After splitting up the jobs we need to do for the
project,Lizzie went back to her seat next to Kate.I propped up my feet on
my desk and waited,expecting Sandra and Ana to get the hint and leave.They
didn't.Ana sat there and fiddled with her thumbs,while Sandra stared at
me,like I was a freak at the circus.I tried not to notice,but eventually I
matched her stare,giving her a "What ARE you looking at!" kind of look.She
quickly looked away and I smirked to myself.It was amazing how a little
make-up and a change of clothing can intimedate people.
The bell finally rang and I gathered my stuff from in my desk.Ah.And now off to 2nd hour.I reluctantly stalked off to my locker and popped it open.I didn't see the point of using the lock.I had nothing of any value in there anyway.The blue door swung open to reveal my english book.But ontop of it was an indez card.A black index card which said "WATCH YOUR BACK GOTH" in bold red letters.I chuckled and tossed it in the trash can next to me.I had gotton soooo many of them,it was like a routine to open my locker and find one.
I got my book and the rest of the crap I needed for class and headed toward the class room.I sat down in my usual seat,in the back,away from everyone.Mrs.Muller,our english teacher,went on about poetry and stuff.I stared at the clock all hour,watching seconds turn into hours and silently praying for the hour to end.As the end of class finally came,Mrs.Muller got out a stack of papers to pass out for homework.
"Hmm...lets see."I heard her mumble"Miranda.Would you please help me pass these out?"
I sat up,caught by suprise.I nodded and got up.She handed me a huge stack of packets.I started at the front of the classroom and worked my way to the back.Everything went smoothly,until I got to Jenna's desk.I dropped her packet and bent down to get it.So did she.We bumped heads and she sat up to look at me.I put my hand to my and mumbled "sorry."Jenna looked up at me and smiled"No problem."
I blinked as I noticed her smile,so beautiful,so....intense.A warm sensation went through me and my knees started to shake.I smiled stupidly and caught my balance,as I almost feel"O- ok.."I exclaimed.I bit down on my lip and continued passing out papers.I heard the bell rang and gathered my stuff when I was finished.There was still a smile plastered on my face as I went to 3rd hour.
When I finally realized what was going on,I was in 3rd hour and Mr.Kagen was talking about the american revolution.I,of course,wasn't paying attention,and instead,I was absent mindedly writing on my hand with a black pen.When the bell rang,I sat up and shook my head,coming back to reality.I gathered my stuff,and I happened to look at my hand,which had the name "Jenna" written on it all over.I almost dropped my books.I liked her.I couldn't believe it.I couldn't like her.She was a girl!That would make me a lesbian!!
The rest of the day was just as bad.When school was finally over,I rushed to my locker.I didn't want to work today,and I figured my new stash would last me for a while.So instead I walked home.On the way home,though,a red car passed.Inside were 4 girls.Lizzie,Kate,some girl I didn't know,and Jenna.I almost dropped my backpack as I saw Jenna and she smiled at me.Obvioulsy Kate and Lizzie hadn't taken over her mind too.
After they passed,I dropped my backpack and fell to my knees.Now,ontop of everything else,I was a fucking lesbian!Everything I ever believed in was over.It was all gone and everything in my life sucked.When I finally got home,I ran upto my room and cried.I cried because of me lifestyle,because of my apperance,and because of my newfound sexuality.Now there was no way I would ever be accepted by anybody.
That night was the night I started cutting.I got a razor blade from downstairs,sat cross legged on my bed,and slowly,with quivering hands,brought the sharp edge of the blade across my wrist.It stung like hell,but in a strange way,it felt good.I felt like I was punishing my self for being so fucked up.I felt better.I would have continued,and gone deeper,but then there was a knock on my door,and my mother stumbled in,drunk.I had never seen her drunk,and at first it scared me.I helped her up onto my bed and stroked her forhead as she spilled stories about how she missed my dad and how she wanted him to come back for the rest of my night.I finally got to sleep after she did,about 2 a.m.
The bell finally rang and I gathered my stuff from in my desk.Ah.And now off to 2nd hour.I reluctantly stalked off to my locker and popped it open.I didn't see the point of using the lock.I had nothing of any value in there anyway.The blue door swung open to reveal my english book.But ontop of it was an indez card.A black index card which said "WATCH YOUR BACK GOTH" in bold red letters.I chuckled and tossed it in the trash can next to me.I had gotton soooo many of them,it was like a routine to open my locker and find one.
I got my book and the rest of the crap I needed for class and headed toward the class room.I sat down in my usual seat,in the back,away from everyone.Mrs.Muller,our english teacher,went on about poetry and stuff.I stared at the clock all hour,watching seconds turn into hours and silently praying for the hour to end.As the end of class finally came,Mrs.Muller got out a stack of papers to pass out for homework.
"Hmm...lets see."I heard her mumble"Miranda.Would you please help me pass these out?"
I sat up,caught by suprise.I nodded and got up.She handed me a huge stack of packets.I started at the front of the classroom and worked my way to the back.Everything went smoothly,until I got to Jenna's desk.I dropped her packet and bent down to get it.So did she.We bumped heads and she sat up to look at me.I put my hand to my and mumbled "sorry."Jenna looked up at me and smiled"No problem."
I blinked as I noticed her smile,so beautiful,so....intense.A warm sensation went through me and my knees started to shake.I smiled stupidly and caught my balance,as I almost feel"O- ok.."I exclaimed.I bit down on my lip and continued passing out papers.I heard the bell rang and gathered my stuff when I was finished.There was still a smile plastered on my face as I went to 3rd hour.
When I finally realized what was going on,I was in 3rd hour and Mr.Kagen was talking about the american revolution.I,of course,wasn't paying attention,and instead,I was absent mindedly writing on my hand with a black pen.When the bell rang,I sat up and shook my head,coming back to reality.I gathered my stuff,and I happened to look at my hand,which had the name "Jenna" written on it all over.I almost dropped my books.I liked her.I couldn't believe it.I couldn't like her.She was a girl!That would make me a lesbian!!
The rest of the day was just as bad.When school was finally over,I rushed to my locker.I didn't want to work today,and I figured my new stash would last me for a while.So instead I walked home.On the way home,though,a red car passed.Inside were 4 girls.Lizzie,Kate,some girl I didn't know,and Jenna.I almost dropped my backpack as I saw Jenna and she smiled at me.Obvioulsy Kate and Lizzie hadn't taken over her mind too.
After they passed,I dropped my backpack and fell to my knees.Now,ontop of everything else,I was a fucking lesbian!Everything I ever believed in was over.It was all gone and everything in my life sucked.When I finally got home,I ran upto my room and cried.I cried because of me lifestyle,because of my apperance,and because of my newfound sexuality.Now there was no way I would ever be accepted by anybody.
That night was the night I started cutting.I got a razor blade from downstairs,sat cross legged on my bed,and slowly,with quivering hands,brought the sharp edge of the blade across my wrist.It stung like hell,but in a strange way,it felt good.I felt like I was punishing my self for being so fucked up.I felt better.I would have continued,and gone deeper,but then there was a knock on my door,and my mother stumbled in,drunk.I had never seen her drunk,and at first it scared me.I helped her up onto my bed and stroked her forhead as she spilled stories about how she missed my dad and how she wanted him to come back for the rest of my night.I finally got to sleep after she did,about 2 a.m.