Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda series. Believe me, if I did, you'd know. That honor goes to Nintendo. I don't own PPC, either. They are owned by Jay and Acacia. So don't sue me, okay? I do own Kara and Moni, however.

The original PPC is hosted at www.misssandman.com .

Without further ado, on with the story!

PPC: Zelda Division

Prologue

The story begins with a door. It was not a very special door, and would have been quite unremarkable was it not for the following reason: it had no sign. There were, as far as its inhabitants knew, no other door like it in the entire building. At least, not in the explored areas. The story of this is quite simple. It had, of course, like every other door in the PPC headquarters, once had a sign. It had read, 'Department of Mary Sues, Zelda Division.', and this was all very normal and acceptable. It was later, in the interest of strict accuracy, that it was amended to 'Department of Mary Sues, Irrational Crossovers, Bad Slash, Badfics, and pretty much anything else you can think of', with something that could possibly be read as 'Zelda Division', at the end. However, since this made an unreadable mess of the sign, it was scrapped. Anyone of the few people who had business with the Zelda department knew which door it was (number 14763, if anyone cares), and most people without business had the common sense not to try a door with no sign. It was, as had been stated before, pretty ominous.

The inhabitants of this signless door numbered two, both fresh recruits for the Zelda division, which was, apparently, a "rapidly growing, friendly community". At least, that was what the sunflower had said, and Kara and Moni had been naïve enough to believe him. Or her, or it. It was hard to tell, with flowers. They only learned later, that the last occupants had quit due to irreversible brain damage. They had just left full-time school. Of course. They were poor and looking for a job. Of course. And, after it had become apparent that, while collecting dustbins did have certain merits, it just wasn't them, somehow, it was simply a matter of following the directions of one of those 'Your continuum needs YOU!' signs that the Department of Personnel had plastered everywhere.

And now, they were in their response center, waiting for their first mission. This had to do with many things, but mostly it was because they were bored. They had already finished reading the set material, and completing Zelda for the fiftieth time. That was one advantage of working in a games department- part of your work included playing games. Anyway- while it is well known that the Universal Laws of Comedy will immediately set about destroying any auras of calm and happiness They happen to find, They are quite stumped when the come upon boredom and unhappiness, and go slink off in a corner somewhere. This room was particular trouble, as it seemed the occupants would do pretty much anything other than nothing.

Moni was the taller of the two, although not by much; both were about a meter and three quarters tall. Both had plain brown hair, but Moni had dark green eyes, whereas Kara had brown. Moni was the quiet, easily annoyed, bookish one, while Kara was the bouncy, vaguely insane (or at least, obviously vaguely insane) one. They made perfect partners, at least to Upstairs, in that they both had a mild hobby in driving each other passively mad.

They were currently sitting down restlessly on some cushions brought in from Real Life, and were both avidly doing nothing in particular. Kara was simply leaning against one of the few empty spaces on the wall, while Moni was rereading The Life and Habits of the Sue for what seemed like the hundredth time. Soon, Moni got up and left, probably to have another bath or something. She was one of those people who never seem to see when they've had all the baths they can usefully take in one day. The door opened. The door closed.

Time passed.  The door opened. The door closed. Moni entered. "You'll never guess what I found!" she said, happily.

"What?" asked Kara, "A… four story entertainment complex with a thousand films and videogame available and a thousand inch plasma screen?"

"No. Much better than that," replied Moni, dismissively.

"What, then?"

"Junk food!" she practically squealed.

Kara smiled. They had spent hours searching for a café, to no avail, and, while the tuna sandwiches they had were no doubt filling, they lacked a certain something.

"Where? Let's get-"

The Laws saw Their chance:

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!]

End.

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