Disclaimer: I don't own...
Everyone: Boooooo! Get off the stage!
Aragorn: Hey!! Didn't Pippin eat you?
Disclaimer: So I'm back! Whatcha gonna do about it punk?
Aragorn: *chops disclaimer in half with Anduril*
A/n: sorry about how long it took to update. I had eight concerts between Tuesday and Friday! I have played so much that I have blisters on my lips. I'm totally not kidding. Then I spent the last few days crammed into a car next to my STUPID little brother because my parents wanted to visit my grandparents in northern Washington for Christmas. So now I'm in Washington, trying to use my grandfather's ANCIENT Mac. laptop, which freezes every two minutes. Very annoying.
P.S. even though I'm actually not in California at this exact moment, I put myself and my friends in this chapter, because I felt like it. They're names are Makiyo, Usagi, electrocuted-elf, and Kiki-chan.
P.P.S. In this chapter, my friends and I behave like evil spawn of Satan. Rest assured that we don't actually DO any of these evil things, however much we might want to.
P.P.P.S. Read my friend electrocuted-elf's fanfic, 'When Fangirls Attack!!'
EDIT: Kiki-chan was called BLANK, because I didn't know her ff.net name and my parents refused to let me call her long-distance.
Chapter 6: 11:00 AM, somewhere in the San Francisco Bay Area. Legolas is driving, Gandalf is asleep, and snoring loudly, and the hobbits are playing scrabble.
"Triple word score!!" squealed Merry excitedly.
"Is 'taters' a word?" asked Pippin.
"Of course it is!" said Sam. "I take offense at that!"
"Don't make fun of Sam's poor language skills," chided Frodo.
"The authors spell check doesn't recognize it!" crowed Pippin triumphantly.
"Well," said Merry, "the authors spell check doesn't recognize your NAME, Pippin, so I wouldn't say it's very reliable."
Pippin kicked the back of Gandalf's seat, making him stop in mid snore emit a sound like a confused mongoose. "This game is stupid."
"I have a butt cramp!" yelled Gimli. "I feel like there's an Uruk-hai chewing my behind."
"Well, that's your own fault for wearing armor," said Aragorn grumpily. He was pissed because he had been forced to relinquish the drivers seat to Legolas after the patrolman incident.
"There's no need to get all shirty about it!" grumbled Gimli
"The king of Gondor gets shirty when he wants to!" retorted Aragorn.
"I'm hungry," said Legolas unexpectedly. "Why don't we stop at the IHOP in Berkeley?
"THATS OUR LINE!" yelled all the hobbits.
"Since when do elves eat pancakes?" asked Boromir.
"The practice was introduced by Glorfindel early in the third age-"
"Not true!" interrupted Gimli. "Everyone knows that the elves stole the first pancake recipe from the dwarves in the first age!"
"Like dwarves are smart enough to make something as culinarily complicated as a pancake!" scoffed Legolas.
"Pancakes were invented by hobbits!" said Sam indignantly.
"Ahem, dudes! Pancakes are from Gondor!" shouted Boromir.
"No, they came from Numenor with Isildur!" yelled Aragorn, throwing the scrabble board through Boromir.
"Let's wake up Gandalf, he'll know," Pippin tugged the wizards beard and squirted him with Sam's water bottle. "Oi, Gandalf!" he shouted. "Where do pancakes come from!?!??"
Gandalf opened one eye to glare at Pippin. "The wizards brought them from Valinor," he growled, before pulling his cloak over his head and going back to sleep.
"A lot of help HE was!" muttered Gimli.
Suddenly Legolas slammed on the brakes, and since no one was wearing seat belts, they were all thrown onto the floor in haphazard heaps with various bits of luggage, food, and scrabble pieces on top of them.
"What the hell??" shouted Gandalf. "Stupid gay elf! I'll turn you into that deformed mushroom-like orc from ROTK!!!"
"Mushrooms?" squealed Merry. "Where??"
"MRPH!" said Frodo, from underneath Pippin, a half eaten hamburger, and Legolas's suitcase.
"Get off him!" yelled Sam, hurling his frying pan at Pippins head.
Pippin dodged the frying pan, but accidentally stuck his hand through Boromir, making it go numb.
"Even I can drive better than Legolas!" shouted Aragorn from underneath the seat. "Slamming on the *&&^$%# brakes like that! I was almost crushed by the inertial forces!!"
"Perhaps you would have liked me to crash into the back of that hummer!" snapped Legolas, gesturing out the window. A bunch of anarchist teenage girls were blocking the street, chanting anti-war slogans and bombarding passing SUV's with eggs and suction cup darts. The hummer in question belonged to California governor Arnold Schwartzenagger, and was currently having it's tires stuck full of thumbtacks.
"NO BLOOD FOR OIL!!!!!" screamed Galadriel-in-disguise.
"HANG BUSH!!!" yelled Usagi, firing darts at random.
"NOOOOOOO FUTURE!!!!" hollered electrocuted-elf, brandishing her 'STOMP THE RICH" sign.
"STUPID KIDS!" shouted Arnold. "YOU VILL NOT STOP ME FROM BECOMING ZE DICTATOR OF CALIFORNIA! I'LL BE BACK!!!"
Makiyo and Kiki-chan finished lacerating his tires and set to work covering his car with bright purple spray paint.
Gandalf sighed. "Only in Berkeley."
Legolas rolled down the window. "Excuse me, rabid anarchists! Would you mind letting me get through? I've got four hungry hobbits in the back seat, and they're likely to do something drastic if they don't get food soon."
"Uh oh! Bad idea!" murmured Boromir.
"Hey! It's Legolas!!" said Galadriel-in-disguise.
"WHERE?!?!" screamed Kiki-chan in excitement, accidentally spraying Arnold in the face.
"LEGOLAS MUST DIE!!!" yelled Usagi, and began lobbing eggs at him. Most of them missed, but one hit him in the middle of the face, temporarily knocking him out.
"ROLL UP THE WINDOW DUDE!!" shouted Aragorn, pulling Legolas back inside the Eurovan by his collar. He grabbed the wheel, did a spectacular 180 degree turn, and roared off down a side street.
"Oh my GOD! Aragorn is sooooooooooooooo sexy!!" screamed Galadriel-in- disguise, and fainted.
"Legolas is sexier!!" yelled Kiki-chan. "I'm going to kill you, Usagi!!"
"PIPPIN ALL THE WAY!!" shouted electrocuted-elf.
"Kill Orlando Bloom! Kill Orlando Bloom!" chanted Usagi.
Makiyo shook her head. "You guys are all insane."
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, a dark figure was creeping down a nearby alley. Sinister music starts playing. The dark figure pulled out a cell phone. "Hello? Agent Laire?...Yes, this is Agent Lem.... We have results at last!! The fellowship has been sited not too far from here...I know...if we can pull this off we'll get sent to Middle Earth for sure...call headquarters. It's time to send in the shock troops." Agent Lem hung up. "The age of men is over! The age of the fangirls is about to begin! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!" she got her feet tangled in her oversized trench coat and fell over.
BUM BUM BUM!!! ************************************************************************ Okaaaaaay...That was beyond weird. FUUUUUUUUUN!!! Hyperrrrrr! Hang Arnold!!! Remember, my associates and I would never do these things. We are pacifists. (Mostly)
To my reviewers: (FORTY!!*hands out e-candy and party hats*)
Jandalf the Orange: Fangirls are very scary, I know.
electrocuted-elf: You spelled victimize right, but you spelled Pippins name wrong. Whatever. And yes, I do victimize everyone equally. Your fanfic rocks by the way. I heard there was an earthquake in southern California. Could you feel it where you are?
Happy molecule: The REALLY strange thing is that Gimli actually calls Aragorn Arry in ROTK. Peter Jackson has a weird mind.
elf from Rivendell: You've got competition for Legolas now!!
pherhyandoiel: I don't know if they're going into that part of the U.S., but if they do, they can definitely pass through Chicago. I could put you in the next chapter as a Gimli fangirl if you want.
Natural Beauty: *Thanks*
mousie2: We'll just have to see who gets Aragorn first! ^_^
Ainu Laire: Well, I put you in as a rabid fangirl. I hope you don't mind. The Fellowship may stop at your house too.
lemluvspirates: Okay! I put you in! Finally! I hope its not too disturbing being a fangirl agent.
Mornie Utule: I think that by the end of this fanfic, the fellowship will have patrolmen from all fifty states after them. (Well, maybe not Alaska and Hawaii, but who cares)
A/n: sorry about how long it took to update. I had eight concerts between Tuesday and Friday! I have played so much that I have blisters on my lips. I'm totally not kidding. Then I spent the last few days crammed into a car next to my STUPID little brother because my parents wanted to visit my grandparents in northern Washington for Christmas. So now I'm in Washington, trying to use my grandfather's ANCIENT Mac. laptop, which freezes every two minutes. Very annoying.
P.S. even though I'm actually not in California at this exact moment, I put myself and my friends in this chapter, because I felt like it. They're names are Makiyo, Usagi, electrocuted-elf, and Kiki-chan.
P.P.S. In this chapter, my friends and I behave like evil spawn of Satan. Rest assured that we don't actually DO any of these evil things, however much we might want to.
P.P.P.S. Read my friend electrocuted-elf's fanfic, 'When Fangirls Attack!!'
EDIT: Kiki-chan was called BLANK, because I didn't know her ff.net name and my parents refused to let me call her long-distance.
Chapter 6: 11:00 AM, somewhere in the San Francisco Bay Area. Legolas is driving, Gandalf is asleep, and snoring loudly, and the hobbits are playing scrabble.
"Triple word score!!" squealed Merry excitedly.
"Is 'taters' a word?" asked Pippin.
"Of course it is!" said Sam. "I take offense at that!"
"Don't make fun of Sam's poor language skills," chided Frodo.
"The authors spell check doesn't recognize it!" crowed Pippin triumphantly.
"Well," said Merry, "the authors spell check doesn't recognize your NAME, Pippin, so I wouldn't say it's very reliable."
Pippin kicked the back of Gandalf's seat, making him stop in mid snore emit a sound like a confused mongoose. "This game is stupid."
"I have a butt cramp!" yelled Gimli. "I feel like there's an Uruk-hai chewing my behind."
"Well, that's your own fault for wearing armor," said Aragorn grumpily. He was pissed because he had been forced to relinquish the drivers seat to Legolas after the patrolman incident.
"There's no need to get all shirty about it!" grumbled Gimli
"The king of Gondor gets shirty when he wants to!" retorted Aragorn.
"I'm hungry," said Legolas unexpectedly. "Why don't we stop at the IHOP in Berkeley?
"THATS OUR LINE!" yelled all the hobbits.
"Since when do elves eat pancakes?" asked Boromir.
"The practice was introduced by Glorfindel early in the third age-"
"Not true!" interrupted Gimli. "Everyone knows that the elves stole the first pancake recipe from the dwarves in the first age!"
"Like dwarves are smart enough to make something as culinarily complicated as a pancake!" scoffed Legolas.
"Pancakes were invented by hobbits!" said Sam indignantly.
"Ahem, dudes! Pancakes are from Gondor!" shouted Boromir.
"No, they came from Numenor with Isildur!" yelled Aragorn, throwing the scrabble board through Boromir.
"Let's wake up Gandalf, he'll know," Pippin tugged the wizards beard and squirted him with Sam's water bottle. "Oi, Gandalf!" he shouted. "Where do pancakes come from!?!??"
Gandalf opened one eye to glare at Pippin. "The wizards brought them from Valinor," he growled, before pulling his cloak over his head and going back to sleep.
"A lot of help HE was!" muttered Gimli.
Suddenly Legolas slammed on the brakes, and since no one was wearing seat belts, they were all thrown onto the floor in haphazard heaps with various bits of luggage, food, and scrabble pieces on top of them.
"What the hell??" shouted Gandalf. "Stupid gay elf! I'll turn you into that deformed mushroom-like orc from ROTK!!!"
"Mushrooms?" squealed Merry. "Where??"
"MRPH!" said Frodo, from underneath Pippin, a half eaten hamburger, and Legolas's suitcase.
"Get off him!" yelled Sam, hurling his frying pan at Pippins head.
Pippin dodged the frying pan, but accidentally stuck his hand through Boromir, making it go numb.
"Even I can drive better than Legolas!" shouted Aragorn from underneath the seat. "Slamming on the *&&^$%# brakes like that! I was almost crushed by the inertial forces!!"
"Perhaps you would have liked me to crash into the back of that hummer!" snapped Legolas, gesturing out the window. A bunch of anarchist teenage girls were blocking the street, chanting anti-war slogans and bombarding passing SUV's with eggs and suction cup darts. The hummer in question belonged to California governor Arnold Schwartzenagger, and was currently having it's tires stuck full of thumbtacks.
"NO BLOOD FOR OIL!!!!!" screamed Galadriel-in-disguise.
"HANG BUSH!!!" yelled Usagi, firing darts at random.
"NOOOOOOO FUTURE!!!!" hollered electrocuted-elf, brandishing her 'STOMP THE RICH" sign.
"STUPID KIDS!" shouted Arnold. "YOU VILL NOT STOP ME FROM BECOMING ZE DICTATOR OF CALIFORNIA! I'LL BE BACK!!!"
Makiyo and Kiki-chan finished lacerating his tires and set to work covering his car with bright purple spray paint.
Gandalf sighed. "Only in Berkeley."
Legolas rolled down the window. "Excuse me, rabid anarchists! Would you mind letting me get through? I've got four hungry hobbits in the back seat, and they're likely to do something drastic if they don't get food soon."
"Uh oh! Bad idea!" murmured Boromir.
"Hey! It's Legolas!!" said Galadriel-in-disguise.
"WHERE?!?!" screamed Kiki-chan in excitement, accidentally spraying Arnold in the face.
"LEGOLAS MUST DIE!!!" yelled Usagi, and began lobbing eggs at him. Most of them missed, but one hit him in the middle of the face, temporarily knocking him out.
"ROLL UP THE WINDOW DUDE!!" shouted Aragorn, pulling Legolas back inside the Eurovan by his collar. He grabbed the wheel, did a spectacular 180 degree turn, and roared off down a side street.
"Oh my GOD! Aragorn is sooooooooooooooo sexy!!" screamed Galadriel-in- disguise, and fainted.
"Legolas is sexier!!" yelled Kiki-chan. "I'm going to kill you, Usagi!!"
"PIPPIN ALL THE WAY!!" shouted electrocuted-elf.
"Kill Orlando Bloom! Kill Orlando Bloom!" chanted Usagi.
Makiyo shook her head. "You guys are all insane."
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, a dark figure was creeping down a nearby alley. Sinister music starts playing. The dark figure pulled out a cell phone. "Hello? Agent Laire?...Yes, this is Agent Lem.... We have results at last!! The fellowship has been sited not too far from here...I know...if we can pull this off we'll get sent to Middle Earth for sure...call headquarters. It's time to send in the shock troops." Agent Lem hung up. "The age of men is over! The age of the fangirls is about to begin! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!" she got her feet tangled in her oversized trench coat and fell over.
BUM BUM BUM!!! ************************************************************************ Okaaaaaay...That was beyond weird. FUUUUUUUUUN!!! Hyperrrrrr! Hang Arnold!!! Remember, my associates and I would never do these things. We are pacifists. (Mostly)
To my reviewers: (FORTY!!*hands out e-candy and party hats*)
Jandalf the Orange: Fangirls are very scary, I know.
electrocuted-elf: You spelled victimize right, but you spelled Pippins name wrong. Whatever. And yes, I do victimize everyone equally. Your fanfic rocks by the way. I heard there was an earthquake in southern California. Could you feel it where you are?
Happy molecule: The REALLY strange thing is that Gimli actually calls Aragorn Arry in ROTK. Peter Jackson has a weird mind.
elf from Rivendell: You've got competition for Legolas now!!
pherhyandoiel: I don't know if they're going into that part of the U.S., but if they do, they can definitely pass through Chicago. I could put you in the next chapter as a Gimli fangirl if you want.
Natural Beauty: *Thanks*
mousie2: We'll just have to see who gets Aragorn first! ^_^
Ainu Laire: Well, I put you in as a rabid fangirl. I hope you don't mind. The Fellowship may stop at your house too.
lemluvspirates: Okay! I put you in! Finally! I hope its not too disturbing being a fangirl agent.
Mornie Utule: I think that by the end of this fanfic, the fellowship will have patrolmen from all fifty states after them. (Well, maybe not Alaska and Hawaii, but who cares)