CHAPTER 5
Mattiemon awoke early in the morning, met with the eyes of two identical Aidafo clones, looking down at him blankly.
"WHAT THE SHIT?!" screamed Mattiemon, luckily not waking up anyone (except for Dylannesis, of course) considering he kicked his faithful master in the face upon screaming .
"Ow!" Dylannesis mumbled. The Aidafos continued to look down at them blankly. Mattiemon and the grumbling Dylannesis stared back, bewildered.
"Stop looking them in the eyes!" Dylannesis explained quietly, "it might excite them to uncontrollable horror!"
"I can't help it..." replied Mattiemon, "their eyes are just so... mesmerizing..."
"Ah christ..." said Dylannesis. "well we've got to do something."
The two Aidafos then disappeared in an electric poof of smoke. Another Aidafo then came down the lift, puzzled.
"Why are you two up?" he asked.
"Oh, hmm... lemme think... we saw your bloody clones!" yelled Mattiemon.
Aidafo stared at the pair of shaken warriors, then began laughing. "Those weren't my clones, they were illusions!" He wipes a tear from his eye, "Oh, mercy. Anyways, I came down to give you the look of my costume. Really, it's just a cape." The two looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "I knew you'd suspect something... The cape is long and red, and it's called the C-47."
Dylannesis shrugged. "So?"
"Well, the thing is, it's made of woven titanium."
The pair looked stunned, eyes open wide, "The hell?" asked the pair simultaneously.
"I wear it to look cool, and defend against getting shot in the back", explained Aidafo.
"Where the hell are you going to get titanium? And how are you going to weave it?? And turn it red???" questioned Mattiemon, each question rising with volume.
Aidafo sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "You idiot! You wouldn't make it," said Aidafo with great annoyance, "you'd steal it!"
The two laughed nervously. "Piece of cake," said Dylannesis, "Where'll we get this... C-47 as you call it."
Aidafo sent them a mental image of a military research centre. "This base is around 50 miles east of here. If you're quick, you'll get there in five days flat, so get going." He smiled maliciously. "And if you don't, I'll destruct every cell in your brains."
And so Dylannesis, Mattiemon and the Gorgonaths set off to the military base far to the south. They travelled night and day, only stopping for slots and women, err, food and rest. On the fifth day, just like Aidafo said, they arrived at the chain-linked gates of the military base. It was heavily guarded by monster clouds , monster snow, and even a little monster ground, all newly created by the sorcerers hired by Alexander The Not-So-great (But Good Enough). These elements would attack on sight and devour all in their path.
"Now what do we do?" asked Mattiemon in a stupor.
"Well," said Dylannesis, "the answer is quite simple, isn't it?"
An awkward silence followed.
"No, not really," the party responded.
"Oh for Christ's sake, we have to get drunk! Then they wont see us. Pretty basic wizarding rule there..."
The party stares at Dylannesis, stunned in his brilliance.
"Of course! Why didn't I think of- that's the dumbest thing you've ever said!" Mattiemon fumes. He then goes off from the party to concoct a plan.
"I didn't think it was a stupid idea..." muttered Phillis.
"You're right, my good man! It isn't a stupid idea because I know it works. Watch..."
And so Dylannesis began to drink, and drink, and drink, until he is finally drunk. He then approaches the base and steps right up to one of the monster clouds, though it has no reaction.
"Un-friggin'-believable..." says Mattiemon, amazed and longingly staring at Dylannesis blatantly doing an Irish jig in front of the monster cloud.
"How could he possibly accomplish such an awesome feat so easily?" a few of the Gorgonaths questioned with a puzzled expression on their faces.
"Wait just a minute!" Mattiemon exclaimed in triumph. "I just might understand how he did it! Listen up, everybody!"
The troupe turned to face him expectantly.
"Let me see that bottle, Dylannesis," Mattiemon said.
"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! MOMMY, I WANT CHOCOLATE!" Dylannesis cried in a drunken demeanour, too unfocused to even move at the moment.
"Fair enough," Mattiemon hesitantly replied, shuffling over to Dylannesis and prying the bottle from his warm, wine-drenched fingers. "Just as I suspected," Mattiemon explained, "This wine contains a rare chemical solution known as G.I.N., that stands for Genetic Invisibility Nutrient. Whoever drinks it instantaneously becomes undetectable to any creature fashioned as a result of magic or technology. In this case, it is a combination of both -- the magical, elemental component of the monster cloud is fused with various high-tech features that allows it to detect any heat or movement in the immediate surrounding area.
"The problem is," Mattiemon continued," is that Dylannesis drank all of the friggin' wine! We'll have to find a substitute to the wine from which we can derive enough G.I.N. for everyone to pass undetected."
"Top of the mornin,' to ye!" Dylannesis suddenly added from nowhere.
"Ummm... What're we going to do about him?" Asked one of the Gorgonaths. "He's shit drunk!"
"No, you're shit!" Dylannesis takes a swing at him, and falls flat on his face.
Mattiemon waves his wand a bit and Dylannesis becomes suspended in the air, like a puppet. "We'll just have to move him around like this." He moves his fingers around, making Dylannesis dance loose jointedly. "Hee hee..."
"Q-Quit it you stupid mole dingo!" Dylannesis keeps dancing helplessly under the power of Mattiemon, when a sudden CRACK sounds through the air, showing a pissed off Aidafo.
"What in the hell are you doing?! I want my cape!" Then he disappears as fast as he appeared.
Mattiemon blinks, then grumbles resignedly and drops Dylannesis to the ground. "Damn psychic mumbo jumbo hoogadie ha!"
"What the hell did you just call me?" grumbled Dylannesis as he lies face first in a puddle of his own face.
"I said-" cuts off Phillis as he smacks him in the head with a blunt object. Dylannesis then lays unconscious on the ground, muttering sweet nothings to himself.
"Alright, now we have to find a way to get into the base undetected..."
Phillis then stood up, stunned with his own brilliance. "I know!"
The troupe began sneaking into the base, concealed behind the wooden bush they had created (considering they figured "How smart could a cloud possibly be?") They snuck with the utmost caution, the various types of monsters unaware of their presence. They get through the chain-linked front gates and make their way towards the door, which they find to be made of solid titanium.
"Now what?" whispered one of the un-named Gorgonaths.
"Well we're going to need a huge spell to break down this thi-"said Mattiemon, cut off by Phillis.
"It's unlocked. In fact, it doesn't even have a lock, it's propped up with a piece of wood..."
"Fan-bloody-tastic," Mattiemon declared sarcastically. "Well, in that case, we'd best be moving on. You know, I'm surprised at how far we've gotten without too much difficulty, I suppose..."
"Stop talking, dumb ass!!!" screamed Phillis in frustration. "You just might've jinxed us! Something bad always happens when somebody says everything is fine. Just in case, I'd better knock on wood."
Seeing that there was little wood in the area, Phillis looked at the titanium door with the wooden plank propping it up with a raised eyebrow.
"Here goes nothing," he sighed deeply, and knocked on the wooden plank. This caused the door to slowly begin falling in Phillis' direction. He stared up at it in horror and jumped out of the way just in time, narrowly evading being crushed. When the dust cleared, everyone held their breath in astonishment. About 10 feet into the chamber, the titanium cape of legendary proportions lay strewn on a wooden table, with a single window permitting a thin beam of light to shine on it.
"Funky," everybody nodded slowly, gazing at the cape.
Slowly but surely, the ground beneath them began to rumble, as if a storm were brewing beneath them. Without warning, the soil that Phillis was standing on erupted beneath his feet, knocking him backwards into Mattiemon.
"Holy shit..." muttered Mattiemon, as a huge, hulking creature with sharp claws and powerful wings emerged from the ground.
"It's a chicken!" somebody in the back cried. "The mother of all chickens!"
Mattiemon awoke early in the morning, met with the eyes of two identical Aidafo clones, looking down at him blankly.
"WHAT THE SHIT?!" screamed Mattiemon, luckily not waking up anyone (except for Dylannesis, of course) considering he kicked his faithful master in the face upon screaming .
"Ow!" Dylannesis mumbled. The Aidafos continued to look down at them blankly. Mattiemon and the grumbling Dylannesis stared back, bewildered.
"Stop looking them in the eyes!" Dylannesis explained quietly, "it might excite them to uncontrollable horror!"
"I can't help it..." replied Mattiemon, "their eyes are just so... mesmerizing..."
"Ah christ..." said Dylannesis. "well we've got to do something."
The two Aidafos then disappeared in an electric poof of smoke. Another Aidafo then came down the lift, puzzled.
"Why are you two up?" he asked.
"Oh, hmm... lemme think... we saw your bloody clones!" yelled Mattiemon.
Aidafo stared at the pair of shaken warriors, then began laughing. "Those weren't my clones, they were illusions!" He wipes a tear from his eye, "Oh, mercy. Anyways, I came down to give you the look of my costume. Really, it's just a cape." The two looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "I knew you'd suspect something... The cape is long and red, and it's called the C-47."
Dylannesis shrugged. "So?"
"Well, the thing is, it's made of woven titanium."
The pair looked stunned, eyes open wide, "The hell?" asked the pair simultaneously.
"I wear it to look cool, and defend against getting shot in the back", explained Aidafo.
"Where the hell are you going to get titanium? And how are you going to weave it?? And turn it red???" questioned Mattiemon, each question rising with volume.
Aidafo sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "You idiot! You wouldn't make it," said Aidafo with great annoyance, "you'd steal it!"
The two laughed nervously. "Piece of cake," said Dylannesis, "Where'll we get this... C-47 as you call it."
Aidafo sent them a mental image of a military research centre. "This base is around 50 miles east of here. If you're quick, you'll get there in five days flat, so get going." He smiled maliciously. "And if you don't, I'll destruct every cell in your brains."
And so Dylannesis, Mattiemon and the Gorgonaths set off to the military base far to the south. They travelled night and day, only stopping for slots and women, err, food and rest. On the fifth day, just like Aidafo said, they arrived at the chain-linked gates of the military base. It was heavily guarded by monster clouds , monster snow, and even a little monster ground, all newly created by the sorcerers hired by Alexander The Not-So-great (But Good Enough). These elements would attack on sight and devour all in their path.
"Now what do we do?" asked Mattiemon in a stupor.
"Well," said Dylannesis, "the answer is quite simple, isn't it?"
An awkward silence followed.
"No, not really," the party responded.
"Oh for Christ's sake, we have to get drunk! Then they wont see us. Pretty basic wizarding rule there..."
The party stares at Dylannesis, stunned in his brilliance.
"Of course! Why didn't I think of- that's the dumbest thing you've ever said!" Mattiemon fumes. He then goes off from the party to concoct a plan.
"I didn't think it was a stupid idea..." muttered Phillis.
"You're right, my good man! It isn't a stupid idea because I know it works. Watch..."
And so Dylannesis began to drink, and drink, and drink, until he is finally drunk. He then approaches the base and steps right up to one of the monster clouds, though it has no reaction.
"Un-friggin'-believable..." says Mattiemon, amazed and longingly staring at Dylannesis blatantly doing an Irish jig in front of the monster cloud.
"How could he possibly accomplish such an awesome feat so easily?" a few of the Gorgonaths questioned with a puzzled expression on their faces.
"Wait just a minute!" Mattiemon exclaimed in triumph. "I just might understand how he did it! Listen up, everybody!"
The troupe turned to face him expectantly.
"Let me see that bottle, Dylannesis," Mattiemon said.
"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! MOMMY, I WANT CHOCOLATE!" Dylannesis cried in a drunken demeanour, too unfocused to even move at the moment.
"Fair enough," Mattiemon hesitantly replied, shuffling over to Dylannesis and prying the bottle from his warm, wine-drenched fingers. "Just as I suspected," Mattiemon explained, "This wine contains a rare chemical solution known as G.I.N., that stands for Genetic Invisibility Nutrient. Whoever drinks it instantaneously becomes undetectable to any creature fashioned as a result of magic or technology. In this case, it is a combination of both -- the magical, elemental component of the monster cloud is fused with various high-tech features that allows it to detect any heat or movement in the immediate surrounding area.
"The problem is," Mattiemon continued," is that Dylannesis drank all of the friggin' wine! We'll have to find a substitute to the wine from which we can derive enough G.I.N. for everyone to pass undetected."
"Top of the mornin,' to ye!" Dylannesis suddenly added from nowhere.
"Ummm... What're we going to do about him?" Asked one of the Gorgonaths. "He's shit drunk!"
"No, you're shit!" Dylannesis takes a swing at him, and falls flat on his face.
Mattiemon waves his wand a bit and Dylannesis becomes suspended in the air, like a puppet. "We'll just have to move him around like this." He moves his fingers around, making Dylannesis dance loose jointedly. "Hee hee..."
"Q-Quit it you stupid mole dingo!" Dylannesis keeps dancing helplessly under the power of Mattiemon, when a sudden CRACK sounds through the air, showing a pissed off Aidafo.
"What in the hell are you doing?! I want my cape!" Then he disappears as fast as he appeared.
Mattiemon blinks, then grumbles resignedly and drops Dylannesis to the ground. "Damn psychic mumbo jumbo hoogadie ha!"
"What the hell did you just call me?" grumbled Dylannesis as he lies face first in a puddle of his own face.
"I said-" cuts off Phillis as he smacks him in the head with a blunt object. Dylannesis then lays unconscious on the ground, muttering sweet nothings to himself.
"Alright, now we have to find a way to get into the base undetected..."
Phillis then stood up, stunned with his own brilliance. "I know!"
The troupe began sneaking into the base, concealed behind the wooden bush they had created (considering they figured "How smart could a cloud possibly be?") They snuck with the utmost caution, the various types of monsters unaware of their presence. They get through the chain-linked front gates and make their way towards the door, which they find to be made of solid titanium.
"Now what?" whispered one of the un-named Gorgonaths.
"Well we're going to need a huge spell to break down this thi-"said Mattiemon, cut off by Phillis.
"It's unlocked. In fact, it doesn't even have a lock, it's propped up with a piece of wood..."
"Fan-bloody-tastic," Mattiemon declared sarcastically. "Well, in that case, we'd best be moving on. You know, I'm surprised at how far we've gotten without too much difficulty, I suppose..."
"Stop talking, dumb ass!!!" screamed Phillis in frustration. "You just might've jinxed us! Something bad always happens when somebody says everything is fine. Just in case, I'd better knock on wood."
Seeing that there was little wood in the area, Phillis looked at the titanium door with the wooden plank propping it up with a raised eyebrow.
"Here goes nothing," he sighed deeply, and knocked on the wooden plank. This caused the door to slowly begin falling in Phillis' direction. He stared up at it in horror and jumped out of the way just in time, narrowly evading being crushed. When the dust cleared, everyone held their breath in astonishment. About 10 feet into the chamber, the titanium cape of legendary proportions lay strewn on a wooden table, with a single window permitting a thin beam of light to shine on it.
"Funky," everybody nodded slowly, gazing at the cape.
Slowly but surely, the ground beneath them began to rumble, as if a storm were brewing beneath them. Without warning, the soil that Phillis was standing on erupted beneath his feet, knocking him backwards into Mattiemon.
"Holy shit..." muttered Mattiemon, as a huge, hulking creature with sharp claws and powerful wings emerged from the ground.
"It's a chicken!" somebody in the back cried. "The mother of all chickens!"