[Xander walks over to the weapons case. Looks it over intently]

XANDER: What a piece of junk.

ANGEL: No, those are weapons. But then again you're not very familiar with those things.

XANDER: I'm talking about this cabinet. It's nothing but strips of particle board glued together and stained to look like oak. And this glass is needlessly thin. It's a cheap piece of junk. You so much as jostle this piece of furniture, and it will fall apart.

FRED: It does fall apart. At least once a month. How is it always replaced so quickly?

ANGEL: I buy em a from a place nearby for 40 bucks.

GUNN: Pretty good deal.

XANDER: No it's not! You're getting ripped off. You buy cheap, you have to replace more often, and it costs you an arm and a leg in the long run. I figured someone with your extended life span would appreciate things which were built to last. And I would imagine you have a serious fight in here every now and then. Am I right?

ANGEL: Well, we are demon fighters.

XANDER: Precisely. So you need furniture of exceptional durability. Pieces that can withstand the rigors of your profession. Not crap like this. [slaps the side of the weapons case. the wood cracks, the glass shatters, the whole thing falls to the floor in pieces]

WES: I never suspected it was THAT shoddy.

[Xander grins proudly. he's made his point. Angel just stares in shock at the rubble, as does Cordy, who can't believe Xander was right about something.]

XANDER: You get what you pay for. You need something solid. Perhaps oak with walnut trim. For the sides, you want 2x12's. What they sell as two inches is really an inch-and-a-half, so it's not quite as bulky as you would imagine. For the glass, a quarter-inch thick sheet. Reinforced, of course. Stuff's not as expensive as you would imagine. Hammer that together and you got something you can hurl a demon into without turning it into splinters. With all that oak it'll be heavy. But with your super-strength it should be a cinch to move around.

CORDY: Since when did you become Mr. Home Improvement?

WILLOW: It's his job. He's a construction worker.

XANDER: Carpenter, technically. Got my union card and everything.

CONNOR: So that's what you do. I knew you couldn't fight. Now I know what your use is. You build things for those who do fight, do the stuff they don't have time for.

WILLOW: That's an oddly feudal yet remarkably accurate way of putting it.

XANDER: I like this edifice. Stone and concrete walls that a demon just can't knock over at will. A high-ceilinged central atrium well-removed from the doors and windows, so that if you're attacked you have time to prepare. Sturdy, load-bearing masonry. Built to last. The sort of place you don't have to completely rebuild every week. And talk about spacious! You put 10, 15, 20 people in this place, and it still feels empty. Willow, think about it. If we had only a wing of this place in Sunnydale, all our lodging problems would be solved. You guys have NO idea how good you have it.

FRED: Do you do drywall?

XANDER: Sure do. Why?

FRED: There are a bunch of rooms in this place with fissures and cracks and gaping holes in the walls, not to mention the ceilings. And it's starting to result in water damage. Which, if not checked early, can become extremely costly. I would just like to put things back together before they completely fall apart.

XANDER: I'd definitely fix the ceilings first. As for the walls, this place is huge, and it's just you folks living here. So you might want to create some grand living spaces and halls. I mean, you have no plans to turn it into a working hotel or something, right?

WILLOW: That seems like more of an Anya thing than an Angel thing. I think money-grubbing's an ex-demon trait.

LORNE: Anya? You don't mean? No, you can't mean who I'm thinking of.

WILLOW: Are you thinking of an 1100 year-old former Vengeance Demon?

LORNE: Anyaka! You know THE Anyaka!

XANDER: Did she do something to you?

LORNE: Of course not! You had to really mistreat the ladies to incur her wrath. She punished only the lowest of the low, from what I hear.

CORDY: Sounds about right. [looks at Xander. he seems nervous]

WILLOW: How do you know Anya?

LORNE: I don't. I've just heard of her. All the demons have. She's a celebrity. Sure, I'd love to meet her. Always wanted to meet a famous demon.

ANGEL: A-HEM!

LORNE: Sorry. We spend so much time together, I forget you're considered one of the hoi-polloi. But to be honest, in the demon world she's far more famous than your are. In that world you're a curiosity. She's a legend.

XANDER: I knew she was well-known. I never imagined she was a legend.

ANGEL: Anya's more famous than me!!?

LORNE: Amongst demons, Angel-food. You know how prejudiced demons are against vampires. There's a glass ceiling for your kind. You'll just never rise above a certain level of notoriety in that scene. You have to accept that.

WILLOW: Bigotry can be so frustrating.

XANDER: I had sex with a real-live celebrity.

LORNE: Really? You like being covered in blood larvae?

FRED: Ewww! That's like Marquis De Sade gross.

ANGEL: The Marquis was not into blood larvae. He did have this thing for tentacled demons, especially while watching vampires feed off milkmaids. It was, uh, something I, um, read about.

CORDY: Nice try. He liked watching you do a bunch of OTHER things to the milk maids before you bit them. And I know my French is rusty, but I'm almost certain that Sade guy referred to you again and again as his "teacher." I still shudder when I remember what you convinced him to do to those ballerinas with the rusty gardening tools. How does Fred know his name. Is he famous or something?

WILLOW: He's the inspiration for the word sadist. And you taught him. So does that mean Angel really is the King of Pain?

FRED: But Angelus was soulless. So as unimaginably revolting as the things he did were, he can't be held fully responsible. But Xander, he HAS a soul. First the preying mantis. Then the mummy. Now you're into being covered by blood larvae?

XANDER: Can I please set the record straight? There were no blood larvae. No larvae of any kind. No blood coverings either. Anya could be adventurous. And she was always eager to experiment. Often more eager than I was. But with nothing even remotely like what you're talking about.

LORNE: You probably only had her when she was human. The word was that in human form Anyaka had a fatal weakness for sturdy, ernest, dull-witted men.

WILLOW: But Spike slept with Anya when she was a demon, and I don't remember seeing any blood larvae.

FRED: I thought Spike was with Buffy?

GUNN: You watched them?

WILLOW: So did Xander. And Buffy. And even Dawn.

XANDER: Also Warren and Jonathan and Andrew.

LORNE: I know it can be hard to find entertainment in a small town, but that's just beyond the pale. Did they sell tickets?

XANDER: We didn't mean to watch it. We wish we hadn't. I certainly wish I hadn't. It was an accident.

WILLOW: Warren and the other nerds had put cameras in a bunch of places around town I hacked into their signal and intercepted the feeds. It just so happened I intercepted the feed from Anya's store right at the time she and Spike were going at it. Like Xander said, a horrible, disturbing accident.

LORNE: She wasn't in demon form, was she?

WILLOW: No. I think I would have remembered if she was all red and scaly and veiny.

LORNE: Figures. Vamps can't handle a full-on demon. And a Vengeance Demon's skin is actually quite soft to the touch. Rather like velvet. [Angel, Cordy, Fred, Gunn and Wes all look at Lorne in disgusted astonishment.] Well excuse me for having a private life! And certainly none of you are in ANY position to judge me.

WILLOW: You have to admit he's got a point there.

FRED: Why are you snickering? Like you and your friends are any better.

WILLOW: That's debatable. But it's a debate I'm not eager to engage in.

CORDY: After all, it's not like any of us fell in love with a computer.

WILLOW: I wasn't in love. It was more like, like -

WES: Lust?

GUNN: That's even worse.

ANGEL: She didn't lust after a computer. She lusted after Moloch.

WES: The Dark Lord of base desires honored by the sacrifice of newborn babies? Willow, I had no idea you were that type of girl.

WILLOW: Listen to yourselves. This is turning into a witch hunt!

LORNE: Well isn't that interesting. You make wisecracks about everyone else, then when you briefly become the center of attention, you play the wiccan card, try to make it seem like we're persecuting you.

WILLOW: I didn't mean it literally. In all fairness, I never made fun of any of you for things you didn't do six years ago. I only kidded you about things you did in the last few weeks. In some cases, things you did today. This afternoon. In this very building. [looks at Cordy. She realizes Willow's talking about catching Cordy and Angel in the act.] I guess my point is, we do all live in glass houses, but some of us have much bigger stones to throw.