// I couldn't help it. I had to add to this. I wonder if a sequel for Jack would be good. Hmm, what do you think? Send your vote for a 'Finding Jack' to Gimliin2003@hotmail.com or attach it to your review.
// See previous chapter for story info
Chapter Three: The Aftermath
Sam: *groans* "This sucks!"
Jack: "You said it."
Sam: "I mean, normally I enjoy working with electronics and computers but THIS?! This just blows!"
Jack: "Blows, Carter?
Sam: "Learned it from Cassie, sir."
Jack: "Never-mind, I don't want to know how SHE learned it. Uh...Carter?"
Sam: *sigh* "Yes sir?"
Jack: "How can something suck AND blow?"
Sam: "Well, sir, they're the same principle, really. It just depends on your point of view. See, both patterns of matter flow are basically the result of different pressure levels between two bodies of matter. Where one system has-"
Jack: "Carter."
Sam: "Yes sir?"
Jack: "Never-mind."
Sam: "Sir, it's not that complex a principle."
Jack: "Well, I can't understand it, so that means it is."
Sam: "Why does that not surprise me?"
Jack: "Hmm, someone's a little testy."
Sam: "Well, I think I have a right to be. All this work I have to do with just YOU to work with? It's just inhumane."
Jack: "Major, I'm standing right here."
Sam: "Don't think I've forgotten it, sir."
Jack: "C'mon, I'm not THAT bad with technology."
Sam: "Sure. Like when you put the X-301 into a spin that made even you throw up because you screwed with the inertial dampening system?"
Jack: "Equipment malfunction, and I was just nauseated, Daniel threw up."
Sam: "Or the time you hacking the bases network to get erase an incriminating photograph Daniel took of you off-world."
Jack: "Damn online training manuals. Knew it wasn't worth $40."
Sam: "How about the time you tried lighting fireworks for the Forth of July with a Goa'uld fire stick?"
Jack: "Hey, they got lit, didn't they?"
Sam: "What about that time you tried to jumpstart your truck with a zat gun?"
Jack: *jabs a hand at her* "Now that should have worked."
Sam: "Uh huh."
Jack: *points to the computer monitors* "Do we get Fox on these?"
Sam: "Sir..."
Jack: "ESPN?"
Sam: *testily* "Colonel-"
Jack: "Tell me that I can at least watch CNN on them."
Sam: "Jack you're-wait, CNN?"
Jack: "I like watching Paula Zhann."
Sam: *Sigh* "And here I thought the United States military didn't condone torture."
Jack: "How about you just tell me what to do so we can end this as soon as possible."
Sam: "Good idea. All right, let's start."
Jack: "Okay." *clicks something on screen*
Sam: "Sir, what are you doing?"
Jack: "Clicking on the start button, of course."
Sam: "I didn't mean THAT, I was...oh, never-mind. Look, Colonel, please do me a favor."
Jack: "Shoot."
Sam: "Lucky guess."
Jack: "Haha, space cadet."
Sam: "Space cadet?"
Jack: "Blonde astrophysicist."
Sam: "A lesser woman would kill you for that."
Jack: "Then I'm glad for the present company."
Sam: "I'm just going to make you a eunuch." *gets up from chair and stalks towards him*
Jack: *gets out of seat, scrambling away* "Whoa, Carter, down girl! Take it easy."
Sam: "Take it back."
Jack: "Taken already! I TAKE IT BACK!!!"
Sam: *smiles* "Okay." *sits down again*
Jack: "'Okay?' That's it?"
Sam: "Sir, just sit down so we can get this over with."
Jack: "Uh, ooo-kay..." *sits down* "Hey Carter, what's this thing do?"
Sam: "That's the slot for floppies."
Jack: *eyes widen*
Sam: "Get your mind out of the gutter, Colonel! We're not going to be using that today, anyways."
Jack: *whew* "Good, cause that thing would be WAY too small."
Sam: "Colonel, one more comment like that and I'll show why they rank me level 3 in hand-to-hand."
Jack: "Really?" *waggles his eyebrows and grins*
Sam: *closes eyes and mutters under her breath* "I will not strangle my commanding officer, I will NOT strangle my commanding officer."
Jack: *leans in close, whispering suggestively* "You will break regs with your commanding officer, you WILL break regs with your commanding officer."
Sam: *groans in misery* "Janet's going to have to commit me after this is over. Look, just don't touch anything without my telling you to, okay?"
Jack: "Sure. Let's just start with the fishing thing."
Sam: *lifts an eyebrow in surprise* "Uh, what fishing thing, sir?"
Jack: "Y'know, that...net, thingy?"
Sam: "Net thingy? Sir, do you mean the bases Ethernet?"
Jack: "Yeah, that thing."
Sam: "You're doing this just to aggravate me, aren't you?"
Jack: "Is it working?"
Sam: *screams in exasperation*
Jack: "Guess so."
Sam: "You are IMPOSSIBLE!"
Jack: "Hey, I resent that remark, true though it may be."
Sam: "You know, it's a good thing I don't have my service pistol with me, sir."
Jack: *not paying attention* "And furthermore, just what the Hell is this net thing supposed to catch anyways? Is it supposed to catch these bugs I keep hearing about?"
Sam: "Colonel, with all due respect, two words: shut it."
Jack: "You might as well tell Danny not to oogle at his rocks. Anyways, let's get this over with. It can't be THAT hard if you do this so often in under a day, can it?"
Sam: "..."
Jack: "Carter?"
Sam: "Sir, we're going to be reconfiguring the entire bases computer network system to a level of performance several tiers above where we're at now, using no new hardware or software. That's a MAJOR task, even for me."
Jack: "No pun intended, I take it?"
Sam: "Huh?"
Jack: "Thought so."
Sam: *furrows brow, then shakes head* "We can start by burning Daniels files onto DVDs. That will take care of that objective AND free up a ton of space on the bases memory storage units."
Jack: "Really? Daniel's stuff takes up that much space?"
Sam: "Sir, he scans everything even remotely relevant to his research and our missions onto his computer. He even scans his memos onto his hard-drive."
Jack: "And he told me he didn't have any extras. Damn disappearing memos."
Sam: "His desk-top has four hard-drives, each in the forty or fifty gigabyte range. And that's not including what he's had to move onto the storage units in the basement over the years, either."
Jack "Wait, wait, wait a minute: his desk is a computer?!"
Sam: "No sir, his desk-*TOP*."
Jack: "How come I didn't get that model?"
Sam: "SIR!"
Jack: "And I could've sworn George would give me first dibs on something like that."
Sam: "Why do I bother with something so hopeless?"
Jack: "I dunno-HEY!"
Sam: "Back to your original question, sir, if we printed out everything Daniel ever stored electronically on base, we could fill the Library of Congress, top to bottom. Twice. There simply isn't enough paper in the Amazon for such a task"
Jack: "That's it. From now on, Daniel is not allowed to have a coffee machine in his quarters."
Sam: "Okay, but *you* break the news to him. Bring Teal'c and SG-3 along, too. You'll need them."
Jack: "So, how many figa-tights are we gonna free up by copying his stuff?"
Sam: "GIGA-BYTES, sir."
Jack: "Whatever."
Sam: *grumbles* "Well, I'm guessing, what with the estimate that 60% of the stuff on the memory units is Daniels, probably somewhere around 80 Terrabytes."
Jack: "So, that's a lot, one of the Tella-fights?"
Sam: "Enough to store the digitized version of every page of your 30 years of porno magazines."
Jack: "A: it's Playboy, which, B: is art, not a dirty thing in any way, so, C: it appreciates in value over time, so that, D: I can supplement my income with it when I retire. So there."
Sam: "That has got to be the most pathetic excuse for collecting porn I've ever heard."
Jack: "But it works."
Sam: "...yeah, that it does."
Jack: "How about the video thing we're supposed to get rid of?"
Sam: "Ah, that's an easy one. All you have to do is search for a digital video media file approximately 35 megabytes in size created on the date we were off-world."
Jack: "..."
Sam: *sighs* "Start button, then search, files and folders."
Jack: *taps buttons* "Okay, then?"
Sam: "Under search options, click the first three boxes under search options."
Jack: "Done. What next, oh Mistress of the Machines?"
Sam: *lifts an eyebrow*
Jack: "Silicon seductress?"
Sam: *raises the other eyebrow*
Jack: "Enchantress of electronics?"
Sam: "You can stop now."
Jack: "Gotcha." *looks sheepish*
Sam: "Select a windows media format file, at least 35,000 kilobytes in size, created between the day we left and the day we got back."
Jack: *clicks a lot of stuff, then waits a second* "There, done. So, how long will this take-oh, that was quick."
Sam: "Good, now just select the file and drag it into the recycle bin."
Jack: *starts doing stuff*
Sam: "Uh, sir?"
Jack: "Yeah, Carter?"
Sam: *a little distressed now* "What are you doing?"
Jack: "I'm watching your video."
Sam: "Sir, we really should be-"
Jack: "Whoa, Major, what was with the extreme close-up there?"
Sam: *blushing furiously now* "I, uh, lost control, sir. I mean-" *smacks self on forehead*
Jack: *turns to her with a grin* "Obviously." *turns back to keyboard and beings furiously typing commands*
Sam: "Sir?"
Jack: "Yeesss?"
Sam: "Was that you who just made the lights go out...and the cameras deactivate and the doors lock?"
Jack: "Maayyybe..." *grins*
Sam: "Why?"
Jack: "You can do everything Hammond said, right? Sooner than you indicated?"
Sam: "...If I do it myself, yeah. In a few hours, in fact."
Jack: "Can anyone tell it was me that just did this?" *waves a hand around at lights, camera, and doors*
Sam: "Not if I get in there and help cover your tracks."
Jack: "Good. We'll get to that later. In the meantime, let's take a break, kick back, relax...together."
Sam: "I guess that online training manual worked after all, huh?"
Jack: "Oh, I'm a man of many skills, Sam. Want to see some of them in action?"
Sam: *grins* "Yeah, I'd like that."
// There ya go. All done. My first finished fic, hooray! Hope you all enjoyed the little surprise at
// the end. Now, that's it, finishio, no more, end of story…though thoughts of a sequel MIGHT be
// entertained. Later folks! Review, por favor.
// See previous chapter for story info
Chapter Three: The Aftermath
Sam: *groans* "This sucks!"
Jack: "You said it."
Sam: "I mean, normally I enjoy working with electronics and computers but THIS?! This just blows!"
Jack: "Blows, Carter?
Sam: "Learned it from Cassie, sir."
Jack: "Never-mind, I don't want to know how SHE learned it. Uh...Carter?"
Sam: *sigh* "Yes sir?"
Jack: "How can something suck AND blow?"
Sam: "Well, sir, they're the same principle, really. It just depends on your point of view. See, both patterns of matter flow are basically the result of different pressure levels between two bodies of matter. Where one system has-"
Jack: "Carter."
Sam: "Yes sir?"
Jack: "Never-mind."
Sam: "Sir, it's not that complex a principle."
Jack: "Well, I can't understand it, so that means it is."
Sam: "Why does that not surprise me?"
Jack: "Hmm, someone's a little testy."
Sam: "Well, I think I have a right to be. All this work I have to do with just YOU to work with? It's just inhumane."
Jack: "Major, I'm standing right here."
Sam: "Don't think I've forgotten it, sir."
Jack: "C'mon, I'm not THAT bad with technology."
Sam: "Sure. Like when you put the X-301 into a spin that made even you throw up because you screwed with the inertial dampening system?"
Jack: "Equipment malfunction, and I was just nauseated, Daniel threw up."
Sam: "Or the time you hacking the bases network to get erase an incriminating photograph Daniel took of you off-world."
Jack: "Damn online training manuals. Knew it wasn't worth $40."
Sam: "How about the time you tried lighting fireworks for the Forth of July with a Goa'uld fire stick?"
Jack: "Hey, they got lit, didn't they?"
Sam: "What about that time you tried to jumpstart your truck with a zat gun?"
Jack: *jabs a hand at her* "Now that should have worked."
Sam: "Uh huh."
Jack: *points to the computer monitors* "Do we get Fox on these?"
Sam: "Sir..."
Jack: "ESPN?"
Sam: *testily* "Colonel-"
Jack: "Tell me that I can at least watch CNN on them."
Sam: "Jack you're-wait, CNN?"
Jack: "I like watching Paula Zhann."
Sam: *Sigh* "And here I thought the United States military didn't condone torture."
Jack: "How about you just tell me what to do so we can end this as soon as possible."
Sam: "Good idea. All right, let's start."
Jack: "Okay." *clicks something on screen*
Sam: "Sir, what are you doing?"
Jack: "Clicking on the start button, of course."
Sam: "I didn't mean THAT, I was...oh, never-mind. Look, Colonel, please do me a favor."
Jack: "Shoot."
Sam: "Lucky guess."
Jack: "Haha, space cadet."
Sam: "Space cadet?"
Jack: "Blonde astrophysicist."
Sam: "A lesser woman would kill you for that."
Jack: "Then I'm glad for the present company."
Sam: "I'm just going to make you a eunuch." *gets up from chair and stalks towards him*
Jack: *gets out of seat, scrambling away* "Whoa, Carter, down girl! Take it easy."
Sam: "Take it back."
Jack: "Taken already! I TAKE IT BACK!!!"
Sam: *smiles* "Okay." *sits down again*
Jack: "'Okay?' That's it?"
Sam: "Sir, just sit down so we can get this over with."
Jack: "Uh, ooo-kay..." *sits down* "Hey Carter, what's this thing do?"
Sam: "That's the slot for floppies."
Jack: *eyes widen*
Sam: "Get your mind out of the gutter, Colonel! We're not going to be using that today, anyways."
Jack: *whew* "Good, cause that thing would be WAY too small."
Sam: "Colonel, one more comment like that and I'll show why they rank me level 3 in hand-to-hand."
Jack: "Really?" *waggles his eyebrows and grins*
Sam: *closes eyes and mutters under her breath* "I will not strangle my commanding officer, I will NOT strangle my commanding officer."
Jack: *leans in close, whispering suggestively* "You will break regs with your commanding officer, you WILL break regs with your commanding officer."
Sam: *groans in misery* "Janet's going to have to commit me after this is over. Look, just don't touch anything without my telling you to, okay?"
Jack: "Sure. Let's just start with the fishing thing."
Sam: *lifts an eyebrow in surprise* "Uh, what fishing thing, sir?"
Jack: "Y'know, that...net, thingy?"
Sam: "Net thingy? Sir, do you mean the bases Ethernet?"
Jack: "Yeah, that thing."
Sam: "You're doing this just to aggravate me, aren't you?"
Jack: "Is it working?"
Sam: *screams in exasperation*
Jack: "Guess so."
Sam: "You are IMPOSSIBLE!"
Jack: "Hey, I resent that remark, true though it may be."
Sam: "You know, it's a good thing I don't have my service pistol with me, sir."
Jack: *not paying attention* "And furthermore, just what the Hell is this net thing supposed to catch anyways? Is it supposed to catch these bugs I keep hearing about?"
Sam: "Colonel, with all due respect, two words: shut it."
Jack: "You might as well tell Danny not to oogle at his rocks. Anyways, let's get this over with. It can't be THAT hard if you do this so often in under a day, can it?"
Sam: "..."
Jack: "Carter?"
Sam: "Sir, we're going to be reconfiguring the entire bases computer network system to a level of performance several tiers above where we're at now, using no new hardware or software. That's a MAJOR task, even for me."
Jack: "No pun intended, I take it?"
Sam: "Huh?"
Jack: "Thought so."
Sam: *furrows brow, then shakes head* "We can start by burning Daniels files onto DVDs. That will take care of that objective AND free up a ton of space on the bases memory storage units."
Jack: "Really? Daniel's stuff takes up that much space?"
Sam: "Sir, he scans everything even remotely relevant to his research and our missions onto his computer. He even scans his memos onto his hard-drive."
Jack: "And he told me he didn't have any extras. Damn disappearing memos."
Sam: "His desk-top has four hard-drives, each in the forty or fifty gigabyte range. And that's not including what he's had to move onto the storage units in the basement over the years, either."
Jack "Wait, wait, wait a minute: his desk is a computer?!"
Sam: "No sir, his desk-*TOP*."
Jack: "How come I didn't get that model?"
Sam: "SIR!"
Jack: "And I could've sworn George would give me first dibs on something like that."
Sam: "Why do I bother with something so hopeless?"
Jack: "I dunno-HEY!"
Sam: "Back to your original question, sir, if we printed out everything Daniel ever stored electronically on base, we could fill the Library of Congress, top to bottom. Twice. There simply isn't enough paper in the Amazon for such a task"
Jack: "That's it. From now on, Daniel is not allowed to have a coffee machine in his quarters."
Sam: "Okay, but *you* break the news to him. Bring Teal'c and SG-3 along, too. You'll need them."
Jack: "So, how many figa-tights are we gonna free up by copying his stuff?"
Sam: "GIGA-BYTES, sir."
Jack: "Whatever."
Sam: *grumbles* "Well, I'm guessing, what with the estimate that 60% of the stuff on the memory units is Daniels, probably somewhere around 80 Terrabytes."
Jack: "So, that's a lot, one of the Tella-fights?"
Sam: "Enough to store the digitized version of every page of your 30 years of porno magazines."
Jack: "A: it's Playboy, which, B: is art, not a dirty thing in any way, so, C: it appreciates in value over time, so that, D: I can supplement my income with it when I retire. So there."
Sam: "That has got to be the most pathetic excuse for collecting porn I've ever heard."
Jack: "But it works."
Sam: "...yeah, that it does."
Jack: "How about the video thing we're supposed to get rid of?"
Sam: "Ah, that's an easy one. All you have to do is search for a digital video media file approximately 35 megabytes in size created on the date we were off-world."
Jack: "..."
Sam: *sighs* "Start button, then search, files and folders."
Jack: *taps buttons* "Okay, then?"
Sam: "Under search options, click the first three boxes under search options."
Jack: "Done. What next, oh Mistress of the Machines?"
Sam: *lifts an eyebrow*
Jack: "Silicon seductress?"
Sam: *raises the other eyebrow*
Jack: "Enchantress of electronics?"
Sam: "You can stop now."
Jack: "Gotcha." *looks sheepish*
Sam: "Select a windows media format file, at least 35,000 kilobytes in size, created between the day we left and the day we got back."
Jack: *clicks a lot of stuff, then waits a second* "There, done. So, how long will this take-oh, that was quick."
Sam: "Good, now just select the file and drag it into the recycle bin."
Jack: *starts doing stuff*
Sam: "Uh, sir?"
Jack: "Yeah, Carter?"
Sam: *a little distressed now* "What are you doing?"
Jack: "I'm watching your video."
Sam: "Sir, we really should be-"
Jack: "Whoa, Major, what was with the extreme close-up there?"
Sam: *blushing furiously now* "I, uh, lost control, sir. I mean-" *smacks self on forehead*
Jack: *turns to her with a grin* "Obviously." *turns back to keyboard and beings furiously typing commands*
Sam: "Sir?"
Jack: "Yeesss?"
Sam: "Was that you who just made the lights go out...and the cameras deactivate and the doors lock?"
Jack: "Maayyybe..." *grins*
Sam: "Why?"
Jack: "You can do everything Hammond said, right? Sooner than you indicated?"
Sam: "...If I do it myself, yeah. In a few hours, in fact."
Jack: "Can anyone tell it was me that just did this?" *waves a hand around at lights, camera, and doors*
Sam: "Not if I get in there and help cover your tracks."
Jack: "Good. We'll get to that later. In the meantime, let's take a break, kick back, relax...together."
Sam: "I guess that online training manual worked after all, huh?"
Jack: "Oh, I'm a man of many skills, Sam. Want to see some of them in action?"
Sam: *grins* "Yeah, I'd like that."
// There ya go. All done. My first finished fic, hooray! Hope you all enjoyed the little surprise at
// the end. Now, that's it, finishio, no more, end of story…though thoughts of a sequel MIGHT be
// entertained. Later folks! Review, por favor.