Jhondie
It was strange being back in Las Vegas after so long. There was a lot that had changed since I was twelve, but a lot was still the same. I checked into a hotel using some of the false ID and then just went out into the city, hoping the crowd would distract me into not thinking about the life I had left behind and the people that were there for me in LA.
Las Vegas was a great city to just get lost in the crowd. There were always tons of people out on the streets around the Strip where the casinos never closed and drinks were quite often on the house as long as you kept gambling. Everything was lit up, screaming to look here, over here, give me attention next, no, not there, here, here, here! It was one of those places where nothing was too gaudy or over the top and a girl like me could be anyone.
Which is why it made no sense that I took off from that area as quickly as possible. There were too many people around and I wanted to be alone in my misery. I left Zack a message with a number at the hotel to reach me and then promptly took off. The crowds were bothering me so I ended up wandering further out until I realized how close to my old home I was. It was getting late, but time doesn't matter in Las Vegas. This was one city where a curfew would be laughed at and then someone would find a way to make a bet on it.
It was kind of amazing to me that after all this time; the streets were still familiar to me. I turned down the road I used to live on, walked down a block, and then was staring at the first real home I had ever known. It was blue now. I couldn't help but wonder who was in my old bedroom. Was it a daughter? Maybe it was a sewing room. Were they happy there?
I never realized how much stock we put into a house. It's just a bunch of wood or brick or stone. A little paint and a floor and you have living quarters. But that's where I told someone that I loved them for the first time. My first bowl of ice cream was eaten there. I learned in that house that I liked green apple lotion and chamomile tea was soothing. My Dad was alive and Manticore was a fading nightmare.
I had to walk away quickly or else someone was going to question why some weird chick was crying in front of a house. In a way I wanted to go back to those three years. I had been so innocent, experiencing the entire world for the first time. All the horrors that had been so recent were soothed by the loving care that my new parents had given to me. They told me how I was going to grow up and be smart and beautiful and would be able to do anything and be free of all the bad things. And one day I would find a wonderful, handsome man that I would fall in love with and we would get married and have kids and happily ever after.
I did grow up. Not here, but I was definitely an adult now. I was smart. And pretty I suppose. I wanted to be a doctor and medical school was waiting for me to get my degree and come over. And I did meet the most wonderful, handsome, charming; sweetly irritating man I could have ever hoped for. He had asked me to marry him. I had the proof of that on a chain around my neck and his promise that he would wait forever in my heart.
I didn't realize where I was going until I got there. I was at the park where I first met Kayla and Mom. It was almost exactly the same. Some of the things were painted different colors and I was sure the swings and such had been replaced a few times, but it was close enough in the dark. I went inside and sat down on a swing, remembering the day we met and what it was like to be taken in so easily. I bet Zack would have thought it was a trap, but by that point I didn't care anymore. And then after a while, I didn't think about being different anymore. When I took Kayla here to play, I didn't even think about what it had been like to be in this park, homeless and scared and hungry.
I wished in a way I had shed my old name and let Mom and Dad pick a name for me just as they would have had I been born to them. It was the only thing left from my old life, despite me playing with the spelling. Zack and Eva were the only ones to have been given names although they didn't accept the ones Manticore gave along with the barcode numbers. They were the oldest and had been nicknamed Adam and Eve. The furthest from a name starting with A was Z, so Adam became Zack. Eva didn't understand why it bothered Zack so much, but she allowed herself to go from Eve to Eva just to keep from upsetting him every time he said it.
Oddly enough, I picked my name up from one of the lab workers at Manticore. I never even knew his first name. His tag just said "Jons, D." He was really nice to me and once when I was getting blood drawn mentioned that I reminded him a lot of his little sister before giving me the first piece of candy I had ever eaten in my life. He was the first spark that there was something else out there. To my child's mind I understood that here was bitter but candy was sweet. Jons, D. You gave me something besides candy. You smiled and laughed when everyone else was solemn and I wondered what was beyond those fences that could make a person smile. I wanted to be like you. Jons, D. ran together to produce the name Jondy and then after the escape I played with the spelling to become Jhondie.
"Alright," a voice spoke up behind me, making me jump about a mile, "I know, it's perfectly legal, but come on, little kids play here, so just meet him outside the gate and conduct business somewhere else, okay?"
I was on my feet; about half a second from springing on the guy until I realized that he was a cop. I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even hear him coming up from the gate. He was looking at me with annoyed patience. I know, an oxymoron, but if you've ever dealt with cops, you know what I mean. They're trying to be nice, but they have seen this a million times.
"Since when has this not been a public park?" I shot back, emphasizing public. I know, I shouldn't have been antagonizing the cops, but he was breaking into my reverie.
"It is a public park," he replied calmly, "And yes, prostitution is very legal here in the city now, but I know the kids in this area and none of them need to find used condoms in the bushes."
If he couldn't see the disgust on my face, then he must have been blind. I gave him my best LA attitude. "If you're aiming for a freebie, then keep on walking," I snapped. "Unless sitting on a swing is illegal, then I have no business with you." I plopped back into the swing with my back to the cop.
"If I have to find something to take you in on, then trust me, I will," he said calmly.
I laughed coldly, leaning back so that I was looking at him again. "Oh, going to plant a little something on me? My fiancée is an investigative journalist. He just *loves* to look into police corruption."
He snorted. "All right, get up," he ordered. "Let's see if you're the first hooker that I have never found anything illegal on. And I've never planted anything."
I stood and realized that if he saw my barcode, then I wasn't going to have much of a choice than to kill him. Brutal, I know, but there were too many people hot on me to let anything slip by. "I am not a hooker," I said icily. "Is it too much for you to even contemplate that I might have grown up near here and since I'm back in town for a day wanted to come by a few old haunts?"
The cop smirked as he came around. "You did, huh? What's your name? I used to live around here too, and you don't look like anyone I remember."
I glanced at his badge and saw the last name. Clarke. I crossed my arms and really looked at him for the first time. The face was a man's now, but the attitude hadn't changed much. "You have a younger sister named Wendy, don't you? She was, what, three or four years younger?"
He froze. "Four."
I smiled slightly. "She was my age. And for as much as I was over there, I can't believe you don't remember me at all." I decided to let him off of the hook. "Jhondie Harris."
He looked absolutely stunned and looked me up and down. "You certainly grew up."
"And you're still a total jerk, Doug," I grinned. That got a laugh out of him.
"You try being a cop and chasing hookers out of this place every night," he shot back much more good-natured. "You'd be a professional jerk too."
I smiled and sat back down on the swing and he sat in the one next to me. "So how's Wendy doing?" I asked. "Didn't really keep in touch with anyone after I moved to LA." That was intentional. I didn't want people to be questioned and things forwarded on.
"She's dead," Doug answered. My jaw landed on the dirt under the swings. He gave me a pained smile. "She was in a car accident a couple of years ago. Her and a few friends went out drinking and hit a pole at about seventy miles an hour."
"I...I had no idea," I stammered. "I'm really sorry to hear that." I couldn't imagine Wendy as a drunken party girl. I still saw her as the little girl that I had played with.
"It's okay. With the way she had been going, I knew it was more a matter of when than if," Doug said and then changed the subject. "You're looking really good though. And do you really have a fiancée or just trying to be a punk?"
"Really have one," I answered and then realized that I shouldn't give away too many details. "He's at home. I was just here for the day for some business and wanted to take a quick trip down memory lane."
"It was good to see you again," he said softly. "I wonder a lot about the people that used to be in the neighborhood. Looks like you turned out pretty well."
I smiled. "You might be right about that."
Doug couldn't stay long and honestly, after we talked, I didn't want to stay long either. I went back to my hotel and aimlessly flipped through channels, thinking more about Doug than what was on TV. Of all the people to run into, he was the last person I was expecting. I shouldn't have come here, I thought. If I was trying to make a break from my life, then this was the last place I should have gone.
The phone rang and I almost killed myself trying to get to it. I knew there was no way that it would be Justin, but still, if there was anyone in the world that would know how to find me it would be...Zack. It was Zack.
"I received your message," he greeted. "Are you settled or stopping over?"
My heart sank. I was hoping to hear something more along the lines that it was a false alarm and I could come home. Like I would from Zack though. "I'll be leaving tomorrow I think," I answered. "Not good to stay here of all places." I knew better than to give names.
"Good," Zack replied. He paused. "The situation might be worse than I originally thought. I'll meet with you when you get settled and give you a briefing." I had the weirdest feeling that he was treating me as a second in command. And then it hit me that maybe he wanted one. That he was realizing that he needed help in keeping us all in line. That thought both made me happy he was willing to trust me, and pissed me off that he was using this to keep me playing the soldier games for as long as possible.
"Is everything okay there?" I asked, unable to keep the eagerness for any news out of my voice. I figured he was going to wait in LA for the rest of the day and give me time and then take off.
He gave me a grunt that said 'I can't believe you asked me that'. "You need to get used to this," he chastised.
Yeah right. If I got an all-clear sign from Justin, I was back. This was not going to be permanent. But I did have to face reality that it actually might be. "I know," I said. "But it's just hard. I know, suck it up and deal with it, but Mom's got to be pacing and worried right now and I can't call her."
I could tell he was relieved that I wasn't trying to weasel a sanctioned call in there. "It's not easy," Zack finally said gently. We never talked on the phone much and I think that maybe since he didn't have to face me, it was easier for him to express himself. Especially since he couldn't say it all with a glare. "It's never going to be easy to leave people that you care about. But you have to ask yourself what the right thing is. If you'd rather see the people you care about in danger because of you, then do whatever."
"If I didn't care," I said, "then I would still be there. But as much as they're worried, what am I supposed to do?" I paused. That felt like such a lie. "Do you ever wish you could have a normal life? I certainly do."
"It doesn't matter what we wish for," Zack said sadly. "It's what's for the best."
"Zack..." He knew I needed to hear something real.
"Sometimes. You're lucky, you know? Maybe we're never going to be meant to have something permanent, but at least you got to know what real felt like. Call me when you get settled."
I almost started crying. Not for me, but for him. "I will," I promised, and then the line went dead. I pitied him. Every now and then I would get a real glance into his soul and there was this amazing person that was begging to be let out, if only it was safe. I wished he could find someone that he thought it would be safe to really care for. He would be so worried all of the time though because she wouldn't know what to do if a TAC team kicked down the front door. So he hid himself away and carried all of the hurt and anger around and never found anything to help him balance it. We weren't supposed to be so alone in this world.
I couldn't help but lie on the bed and think about being alone. I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life hiding and terrified. I wanted to be real. I wanted to go home, marry Justin, go to medical school and live. So why was I in Las Vegas? Because there was danger? We were talking about Los Angeles! That place wasn't safe for anyone, genetically engineered or not. So why was I here, and not there?
Because I was being stupid, that's why. I was scared. Fine. Being scared is a natural reaction. But I could live my life being scared every time something might happen and hiding for the rest of my life or I could face my fears. I had taken off without even finding out the first bit of information. And for all the time I had worked for Eyes Only, I should know better than to do something like that now. How stupid could I be?
I sat up, my resolve firm. I might be walking headlong into getting killed, but I wasn't going to hide under a rock and wait for someone to tell me it was okay for the rest of my life. I had promised Justin that I would get what was needed here and then I was going home. Zack could be pissed all he wanted, but I didn't care. There was a line from an awesome movie that I had heard, but never really fully understood before. Now I did. I could get busy living or I could get busy dying. If I pointed that plane east tomorrow, then I knew what choice I would be making.
I got up. I could get what was needed tonight and then leave tomorrow. And no matter what, it was time to get busy living.
It was strange being back in Las Vegas after so long. There was a lot that had changed since I was twelve, but a lot was still the same. I checked into a hotel using some of the false ID and then just went out into the city, hoping the crowd would distract me into not thinking about the life I had left behind and the people that were there for me in LA.
Las Vegas was a great city to just get lost in the crowd. There were always tons of people out on the streets around the Strip where the casinos never closed and drinks were quite often on the house as long as you kept gambling. Everything was lit up, screaming to look here, over here, give me attention next, no, not there, here, here, here! It was one of those places where nothing was too gaudy or over the top and a girl like me could be anyone.
Which is why it made no sense that I took off from that area as quickly as possible. There were too many people around and I wanted to be alone in my misery. I left Zack a message with a number at the hotel to reach me and then promptly took off. The crowds were bothering me so I ended up wandering further out until I realized how close to my old home I was. It was getting late, but time doesn't matter in Las Vegas. This was one city where a curfew would be laughed at and then someone would find a way to make a bet on it.
It was kind of amazing to me that after all this time; the streets were still familiar to me. I turned down the road I used to live on, walked down a block, and then was staring at the first real home I had ever known. It was blue now. I couldn't help but wonder who was in my old bedroom. Was it a daughter? Maybe it was a sewing room. Were they happy there?
I never realized how much stock we put into a house. It's just a bunch of wood or brick or stone. A little paint and a floor and you have living quarters. But that's where I told someone that I loved them for the first time. My first bowl of ice cream was eaten there. I learned in that house that I liked green apple lotion and chamomile tea was soothing. My Dad was alive and Manticore was a fading nightmare.
I had to walk away quickly or else someone was going to question why some weird chick was crying in front of a house. In a way I wanted to go back to those three years. I had been so innocent, experiencing the entire world for the first time. All the horrors that had been so recent were soothed by the loving care that my new parents had given to me. They told me how I was going to grow up and be smart and beautiful and would be able to do anything and be free of all the bad things. And one day I would find a wonderful, handsome man that I would fall in love with and we would get married and have kids and happily ever after.
I did grow up. Not here, but I was definitely an adult now. I was smart. And pretty I suppose. I wanted to be a doctor and medical school was waiting for me to get my degree and come over. And I did meet the most wonderful, handsome, charming; sweetly irritating man I could have ever hoped for. He had asked me to marry him. I had the proof of that on a chain around my neck and his promise that he would wait forever in my heart.
I didn't realize where I was going until I got there. I was at the park where I first met Kayla and Mom. It was almost exactly the same. Some of the things were painted different colors and I was sure the swings and such had been replaced a few times, but it was close enough in the dark. I went inside and sat down on a swing, remembering the day we met and what it was like to be taken in so easily. I bet Zack would have thought it was a trap, but by that point I didn't care anymore. And then after a while, I didn't think about being different anymore. When I took Kayla here to play, I didn't even think about what it had been like to be in this park, homeless and scared and hungry.
I wished in a way I had shed my old name and let Mom and Dad pick a name for me just as they would have had I been born to them. It was the only thing left from my old life, despite me playing with the spelling. Zack and Eva were the only ones to have been given names although they didn't accept the ones Manticore gave along with the barcode numbers. They were the oldest and had been nicknamed Adam and Eve. The furthest from a name starting with A was Z, so Adam became Zack. Eva didn't understand why it bothered Zack so much, but she allowed herself to go from Eve to Eva just to keep from upsetting him every time he said it.
Oddly enough, I picked my name up from one of the lab workers at Manticore. I never even knew his first name. His tag just said "Jons, D." He was really nice to me and once when I was getting blood drawn mentioned that I reminded him a lot of his little sister before giving me the first piece of candy I had ever eaten in my life. He was the first spark that there was something else out there. To my child's mind I understood that here was bitter but candy was sweet. Jons, D. You gave me something besides candy. You smiled and laughed when everyone else was solemn and I wondered what was beyond those fences that could make a person smile. I wanted to be like you. Jons, D. ran together to produce the name Jondy and then after the escape I played with the spelling to become Jhondie.
"Alright," a voice spoke up behind me, making me jump about a mile, "I know, it's perfectly legal, but come on, little kids play here, so just meet him outside the gate and conduct business somewhere else, okay?"
I was on my feet; about half a second from springing on the guy until I realized that he was a cop. I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even hear him coming up from the gate. He was looking at me with annoyed patience. I know, an oxymoron, but if you've ever dealt with cops, you know what I mean. They're trying to be nice, but they have seen this a million times.
"Since when has this not been a public park?" I shot back, emphasizing public. I know, I shouldn't have been antagonizing the cops, but he was breaking into my reverie.
"It is a public park," he replied calmly, "And yes, prostitution is very legal here in the city now, but I know the kids in this area and none of them need to find used condoms in the bushes."
If he couldn't see the disgust on my face, then he must have been blind. I gave him my best LA attitude. "If you're aiming for a freebie, then keep on walking," I snapped. "Unless sitting on a swing is illegal, then I have no business with you." I plopped back into the swing with my back to the cop.
"If I have to find something to take you in on, then trust me, I will," he said calmly.
I laughed coldly, leaning back so that I was looking at him again. "Oh, going to plant a little something on me? My fiancée is an investigative journalist. He just *loves* to look into police corruption."
He snorted. "All right, get up," he ordered. "Let's see if you're the first hooker that I have never found anything illegal on. And I've never planted anything."
I stood and realized that if he saw my barcode, then I wasn't going to have much of a choice than to kill him. Brutal, I know, but there were too many people hot on me to let anything slip by. "I am not a hooker," I said icily. "Is it too much for you to even contemplate that I might have grown up near here and since I'm back in town for a day wanted to come by a few old haunts?"
The cop smirked as he came around. "You did, huh? What's your name? I used to live around here too, and you don't look like anyone I remember."
I glanced at his badge and saw the last name. Clarke. I crossed my arms and really looked at him for the first time. The face was a man's now, but the attitude hadn't changed much. "You have a younger sister named Wendy, don't you? She was, what, three or four years younger?"
He froze. "Four."
I smiled slightly. "She was my age. And for as much as I was over there, I can't believe you don't remember me at all." I decided to let him off of the hook. "Jhondie Harris."
He looked absolutely stunned and looked me up and down. "You certainly grew up."
"And you're still a total jerk, Doug," I grinned. That got a laugh out of him.
"You try being a cop and chasing hookers out of this place every night," he shot back much more good-natured. "You'd be a professional jerk too."
I smiled and sat back down on the swing and he sat in the one next to me. "So how's Wendy doing?" I asked. "Didn't really keep in touch with anyone after I moved to LA." That was intentional. I didn't want people to be questioned and things forwarded on.
"She's dead," Doug answered. My jaw landed on the dirt under the swings. He gave me a pained smile. "She was in a car accident a couple of years ago. Her and a few friends went out drinking and hit a pole at about seventy miles an hour."
"I...I had no idea," I stammered. "I'm really sorry to hear that." I couldn't imagine Wendy as a drunken party girl. I still saw her as the little girl that I had played with.
"It's okay. With the way she had been going, I knew it was more a matter of when than if," Doug said and then changed the subject. "You're looking really good though. And do you really have a fiancée or just trying to be a punk?"
"Really have one," I answered and then realized that I shouldn't give away too many details. "He's at home. I was just here for the day for some business and wanted to take a quick trip down memory lane."
"It was good to see you again," he said softly. "I wonder a lot about the people that used to be in the neighborhood. Looks like you turned out pretty well."
I smiled. "You might be right about that."
Doug couldn't stay long and honestly, after we talked, I didn't want to stay long either. I went back to my hotel and aimlessly flipped through channels, thinking more about Doug than what was on TV. Of all the people to run into, he was the last person I was expecting. I shouldn't have come here, I thought. If I was trying to make a break from my life, then this was the last place I should have gone.
The phone rang and I almost killed myself trying to get to it. I knew there was no way that it would be Justin, but still, if there was anyone in the world that would know how to find me it would be...Zack. It was Zack.
"I received your message," he greeted. "Are you settled or stopping over?"
My heart sank. I was hoping to hear something more along the lines that it was a false alarm and I could come home. Like I would from Zack though. "I'll be leaving tomorrow I think," I answered. "Not good to stay here of all places." I knew better than to give names.
"Good," Zack replied. He paused. "The situation might be worse than I originally thought. I'll meet with you when you get settled and give you a briefing." I had the weirdest feeling that he was treating me as a second in command. And then it hit me that maybe he wanted one. That he was realizing that he needed help in keeping us all in line. That thought both made me happy he was willing to trust me, and pissed me off that he was using this to keep me playing the soldier games for as long as possible.
"Is everything okay there?" I asked, unable to keep the eagerness for any news out of my voice. I figured he was going to wait in LA for the rest of the day and give me time and then take off.
He gave me a grunt that said 'I can't believe you asked me that'. "You need to get used to this," he chastised.
Yeah right. If I got an all-clear sign from Justin, I was back. This was not going to be permanent. But I did have to face reality that it actually might be. "I know," I said. "But it's just hard. I know, suck it up and deal with it, but Mom's got to be pacing and worried right now and I can't call her."
I could tell he was relieved that I wasn't trying to weasel a sanctioned call in there. "It's not easy," Zack finally said gently. We never talked on the phone much and I think that maybe since he didn't have to face me, it was easier for him to express himself. Especially since he couldn't say it all with a glare. "It's never going to be easy to leave people that you care about. But you have to ask yourself what the right thing is. If you'd rather see the people you care about in danger because of you, then do whatever."
"If I didn't care," I said, "then I would still be there. But as much as they're worried, what am I supposed to do?" I paused. That felt like such a lie. "Do you ever wish you could have a normal life? I certainly do."
"It doesn't matter what we wish for," Zack said sadly. "It's what's for the best."
"Zack..." He knew I needed to hear something real.
"Sometimes. You're lucky, you know? Maybe we're never going to be meant to have something permanent, but at least you got to know what real felt like. Call me when you get settled."
I almost started crying. Not for me, but for him. "I will," I promised, and then the line went dead. I pitied him. Every now and then I would get a real glance into his soul and there was this amazing person that was begging to be let out, if only it was safe. I wished he could find someone that he thought it would be safe to really care for. He would be so worried all of the time though because she wouldn't know what to do if a TAC team kicked down the front door. So he hid himself away and carried all of the hurt and anger around and never found anything to help him balance it. We weren't supposed to be so alone in this world.
I couldn't help but lie on the bed and think about being alone. I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life hiding and terrified. I wanted to be real. I wanted to go home, marry Justin, go to medical school and live. So why was I in Las Vegas? Because there was danger? We were talking about Los Angeles! That place wasn't safe for anyone, genetically engineered or not. So why was I here, and not there?
Because I was being stupid, that's why. I was scared. Fine. Being scared is a natural reaction. But I could live my life being scared every time something might happen and hiding for the rest of my life or I could face my fears. I had taken off without even finding out the first bit of information. And for all the time I had worked for Eyes Only, I should know better than to do something like that now. How stupid could I be?
I sat up, my resolve firm. I might be walking headlong into getting killed, but I wasn't going to hide under a rock and wait for someone to tell me it was okay for the rest of my life. I had promised Justin that I would get what was needed here and then I was going home. Zack could be pissed all he wanted, but I didn't care. There was a line from an awesome movie that I had heard, but never really fully understood before. Now I did. I could get busy living or I could get busy dying. If I pointed that plane east tomorrow, then I knew what choice I would be making.
I got up. I could get what was needed tonight and then leave tomorrow. And no matter what, it was time to get busy living.