Have you ever woken up,and wished you stayed in bed?Today was
one of those days.Actually.everyday is one of those days.Anyhow,I woke up
and got ready for school.My usual routine.Get up.Take a shower.Get
dressed.Not very glamorous.I remember my 'glamor days.'The time in 8th
grade where I would obsess over my clothes,hair and make-up.It didn't
matter to me anymore.I had no one to dress up for.My best friend left
me,and there was no way in hell any guy would ever like me now.But I was
fine with that,because,I was comfortable in my skin.I wasn't happy.But I
was comfortable.
My parents ended up divorcing.My dad left and my mom started giving me these sob stories about him abusing her.I know she was lieing.He never put his hands on her.But she wanted custody of me.I don't why.I suppose it had somthing to do with income taxes,and wanting to claim me.So I had to start walking to school because my dad took our car.Though it may sound like,and it may not,we not rich.My mom works at a make-up company and thats where I used to get most of my make-up from.She also a great bargain hunter,which explains my glamor day clothes.
So when I was done getting ready,I headed for school.It wasn't very far from my house.I can't say I needed the exercise,because though I may have fallen into depression somwhat,I didn't gain any extra pounds and I was just as skinny as ever.
Walking to school was actaully very calming.I liked it far more than having my dad drop me off while listening to his ghett country music and trying to get on my good side.I also liked it because I got to try things I never would have otherwise with my parents watching me.Weed,for example.I started it the beginning of my junior year,and now,in the middle of it,I was pretty much hooked.I smoked every other day with these college guys I met on my way to school.I was late to school all the time,but it didn't matter.It was worth it.When I was high I felt like everybody was my friend,like i was loved by everyone.It was easy to forget about my problems when i was high.So not only was I a goth,I was a stoner.A pot head.Of course,on top of that,I guess you could say I was a slut too.
To get weed,you need money,and to get money,you need a job,which I had.It wasn't a very stable one though.I was a whore.Of course,I never picked up clients at school.They were all college students.I knew it was wrong,and I knew I'd catch somthing some day,but I needed the money.When you think you have horrible problems that can't be fixed like I thought I did,you'll do anything to find an escape.And my escape happened to be weed.So I was a whore,a goth and a pot head.Wonderful 'eh?
Anyhow,I managed to get to school.Today wasn't 'my day',meaning Robby and Steven weren't gonna supply me today.I'd have to wait 'til tomarrow.
When I got to school,Kate and her posse were outside,talking about last night's football game and yada yada yada.I saw Lizzie sitting next to Kate,nodding at her like a vantrilequist dummy.I snorted.I knew it was going to turn out like that.Kate was going to use Lizzie as her lackey,not her friend.It would be so amusing to see Kate telling Lizzie she wasn't good enough anymore and to see Lizzie get crushed.I don't think Lizzie really thought she was her friend either.I pictured Lizzie in a dog collar,sitting at Kate's feet.I laughed to myself as I saw Kate hit her with a newspaper,but my day dream was interrupted when a soda can hit me in the back of the head.I turned around to find Ethan Craft and Kate laughing hysterically.
"Oh Miranda..I'm soo sorry...my bad!"Ethan huffed through chuckles.
I felt the back of my shirt.Wet.The soda can was full.I sighed in disgust and shook my head.I happened to catch a glance at Lizzie,who was also laughing.I raised an eyebrow at her,which seemed to spark another set of laughs.I rolled my eyes and headed inside.My shirt was black.It would dry.
The day was just like any other.1st,2nd,3rd and 4th hour were all boring.I sat by myself at lunch.I played my violin in 5th hour,perfected my art project in 6th hour,and fell asleep through social studies 7th hour.
After school,I took the bus to the college,found the dorm of some guy I met at the party,and knocked on the door.A tall blonde guy named Richie opened the door
"Hey babe" he said,grinning.I cracked a smile"Um..hey Richie"
He invited me in and showed me to his bed.I sat down on his bed and took off my jacket "What did we agree to?" Richie grinned again.He configured the price and offered me a drink.I shook my head.I wanted to just get it over with.As if he read my mind,Richie pushed me down on the bed,and started kissing me.I shut my eyes and let him do as he pleased,just like always.I tuned out for a while.I pretended I was somewhere else,just like I did with everybody else I had ever fucked.Richie had his fun,and finished up.He lay back on his bed,struggling for breath and I got up and got dressed.Richie got up,wrapped a towel around himself and hugged me.He handed me my money and I stuffed it in my pocket.He kissed me again,his tongue exploring my mouth.I half heartdly kissed back and turned to leave.I sighed when I got outside and crossed my arms over my chest.I felt a slight sting in my eye and my lip started to quiver.Warm tears rolled down my cheeks and I sniffled,trying to regain my composure.I couldn't cry,not now.I had been doing this for half the school year.It wasn't anything new.It didn't hurt any more.So why was I crying? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------
The next day was the same thing.I woke up to my mom sewing somthing on her old sewing machine.It was Friday.She only sews on Friday,I though.Thank God.It was almost Saturday.
I got up and took a shower,got dressed,put on my make-up,and headed for school.I stopped on the way though,in a large ditch on the side of the road where Robby was waiting for me.I smiled and handed him my money.In return he handed me a small plastic bag filled with weed.He also gave me some rolling paper and I made myself a joint right then and there.After a few good puffs,I beamed.Everything felt wonderful.It was all good.I could have run in front of a car at the moment and still have been happy.I felt like I could fly.I thanked Robby,packed my new stash in my backpack and headed for school.Kate and Ethan didn't harrass me today like yesterday,which I figured was good,because today I was high,and I would charge at them.I'd probably get my ass kicked by the whole cheerleading squad though.
I headed for first hour after the bell rang.Science wasn't too bad,I think the worst part of it all was that Kate,Claire,and Lizzie were in that class with me.Gordo was too,but he spent all of his time kissing on Lizzie and doing his work so he never even looked at me.Today,in particular,was bad,because our science teacher Mr.Bobian put us in groups for our disection study.My group consisted of a small shy girl named Sandra,a pretty black girl which I had never seen before named Ana,and Lizzie.I was ecstatic.....not.In reality,I despised the fact that I had to work with Kate Jr.
Lizzie sat next to me at the table I was at "Hi Miranda.How have you been?Well..since..."She said."Since you ditched me?"I added coldly. I could have sworn I saw a flicker of hurt in her eyes,but she covered it up quickly."Yes..well...things change..you know..."She mumbled.I rolled my eyes.This was going to be a long hour.
My parents ended up divorcing.My dad left and my mom started giving me these sob stories about him abusing her.I know she was lieing.He never put his hands on her.But she wanted custody of me.I don't why.I suppose it had somthing to do with income taxes,and wanting to claim me.So I had to start walking to school because my dad took our car.Though it may sound like,and it may not,we not rich.My mom works at a make-up company and thats where I used to get most of my make-up from.She also a great bargain hunter,which explains my glamor day clothes.
So when I was done getting ready,I headed for school.It wasn't very far from my house.I can't say I needed the exercise,because though I may have fallen into depression somwhat,I didn't gain any extra pounds and I was just as skinny as ever.
Walking to school was actaully very calming.I liked it far more than having my dad drop me off while listening to his ghett country music and trying to get on my good side.I also liked it because I got to try things I never would have otherwise with my parents watching me.Weed,for example.I started it the beginning of my junior year,and now,in the middle of it,I was pretty much hooked.I smoked every other day with these college guys I met on my way to school.I was late to school all the time,but it didn't matter.It was worth it.When I was high I felt like everybody was my friend,like i was loved by everyone.It was easy to forget about my problems when i was high.So not only was I a goth,I was a stoner.A pot head.Of course,on top of that,I guess you could say I was a slut too.
To get weed,you need money,and to get money,you need a job,which I had.It wasn't a very stable one though.I was a whore.Of course,I never picked up clients at school.They were all college students.I knew it was wrong,and I knew I'd catch somthing some day,but I needed the money.When you think you have horrible problems that can't be fixed like I thought I did,you'll do anything to find an escape.And my escape happened to be weed.So I was a whore,a goth and a pot head.Wonderful 'eh?
Anyhow,I managed to get to school.Today wasn't 'my day',meaning Robby and Steven weren't gonna supply me today.I'd have to wait 'til tomarrow.
When I got to school,Kate and her posse were outside,talking about last night's football game and yada yada yada.I saw Lizzie sitting next to Kate,nodding at her like a vantrilequist dummy.I snorted.I knew it was going to turn out like that.Kate was going to use Lizzie as her lackey,not her friend.It would be so amusing to see Kate telling Lizzie she wasn't good enough anymore and to see Lizzie get crushed.I don't think Lizzie really thought she was her friend either.I pictured Lizzie in a dog collar,sitting at Kate's feet.I laughed to myself as I saw Kate hit her with a newspaper,but my day dream was interrupted when a soda can hit me in the back of the head.I turned around to find Ethan Craft and Kate laughing hysterically.
"Oh Miranda..I'm soo sorry...my bad!"Ethan huffed through chuckles.
I felt the back of my shirt.Wet.The soda can was full.I sighed in disgust and shook my head.I happened to catch a glance at Lizzie,who was also laughing.I raised an eyebrow at her,which seemed to spark another set of laughs.I rolled my eyes and headed inside.My shirt was black.It would dry.
The day was just like any other.1st,2nd,3rd and 4th hour were all boring.I sat by myself at lunch.I played my violin in 5th hour,perfected my art project in 6th hour,and fell asleep through social studies 7th hour.
After school,I took the bus to the college,found the dorm of some guy I met at the party,and knocked on the door.A tall blonde guy named Richie opened the door
"Hey babe" he said,grinning.I cracked a smile"Um..hey Richie"
He invited me in and showed me to his bed.I sat down on his bed and took off my jacket "What did we agree to?" Richie grinned again.He configured the price and offered me a drink.I shook my head.I wanted to just get it over with.As if he read my mind,Richie pushed me down on the bed,and started kissing me.I shut my eyes and let him do as he pleased,just like always.I tuned out for a while.I pretended I was somewhere else,just like I did with everybody else I had ever fucked.Richie had his fun,and finished up.He lay back on his bed,struggling for breath and I got up and got dressed.Richie got up,wrapped a towel around himself and hugged me.He handed me my money and I stuffed it in my pocket.He kissed me again,his tongue exploring my mouth.I half heartdly kissed back and turned to leave.I sighed when I got outside and crossed my arms over my chest.I felt a slight sting in my eye and my lip started to quiver.Warm tears rolled down my cheeks and I sniffled,trying to regain my composure.I couldn't cry,not now.I had been doing this for half the school year.It wasn't anything new.It didn't hurt any more.So why was I crying? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------
The next day was the same thing.I woke up to my mom sewing somthing on her old sewing machine.It was Friday.She only sews on Friday,I though.Thank God.It was almost Saturday.
I got up and took a shower,got dressed,put on my make-up,and headed for school.I stopped on the way though,in a large ditch on the side of the road where Robby was waiting for me.I smiled and handed him my money.In return he handed me a small plastic bag filled with weed.He also gave me some rolling paper and I made myself a joint right then and there.After a few good puffs,I beamed.Everything felt wonderful.It was all good.I could have run in front of a car at the moment and still have been happy.I felt like I could fly.I thanked Robby,packed my new stash in my backpack and headed for school.Kate and Ethan didn't harrass me today like yesterday,which I figured was good,because today I was high,and I would charge at them.I'd probably get my ass kicked by the whole cheerleading squad though.
I headed for first hour after the bell rang.Science wasn't too bad,I think the worst part of it all was that Kate,Claire,and Lizzie were in that class with me.Gordo was too,but he spent all of his time kissing on Lizzie and doing his work so he never even looked at me.Today,in particular,was bad,because our science teacher Mr.Bobian put us in groups for our disection study.My group consisted of a small shy girl named Sandra,a pretty black girl which I had never seen before named Ana,and Lizzie.I was ecstatic.....not.In reality,I despised the fact that I had to work with Kate Jr.
Lizzie sat next to me at the table I was at "Hi Miranda.How have you been?Well..since..."She said."Since you ditched me?"I added coldly. I could have sworn I saw a flicker of hurt in her eyes,but she covered it up quickly."Yes..well...things change..you know..."She mumbled.I rolled my eyes.This was going to be a long hour.