A/N: Sort of short chapter, sorry! Wanted to update ASAP, because my other story Sound of Silence has been taking up all of my energy, as it is very depressing and emotionally draining to write. This chap is sort of lighthearted, bit I needed that after working on the other fic. This is a bit of a setup for things to come. Don't worry, not going to give this up or let suffer in favor of the other story J
Thanks to all who review! I love you guys (and gals. No sexism here)!
A/N II: Though it may surprise you, I do not own, nor have I ever owned Harry Potter. In case you were wondering, I never will own Harry Potter either.
* * *
The Great Hall was buzzing the next morning when Hermione entered for breakfast. News of Ron's calling Snape a great bat seemed to have spread through the school like wildfire. So, it seemed, had news of their dating. She fielded questions as she downed her morning meal, pleading silently to Ginny to help make it stop. Her friend did an admirable job of turning the conversation away from Hermione and Ron and back to Ron and Snape.
"What do you think they'll do to him?" Neville looked excited at the prospect of Snape being made to tone down a bit. The boy had always been a favorite target for the Potions Master.
Hermione shrugged. "Warn him to be human, I suspect."
"I don't know, 'Mione," Harry chimed in. "For Snape that would be cruel and unusual punishment, and you know how Dumbledore is."
"Maybe he'll be fired," Dean Thomas suggested. "I'd love to see that! No more ten foot essays on Arrow Root! No more erasing the directions before anyone's even had a chance to write them down! No more Vertiserum tests!"
Several of the Gryffindors nodded excitedly, but Hermione pursed her lips a bit and frowned. "What's the matter, Hermione," Ron teased, "going to miss the ten foot essays?"
"No," she lied, scowling. "You don't think they really would fire Snape, do you?"
"Who cares," said Harry. Hermione's frown deepened, but she said no more.
"What about Draco, Hermione? He was the one that dumped the potion on you." Neville looked concernedly across the table at her and smiled shyly.
"Now there's a git that needs to be taken out of school," Dean Thomas ranted. Apparently, he was intent on expelling everyone today. "He's horrible. I knew he'd done it on purpose before Harry heard him say so."
"I'm sure he won't be expelled," Hermione said dryly, wishing this conversation would just end.
"No," Ron agreed with her sourly, "of course he won't. Lucious Malfoy will do everything he can to keep him at Hogwarts, won't he? If Dumbledore tried to expel him, I suspect he would just buy his way back in."
Harry nodded grimly. "They are both still in here."
Hermione tuned out the rest of the conversation so that she could finish her meal in peace. After clearing her plate, she leaned over to pick her bag up, straightened her robes, and walked away from the table waving a goodbye to everyone there.
"Oy, Hermione, wait," Ron caught up to her in the outside foyer, breathless.
She smiled at him. "You could have finished, Ron. I'll watch the halls before the first class, then I'll head back to the common room. I can meet you there."
He looked exasperated. "You need to come back and sit down."
"I'm finished," she said a bit more harshly than she would have liked. "Honestly, all of this gossip is giving me a headache."
He threw his hands up in a mixture of irritation and surrender. "The post hasn't come yet. Don't you want to read Ginny's mail?"
"Oh." She blushed scarlet. "I can't go back in there now. Malfoy's probably still watching me for Snape, and that will defiantly look suspicious. Just get whatever comes for Ginny from her and bring it up to the tower."
Ron looked slightly dejected and turned away. Hermione adjusted her pack, and stood out in one of the busier hallways, waiting for the passing time to end.
As soon as she had finished with her work, she ran back to Gryffindor tower, lungs practically bursting as she leapt through the portrait hole. "Did anything come," she asked excitedly.
"Yeah." Neither Ron nor Harry turned to look at her. They seemed too engrossed in reading the reply that Ginny had received. When Hermione made her way over to them, she couldn't help but laugh.
"Uh, nice nose, Ron. You too, Harry."
"I knew there was something wrong with this when Ginny didn't even bother to open it," Ron glowered. "Good job, Harry, convincing me she just didn't want the chance of being found out. I'm telling you mate, she knew there was something in there. That's why she was giggling when she gave it to me."
Harry shrugged. "How was I supposed to know?"
"What does it say?" Hermione reached around the elephantine trunk that Ron had sprouted and avoided Harry's oversized bill as she snatched the letter away from them. She scanned it for a moment. "Great," she declared, dropping the parchment back on Ron's lap.
"Is that great as in it really is good, or great as in it really stinks and you're being Snapeish?"
"Snapeish? No, Ron. It was not sarcasm. Fred and George are going to go visit the names on the list that I gave them, acting like they're handing out free samples on some of their new products. They're going to see if they can find anyone who might have ever been Arial. Didn't you read this?"
"No," Ron said snappishly," I was too busy admiring Harry's bill. Then when I found out I had sprouted a trunk I became too excited to read."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "They're going to set out today. Closing the store, they are."
Harry raised his eyebrows slightly. "That has to be a first."
Hermione opened her mouth to discuss the matter further when Dean Thomas came sprinting into the room, a manic grin upon her face. "Sonorous," Hermione heard him say, pointing his wand to his throat. Suddenly, his magically magnified voice reverberated to all of the sixth and seventh years that were still in the tower waiting for their first set of classes. "Oy, everyone," he called gleefully, "Get up and come down here. You have got to see this."
* * *
"I will not," Severus Snape was repeating over and over again as the Gryffindors approached the marble staircase that led down to the entranceway of the castle.
"You will," Dumbledore repeated each time Snape refused. There was a large piece of parchment hanging in he air between the two. Fawkes the Phoenix was sitting on Dumbledore's shoulder making soft clucking noises. Snape was staring at the bird and the headmaster with as much loathing as he could muster without his expression being considered insubordination.
"I will not." Snape used his wand to push the parchment back towards Dumbledore, who in turn did the same to him.
"You will."
"I will not."
"You will."
"How long have they been doing this," asked Hermione.
"Ever since the end of breakfast. I had a feeling they would still be at it," Dean answered.
"What are they arguing about," Harry wondered aloud.
"Dumbledore pulled out this parchment and told Snape he needed to read it before he could start teaching his lessons today. Snape glared at him and snatched it away. He read it and started saying "I will not". They've been at it ever since," Dean explained.
"I will not."
"You will."
Parvati giggled shrilly at the sight of the two grown men pushing the sheet of parchment back and forth between themselves as though they were children fighting over who would take out the trash. Dumbledore looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye. Snape merely glowered, continuing his argumentative insolence.
"I will not."
This time Dumbledore did not answer. He merely snatched the parchment from the air as Snape magically pushed it towards him. He folded it carefully, handing it to Fawkes who took it in his clawed foot and flew off in the direction of the Headmaster's office.
Snape turned away, smirking as though he had won, his robes billowing out around him as he headed for the staircase which led to his dungeons. "Stay where you are," Dumbledore commanded, and the Potions Master, along with the whole of his Gryffindor audience were compelled into a statuesque silence. "If you will not do as I have asked, then you will no longer be teaching at this school."
Snape turned around, facing the Headmaster with what could only be described as murder in his eye and a chilly note upon his implacable voice. "Sir, I hardly think that the refusal to apologize for what was so obviously a farce by Miss Granger to escape from having to sit through the remainder of yesterday's potions lesson could be considered grounds for dismissal. You know as well as I the penchant that Potter and his friends have for ridiculous displays of drama. It has been too long since Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley have helped Mr. Potter save the universe for evil of all kinds. I expect they were just wanting for a bit of attention. Furthermore, the thought of my giving extra help to anyone in Gryffindor is leaning a bit towards the side of favoritism, wouldn't you say? Even as the head of Slytherin house, I do not freely offer my assistance to the Slytherins, yet the most dense among them still manage to get better grades than any of the Gryffindors save Miss Granger. As far as Mr. Malfoy goes, punishing a young man for his clumsiness seems quite ridiculous, considering that just last night Minerva McGonagall followed in your grand tradition by giving Mr. Weasley points for his insubordination against me."
For a moment, the benign twinkle in Dumbledore's eye was gone. "Severus, I am warning you. I do not dispense warnings lightly, nor do I dispense them twice." He paused for a moment, letting that sink in. "Apologize to Miss Granger. You will not be teaching again until you do. I am tired of the small but continuous discrepancy in grades that your reports persistently reveal, just as I am tired of hearing complaints in regard to your teaching style from students in every house except your own. The accord I showed to you did not specify the Gryffindors alone in that area. You will give extra assistance to any student who requests it, and you will do so in a civilized manner."
Snape looked as though he wished nothing but ill upon the head master and his bird, who had just returned. Hermione shivered, certain that if Dumbledore were any other man, Snape would have killed him where he stood. As it was, it looked as though he were seriously considering it.
Dumbledore was never one to miss subtlety. "Don't give me that look Severus." The headmaster's voice was as cold as any of the students had ever heard it, and they were again remained why he was the only wizard Voldemort had ever feared. "You have been given a second chance in this as well. I suggest that you also use this chance more wisely than you did your first."
Snape glowered, breathing deeply as though he were trying to calm what looked as though it could only be seething rage. "Yes, headmaster." He turned his gaze to the sixth and seventh year Gryffindors who were still standing transfixed on the balcony above him. "Is it really necessary that we have an audience, headmaster? Perhaps it would be better if they were all made to forget what they have seen?" Snape aimed his wand for the crowd, and several of them ducked, not exactly certain what was going to come bursting from the end.
"Put it down!" Dumbledore ordered. "I have full confidence that these students understand the art of discretion. Furthermore, the news of your offering extra study sessions will need some help to circulate." He smiled amiably at the group of students above him. Parvati was dusting off her robes after rising from the floor. Dean Thomas looked as though he were still waiting for Snape to attack him with the memory altering spell.
Snape's cheek began to twitch manically as he put his wand back in his robes. Dumbledore seemed not to notice the look of pure loathing he cast on the eavesdroppers who had been privy to his dressing-down by the headmaster. "Come along, Severus," the old man said cheerfully. "Let's have a spot of tea in my office, shall we? I would like to further discuss the matter of Draco Malfoy…"
The Gryffindors all looked at each other, dumbfounded for a moment until Neville Longbottom, of all people, bust out in a riot of uncharacteristic laughter which they all soon found themselves embroiled in. "Imagine," Ron practically wept, "Snape having to help people with potions and not being able to fail anyone out of spite."
Harry wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I wonder what he's going to do with Draco? Maybe he'll have to read the first-years bedtime stories." The two of them were practically rolling on the floor, and Hermione, who had barely spared a grim smile, reminded them that their classes would be starting in less than ten minutes. The sixth and seventh year parted ways, each continuing their own recounting of the episode.
"You should have seen the beginning," said Dean Thomas. "Snape tried to light the parchment on fire, and it wouldn't burn. A touch embarrassing for him, I think. Then he tried to make it disappear and it kept jumping out of the way of his spells. That's when I left to come get all of you. It wasn't quite as funny by the time we got back."
"What do you mean," asked Harry. "Watching Dumbledore infuriate Snape had to have been the best part."
Hermione frowned. "He's going to be really angry now. You saw how he was looking at Dumbledore, and then the way he pointed that wand at us to do the Obliviate spell was just scary."
"Lighten up, Hermione. You heard what Dumbledore said, he's sick of hearing people complaining about Snape," said Ron merrily.
"I'm sure people have been complaining about Snape for as long as he's been teaching here," Hermione said tersely. "I don't see how that's stopped him from being his awful self before."
Ron shrugged, obviously torn between further anger and backing down to ensure the survival of his newfound romance. "Maybe he just went too far this time."
Hermione sniffed, but said no more. Her spat had managed to quell everyone else's laughter as well, which was fine with her. An inconsiderate Snape was one thing. A scorned, vengeful Snape was quite another. She had a sneaking suspicion that Ron's bat remark coupled with their bearing witness to what he would undoubtedly perceive as some sort of humiliation may have just qualified him to become the latter.
* * *
"Ron, Harry, you actually have all of your homework done already?" Ginny looked quite skeptical as she stepped through the portrait hole that afternoon. "Shove over, Harry," she said as she tossed her backpack to the ground and sank onto their customary couch.
Harry grinned. "We had last period free."
"I wish I did. I hate divination."
"Divination?" Ron scoffed at his sister. "Trewlawney's such a fraud. Just throw in loads of disaster and you'll pass. I envy you, we have potions."
"I have that second period. Our class was cancelled too. You don't suppose Snape is sick, do you?"
"Heartsick," said Harry happily. "He has to apologize to Hermione for the way he treated her in class yesterday, then he has to be nice to all of the houses from now on, not just Slytherin. He also has to give people extra help with their potions assignments if they want it. I'm thinking of signing up just to make him angry."
Ginny looked at him oddly. "That's sort of weird Harry. You hate Snape, why would you want to spend any more time with him than you have to?"
The Boy Who Lived shrugged. "Twisted sense of amusement."
"I can't believe he skived out on teaching all day," Hermione frowned. "Now I'll have to review enlivening potions all over again."
"It is a bit odd," Harry said, rolling his eyes at her last remark.
"No it isn't," said a familiar voice coming through the portrait hole.
"We've just been to see Dumbledore," said it's double.
"Snape was just leaving," said the first.
"Dumbledore told us he had been waiting for him to calm down or for the day to end before he let him leave," said the second.
"Must have been quite a stunt to make him so angry," Hermione looked up to see Fred Weasley walking into the common room followed by his twin brother George.
"Please tell us it was you, Ron," George implored his brother.
"It was," Ron admitted self-consciously but with a wide grin upon his face, proceeding to tell his brothers every detail about his calling the Potions master "a great bat" the day before. His brothers slapped him on the back, congratulating him for carrying on the family tradition.
When greetings had been exchanged and some semblance of order restored, Hermione asked the twins, "How did you get here?"
"Owled Dumbledore earlier this afternoon. We told him we were passing though on our way to Hogsmeade for business at Zonko's. We asked him if we could drop by for supper, and told him we wanted to hand out free samples. We weren't sure if he would like the idea at first so we threw in loads of sentimental stuff about how we never got to say a proper goodbye," said Fred.
"We also told him he could have a sneak peek at next season's line up," said George.
Fred nodded, "bet you didn't know that he's our best customer."
"Besides," George finished, "we told him we were already on our way."
"Oh," said Hermione, feeling slightly dizzy. "I'm glad Professor Snape is alright."
Ron looked at her as though she had sprouted three heads, but said nothing.
"Anyway," said George, who had moved away from Hermione after her last declaration, "we thought the four of you might like a mission briefing tonight."
The current students nodded eagerly at their former schoolmates. Fred held up his hands as if to push them back, still regarding Hermione oddly as though he felt she wasn't quite right in the head. "That will have to wait until after dinner, chaps. Right now, we have business to attend to. George," he said, pointing to his twin as he began opening boxes of Weasley's Wizarding Wheeze's merchandise which had been flooed in via the fireplace.
George pointed his wand to his throat much as Dean Thomas had done earlier that day. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Lions and Lionesses, hurry, hurry, step right up to the greatest store in all the wizarding world! Yes, for one night only, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes is coming to you live from your very own Gryffindor common room. If it's on the list of banned items, we have it! Drive Filch and Miss Norris crazy with our assortment of Dungbombs in fifty freakishly frightening flatulent flavors, be the envy of Peeves with nonstop magical mayhem from our Everyday Prankster collection. Fray Snape's last nerve with our magic coloring spell. This latest invention turns anything you can manage to touch it with to the color of your choice with an unbreakable charm which lasts for hours. This one was tested in lavender on the robes of Dumbledore himself, though we think that Snape may prefer a pastel pink. Why wait for a better and more frivolous way to spend your parent's galleons? Shop Weasley's today!"
Hermione braced herself in shock as she heard the thundering of the multitudes on the dormitory stairs. For a moment, there was a brief lull as the hordes made their way towards the makeshift counter which had suddenly assembled itself in the center of the common room, and Hermione heard herself saying, "We need to have this done in an orderly fashion. You need a way to form lines. Be careful to check the ages when you sell some of the more dangerous items…"
She was drowned out by the sound of chaos as only the Weasley twins could produce it.
* * *