Out here, drifting through space in this escape pod, I have time to think. Now that the rush of battle is over, now that the life-or-death situation isn't upon us anymore, I find myself reflecting on...
KOS-MOS.
I know her, better than anyone. Better than Allen, better than than the head of Vector, better than Kevin. Better than even KOS-MOS herself.
But, it seems, I do not know her well enough. I knew that it was within her programming to kill someone. Knew it, and yet... I didn't change it. Didn't take it out. And she killed Virgil.
It's not really... her fault, I suppose. She was doing it to protect me. And, since I'm the one who gave her life, gave her morals and emotions and her sense of right and wrong... maybe...
Maybe it's really my fault. I should have tried to... teach her better, programmed her better, something.
And yet, if I had changed her, even one bit, even to prevent her from killing humans... she wouldn't be KOS-MOS. She wouldn't be my lovely daughter. She wouldn't be-
"Hey Chief, I think I found something! ... Yeah, there's another ship out here, and it's close! I'm going to try and hail them."
A ship? But... what about KOS-MOS?
"...Hello? Is anybody out there?! Hello? Anyone? If anyone is scanning this channel, please help! C'mon Chief, you give it a try."
I sigh and turn my head slightly, looking back at Allen from the corner of my eye.
"Don't worry... A rescue ship will come for us eventually." A slight pause, to gather my thoughts. Should I speak them aloud? Would Allen even understand?
"I'm more concerned about KOS-MOS. Now where could she be..."
I place my chin on top of my folded hands, brow furrowed. That KOS-MOS is missing is worrying me more than anything, and at this point I'm completely broken out of my introspection and immersed in to worry for the android.
Allen's voice carries up to me, and his words grate. "How would I know? Besides, we're not out of the woods yet. I mean, the Gnosis might still be around..."
Apparantly, he doesn't understand, not one bit. You'd think he'd be a little more concerned about the 'project' that he'd worked so long on.
My words are sharper than they should be, but my concern is leaking out in to my voice now. "I'm not worried about that right now. We have to retrieve KOS-MOS..."
"Forget about KOS-MOS, what about us? Ahh... If I knew this was gonna happen, I wouldn't have let everyone else go first... Maybe they're still around... you think?"
Forget abo- What?! I know he doesn't feel about her as strongly as I do, but 'Forget about KOS-MOS...'? Now I'm angry, and words are harsh coming from my mouth.
"I can't believe you... Allen... How can you be so insensitive? After all that's happened..."
"What do you mean? Of course I'm traumatized!"
Cry me a river...
"Chief, that was really uncalled for..."
No it wasn't. In fact, I wish I'd said worse things.
"Do you think I'm an emotionless android?"
You're nothing like KOS-MOS, Allen. Thank God.
"For you to even think that is the most traumatizing thing of all..."
Wha- What? All I did was say he was insensitive!
"Oh, I never said anything like that!" Idiot.
"You just did! You think I'm an android, don't you!"
Again with the android bit... just give it a rest already.
"Shion."
The voice is a little staticy, but it's enough to break me out of my thoughts. I jerk up right in my seat.
"...KOS-MOS?! KOS-MOS, is that you? Where are you right now?!"
"I am onboard a civilian ship passing through the area. Please remain at your current locale. A Federation rescue vessel should arrive soon."
Why would she... She's not supposed to leave me!
"Remain... here? KOS-MOS, just what are you up to?"
"I am commandeering this ship to go to Second Miltia. Those are my orders from Headquarters."
Allen and KOS-MOS continue talking, but it's all background noise.
She's... she's really going to leave me here. Just like that. After killing someone to save my life, she's just going to leave me here!
I jump in the conversation, interupting Allen.
"There's no way I'm going to allow this! You cannot act on your own, KOS-MOS. Bring us onboard immediately!"
"There is no time for this. I am signing off. Shion, Allen, please take care."
She reaches for the button that will break off communication, and I reach for the lever to open the hatch just as fast, suprising myself.
"Now just wait one second, KOS-MOS!"
I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I know I have to get on that ship. Have to get to KOS-MOS somehow. And a plan is forming...
"You better bring us onboard or I'll open the hatch! You hear me?!"
"Whaaa! What are you doing, Chief?! Please, don't do anything crazy!!"
Allen, again. He just doesn't get that KOS-MOS is more important than either of us. We can't lose her. I can't lose her.
"Be quiet, Allen! Listen to me, KOS-MOS." My voice turns gentle, pleading. "You know what'll happen if I turn this lever, right? Doesn't this go against your directive? After all, you're supposed to bring us back alive... Am I right...?"
There's a long pause from the other side, and I think I've gotten through to her...
"You are delaying me from my mission. I suggest you do as you please."
"KOS-MOS!! You don't believe I'll do it, do you?! I'm serious, you know!"
I turn the lever, and distantly hear Allen screeching and wailing in the background. My focus is only on KOS-MOS, though.
Even this... this stubborn girl, is KOS-MOS. It's just a part of who she is. And if I changed that, if I took away something, well...
She wouldn't be herself, and neither death nor morals will make me take that away from her.