud so they would hear him out. And at this, instead of alarming Ron and Hermione they were kind of relief to see a little smile around his face. They knew that maybe Harry was going back to his own self. They returning to the nature he had always liked, maybe he'll be alright. Maybe with his friends, he'll be back to normal and erase the memories slowly as he could, maybe around her friends and the thought of returning to his so called 'home' maybe he'll be alright. And maybe, returning to Hogwarts wasn't bad after all...
"I don't know, but for one thing, whoever the new professor shall be, Snape won't like him or her." Hermione said as she put away her finished food. "Since when did Snape-the-git like any new professor? Since when did Snape like any new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor? Or since when did he like any professor?" Ron said irritably as he opened a chocolate frog. Harry didn't say anything, he just remembered what he'd seen last year in the Pensieve about Snape. He wasn't sure if he felt pity for him or was glad about what his father had done to him. But in any angle, he was sure of one thing, and for the first time he could say that his father had indeed been the wrong one. He'd ofcourse kept his word on what he'd seen as Snape told him so to do. Eventually, even if he hadn't said that, he would not tell anyone. He knew too well what if felt to be humiliated in front of many people, as Dudley and the Durleys had done to him in countless times.
The door of the compartment opened again, the three looked up and saw Luna Lovegood standing there at the doorway. She was smiling at them and they noticed she was again holding another issue of The Quibbler. "Hi, Luna," Harry said forcing another smile again. "So, are you guys excited about the year ahead of us? I heard there will be a new Defense professor." Luna said proudly as she entered. "We've heard," Ron said a little dull in his tone of voice, "we just don't know if it's a mad or a woman again this time." Luna looked at him, "Oh I see," she said in her usual tone, "Hermione, have you read the 26th issure of The Quibbler?" she asked turning to Hermione. "Uh-yeah, is that the one where they stated that new securities shall be places at Hogwarts this year? They're not sure of it are they?" Hemione asked smiling. Luna nodded smiling too, "Yes, the government are thinking twice about it. Have you had any idea what or who shall take new securities though?" she asked Hermione. "Don't know yet," Hermione replied as she shook her head, "but the headmaster will surely use a new set of security at Hogwarts and-""And I just wish whatever those securities are this year, they're not dementors." Harry suddenly interrupted as everybody looked at him, Harry stared back blankly at them. "Where's Crookshanks and Hedwig?" Ron asked the two moments later. "The compartment at the end," Hermione said, 'they have new case for the pets. They magically labeled their cages for who owns them." "Alright," Luna suddenly said, "hey I think we're near, we better change. Hermione, would you like to change in my compartment? I'm alone there." Luna offered. Hermione looked back at her, "Sure, no problem, thanks. Hey, see you two at school." Hermione added to Harry and Ron as she and Luna exited the compartment. "Girls." Ron muttered irritably as he and Harry started to dress into their robes too.
After the long journey on board on Hogwarts Express, the students settled themselves on carriages in Hogsmeade Village; while the first years traveled by boat on the lake.
The carriages were drawn by unpleasant looking thestrals. This creatures were mostly invisible to people, but to some, they are visible. And those who could see them, also meant that they had seen death. And in Harry and Luna's case, they were visible. Harry shuddered to think the sight of this creatures, so he immediately get inside one of the carriages with Neville, Ron and Dean.
Minutes and minutes on as they drove towards the castle, Harry had thought that he wanted this last minute trip to be quiet. But he was wrong at this. He didn't want to be quiet around him or his thoughts would again divert towards his godfather. So instead, he tried his best to look as happy as everyone and to join in any topic he could think that would drive his mind away from Sirius. Maybe being around his so-called "real home" would lighten up the burden inside of him.
When they had reached the grounds of Hogwarts, the rain had stopped even though the sky was still dark and a little cloudy. The rain, however, had been replaced by very cold light breeze around them, which from Harry's view looked as if they were welcoming him to Hogwarts.
Once his feet was at the castle's stairs he felt that atlast he was really home...the home he had once thought he never wanted to return to because of some dreadful events that had occurred here...the only home he knew he belonged into...the only home he knew he will be and will always be welcome...the only home he knew where he will be forever welcome...
The stone steps echoed out the students' rumbling shoes around the castle. They walked the gigantic and steps and at last, entered the Great Hall through the gigantic front oak doors. The Great Hall looked as magnificent as ever... Its candles were illuminating the high ceiling, giving a beautiful light all around the hall.
Moments later, as Harry and his friends settled themselves at the Gryffindor table, the Sorting Ceremony began. Harry could see Draco Malfoy at the opposite table smirking and grinning broadly at the Slytherin newcomers. "I heard there will be a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Harry," Ron whispered as he and Harry stared up the staff table to search for a new face for who shall be their new professor. But there wasn't any new face there, Harry could see the same all group of teachers every single year. There was professor Dumbledore at the middle of the table, next to his side was McGonagall who was staring at the new students; next to her was Severus Snape, the Potions Master, who was as usual looking cold- tempered, then Sprout, and tiny professor Flitwick then Hagrid and so on and on. The new DADA professor, if there was any, obviously isn't there yet. "I wonder who it'll be this year," Harry said, "they always seem to run out of professor for that post. No professor we know lasted for more than a year." he told Ron and Hermione. Ron nodded, "Yeah, like there's one killed, the other one gone off mental, the other one's resigned, the other traumatized after being locked in his own trunk and the other, probably still shaking in fear." Ron said chuckling remembering their last professor, the horrible Dolores Umbridge. "Guys, I think Luna knows who the new professor is," Hermione said as she looked around the hall. "Who?" the other two asked her staring around the hall hoping they would see sight of the new professor. "Well, Luna says, his father met the will be new professor in his office. Luna says that this new professor of ours is uh I think settled in another country before working here in Hogwarts." she explained staring back at the two. "Well, is there anything else?" Ron asked impatiently raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, guess what?" Hermione asked her eyes widening a little. "What?" Harry asked her feeling a little irritated with this guessing game of hers. "The new professor is a woman." Hermione finished satisfied at the little look of horror around Harry and Ron's face. "A woman?!" the two said together, "Again?!" New professor this year, a woman? Would that be something Harry and the others should worry about? "Who's she then? What's her name?" Harry asked thinking that this might be someone related to Umbridge. "I don't know exactly," Hermione said biting her lip, "but Luna told me that this new professor had already taught in other wizarding schools. But she mostly quits on her job, because Luna says that she quiet doesn't like the schools. She said that the schools she'd been weren't good enough for her standard of teaching." Hermione said as he stared down at her empty golden plate. "Really? Why is that? Why, where had she been teaching?" Ron asked as his mind started to imagine what kind of professor they'll be having this year. "Dunno," Hermione said quitely, "but I heard she'd taught at Durmstrang and-"but Hermione stopped as the front oak doors suddenly opened. Everyone's eyes fell on the doorway, were a beautiful, tall woman was standing there with her arms crossed in front of her. "Who's she?" Ron whispered to the other two, "don't tell me she's our new professor?" he whispered unbelievingly dropping his mouth open.
Then, the woman started to walk forward towards the staff table, with her hands crossed in front of her. She was a tall woman, her complexion was beautifully white and she seemed still young compared to the other professors. Her lips were crimson, and she has a very long dark black hair tied into a very tight ponytail behind her back. And to everyone's great surprise, she wasn't wearing any school robes or any normal robes. Actually, she was wearing a pair of muggle clothes. She was wearing a pair of black pants and a long sleeved denim blue blouse. Everyone was gaping at her direction while she walks down the hall. Everyone's gaze followed her while she passed the house tables and looking at her as if she was something different. Well she was, why would she wear something like that in the wizarding world. And as she walk down the hall, her eyes were just staring straight up the staff table and she was completely ignoring the open- mouthed students gaping at her direction and looking as if they just saw a mad criminal enter the Great Hall. The woman indeed stopped at the staff table, ignoring the murmurs around her and she was clearly aware that everyone was wondering why she was wearing something like that. Dumbledore draw a chair where she sat on it nodding a little at Dumbledore. The woman sat without saying any word or even thank you towards Dumbledore. Then Dumbledore stood up to start his announcements. "Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I am glad to see you all back here and I give a warm welcome to those new students that made it this year!" he said as there was some applause and then silence again. "Before I start for my other announcements, I would like you all to give a warm welcome to our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," he said as the students remained silent as he spoke. "Maybe she's the new professor." Neville piped up near Harry and Ron. Harry stared to Neville then back up the staff table to the woman with dark hair. Harry stared at her for some moments, her dark eyes moved across the hall staring firmly at the students. And in Harry's opinion, if this was the new professor, she definitely wasn't the ideal professor to cross to in any case.
"Yes, as I was saying," Dumbledore continued after some moments, "we will have our new professor this year. Our new professor this year is a foreign dear lady that I'd like you all to welcome with warm hands and respect dearly as all of you had done to out past professors," Dumbledore said and Harry could have sworn that the headmaster stared straight at the Gryffindor table and straight at him. "Now, I'd like you all to welcome this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Dumbledore said smiling at them all, "Laura Evita Veregnicea!" the hall started to give her big round of applause though Harry was still staring fixedly at the new professor, Laura, with mixed expressions.
Laura merely stared at them all but did not smile, she remained observing the students like a still statue. Then she slowly got to her feet and cleared her throat, "I thank you all for this warm welcome you've given me," she said and her tone was something somewhat firm and a little too icy, "however," she continued as her dark eyes furrowed at little, "I would much more adore all of you if you would all be making this school year a much more proper one," she said, her eyes sparkling because of the candles overhead. "And by that, I mean I want all of you to study hard this year, harder than you ever did. I want you all to listen carefully to all your classes as you ought to have done for the past years. That is all I want to say." Laura finished raising her eyebrows around them all and sinking back her seat. "Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore announced as the goblets and plates began to fill with mouth-watering dishes.
Harry and the others started to eat the dear foods served in front of them all. In Harry's mind, he felt that for this moment, even only for this moment he had forgotten to think about Sirius. He felt glad like everyone else, excited as they could be without worries but their upcoming homeworks which were all seemed so far for them all. But there was something else bothering Harry's heart... he doesn't know why, but he could feel that there was something in their new professor that would surely make all the new differences around Hogwarts this year...
Up the staff table, the professors were filing themselves with this delicious feat before the classes' pressures tomorrow.
"How do you like your views here at Hogwarts, Laura?" Dumbledore asked the new professor smiling at her. Laura stared around the hall, drank from her goblet and answered in her soft and icy tone, "Honestly," she started, "my views for your school is just like my views in the other schools I've worked with. They are all quite simple as they could all be. But I cannot deny the elegance of Hogwarts." Laura said giving him a little smile which she quickly withdraw. "Thank you, Laura, I am glad you like the place. And if there is anything you needed you can call on the staff." Dumbledore said and drinking from his goblet. "Yes," Laura said with firmness and elegance in her tone, "I will ofcourse do that."
That night, after dinner, Harry and the rest walked towards their dormitories to have a fresh new start tomorrow.
Harry lie awake on his closed-curtain four poster bed. It was late at night and still Harry really couldn't sleep. His mind was still full of thoughts on how this year was going to be like. If he was able to play Quidditch again, how his classes and homeworks are going to be, until his thoughts landed again back to Sirius.
What if he hadn't been that stupid to fall on Voldemort's plan? Maybe Sirius would have lived...maybe when he's near graduating from Hogwarts, maybe after school he could have lived with him. The plan they had before Pettigrew escaped, the thought of being with his innocent godfather for his lifetime and escaping the terrible Dursleys. The thought that for some moments, Harry had the feeling of a happy life for forever...all of it was ruined for just one night. A night that changed everything...
If only he closed his mind from those attacking dreams, he may have prevented Sirius' death. If he only listened...he could have prevented everything...Sirius could have lived...They would have been happy together...he was innocent and an innocent doesn't deserve that kind of fate. And then, a burst of thoughts burst inside Harry's mind where he felt much more wide awake, the thoughts he slowly remembered. Why was he so stupid not to see it long before? All the signs? Why didn't he see it before?! He remembered his first year at Hogwarts where he met a centaur who once told him, "Always the innocent are the first victims,"; from the time when all 13 of them dined together at Grimmauld Place, whereas Trelawney once said that if 13 dined together the first to rise shall be the first to die...The time where Sirius said that when the Ministry figure out that Voldermort's alive they would be begging for their forgiveness and Sirius said he wasn't sure if he's still able to forgive them... the time when Harry had the feeling their last parting was something he felt that was foreboding. The time they said good-bye to one another, where he felt he didn't want to leave Sirius, he had the bad feeling about that parting, if they were able to see one another again... and the words that Sirius said when he, Harry wanted to join the Order, "This is how it is - this is why you're not in the Order - you don't understand - there are things worth dying for!" Those words kept ringing inside his mind over and over again. Why didn't he noticed those signs long before? Why didn't he listened to Dumbledore when he ordered him to study Occlumency even if it kills him because of Snape? Why didn't he listened? And not it's all too late...Sirius couldn't be with him again... Sirius is gone... "If only I could turn back the time," Harry thought grievously to himself, "if I cannot revive Sirius now, I just want to turn back the time, why can't I?" Harry said softly fighting back his tears, "the only thing I ever wanted is just for him to comeback, even only a glimpse of him... I'll do anything for him to comeback, I'll give anything for Sirius to return...I'll accept anything just for him to comeback..." then he couldn't fight it anymore, a tear so rare from him fell from his green eyes, a tear that seemed so powerful from his grief, "the only thing I ever want is for Sirius to return..."