XANDER: So are there other vampires who spawn, or are you the only one?

ANGEL: That's a stupid question, even for you.

LORNE: It was kind of a miraculous, once-in-world-history type of event. Fulfillment of ancient prophecies and all that jazz.

XANDER: Just wanted to be sure. Cause now that Angel's no longer the only vampire with a soul, -

ANGEL: What are you talking about? That's crazy.

WILLOW: No, HE'S crazy. Spike, I mean. Now that he has a soul.

ANGEL: Spike? [long pause] Spike? How is that possible?

XANDER: You're standing here, a 300 year-old vampire, with your human teenage son who was born last year. How is THAT possible?

WILLOW: He's right. You're not exactly in a position to be a Doubting Thomas.

ANGEL: Good point. Except I am nowhere near 300. So you're telling the truth. Spike's a, a vampire with a, with a . . . soul. But I'M the vampire with a soul. THE vampire with a soul. The ONLY one.

XANDER: Oh well. Guess you're not so special anymore.

ANGEL: How did this happen? How did he? -

WILLOW: We don't know for sure.

FRED: You told me he did it so that Buffy girl would love him. I think it's kinda romantic, a guy going to all that trouble to prove his worth to a woman.

ANGEL and XANDER: [simultaneously] NO IT'S NOT!! [they look at each other, frightened that they were thinking the same thing]

ANGEL: Spike is such a copycat. Always trying to follow in my footsteps, do what I do —

WILLOW: Do WHO you do.

ANGEL: TRYING - to do who I do.

WILLOW: Fraid not.

ANGEL: You mean - just because he has a soul? —

XANDER: It's far more disgusting than that.

WILLOW: Buffy slept with Spike last year, before he had a soul.

CORDY: Ewww! Yuck. I had no idea she was so desperate.

ANGEL: Buffy? With, with Spike? I guess we all have an occasional moment of weakness. [like when Angel slept with Darla and conceived Connor. But Angel's too smart to openly say that in front of his son.]

WILLOW: More like several dozen occasional moments of weakness.

CORDY: I always suspected Buffy was a closet freak.

CONNOR: So this is who you left mom for. She sounds like some sort of vampire layer. Are there a lot of girls like that?

WES: Very few. Into each generation one is born . . . a girl with the power, stamina and strength to . . .

ANGEL: Stop that Wes.

WILLOW: That's gross.

GUNN: As gross as gettin' pounded by the soulless, unholy undead? Doesn't anyone in your town just date people? Always knew the suburbs were wack.

WES: Perhaps it's unfair for me to generalize about Slayers in that manner. After all, we know that Faith NEVER, EVER expressed any interest in getting intimate with ANY vampire.

ANGEL: Okay, you made your point.

WILLOW: It wasn't that simple. Spike had this chip in his head which kept him from biting or even hurting people. When he was soulless, he didn't kill anyone. After he got his soul, he started killing again. But Buffy said it wasn't his fault, that he couldn't be held responsible for his actions. Like I said, it's complicated.

XANDER: [grabs stomach, doubles over] Ow, Owww. Connor, I think you ruptured one of my kidneys.

CONNOR: Your kidneys are in back. I hit you in the spleen. Don't be such a baby. I didn't even hit you that hard. Not like that guy from Wolfram & Hart I found spying on me the other night. HIM I hit in the kidneys. He talked, told me everything he knew. I didn't leave a mark on him. But he'll be pissing blood for a week.

ANGEL: I don't know whether to be proud or terrified.

LORNE: How bout you be proud and I'll be terrified enough for the both of us.

ANGEL: [starts laughing] It just hit me. Spike gets a soul so he can get with Buffy. But the joke's on him, cause now he's Cursed.

WES: Irony can be a delicious thing.

WILLOW: Actually, we haven't noticed anything about a curse.

ANGEL: What!!?

WILLOW: From the way Buffy explains it, he wasn't cursed with a soul so much as he earned it. So the rules for him may be different.

LORNE: To quote Yeats: "some men are born with souls, some men earn their souls, and some men have souls thrust upon them."

WES: That was Shakespeare, you're paraphrasing quite liberally.

ANGEL: I don't believe it. This is so unfair. Spike can . . . with Buffy. And I can't -

CORDY: I knew it! You still have feelings for Buffy.

ANGEL: You slept with my son!

CORDY: Oh yeah? Well I know you kissed Gwen.

ANGEL: You slept with my son!

CORDY: Oh yeah? Well, well, dammit! There's just no comeback for that one.

XANDER: And how scary is it that you had to learn that from personal experience?

ANGEL: That's not why I'm upset. It's the injustice of it all. I've been a champion for years, risking my life, unselfishly serving the greater good. Then Spike gets a soul and right away he's given privileges he's done nothing to earn. And what do they do for me? Let me rot at the bottom of the ocean. Kidnap the woman I love. It's like The Powers That Be are screwing me over left and right!

XANDER: The Who's that What?

LORNE: The big fellas upstairs.

CORDY: The ones who gave me the visions and then made me a Higher Being.

WILLOW: I've never heard of any such entity.

CORDY: You probably aren't as plugged in to the Higher Powers as we are.

WILLOW: Excuse me! Not plugged in? Show of hands - who here has restored someone's soul? [raises hand] Who here has raised the dead? [raises hand] I think I proved my point.

CONNOR: You raised the dead? You can take life. You can restore life. You can save souls. You can't take them away, can you? [slowly inches away from Willow]

XANDER: She's not the one in this room with the power to take someone's soul away. [looks at Angel]

WILLOW: And those other things I only did once. Under tremendously unique, unrepeatable circumstances. Okay, ONE of them is repeatable, but only if certain people don't behave responsibly. [glares at Cordy]

CORDY: Why me? What did I do? Oh, that. Hey! It takes two, you know. Why am I the only one you're scolding? Although, if, God forbid, THAT was to happen, you could do that spell again with all the Latin, right? And then problem solved.

WILLOW: I'm not going to stand on call every time you two get frisky. That's abusing the magics, and I don't do that anymore.

XANDER: What if we get Angel one of those chips, so that if he goes bad no one gets hurt? The Army must have a few of those lying around, and I'm sure Riley would be more than happy to hook Angel up.

WILLOW: Very funny. That would be great for Angel's human enemies. Which may be why you like the idea, since you are kinda -

ANGEL: I'll give Spike this — he's better than that Riley clown. He's the evil of two lessers.