Chapter 4
Lan was already up and dressed when she woke the next morning. She smelled honey and porridge as he brought a covered tray to her. She began to get up, ignoring the terrible pain in her head, but he laid the tray down and put his hands on her shoulders.
"The Amyrlin said you need to rest, my dear," he said, love and worry shining in his bright blue eyes. Nynaeve wanted to tell him that she was fine, to stop him worrying. But, bound by the Oath Rod, she couldn't.
"Oh Lan, I have the most dreadful headache," she whimpered, putting a hand to her forehead. "It seems to have increased in strength a ten fold. And my stomach feels... strange."
He looked at her for what seemed like an age. "You will spend today in this bed, and tomorrow as well. I will not have you harming yourself even more."
It was easier for her to agree than to argue. Maybe she did just need rest. But something told her the feeling in the bottom of her stomach was nothing to do with yesterday's ordeal.
"Oh, that reminds me," Lan said, standing up and walking to the wardrobe. He rummaged through one of the drawers and brought out a small, square-shaped box. "I was out looking for a Nameday present for you, and I met a man who had been to some of the lands over the Aryth Ocean, or so he said." He walked back to the edge of the bed and knelt beside her. "He told me a traditional engagement custom over there is the gift of a ring from the groom to the bride. I know we have already been married, but." Nynaeve gasped as he opened the box to reveal a gold band, with a pearly white moonstone half the size of her little finger nail encrusted into it. "Nynaeve al'Meara, will you marry me? Again?" He added, with a smile.
Nynaeve was so shocked all she could do was stare at him. "I. Lan." He took her left hand in one of his and placed the ring on her fourth finger. It fitted like it belonged there. "Yes. I. Yes! Oh, Lan," she said, squeezing his hand. She felt a single tear run down her cheek, and the threat of more. "I love you so much," she murmured, as he pulled her into a hug so tight she thought her ribs would crack. Another tear fell, followed by more, until she was sobbing into his shoulder. He rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair, telling her how much he loved her.
A knock at the door brought a small yelp from Nynaeve, and she hurriedly wiped her eyes on a handkerchief. When Lan was certain she thought she looked presentable - in his opinion she always looked gorgeous, even with red eyes and a snuffling nose - he opened the door to reveal Elayne, stunningly regal in a lace necked gown of dark crimson silk.
She gave him a small smile, and waved her hand, gesturing for him to leave. He raised his eyebrows at Nynaeve, who raised hers in return with a smile, and leaned in towards Elayne, whispering "Nynaeve is very tired. I do not want you adding to her fatigue, whatever your business." He said it is a friendly voice, but Elayne knew he would take any action necessary - even to the Queen of Andor! - if he found Nynaeve in a worse state than he left her.
He walked back to his wife on the bed and leaned over her. Looking seriously into her eyes, dark swirling pools, he said, "Listen to me and heed what I say. You are not to leave this bed - for any reason - and as soon as you feel tired you are to ask Elayne to leave. If you get stressed, or your headache worsens, you are to ask Elayne if she can fetch you a sleeping potion, a glass of water, a cold cloth to wrap around your temples. Whatever you need. Do not -"
His lips were shushed in a kiss. With a sombre expression on her face, Nynaeve said, "Lan, do not worry yourself so. I will be okay." She grinned suddenly, then winced ever so slightly at her headache. "Whatever the Queen of Andor can't summon I am sure I do not need. Where will you be, if I need you?"
"I think I shall go down to the practise yards. Send someone immediately if you want me. I will drop everything for you. Understand?"
She kissed him again, soft and sweet, not too deep that he knew she would be able to pull out. Indeed she did, saying "I understand, heart of my heart. I love you, and I will heed you because it is what you want."
"I love you, Nynaeve," he replied, with a final brush on the lips. And with that he swept past Elayne and was gone.
If it was possible of the former Wisdom of Emond's Field, Elayne thought she was making calf eyes at her husband's retreating back. The Queen of Andor shook her head and went to sit on Nynaeve's bed.
"How are you? I mean, it must be bad if Lan is fussing like that," she asked.
The woman in the bed sighed and sank back onto her pillows. "You would think I was on the edge of death, the way he carries on. It's not that I mind - it's really quite flattering that he cares so much - but. oh, Elayne, truth to tell, it's not Lan that's bothering me. I've been feeling. strange lately. And before you say anything." she said, seeing Elayne was about to interrupt, ".I don't think it's anything to do with what happened yesterday. I mean, I just have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I." she sighed again and put a hand to her temple. "Oh, Elayne."
Seizing the moment, Elayne folded Nynaeve into a hug. "Do you. Do you want me to Delve you? I mean, to find out if everything's okay?" She held her older friend at arms length and looked her up and down. She looked fine to Elayne's eyes. A little thin perhaps, a little pale. But fine otherwise.
"Umm. c-could you?"
"Of course." She placed both her hands on Nynaeve's head and embraced the True Source. She wove Spirit, Air and Water, and thin flows of Fire and Earth (one of Nynaeve's discoveries) and sent a probe into Nynaeve. She passed fatigue and weariness, then almost lost control at the power of her love for Lan. Steadying herself, she Delved deeper. And lost control completely at what she found.
Snapping her hands back like she had received and electric shock, Elayne stared at Nynaeve. "What's." Nynaeve swallowed. "What's the matter?"
"Erm." Elayne stammered uneasily. "Nothing's wrong exactly." She tried to smile, to reassure her, but she didn't think it worked very well. "I. I just have to. to go and check something out. I'll be back soon."
She stood up and smiled again, making a dimple in her cheek. "Don't worry Nynaeve. I just need to be sure about what I found."
And she left, leaving Nynaeve sat in stunned silence.
As soon as she closed the door behind her, Elayne released the breath she didn't know she was holding. She couldn't tell Nynaeve without getting a second opinion. With a quick glance either way up and down the corridor, she turned left and strode away to find Romada, or any Yellow Sister. She had to be sure. She couldn't presume that her Delve had worked in the right way. But underneath the façade, she knew. She was ninety nine point nine percent positive about what she had found. Two heartbeats. Nynaeve was with child.
^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^
When Elayne left, Nynaeve laid back into her pillows, her mind racing with worry. What was it the Elayne had found? Surely the Queen of Andor would have told her if it was something terribly serious, like that she was dying, for example. She put both her hands on her stomach and tried to feel if there was anything there. She knew there wouldn't be, of course - not that she could feel anyway - but Elayne had got her mind spinning up allsorts. And the spinning didn't do anything for her headache. She wanted Lan.
Why isn't he here? She thought. Bloody Queen of Andor and her bloody ways! If she hadn't sent him away he'd be here with me now! Burn the woman!
Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried not to think about Elayne or anything along the lines of disease or Healing. Instead, she turned her mind back to the time in Tear when she and Lan used to take midnight strolls together. That was before the time they admitted their love for one another could be. Thoughts of Lan drifted through her mind. The first time she set eyes upon his stony face. The first time he called her 'Mashiara', the first time they kissed, the first time they. She drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Screaming as someone threw a bucket of cold water over her head, Nynaeve sat up in bed. She was met not by wet liquid, but by Romada pulling her hands away from Nynaeve's head with a look of impatience. She also saw Elayne, Egwene and more to her liking, Lan, crowded around her bed.
She stared wide-eyed at her husband and he sat down next to her on the bed and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Then he took her hand and fingered the moonstone ring, finally letting his hand rest so it was enclosing hers.
"W-What's going on?" she asked him, suddenly scared. But she knew the reason why the Yellow Sister was there.
"Romada is going to Delve you, to find out what's wrong," he said, kissing her cheek.
"Well, I was trying, until you got all smoochy," the hard faced woman said. "I haven't got all day you know-" she cut off with a quick glance at Egwene, who just stood calmly in her seven striped stole and dark emerald dress. "Sorry, mother," she added. "Now, if you will excuse me, al'Lan, I have a patient to attend to."
He shifted away slightly, but kept a firm grip on Nynaeve's hand.
Nynaeve's body was shaking so much she didn't even notice the pain in her head. She closed her eyes, ready for the cold shower. She squeezed her husband's hand and he squeezed hers back. Then the spine freezing feeling came and she felt like her blood was rushing ice. Then it was gone.
She opened her eyes and the pain came back to her temples. She groaned at it, and Romada was there in an instant, hands on Nynaeve's head. And then there was no pain.
"Thank you," she murmured. She searched Romada's Aes Sedai face for any sign of what her Delve had found, but discovered nothing. "What did you find?" Her voice was surprisingly level, she was pleased to hear.
She saw the grey haired woman weave flows of Air around them both and also Elayne and Egwene. Nynaeve looked pointedly at Lan. "I think it'll be better if he hears this from you," Romada said, following her glance.
"What is it? Will you please tell me?"
"Nynaeve," Elayne spoke up. "When I Delved you before I discovered something. I had to get a second opinion because my weaves aren't always the best concerning Healing, and I couldn't tell you if it wasn't true. But I think Romada has confirmed my suspicions. Nynaeve, I found two heartbeats. You're pregnant. You're having Lan's child."
Egwene, forgetting her Amyrlin dignity, rushed at Nynaeve with open arms, saying "Congratulations! I'm so pleased for you both! I -" She cut off, realising that Lan was sitting calmly, watching them with no idea what they were talking about. "Nynaeve, you should tell him now. He'll be wondering. Nynaeve?"
Egwene's previous Wisdom was not even looking at her, not acknowledging her at all.
"Nynaeve?" Elayne said strongly, waving a beringed hand in front of her face. Nynaeve blinked and said, "Can you leave us please? I need to talk to my husband alone."
Elayne hugged her with a wide smile, which she returned whole- heartedly. Romada unravelled her weaves, touched Nynaeve's arm whispering, "Congratulations," and with a final hug from Egwene, the three visitors left, leaving Nynaeve feeling like a nervous novice girl unsure of how to tell her teachers that she hadn't practised channelling all week.
"I take it you're not dying then?" Lan asked. She looked at him and, to her mortal embarrassment, blushed. He laughed and pulled her close to him, stroking a few strands of loose hair from her face. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?"
"I." She struggled to find the right words. She decided the easiest way was the simplest. "I'm pregnant."
"What?" Lan looked shocked, disbelieving and unsure all at the same time.
"I'm. I'm pregnant. I'm expecting. I'm with child. I'm -"
Suddenly she felt her husband's lips on hers, stopping the words. His hands slid over her body, and when they eventually broke apart, she was completely out of breath. She could not suppress her smile.
"I heard you the first time," he said, massaging her forehead with kisses. She put a hand on his chest and pushed him off. Smiling up at him she said, "Well, what do you think?"
"I think you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and that I love you more than anything. And I think that if this child is half as inspiring and wonderful as you, it will be a gift to everyone. What do you think?"
"Oh, I think I am the luckiest woman that has ever lived. And you are the most amazing man, warrior, friend, husband, lover, and you will be the most amazing father to this child. To our child."
She took his hand in hers and placed it on her stomach. They smiled at each other, just taking in the realisation. As they leaned in to kiss, try as she might Nynaeve could not keep her girly giggles inside. She pressed her smiling lips to Lan's, closing her eyes and thinking about how much she wanted him and their child.
She wondered if it - she didn't like to think of it as an 'it', but she obviously didn't know if it was a boy or a girl - would look like her or Lan. Unbidden, the image of the babe in her dream flashed infront of her eyes. She pulled away from her husband, all her happiness shattered.
"What is it?" He asked.
"The... My dream. The babe in it. What if... What if it was a premonition? I know," she swallowed, holding back tears of terror. "I know I don't have the foretelling but... Oh, Lan, I'm so, so scared. I'm over the moon, but at the same time I don't know what I'm thinking, or which way I'm going all of a sudden."
With every word she spoke, the tears built up, and in the end she just surrendered and let them flow. She was not crying, at first, but the memories of the glazed-eyed babe, and the knowledge that she had a babe like that growing inside her, did nothing to ease her fears.
She cried herself to sleep in Lan's arms.
Lan was already up and dressed when she woke the next morning. She smelled honey and porridge as he brought a covered tray to her. She began to get up, ignoring the terrible pain in her head, but he laid the tray down and put his hands on her shoulders.
"The Amyrlin said you need to rest, my dear," he said, love and worry shining in his bright blue eyes. Nynaeve wanted to tell him that she was fine, to stop him worrying. But, bound by the Oath Rod, she couldn't.
"Oh Lan, I have the most dreadful headache," she whimpered, putting a hand to her forehead. "It seems to have increased in strength a ten fold. And my stomach feels... strange."
He looked at her for what seemed like an age. "You will spend today in this bed, and tomorrow as well. I will not have you harming yourself even more."
It was easier for her to agree than to argue. Maybe she did just need rest. But something told her the feeling in the bottom of her stomach was nothing to do with yesterday's ordeal.
"Oh, that reminds me," Lan said, standing up and walking to the wardrobe. He rummaged through one of the drawers and brought out a small, square-shaped box. "I was out looking for a Nameday present for you, and I met a man who had been to some of the lands over the Aryth Ocean, or so he said." He walked back to the edge of the bed and knelt beside her. "He told me a traditional engagement custom over there is the gift of a ring from the groom to the bride. I know we have already been married, but." Nynaeve gasped as he opened the box to reveal a gold band, with a pearly white moonstone half the size of her little finger nail encrusted into it. "Nynaeve al'Meara, will you marry me? Again?" He added, with a smile.
Nynaeve was so shocked all she could do was stare at him. "I. Lan." He took her left hand in one of his and placed the ring on her fourth finger. It fitted like it belonged there. "Yes. I. Yes! Oh, Lan," she said, squeezing his hand. She felt a single tear run down her cheek, and the threat of more. "I love you so much," she murmured, as he pulled her into a hug so tight she thought her ribs would crack. Another tear fell, followed by more, until she was sobbing into his shoulder. He rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair, telling her how much he loved her.
A knock at the door brought a small yelp from Nynaeve, and she hurriedly wiped her eyes on a handkerchief. When Lan was certain she thought she looked presentable - in his opinion she always looked gorgeous, even with red eyes and a snuffling nose - he opened the door to reveal Elayne, stunningly regal in a lace necked gown of dark crimson silk.
She gave him a small smile, and waved her hand, gesturing for him to leave. He raised his eyebrows at Nynaeve, who raised hers in return with a smile, and leaned in towards Elayne, whispering "Nynaeve is very tired. I do not want you adding to her fatigue, whatever your business." He said it is a friendly voice, but Elayne knew he would take any action necessary - even to the Queen of Andor! - if he found Nynaeve in a worse state than he left her.
He walked back to his wife on the bed and leaned over her. Looking seriously into her eyes, dark swirling pools, he said, "Listen to me and heed what I say. You are not to leave this bed - for any reason - and as soon as you feel tired you are to ask Elayne to leave. If you get stressed, or your headache worsens, you are to ask Elayne if she can fetch you a sleeping potion, a glass of water, a cold cloth to wrap around your temples. Whatever you need. Do not -"
His lips were shushed in a kiss. With a sombre expression on her face, Nynaeve said, "Lan, do not worry yourself so. I will be okay." She grinned suddenly, then winced ever so slightly at her headache. "Whatever the Queen of Andor can't summon I am sure I do not need. Where will you be, if I need you?"
"I think I shall go down to the practise yards. Send someone immediately if you want me. I will drop everything for you. Understand?"
She kissed him again, soft and sweet, not too deep that he knew she would be able to pull out. Indeed she did, saying "I understand, heart of my heart. I love you, and I will heed you because it is what you want."
"I love you, Nynaeve," he replied, with a final brush on the lips. And with that he swept past Elayne and was gone.
If it was possible of the former Wisdom of Emond's Field, Elayne thought she was making calf eyes at her husband's retreating back. The Queen of Andor shook her head and went to sit on Nynaeve's bed.
"How are you? I mean, it must be bad if Lan is fussing like that," she asked.
The woman in the bed sighed and sank back onto her pillows. "You would think I was on the edge of death, the way he carries on. It's not that I mind - it's really quite flattering that he cares so much - but. oh, Elayne, truth to tell, it's not Lan that's bothering me. I've been feeling. strange lately. And before you say anything." she said, seeing Elayne was about to interrupt, ".I don't think it's anything to do with what happened yesterday. I mean, I just have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I." she sighed again and put a hand to her temple. "Oh, Elayne."
Seizing the moment, Elayne folded Nynaeve into a hug. "Do you. Do you want me to Delve you? I mean, to find out if everything's okay?" She held her older friend at arms length and looked her up and down. She looked fine to Elayne's eyes. A little thin perhaps, a little pale. But fine otherwise.
"Umm. c-could you?"
"Of course." She placed both her hands on Nynaeve's head and embraced the True Source. She wove Spirit, Air and Water, and thin flows of Fire and Earth (one of Nynaeve's discoveries) and sent a probe into Nynaeve. She passed fatigue and weariness, then almost lost control at the power of her love for Lan. Steadying herself, she Delved deeper. And lost control completely at what she found.
Snapping her hands back like she had received and electric shock, Elayne stared at Nynaeve. "What's." Nynaeve swallowed. "What's the matter?"
"Erm." Elayne stammered uneasily. "Nothing's wrong exactly." She tried to smile, to reassure her, but she didn't think it worked very well. "I. I just have to. to go and check something out. I'll be back soon."
She stood up and smiled again, making a dimple in her cheek. "Don't worry Nynaeve. I just need to be sure about what I found."
And she left, leaving Nynaeve sat in stunned silence.
As soon as she closed the door behind her, Elayne released the breath she didn't know she was holding. She couldn't tell Nynaeve without getting a second opinion. With a quick glance either way up and down the corridor, she turned left and strode away to find Romada, or any Yellow Sister. She had to be sure. She couldn't presume that her Delve had worked in the right way. But underneath the façade, she knew. She was ninety nine point nine percent positive about what she had found. Two heartbeats. Nynaeve was with child.
^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^ ^*_*^ ^*0*^ ^*y*^ ^*o*^
When Elayne left, Nynaeve laid back into her pillows, her mind racing with worry. What was it the Elayne had found? Surely the Queen of Andor would have told her if it was something terribly serious, like that she was dying, for example. She put both her hands on her stomach and tried to feel if there was anything there. She knew there wouldn't be, of course - not that she could feel anyway - but Elayne had got her mind spinning up allsorts. And the spinning didn't do anything for her headache. She wanted Lan.
Why isn't he here? She thought. Bloody Queen of Andor and her bloody ways! If she hadn't sent him away he'd be here with me now! Burn the woman!
Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried not to think about Elayne or anything along the lines of disease or Healing. Instead, she turned her mind back to the time in Tear when she and Lan used to take midnight strolls together. That was before the time they admitted their love for one another could be. Thoughts of Lan drifted through her mind. The first time she set eyes upon his stony face. The first time he called her 'Mashiara', the first time they kissed, the first time they. She drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Screaming as someone threw a bucket of cold water over her head, Nynaeve sat up in bed. She was met not by wet liquid, but by Romada pulling her hands away from Nynaeve's head with a look of impatience. She also saw Elayne, Egwene and more to her liking, Lan, crowded around her bed.
She stared wide-eyed at her husband and he sat down next to her on the bed and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Then he took her hand and fingered the moonstone ring, finally letting his hand rest so it was enclosing hers.
"W-What's going on?" she asked him, suddenly scared. But she knew the reason why the Yellow Sister was there.
"Romada is going to Delve you, to find out what's wrong," he said, kissing her cheek.
"Well, I was trying, until you got all smoochy," the hard faced woman said. "I haven't got all day you know-" she cut off with a quick glance at Egwene, who just stood calmly in her seven striped stole and dark emerald dress. "Sorry, mother," she added. "Now, if you will excuse me, al'Lan, I have a patient to attend to."
He shifted away slightly, but kept a firm grip on Nynaeve's hand.
Nynaeve's body was shaking so much she didn't even notice the pain in her head. She closed her eyes, ready for the cold shower. She squeezed her husband's hand and he squeezed hers back. Then the spine freezing feeling came and she felt like her blood was rushing ice. Then it was gone.
She opened her eyes and the pain came back to her temples. She groaned at it, and Romada was there in an instant, hands on Nynaeve's head. And then there was no pain.
"Thank you," she murmured. She searched Romada's Aes Sedai face for any sign of what her Delve had found, but discovered nothing. "What did you find?" Her voice was surprisingly level, she was pleased to hear.
She saw the grey haired woman weave flows of Air around them both and also Elayne and Egwene. Nynaeve looked pointedly at Lan. "I think it'll be better if he hears this from you," Romada said, following her glance.
"What is it? Will you please tell me?"
"Nynaeve," Elayne spoke up. "When I Delved you before I discovered something. I had to get a second opinion because my weaves aren't always the best concerning Healing, and I couldn't tell you if it wasn't true. But I think Romada has confirmed my suspicions. Nynaeve, I found two heartbeats. You're pregnant. You're having Lan's child."
Egwene, forgetting her Amyrlin dignity, rushed at Nynaeve with open arms, saying "Congratulations! I'm so pleased for you both! I -" She cut off, realising that Lan was sitting calmly, watching them with no idea what they were talking about. "Nynaeve, you should tell him now. He'll be wondering. Nynaeve?"
Egwene's previous Wisdom was not even looking at her, not acknowledging her at all.
"Nynaeve?" Elayne said strongly, waving a beringed hand in front of her face. Nynaeve blinked and said, "Can you leave us please? I need to talk to my husband alone."
Elayne hugged her with a wide smile, which she returned whole- heartedly. Romada unravelled her weaves, touched Nynaeve's arm whispering, "Congratulations," and with a final hug from Egwene, the three visitors left, leaving Nynaeve feeling like a nervous novice girl unsure of how to tell her teachers that she hadn't practised channelling all week.
"I take it you're not dying then?" Lan asked. She looked at him and, to her mortal embarrassment, blushed. He laughed and pulled her close to him, stroking a few strands of loose hair from her face. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?"
"I." She struggled to find the right words. She decided the easiest way was the simplest. "I'm pregnant."
"What?" Lan looked shocked, disbelieving and unsure all at the same time.
"I'm. I'm pregnant. I'm expecting. I'm with child. I'm -"
Suddenly she felt her husband's lips on hers, stopping the words. His hands slid over her body, and when they eventually broke apart, she was completely out of breath. She could not suppress her smile.
"I heard you the first time," he said, massaging her forehead with kisses. She put a hand on his chest and pushed him off. Smiling up at him she said, "Well, what do you think?"
"I think you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and that I love you more than anything. And I think that if this child is half as inspiring and wonderful as you, it will be a gift to everyone. What do you think?"
"Oh, I think I am the luckiest woman that has ever lived. And you are the most amazing man, warrior, friend, husband, lover, and you will be the most amazing father to this child. To our child."
She took his hand in hers and placed it on her stomach. They smiled at each other, just taking in the realisation. As they leaned in to kiss, try as she might Nynaeve could not keep her girly giggles inside. She pressed her smiling lips to Lan's, closing her eyes and thinking about how much she wanted him and their child.
She wondered if it - she didn't like to think of it as an 'it', but she obviously didn't know if it was a boy or a girl - would look like her or Lan. Unbidden, the image of the babe in her dream flashed infront of her eyes. She pulled away from her husband, all her happiness shattered.
"What is it?" He asked.
"The... My dream. The babe in it. What if... What if it was a premonition? I know," she swallowed, holding back tears of terror. "I know I don't have the foretelling but... Oh, Lan, I'm so, so scared. I'm over the moon, but at the same time I don't know what I'm thinking, or which way I'm going all of a sudden."
With every word she spoke, the tears built up, and in the end she just surrendered and let them flow. She was not crying, at first, but the memories of the glazed-eyed babe, and the knowledge that she had a babe like that growing inside her, did nothing to ease her fears.
She cried herself to sleep in Lan's arms.