As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Six [[Three Gay Guys and Me]]
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz or anything associated with it. I repeat, I do NOT. The power lies within Koyasu Takehito and all those who helped bring it about, etc. Got it?
Authoress's Note: In Chapter Four there is a line that says, "I took off my sweater to reveal the shit that was underneath it." Please know that the word "shit" was meant to be shirt, only I forgot to type in the "r." I can assure this was entirely by mistake, and I did not at all mean to swear more than necessary to make the story make sense.
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Dear Aya-chan,
You know, this is beginning to sound too much like a letter. Better choose a name of a person I don't know. How about…Lloyd? I've always liked that name - pity my own parents didn't name me that. I think our neighbors may have once had a cat by that name, but oh well. Its not like I'm going to write to a cat. Really, people.
Dear Lloyd,
Today was absolutely creepy beyond belief. Wait, that sounds girlish in a sense, but whatever. I understand I'm a wanted man, but what occurred in this period is rather overboard.
I think the rest of Weiss is gay.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm still straight as a stick - a straight stick mind you, not the bendy kind. I realize that after many previous events, you might believe me to be slightly psychotic, if not full time insane. But I assure you, I'm not. Now stop looking at me like that.
It all began when the four of us were working in the flower shop. As usual, Yohji was accompanying his girls, I was plotting a tiger lily, Omi was swarmed, and Ken was doing who-knows-what. Until I caught him staring at my butt.
The horror, the horror. Now for part two.
I glared at him icily, but apparently my ass was more interesting. He continued to look, nearly walking into a wall while at it, but still staring.
Then Omi did it too. Slowly, bit by bit, I saw him take quick glances at my butt. Then my chest. Then my face. Blush. Blush again. Butt once more. Shame on that kid, thinking such things at his age! Must be a Takatori thing.
I ignored it that night, thinking that I probably had something like dirt or a flower stuck to my butt, chest, and face, never mind the fact that I myself never noticed. It went well after that.
Until I got a pain in my legs from the night with Fluffy. Do you know, Omi has know insisted on bringing him along during missions. An assassin team and their mascot rabbit. Very intimidating. Especially once they get a good look at the animal. Not to stray onto another ranting of bunnies and my leg - well, partially my leg, but that's not the point.
Let me recollect myself. I experienced pain, and was rubbing the bandaged part of my leg, when Yohji offered to give me a leg massage. Suspiciously, I asked what was with the sudden act of kindness. He replied that he felt he acted wrongly the previous night and was too harsh on his decision-making and wasn't thinking for me as well. To make it up, he would do me a favor. I saw no harm in, so I agreed. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that the man's hand brushed past my butt more than a few times. And I don't mean the light, accidental brush, but the kind where you stroke brush. Yes, Yohji stroked my butt. I was well aware of it. When asking him if he touched my rear end, he would go and pinch my leg, causing me to yell out in pain, and therefore go off topic into what kind of massage was this.
The following night, I thought nothing of the event, only that I had probably hallucinated or something. We were up against Schwartz as usual, me slashing this way and that, until ORACLE LIFTED UP MY SHIRT!!! This was definitely not my imagination. My rival swiped at the black cloth surrounding my stomach with his gun, and deliberately sent it sky high, making EVERYBODY STARE AT IT!!! I even saw a drop of drool on the right corner of Siberian's mouth. That sick man. I always knew soccer turned him funny. So I whacked down the shirt and physically tackled Oracle in vengeance of what he did.
About five minutes later, Bombay had shot down Telepath with a dart, causing him to "accidentally" focus his head and his aim the wrong way, SENDING MY SHIRT FLYING FOR THE SECOND TIME!!! Once again, EVERYBODY STARED!!! This time, however, Berserker drooled as well as Siberian. Someone's going to find an unpleasant object stuck in their ribs very soon if they keep this up.
The next night me and the rest of the assassin team were watching a horror flick while eating popcorn. I had no fears, since the movie was highly gruesome and was a huge turnoff. Who flirts while seeing people decapitate each other? I sat on the far left end of the sofa, Omi next to me, Ken after that, and Yohji the popcorn hog on the very right. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief as to finally have a comfortable moment with the other three.
Until Omi snuggled up to me and put his head on my shoulder. I leapt up, knocking the seventeen year old over and receiving odd looks from the others.
"Er, Ken, didn't you say you wanted a glass of water to go along with your popcorn?"
"No."
"Yes you did, REMEMBER!?!"
"Uh, sure Aya, I'd love some water."
I raced over to the kitchen to find something that could stall my time. What that boy was thinking, snuggling up to me!?! That's the sort of thing he'd do with Fluffy, not yours truly. God, why can't he snuggle up to Ken instead? Or Yohji even? Wait, I take that back. Maybe not him. I know people simply can't resist me - the proof is here everyday in the Koneko at approximately 3:30. What is wrong with these people!?! Am I the only straight guy in here!?!
Hell, even the cat's attracted to me now. Go away! Scat! Bad cat! No, do NOT rub Aya's leg. Go back to Momoe-san now- STOP HUMPING MY FOOT YOU HORNY FELINE!!! I FELT THAT, YOU KNOW!!! QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT!!!
I run to the bathroom and lock the door. Safe, but for how long?
"Aya?" Omi's voice calls worriedly.
"Uh, what do you know, the toilet's sprung a leak in the, uh, ceramic…bottom…part…thingy. Can't leave it like that, you know…eh, heh, heh, heh…"
"Do you want any help?" Three pairs of footsteps seem to get louder and louder.
"NO!! I mean, no! I'm fine here, thanks! Go back to watching the movie now, I'll be out in a second." A very long second, that is. If I'm to be confronted with the love I was never aware of until now, it had better not be in the bathroom of all places. Or a bedroom. Or in the living room. Or anywhere, really.
STOP EYEING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU BOOK!!! DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR MIND!!!
Oh wait, you're a book. Uh, never mind that comment. Still, the problem is nonetheless sitting there on the couch eating popcorn at this very moment as I write. What I need is a plan. Yes, a plan. But what…
*In the living room*
"Maybe we should tell Aya it's a get back joke for what he did to Fluffy. He's been in the bathroom for an awfully long time," Omi voiced with a hint of concern.
"You think he's constipated?" Ken eyes widened.
"I wouldn't be surprised after all that chicken he stole from me at dinner," Yohji drawled, still munching on popcorn.
"Yohji! Those were his chicken you originally took from him!" Omi scolded the older man.
"Really? I seem to remember a different story…" Yohji's eyes floated into a dreamy state. "Ah, those chicken…"
"Not to go off this amazingly interesting topic, but what are we going to do about Aya?" Ken nagged his other two teammates.
"Don't worry. He can't stay there forever, can he Chibi?" Yohji puffed out a ring of smoke.
"I told you not to call me that!" the younger boy whined. "And yes he can, if he sneaks out the bathroom window. Which he may being doing so as we speak."
"But it's two stories tall. Aya would break his leg. OH MY GOD! OUR LEADER IS IN DANGER!" Ken jumped up. "LET'S SAVE AYA!"
"Uh, let me think about that…and…no." Yohji arched his eyebrow at the brunette.
"Ken's right. What if Aya really does get hurt because of our prank?" Omi wondered thoughtfully.
"Let me think about that again…and…no. You heard me. Balinese is staying right here where the seat's soft and the food is good while nobody takes it."
"Fine then. Ken and I will go and be good friends to Aya, and you can tell him why you weren't there to send him to the hospital."
"OKAY PEOPLE! OPERATION: SAVE AYA IS NOW IN SESSION! LETS GO OMI!" And together the two went.
*Back in the bathroom*
Do I hear footsteps? Two pairs of footsteps? Ken and Omi's footsteps. Why are they here!?! NO! They're coming closer! I can hear them now! NOOOO!!!
*With Ken and Omi*
"Okay, lets knock together on the count of three. One, two-"
"OKAY I ADMIT IT! I'M STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT AS A…A…A STRAIGHT OBJECT! I AM NOT GAY AND AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU GUYS! PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE!" Aya burst out of the door to face two confounded men. "NO! NO! NO!" He starts to jump up and down, stomping his feet, fists clenched. Grabbing Ken's collar, a malicious grin on his face, Aya begins to laugh insanely. "I DON'T LIKE YOU! I DON'T! AT ALL! HA!"
"Uh, I'm sure you don't." Horrified, Ken looks towards Omi for help.
"Eh, heh, heh…actually Aya-kun, it, uh, was all a prank really. You know, for the Fluffy incident." Omi spreads a sheepish look on his face and scratches the back of his head.
Aya pounces on him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT WAS ALL A PRANK! NO, YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME! I KNOW YOU LIKE ME! YOU ALL LOVE ME! YES, YOU DO!"
At this point Yohji walks in. "I don't suppose you people know where the remote control is, do you? Oh, hi Aya. This isn't a bad time, is it?"
*Three hours later*
Grr. Those idiotic people I have to deal with…I am going murder them one day. Oh yes, lets play a joke on Aya making him think we're all in love with him! How amusing - NOT. Humph. They are going to rue the day they ever brought that filthy rabbit into the Koneko and created all this mess. I can't believe they even paid Schwartz to be in on the plan! I really need to tell these people one day how the pool of blood on the floor was actually mine. How about a little too much salt in their food tomorrow, or a pile of Fluffy's droppings in their bedrooms - did they ever think about that as a consequence? Well, they will very soon…
Unhappily, but at least without three gay men and an enemy gay team attracted to you,
Aya
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz or anything associated with it. I repeat, I do NOT. The power lies within Koyasu Takehito and all those who helped bring it about, etc. Got it?
Authoress's Note: In Chapter Four there is a line that says, "I took off my sweater to reveal the shit that was underneath it." Please know that the word "shit" was meant to be shirt, only I forgot to type in the "r." I can assure this was entirely by mistake, and I did not at all mean to swear more than necessary to make the story make sense.
###------
Dear Aya-chan,
You know, this is beginning to sound too much like a letter. Better choose a name of a person I don't know. How about…Lloyd? I've always liked that name - pity my own parents didn't name me that. I think our neighbors may have once had a cat by that name, but oh well. Its not like I'm going to write to a cat. Really, people.
Dear Lloyd,
Today was absolutely creepy beyond belief. Wait, that sounds girlish in a sense, but whatever. I understand I'm a wanted man, but what occurred in this period is rather overboard.
I think the rest of Weiss is gay.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm still straight as a stick - a straight stick mind you, not the bendy kind. I realize that after many previous events, you might believe me to be slightly psychotic, if not full time insane. But I assure you, I'm not. Now stop looking at me like that.
It all began when the four of us were working in the flower shop. As usual, Yohji was accompanying his girls, I was plotting a tiger lily, Omi was swarmed, and Ken was doing who-knows-what. Until I caught him staring at my butt.
The horror, the horror. Now for part two.
I glared at him icily, but apparently my ass was more interesting. He continued to look, nearly walking into a wall while at it, but still staring.
Then Omi did it too. Slowly, bit by bit, I saw him take quick glances at my butt. Then my chest. Then my face. Blush. Blush again. Butt once more. Shame on that kid, thinking such things at his age! Must be a Takatori thing.
I ignored it that night, thinking that I probably had something like dirt or a flower stuck to my butt, chest, and face, never mind the fact that I myself never noticed. It went well after that.
Until I got a pain in my legs from the night with Fluffy. Do you know, Omi has know insisted on bringing him along during missions. An assassin team and their mascot rabbit. Very intimidating. Especially once they get a good look at the animal. Not to stray onto another ranting of bunnies and my leg - well, partially my leg, but that's not the point.
Let me recollect myself. I experienced pain, and was rubbing the bandaged part of my leg, when Yohji offered to give me a leg massage. Suspiciously, I asked what was with the sudden act of kindness. He replied that he felt he acted wrongly the previous night and was too harsh on his decision-making and wasn't thinking for me as well. To make it up, he would do me a favor. I saw no harm in, so I agreed. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that the man's hand brushed past my butt more than a few times. And I don't mean the light, accidental brush, but the kind where you stroke brush. Yes, Yohji stroked my butt. I was well aware of it. When asking him if he touched my rear end, he would go and pinch my leg, causing me to yell out in pain, and therefore go off topic into what kind of massage was this.
The following night, I thought nothing of the event, only that I had probably hallucinated or something. We were up against Schwartz as usual, me slashing this way and that, until ORACLE LIFTED UP MY SHIRT!!! This was definitely not my imagination. My rival swiped at the black cloth surrounding my stomach with his gun, and deliberately sent it sky high, making EVERYBODY STARE AT IT!!! I even saw a drop of drool on the right corner of Siberian's mouth. That sick man. I always knew soccer turned him funny. So I whacked down the shirt and physically tackled Oracle in vengeance of what he did.
About five minutes later, Bombay had shot down Telepath with a dart, causing him to "accidentally" focus his head and his aim the wrong way, SENDING MY SHIRT FLYING FOR THE SECOND TIME!!! Once again, EVERYBODY STARED!!! This time, however, Berserker drooled as well as Siberian. Someone's going to find an unpleasant object stuck in their ribs very soon if they keep this up.
The next night me and the rest of the assassin team were watching a horror flick while eating popcorn. I had no fears, since the movie was highly gruesome and was a huge turnoff. Who flirts while seeing people decapitate each other? I sat on the far left end of the sofa, Omi next to me, Ken after that, and Yohji the popcorn hog on the very right. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief as to finally have a comfortable moment with the other three.
Until Omi snuggled up to me and put his head on my shoulder. I leapt up, knocking the seventeen year old over and receiving odd looks from the others.
"Er, Ken, didn't you say you wanted a glass of water to go along with your popcorn?"
"No."
"Yes you did, REMEMBER!?!"
"Uh, sure Aya, I'd love some water."
I raced over to the kitchen to find something that could stall my time. What that boy was thinking, snuggling up to me!?! That's the sort of thing he'd do with Fluffy, not yours truly. God, why can't he snuggle up to Ken instead? Or Yohji even? Wait, I take that back. Maybe not him. I know people simply can't resist me - the proof is here everyday in the Koneko at approximately 3:30. What is wrong with these people!?! Am I the only straight guy in here!?!
Hell, even the cat's attracted to me now. Go away! Scat! Bad cat! No, do NOT rub Aya's leg. Go back to Momoe-san now- STOP HUMPING MY FOOT YOU HORNY FELINE!!! I FELT THAT, YOU KNOW!!! QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT!!!
I run to the bathroom and lock the door. Safe, but for how long?
"Aya?" Omi's voice calls worriedly.
"Uh, what do you know, the toilet's sprung a leak in the, uh, ceramic…bottom…part…thingy. Can't leave it like that, you know…eh, heh, heh, heh…"
"Do you want any help?" Three pairs of footsteps seem to get louder and louder.
"NO!! I mean, no! I'm fine here, thanks! Go back to watching the movie now, I'll be out in a second." A very long second, that is. If I'm to be confronted with the love I was never aware of until now, it had better not be in the bathroom of all places. Or a bedroom. Or in the living room. Or anywhere, really.
STOP EYEING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU BOOK!!! DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR MIND!!!
Oh wait, you're a book. Uh, never mind that comment. Still, the problem is nonetheless sitting there on the couch eating popcorn at this very moment as I write. What I need is a plan. Yes, a plan. But what…
*In the living room*
"Maybe we should tell Aya it's a get back joke for what he did to Fluffy. He's been in the bathroom for an awfully long time," Omi voiced with a hint of concern.
"You think he's constipated?" Ken eyes widened.
"I wouldn't be surprised after all that chicken he stole from me at dinner," Yohji drawled, still munching on popcorn.
"Yohji! Those were his chicken you originally took from him!" Omi scolded the older man.
"Really? I seem to remember a different story…" Yohji's eyes floated into a dreamy state. "Ah, those chicken…"
"Not to go off this amazingly interesting topic, but what are we going to do about Aya?" Ken nagged his other two teammates.
"Don't worry. He can't stay there forever, can he Chibi?" Yohji puffed out a ring of smoke.
"I told you not to call me that!" the younger boy whined. "And yes he can, if he sneaks out the bathroom window. Which he may being doing so as we speak."
"But it's two stories tall. Aya would break his leg. OH MY GOD! OUR LEADER IS IN DANGER!" Ken jumped up. "LET'S SAVE AYA!"
"Uh, let me think about that…and…no." Yohji arched his eyebrow at the brunette.
"Ken's right. What if Aya really does get hurt because of our prank?" Omi wondered thoughtfully.
"Let me think about that again…and…no. You heard me. Balinese is staying right here where the seat's soft and the food is good while nobody takes it."
"Fine then. Ken and I will go and be good friends to Aya, and you can tell him why you weren't there to send him to the hospital."
"OKAY PEOPLE! OPERATION: SAVE AYA IS NOW IN SESSION! LETS GO OMI!" And together the two went.
*Back in the bathroom*
Do I hear footsteps? Two pairs of footsteps? Ken and Omi's footsteps. Why are they here!?! NO! They're coming closer! I can hear them now! NOOOO!!!
*With Ken and Omi*
"Okay, lets knock together on the count of three. One, two-"
"OKAY I ADMIT IT! I'M STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT AS A…A…A STRAIGHT OBJECT! I AM NOT GAY AND AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU GUYS! PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE!" Aya burst out of the door to face two confounded men. "NO! NO! NO!" He starts to jump up and down, stomping his feet, fists clenched. Grabbing Ken's collar, a malicious grin on his face, Aya begins to laugh insanely. "I DON'T LIKE YOU! I DON'T! AT ALL! HA!"
"Uh, I'm sure you don't." Horrified, Ken looks towards Omi for help.
"Eh, heh, heh…actually Aya-kun, it, uh, was all a prank really. You know, for the Fluffy incident." Omi spreads a sheepish look on his face and scratches the back of his head.
Aya pounces on him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT WAS ALL A PRANK! NO, YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME! I KNOW YOU LIKE ME! YOU ALL LOVE ME! YES, YOU DO!"
At this point Yohji walks in. "I don't suppose you people know where the remote control is, do you? Oh, hi Aya. This isn't a bad time, is it?"
*Three hours later*
Grr. Those idiotic people I have to deal with…I am going murder them one day. Oh yes, lets play a joke on Aya making him think we're all in love with him! How amusing - NOT. Humph. They are going to rue the day they ever brought that filthy rabbit into the Koneko and created all this mess. I can't believe they even paid Schwartz to be in on the plan! I really need to tell these people one day how the pool of blood on the floor was actually mine. How about a little too much salt in their food tomorrow, or a pile of Fluffy's droppings in their bedrooms - did they ever think about that as a consequence? Well, they will very soon…
Unhappily, but at least without three gay men and an enemy gay team attracted to you,
Aya