Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be *sob*, don't sue *please*.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 1x2 just to be safe
Summary: Harry's struck by events as much as anyone, his reactions from an unlikely point of view.
Notes: First attempt at Spooks fic, let me know if it's worth writing more.
Liz took the stairs one at a time, her hand ghosted lightly along the polished banister top as she stifled an incredulous yawn. Standing on the bottom step she could see the soft light of a lamp creeping underneath the living-room door. She hadn't even heard him come home. Smothering another yawn she crossed the hall, pushing the door open with one hand.
The standard lamp in the corner of the room offered the only illumination, behind the battered old leather chair that was Harry's favourite. As she slipped into the room he looked up, lifting his head from the cradle of his hands. He looked tired, crouched low in his chair but still managed a faint smile for her.
"Hey," he breathed out with a sigh, "Did I wake you?"
"No." She replied as she pushed the door closed behind her, leaning against it for a moment as she watched him. "Why didn't you come up to bed? It's past three, you look exhausted, Harry."
He shrugged a very little. Lapsing back into the chair he let his head lean against one of the wings, "I didn't want to wake you."
It was a lie of course. She knew that without having to wonder at all. No, that was unfair, it wasn't an outright lie. Harry hated to wake her when he crept in at these unholy hours, despite her insistence that she was just glad to see him at the end of the day. All the same, there was quite obviously more to it than that and no matter how well he kept it locked away from the rest of the world there was nothing he could keep hidden from her.
Crossing the room she dropped down into the sofa opposite him, tucking her bare feet beneath her and wrapping her arms about one of the pillows. With his chair in the shadow of the lamp his face was hidden from her, his hands clutching at the arms of the chair the only part of him truly visible. Idly she wondered if it were some purposeful ploy that he'd learnt.
"Long day?" she asked gently.
"Something like that."
The moment drew out but the silence between them was more thoughtful than uncomfortable. At length his voice lifted quietly out of the darkness,
"Today through no fault of her own a young woman, who wanted nothing more than to help, was killed. She wasn't even supposed to be there, but she was eager to pitch in and join the team. My team..." His voice trailed off, as he became contemplative for a moment, "You would have liked her, Liz. Bright young mind like that, you wouldn't have been able to resist. I've a meeting tomorrow... today, so they can tell me that I'm not to do a thing. There'll be any number of marvellous bloody reasons of course. Some of which I'll probably even agree with, damn them. But she was such a bright young woman..."
"Oh, Harry." Liz was at his elbow as his voice broke, her heart caught in her throat. She knew what it was he did, not in any great detail of course nor did she want to know more. The risk of someone being lost in the field was something that she had silently acknowledged many years before, but for it to happen was a frightening actuality. And at the guilty heart of it all the only thing Liz could do as be grateful that it was someone else and not him, not her Harry.
He shook his head and though he looked away his gaze was entirely introspective. All she could do was hold his hand and wait for him to come back to her when he was ready. Because that was all she'd ever been able to do. To wait and cling onto the hope that he'd come back eventually from wherever it was he had to go when his phone rang.
"Katie's asleep?" Harry asked quietly as he lay a hand over her own, pulling her back from her own reverie.
"She's a teenager, of course she's in bed."
"Ah, of course. Silly me."
For a moment longer they sat in silence, then with a sigh he gave the slightest shake of her head and leant forward. "To hell with them. My people don't go down with out a fight." He said with the pungency that she'd come to know and love. "Work in the morning, bed now."
She stood heaving him to his feet after her, waiting whilst he turned and switched the light off. Waiting for their eyes to adjust to the near total darkness Harry wrapped an arm about her waist. She leant into him, slipping her arms into the warmth beneath his jacket and knew that no matter what Harry would always look after his own.