CHAPTER 3
The Gorgonaths had a small, huddled meeting, deciding weather or not they will join him. They then broke meeting and Phillis approached Dylannesis.
Well? asked Dylannesis, Have you reached a decision?
WE HAVE! exclaimed Phillis. And we have decided that we will accompany you on you quest to destroy Alexander The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough) for fear of being turned back into wolves and pigeons.
His second-in-command, Munch, jabbed him in the side.
Oh yeah and because of our, er, dying loyalty to your cause.
Excellent! cried Dylannesis. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... *cough* ... laughing telepathically sounds really weird doesn't it?
Yeah, no kidding eh Phillis responded.
Anyways, let's continue our journey to kill Alexander. said Dylannesis.
And so, Dylannesis and the Gorgonaths set off on their journey. Meanwhile, Mattiemon was just about finished collecting his master's ingredients. He was muttering silently to himself...
"Lousy no good Dylannesis, makin' me look bad. Doing his dirty work when he could eas-"
He then fell down into a large, wet, muddy hole since he wasn't paying attention while muttering to himself. He cursed continuously, struggling to climb up the hole wall. His hands slipped every time and, eventually, he gave up and sat down, hoping his master would find him. He then remembered that he still had his wand in his position and used the Fiery Incantation to send sparks and colourful lights up into the sky.
Ooo, look! yelled Phillis, pointing off into the distance, Fireworks!
Cool, let's watch! suggested Dylannesis.
Yeah! exclaimed the Gorgonaths, Oooooh... Aaahhh!
Mattiemon heard their cheering and yelled in his mind, That's not fireworks you stupid hobbits! Er... people. It's a distress signal! Master, help me!
And then ... It started to rain. The hole began to fill with water, and Mattiemon was ... not going to drown considering he could swim. The hole then became so full of water that he swam to the surface, where Dylannesis was waiting with the Gorgonaths.
"Where have you been Mattiemon?" implored Dylannesis. "What took you so long? And what happened to those ingredients I sent you for?"
"Oh, well, uh ..." stammered Mattiemon. All eyes were on him. "They appear to have fallen out of my travel pack ... I'll just go dive in and get them, shall I?"
As Mattiemon dove into the water-filled hole, the rest of the company waited impatiently. Mattiemon rose to the surface with a foolish and sheepish grin.
"Well, uh, I was able to salvage most of the ingredients but some were destroyed by the water..." said Mattiemon, quietly.
"WHAT?!" screamed Dylannesis, causing the party to wince, "You fool!" He calmed down after a few juice boxes and a nap. "Well I suppose that we might as well fetch replacement ones."
"Thank you for being so forgiving, master" whined Mattiemon.
"Oh, and Mattiemon, when we get home, fifty lashes are coming you way."
"Ah crap..." muttered the sorcerer.
The troop then walked back to Dylannesis' lair, gathering the missing ingredients along the way. Though when they arrived at the lair, it had disappeared! They then looked just to the right and found it was, in fact, there. The party entered the lair, the Gorgonaths beginning to play some foosball and air hockey while Dylannesis and Mattiemon began making the potion to take over the slaves of his arch nemesis.
"Mattiemon!" hollered Dylannesis. "Approach the master cauldron." Mattiemon edged forward nervously. "I will call out the ingredients and the amount needed and you shall add them to the potion."
"Yes master..." sighed Mattiemon.
"Eagles talon, powdered, 5grams."
"Sure thing boss," said Mattiemon as he added it to the potion.
"Monkey's toenail, 5grams. Mancore's eyelash, 10 lashes. Heffalump's tongue, smashed and mashed, 7.5 grams."
As he reeled off the ingredients, Mattiemon kept adding and adding. He amount of the potion gradually increased, but by the time Dylannesis had finished reading, the potion was not a puke green colour as it was supposed to be. Rather, it was peacock blue.
"What's wrong with it, Mattiemon?" asked Dylannesis.
"I'm not sure," said Mattiemon as he pondered over their predicament while pacing back and forth. This lasted for around 3 hours, until finally... "Of course!" he exclaimed. "I forgot to obtain the last ingredient ... the blood sample of the person the slave's have sworn allegiance to."
"Dammit Mattiemon! Why do you always forget to tell me these things?" question Dylannesis in a menacing tone.
"Force of habit," replied Mattiemon.
Dylannesis growled and walked over to the Gorgonaths, who were busy playing air hockey and throwing stones at the walls out of sheer boredom.
Phillis, I need a favour. asked Dylannesis.
What is it, my lord? responded Phillis.
I need blood. said the mighty blacksmith, rolling his eyes at Phillis, who had just drawn his knife and lifted it to his arm, Not your blood you fool!
Phillis breathed a long sigh of relief, seething his knife in the holster he kept on his back, Well who's blood are you after?
The blood of my sworn enemy, Alexander Kalb The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough) must pay with his plasma if I am to succeed with my objective.
Spooky, commented Mulch, who was sitting on one of Dylannesis' many bean-bag chairs.
Oh shut up, Mulch commanded Phillis. Now, we must launch an expedition to Alexander The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough)'s realm, Jamkubia, to retrieve a blood sample.
But then they all realised... All they had for equipment was 3 knives, a broken sword and a bottle of whiskey. They needed weapons, and armour as well if they were to infiltrate the land of Jamkubia.
So Dylannesis set off to the local blacksmith to purchase the equipment, but then realised he WAS the local blacksmith.
So he returned to his workshop to retrieve 7 sets of his finest equipment, which all had their own special abilities. He gave Phillis a sword that could cut through iron and armour that repelled fire. Mattiemon was granted a large, broad shield which summoned the forces of water and could direct it in the form of floods and tsunamis. It also had repelling powers against cold whether.
"HOW IS THAT HELPFUL?" lamented Mattiemon, "JAMKUBIA IS LOCATED ON AN ACTIVE VOLCANO!"
"It's the best I could do on such short notice," explained Dylannesis, "so shut yer trap!"
Mulch, Phillis' second-in-command, was given a magic cloak which enabled him to reach incredible speeds and pass through solid object without harm.
"This is awesome!," he yelled as he passed continuously through Mattiemon.
"Stop it!" Mattiemon cried.
Finally, Dylannesis crafted for himself a chest plate that could summon evil forces, and a sword crafted from steel empowered with the powers of darkness.
The other three Gorgonaths (who will remain nameless) were given swords that were forged in the same fashion, making the swords brothers. One sword had the powers of Light, the next the powers of air, and finally the third had the powers of earth.
And as a final precaution, they were all given armour to protect the different body parts of the body that weren't being protected already.
"Well, now that we're all suited up," stated Dylannesis, "we can finally raid the land of Jamkubia!" A great cheer rose from the ranks as the team of 7 rushed out the door. They then stopped, mystified, looking at each other. They didn't know where Jamkubia was! They all sighed, disheartened, and walked back inside, thinking this perilous journey would never end.
"But wait!" exclaimed Dylannesis, many hours after they had returned from their five second journey, "there may be hope for us yet!"
"What do you mean?" the company cried.
"I have a long lost brother named Aidafo who is the land's most excellent cartographer! He would certainly be in the possession of a map of Jamkubia! If we can make it successfully to his lair, in the neighbouring land of Picdromo, we can have him give us (or make us) a map!"
"Great!," yelled Phillis, "where does he live?"
"At the top of Mount Impossible," Dylannesis explained coolly, pointing over to a mountain in the distance which climbed high past the clouds.
"SON OF A BITCH!" complained Mulch. The rest of the party groaned.
"We don't have to climb it, you fools! There's an escalator,"
The escalator, however, was moving DOWN. The company groaned again.
"It's hopeless!" said Mulch sadly.
Just then, a voice rang out from above them.
"WHO DARES INVADE THE REALM OF AIDAFO?" yelled the voice menacingly.
Dylannesis looked around, seeing nothing. He sighs and shouts out to the mountain.
"Aidafo, what are you? The fucking Wizard of Oz? Show yourself!"
A man in a loose-fitting white shirt and old jeans along with a tattered cape appeared beside the party. No one said anything, confused with his appearance. The man looked impatient.
"Well?" asked Aidafo, "what the HELL are you doing here?"
"Aidafo, is that you?" asked Dylannesis in awe, quickly turning to disgust, "You look like shit."
"Well I just woke up cause a bunch of wolf-pigeons and my retarded brother were yelling outside so I didn't really have time to get very ready." explained Aidafo, "but who else but the magnificent cartographer known as Aidafo (trumpets sound) would reside on the abominable peak of Mount Impossible? The very thought makes me want to blow chunks!"
"Pleasant," commented Dylannesis.
"Anyways," continued Aidafo, "to what displeasure do I owe this meeting?"
"IM YOUR BROTHER!" screamed Dylannesis with impatience, "don't you remember me?" Aidafo was left in stunned silence.
" ... Oh yeah," said Aidafo, "now I remember." He looked slightly surprised that he had forgotten so quickly. He quickly came to his senses, looking at the Gorgonaths.
"And why the hell are these things here?" asked Aidafo.
Dylannesis looks over at the party. "These are the Gorgonaths. This is Phillis, Mulch, and three other nameless Gorgonaths," he explains, motioning to the different Gorgonaths upon saying their names.
Aidafo didn't look impressed. "Why should I be impressed by bird dogs?"
"What did you say, worm?" snarled Phillis.
Upon hearing this, Aidafo laughed and extended one hand. At first, nothing happened. Then, hundreds of pebbles lifted from the ground and pelted themselves at Phillis at high speeds.
"HOLY HORSE FEATHERS!" yelled Phillis Just as the legion of pebbles were about to strike him and his Gorgonath comrades, Mattiemon cast a Aura of Protection over the ranks. The spell could only take so much, however, and the aura subsided, allowing the hundreds of pebbles to strike Phillis. Phillis howled in pain as the many pebbles ricocheted off his body.
"Aidafo, stop your little games and let's talk business," said Dylannesis in a calm manner.
"Mua ha ha ha!... ah ha ha... ah... I tire of this measly torture." said Aidafo. He lowered his hand, causing the pebbles to fall from the air and back to the ground from which they came.
"Ok, now that you've stopped pelting my rag-tag band of minions," explained Dylannesis, "I can do what I came here to do."
Aidafo looked at them and sighed, "Fine." He snapped his fingers, which emitted a large explosion-like sound. The troop was then on the top of the mountain, slightly dazed and very impressed.
Aidafo smirked. "If you're impressed by that, wait 'till you see my house."
The ground below them shook, bringing the troop down into the mountain.
The Gorgonaths had a small, huddled meeting, deciding weather or not they will join him. They then broke meeting and Phillis approached Dylannesis.
Well? asked Dylannesis, Have you reached a decision?
WE HAVE! exclaimed Phillis. And we have decided that we will accompany you on you quest to destroy Alexander The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough) for fear of being turned back into wolves and pigeons.
His second-in-command, Munch, jabbed him in the side.
Oh yeah and because of our, er, dying loyalty to your cause.
Excellent! cried Dylannesis. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... *cough* ... laughing telepathically sounds really weird doesn't it?
Yeah, no kidding eh Phillis responded.
Anyways, let's continue our journey to kill Alexander. said Dylannesis.
And so, Dylannesis and the Gorgonaths set off on their journey. Meanwhile, Mattiemon was just about finished collecting his master's ingredients. He was muttering silently to himself...
"Lousy no good Dylannesis, makin' me look bad. Doing his dirty work when he could eas-"
He then fell down into a large, wet, muddy hole since he wasn't paying attention while muttering to himself. He cursed continuously, struggling to climb up the hole wall. His hands slipped every time and, eventually, he gave up and sat down, hoping his master would find him. He then remembered that he still had his wand in his position and used the Fiery Incantation to send sparks and colourful lights up into the sky.
Ooo, look! yelled Phillis, pointing off into the distance, Fireworks!
Cool, let's watch! suggested Dylannesis.
Yeah! exclaimed the Gorgonaths, Oooooh... Aaahhh!
Mattiemon heard their cheering and yelled in his mind, That's not fireworks you stupid hobbits! Er... people. It's a distress signal! Master, help me!
And then ... It started to rain. The hole began to fill with water, and Mattiemon was ... not going to drown considering he could swim. The hole then became so full of water that he swam to the surface, where Dylannesis was waiting with the Gorgonaths.
"Where have you been Mattiemon?" implored Dylannesis. "What took you so long? And what happened to those ingredients I sent you for?"
"Oh, well, uh ..." stammered Mattiemon. All eyes were on him. "They appear to have fallen out of my travel pack ... I'll just go dive in and get them, shall I?"
As Mattiemon dove into the water-filled hole, the rest of the company waited impatiently. Mattiemon rose to the surface with a foolish and sheepish grin.
"Well, uh, I was able to salvage most of the ingredients but some were destroyed by the water..." said Mattiemon, quietly.
"WHAT?!" screamed Dylannesis, causing the party to wince, "You fool!" He calmed down after a few juice boxes and a nap. "Well I suppose that we might as well fetch replacement ones."
"Thank you for being so forgiving, master" whined Mattiemon.
"Oh, and Mattiemon, when we get home, fifty lashes are coming you way."
"Ah crap..." muttered the sorcerer.
The troop then walked back to Dylannesis' lair, gathering the missing ingredients along the way. Though when they arrived at the lair, it had disappeared! They then looked just to the right and found it was, in fact, there. The party entered the lair, the Gorgonaths beginning to play some foosball and air hockey while Dylannesis and Mattiemon began making the potion to take over the slaves of his arch nemesis.
"Mattiemon!" hollered Dylannesis. "Approach the master cauldron." Mattiemon edged forward nervously. "I will call out the ingredients and the amount needed and you shall add them to the potion."
"Yes master..." sighed Mattiemon.
"Eagles talon, powdered, 5grams."
"Sure thing boss," said Mattiemon as he added it to the potion.
"Monkey's toenail, 5grams. Mancore's eyelash, 10 lashes. Heffalump's tongue, smashed and mashed, 7.5 grams."
As he reeled off the ingredients, Mattiemon kept adding and adding. He amount of the potion gradually increased, but by the time Dylannesis had finished reading, the potion was not a puke green colour as it was supposed to be. Rather, it was peacock blue.
"What's wrong with it, Mattiemon?" asked Dylannesis.
"I'm not sure," said Mattiemon as he pondered over their predicament while pacing back and forth. This lasted for around 3 hours, until finally... "Of course!" he exclaimed. "I forgot to obtain the last ingredient ... the blood sample of the person the slave's have sworn allegiance to."
"Dammit Mattiemon! Why do you always forget to tell me these things?" question Dylannesis in a menacing tone.
"Force of habit," replied Mattiemon.
Dylannesis growled and walked over to the Gorgonaths, who were busy playing air hockey and throwing stones at the walls out of sheer boredom.
Phillis, I need a favour. asked Dylannesis.
What is it, my lord? responded Phillis.
I need blood. said the mighty blacksmith, rolling his eyes at Phillis, who had just drawn his knife and lifted it to his arm, Not your blood you fool!
Phillis breathed a long sigh of relief, seething his knife in the holster he kept on his back, Well who's blood are you after?
The blood of my sworn enemy, Alexander Kalb The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough) must pay with his plasma if I am to succeed with my objective.
Spooky, commented Mulch, who was sitting on one of Dylannesis' many bean-bag chairs.
Oh shut up, Mulch commanded Phillis. Now, we must launch an expedition to Alexander The Not-So-Great (But Good Enough)'s realm, Jamkubia, to retrieve a blood sample.
But then they all realised... All they had for equipment was 3 knives, a broken sword and a bottle of whiskey. They needed weapons, and armour as well if they were to infiltrate the land of Jamkubia.
So Dylannesis set off to the local blacksmith to purchase the equipment, but then realised he WAS the local blacksmith.
So he returned to his workshop to retrieve 7 sets of his finest equipment, which all had their own special abilities. He gave Phillis a sword that could cut through iron and armour that repelled fire. Mattiemon was granted a large, broad shield which summoned the forces of water and could direct it in the form of floods and tsunamis. It also had repelling powers against cold whether.
"HOW IS THAT HELPFUL?" lamented Mattiemon, "JAMKUBIA IS LOCATED ON AN ACTIVE VOLCANO!"
"It's the best I could do on such short notice," explained Dylannesis, "so shut yer trap!"
Mulch, Phillis' second-in-command, was given a magic cloak which enabled him to reach incredible speeds and pass through solid object without harm.
"This is awesome!," he yelled as he passed continuously through Mattiemon.
"Stop it!" Mattiemon cried.
Finally, Dylannesis crafted for himself a chest plate that could summon evil forces, and a sword crafted from steel empowered with the powers of darkness.
The other three Gorgonaths (who will remain nameless) were given swords that were forged in the same fashion, making the swords brothers. One sword had the powers of Light, the next the powers of air, and finally the third had the powers of earth.
And as a final precaution, they were all given armour to protect the different body parts of the body that weren't being protected already.
"Well, now that we're all suited up," stated Dylannesis, "we can finally raid the land of Jamkubia!" A great cheer rose from the ranks as the team of 7 rushed out the door. They then stopped, mystified, looking at each other. They didn't know where Jamkubia was! They all sighed, disheartened, and walked back inside, thinking this perilous journey would never end.
"But wait!" exclaimed Dylannesis, many hours after they had returned from their five second journey, "there may be hope for us yet!"
"What do you mean?" the company cried.
"I have a long lost brother named Aidafo who is the land's most excellent cartographer! He would certainly be in the possession of a map of Jamkubia! If we can make it successfully to his lair, in the neighbouring land of Picdromo, we can have him give us (or make us) a map!"
"Great!," yelled Phillis, "where does he live?"
"At the top of Mount Impossible," Dylannesis explained coolly, pointing over to a mountain in the distance which climbed high past the clouds.
"SON OF A BITCH!" complained Mulch. The rest of the party groaned.
"We don't have to climb it, you fools! There's an escalator,"
The escalator, however, was moving DOWN. The company groaned again.
"It's hopeless!" said Mulch sadly.
Just then, a voice rang out from above them.
"WHO DARES INVADE THE REALM OF AIDAFO?" yelled the voice menacingly.
Dylannesis looked around, seeing nothing. He sighs and shouts out to the mountain.
"Aidafo, what are you? The fucking Wizard of Oz? Show yourself!"
A man in a loose-fitting white shirt and old jeans along with a tattered cape appeared beside the party. No one said anything, confused with his appearance. The man looked impatient.
"Well?" asked Aidafo, "what the HELL are you doing here?"
"Aidafo, is that you?" asked Dylannesis in awe, quickly turning to disgust, "You look like shit."
"Well I just woke up cause a bunch of wolf-pigeons and my retarded brother were yelling outside so I didn't really have time to get very ready." explained Aidafo, "but who else but the magnificent cartographer known as Aidafo (trumpets sound) would reside on the abominable peak of Mount Impossible? The very thought makes me want to blow chunks!"
"Pleasant," commented Dylannesis.
"Anyways," continued Aidafo, "to what displeasure do I owe this meeting?"
"IM YOUR BROTHER!" screamed Dylannesis with impatience, "don't you remember me?" Aidafo was left in stunned silence.
" ... Oh yeah," said Aidafo, "now I remember." He looked slightly surprised that he had forgotten so quickly. He quickly came to his senses, looking at the Gorgonaths.
"And why the hell are these things here?" asked Aidafo.
Dylannesis looks over at the party. "These are the Gorgonaths. This is Phillis, Mulch, and three other nameless Gorgonaths," he explains, motioning to the different Gorgonaths upon saying their names.
Aidafo didn't look impressed. "Why should I be impressed by bird dogs?"
"What did you say, worm?" snarled Phillis.
Upon hearing this, Aidafo laughed and extended one hand. At first, nothing happened. Then, hundreds of pebbles lifted from the ground and pelted themselves at Phillis at high speeds.
"HOLY HORSE FEATHERS!" yelled Phillis Just as the legion of pebbles were about to strike him and his Gorgonath comrades, Mattiemon cast a Aura of Protection over the ranks. The spell could only take so much, however, and the aura subsided, allowing the hundreds of pebbles to strike Phillis. Phillis howled in pain as the many pebbles ricocheted off his body.
"Aidafo, stop your little games and let's talk business," said Dylannesis in a calm manner.
"Mua ha ha ha!... ah ha ha... ah... I tire of this measly torture." said Aidafo. He lowered his hand, causing the pebbles to fall from the air and back to the ground from which they came.
"Ok, now that you've stopped pelting my rag-tag band of minions," explained Dylannesis, "I can do what I came here to do."
Aidafo looked at them and sighed, "Fine." He snapped his fingers, which emitted a large explosion-like sound. The troop was then on the top of the mountain, slightly dazed and very impressed.
Aidafo smirked. "If you're impressed by that, wait 'till you see my house."
The ground below them shook, bringing the troop down into the mountain.