Magda's Story: Part 2
The next part is hard for me to remember, but not for the lack of clarity, I remember every second of it like it was yesterday.
***Flashback***
I have no idea exactly how long we ran for, or more precisely he ran and I got dragged along, but when we stopped night had come and gone and it was already into the next day. Erik had said nothing besides the occasional 'We'd better stop and wait a bit' and 'This way' and now my shock induced stupor had passed, leaving me only with a painful need to wake up from this bad dream, the silence was really starting to unnerve me.
"Erik, where are we going?" he continued to stare ahead like he hadn't heard me, adjusting the blanketed bundle in his arms. On remembering it was present, tears filled my eyes, "That's Anya isn't it? I." I thought I couldn't cry anymore, but sobs chocked the words out of me as Erik stared down at our daughter, "Please say something."
"We need to get her to a doctor," He mumbled in a dead tone voice, "We need to get to safety then we need to get a doctor."
"She's still alive? That's great, but.she.she isn't moving.why isn't she moving? Let me see" I moved towards him, but, seeming very much like a caged forest animal he jumped away.
"NO! You shouldn't see, she's," something flashed in his eyes, "She's not dead, she's just hurt. Everything will be ok, we just have to get to safety, then we need.we need to get a.doctor" He doesn't sound so sure anymore.
"But."
"EVERYTHING IS FINE" He roared. I've never heard him so angry, it scares me. I retreat a bit from him, until I hit a tree. He looks so surprised, and almost frightened, like he didn't mean to say that but he couldn't stop himself. He looks at me, and I see that scared, lost little boy I first met in Poland looking back at me, lost for words. He tries to say something, but then everything changes. His face turns blank, and his eyes become cold with indifference.
"We have to keep moving," he turns and faces the direction we were heading, the sparse trees that we are currently in grow thicker ahead, like a blanket of green and brown, we're defiantly no where near town anymore.
"Erik, I think.."
"We have to keep moving" And with that, he took off again, with my only choice at the time, to follow blindly.
*******
We finally arrived at a huge castle in the middle of the woods. Erik led me inside.
"We'll be safe here," The large entrance hall was drafty and dark, adding to the already very imposing feel of the strange castle.
"Are we suppose to be here?" the fear was plain to hear in my voice. It wasn't so much the castle that scared me so, rather the way the shadows brought out the deadpan look on my husbands face.
"A person I met through work owns this place," When no further explanation was offered I began to get worried. Although Erik was a great scientist his focus on mutation genetics and its affects on biological and neurological functioning brought him into contact with some of the more notorious mutant criminals, and I highly doubted that a fellow scientist would have a need, or a want for a spooky castle in the middle of a forest in Germany.
***End Flashback***
No, the difficult part lies in the events. I would gladly erase that whole section of my life from my memory, if not for one thing.
***Flashback***
The next few weeks were spent under a tense silence, during which I only ever saw Erik during our one meal of the day. The rest of the time I spent exploring the castle's upper levels, which, surprisingly were somewhat furnished. I found a grouping of four bedrooms, an extremely bare bathroom and a study, which I decided, would be our house. The entire castle was too big to all be considered a home. Homes were supposed to bring people together, not give them so much space they need a road map to find each other.
The first room I had planned out was for Erik and myself, if he ever snapped out of whatever phase he was in.
The room two down from that was a room for Anya, for although I knew she was gone, I believed that her spirit still was with us and therefore deserved a room to call her own.
The room across from that was going to be a guest room, because, once the mess we were in was cleared up, we'd have company and it would be impolite to house them so far away they might as well have never come at all.
Then there was the fourth bedroom, directly across from the bedroom I had planned out for myself. My imagination had already fully furnished this room. The bed would be moved into the corner, and changed into a lounge, and next to it would be the crib. A toy box would go in the other corner and a rocking chair in the other, not so much for the baby's sake, as I loved them so much. A window would have to be cut out of the wall, because you can't have a nursery with out sunlight, or a light breeze on the hot summer nights.
I always smiled at the thought of another child, I loved children so much, but also for the welcome distraction the new baby would bring. Being alone in this huge castle gives me nothing to do but think of the past, and that always brings me to Anya. With Erik totally withdrawn from me to the point of almost totally avoiding me, I needed this baby, so I would stop always thinking about myself and everything that's gone wrong in my life and start thinking about everything that is still right.
The only problem was how to tell Erik.
*******
After another few weeks of stressing and fretting over how to tell my husband, I finally decided the best way.
"Erik, I'm pregnant" Honesty is always the best policy. So why do I think I took the wrong route? A bread roll sticking halfway out of his mouth and the frozen blank look in his eyes was my first clue that I probably could have broken the news another way.
He reached up and removed the roll from his mouth, but continued to stare at me.
A self-conscious smile reached my lips, "Well aren't you going to say anything?"
Something flashed in his eyes, and his stare turned into a half disbelieving, half curious look.
"Really?" A sort of half smile crossed across his face at the same time, making him look like, to me, a confused puppy. The image made me laugh. I now wish I hadn't cause the cute puppy look turned indignation.
"That's not something to joke about."
"I'm not joking, you just looked so funny." I had hoped that he would see the funny side too, but he shifted back into blank mode.
"I believe you," he got up and left without another word, and to my own surprise, I was relieved. I didn't want to believe it, but I felt like my own husband was a stranger to me now.
***End Flashback***
AN:
So what do we all think of the new story title? Keep it or loose it?
The next part is hard for me to remember, but not for the lack of clarity, I remember every second of it like it was yesterday.
***Flashback***
I have no idea exactly how long we ran for, or more precisely he ran and I got dragged along, but when we stopped night had come and gone and it was already into the next day. Erik had said nothing besides the occasional 'We'd better stop and wait a bit' and 'This way' and now my shock induced stupor had passed, leaving me only with a painful need to wake up from this bad dream, the silence was really starting to unnerve me.
"Erik, where are we going?" he continued to stare ahead like he hadn't heard me, adjusting the blanketed bundle in his arms. On remembering it was present, tears filled my eyes, "That's Anya isn't it? I." I thought I couldn't cry anymore, but sobs chocked the words out of me as Erik stared down at our daughter, "Please say something."
"We need to get her to a doctor," He mumbled in a dead tone voice, "We need to get to safety then we need to get a doctor."
"She's still alive? That's great, but.she.she isn't moving.why isn't she moving? Let me see" I moved towards him, but, seeming very much like a caged forest animal he jumped away.
"NO! You shouldn't see, she's," something flashed in his eyes, "She's not dead, she's just hurt. Everything will be ok, we just have to get to safety, then we need.we need to get a.doctor" He doesn't sound so sure anymore.
"But."
"EVERYTHING IS FINE" He roared. I've never heard him so angry, it scares me. I retreat a bit from him, until I hit a tree. He looks so surprised, and almost frightened, like he didn't mean to say that but he couldn't stop himself. He looks at me, and I see that scared, lost little boy I first met in Poland looking back at me, lost for words. He tries to say something, but then everything changes. His face turns blank, and his eyes become cold with indifference.
"We have to keep moving," he turns and faces the direction we were heading, the sparse trees that we are currently in grow thicker ahead, like a blanket of green and brown, we're defiantly no where near town anymore.
"Erik, I think.."
"We have to keep moving" And with that, he took off again, with my only choice at the time, to follow blindly.
*******
We finally arrived at a huge castle in the middle of the woods. Erik led me inside.
"We'll be safe here," The large entrance hall was drafty and dark, adding to the already very imposing feel of the strange castle.
"Are we suppose to be here?" the fear was plain to hear in my voice. It wasn't so much the castle that scared me so, rather the way the shadows brought out the deadpan look on my husbands face.
"A person I met through work owns this place," When no further explanation was offered I began to get worried. Although Erik was a great scientist his focus on mutation genetics and its affects on biological and neurological functioning brought him into contact with some of the more notorious mutant criminals, and I highly doubted that a fellow scientist would have a need, or a want for a spooky castle in the middle of a forest in Germany.
***End Flashback***
No, the difficult part lies in the events. I would gladly erase that whole section of my life from my memory, if not for one thing.
***Flashback***
The next few weeks were spent under a tense silence, during which I only ever saw Erik during our one meal of the day. The rest of the time I spent exploring the castle's upper levels, which, surprisingly were somewhat furnished. I found a grouping of four bedrooms, an extremely bare bathroom and a study, which I decided, would be our house. The entire castle was too big to all be considered a home. Homes were supposed to bring people together, not give them so much space they need a road map to find each other.
The first room I had planned out was for Erik and myself, if he ever snapped out of whatever phase he was in.
The room two down from that was a room for Anya, for although I knew she was gone, I believed that her spirit still was with us and therefore deserved a room to call her own.
The room across from that was going to be a guest room, because, once the mess we were in was cleared up, we'd have company and it would be impolite to house them so far away they might as well have never come at all.
Then there was the fourth bedroom, directly across from the bedroom I had planned out for myself. My imagination had already fully furnished this room. The bed would be moved into the corner, and changed into a lounge, and next to it would be the crib. A toy box would go in the other corner and a rocking chair in the other, not so much for the baby's sake, as I loved them so much. A window would have to be cut out of the wall, because you can't have a nursery with out sunlight, or a light breeze on the hot summer nights.
I always smiled at the thought of another child, I loved children so much, but also for the welcome distraction the new baby would bring. Being alone in this huge castle gives me nothing to do but think of the past, and that always brings me to Anya. With Erik totally withdrawn from me to the point of almost totally avoiding me, I needed this baby, so I would stop always thinking about myself and everything that's gone wrong in my life and start thinking about everything that is still right.
The only problem was how to tell Erik.
*******
After another few weeks of stressing and fretting over how to tell my husband, I finally decided the best way.
"Erik, I'm pregnant" Honesty is always the best policy. So why do I think I took the wrong route? A bread roll sticking halfway out of his mouth and the frozen blank look in his eyes was my first clue that I probably could have broken the news another way.
He reached up and removed the roll from his mouth, but continued to stare at me.
A self-conscious smile reached my lips, "Well aren't you going to say anything?"
Something flashed in his eyes, and his stare turned into a half disbelieving, half curious look.
"Really?" A sort of half smile crossed across his face at the same time, making him look like, to me, a confused puppy. The image made me laugh. I now wish I hadn't cause the cute puppy look turned indignation.
"That's not something to joke about."
"I'm not joking, you just looked so funny." I had hoped that he would see the funny side too, but he shifted back into blank mode.
"I believe you," he got up and left without another word, and to my own surprise, I was relieved. I didn't want to believe it, but I felt like my own husband was a stranger to me now.
***End Flashback***
AN:
So what do we all think of the new story title? Keep it or loose it?