Without another word, Lupin caught Harry firmly by the arm and marched him forcefully toward the castle, leaving Ron, Hermione, and Ginny standing openmouthed behind them. They swept through the Entrance Hall so quickly Harry barely had time to realize he had been there, and then they were whipping through the hallways, down passages, and up staircases, moving so quickly Harry wondered if he should have just mounted his broom and flown. They didn't stop until they were standing in front of the entrance to the Headmaster's office.
"Gobstoppers," Lupin enunciated clearly, and then he was propelling Harry forward onto the moving staircase. While it was rising, Harry finally had a moment to catch his breath and order his thoughts.
As they neared the top of the stairs, Harry realized that the Headmaster already had someone in his office.
"I said no!" a woman's voice stated firmly. "Absolutely not."
"But, really, my dear – " the Headmaster began, his tones soothing.
"I won't do it," she said flatly. "It's much too dangerous."
Harry wondered who was speaking to Dumbledore in that manner. Her voice, a well-modulated contralto, told him nothing other than that she was an American.
"Under the circumstances, however, I do think that Remus would be the best choice," the Headmaster continued gently. The former professor had halted just outside the door as he heard his name, and Harry shot him a quick, inquiring look, but Remus was looking fixedly ahead, his expression blank.
Once again, the unknown woman cut the Headmaster off without compunction. "It's totally out of the question. I will not stay with him."
"My dear, I really do think it is the safest way to proceed."
"Why not put me up here?" she protested. "Or with Severus?"
"Severus and the school are already being watched very closely. Your presence, I'm afraid, could not go unnoticed for long, and explanations – at this time – " the Headmaster trailed off. "Really, my dear, I do think that it would be for the best. Remember, too, that he has already seen you."
"Why," she inquired coolly, "are you assuming that he is not being watched just as closely as Severus or the school?"
Harry could almost hear a faint smile in Dumbledore's voice as he replied. "I don't believe he is considered to be that much of a threat."
There was a pause before the unknown woman spoke again. "They underestimate him," she stated, an undercurrent in her tone that Harry could not decipher.
"That they do," the Headmaster agreed calmly.
Professor Lupin raised the hand that was not still gripping Harry's arm and rapped sharply on the door. An instant later, Harry thought he heard the soft rustle of fabric before the Headmaster called, "Come in."
Lupin pushed the door open and pulled Harry into Dumbledore's office. "Hello, Harry," Dumbledore greeted him calmly. The office looked as it usually did, with the exception of a woman standing with her back to them, looking out the window. She was cloaked, hooded, and even gloved in dark blue, leaving Harry with little he could discern from her appearance.
"Professor Dumbledore," Harry responded cautiously, his eyes flickering back to the unknown woman. "There was something I wanted to tell you, but perhaps this isn't a good time?" he suggested slowly.
"No, Harry, this is fine," the Headmaster told him, seating himself and motioning them to do the same. "I take it you've had another vision?" he sighed. "Please tell me everything you can remember."
It was a little strange, sitting there and describing to Dumbledore and Lupin what he'd experienced with that unknown woman simply standing there, staring out the window while obviously listening to everything he said. Fortunately it didn't take long.
"And, then, I just came back. I'm not really sure how," Harry finished, shooting a quick glance at Professor Lupin.
"I slapped you," his former teacher told him calmly. "Rather hard, I'm afraid."
Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and looked at Harry rather keenly over the top of his half-moon spectacles. "Harry, I realize that I'm repeating myself, but you really must work harder at your Occlumency lessons."
Harry felt a familiar surge of annoyance. "Has it occurred to anyone but me that this may be a way of gathering useful information?" he demanded rather aggressively.
"Yes, actually it has," Dumbledore told him imperturbably. "However, we would only really be able to make such use of it had you mastered Occlumency, which you have yet to do." Harry flushed. The Headmaster continued levelly, "It requires a degree of control you have not demonstrated so far."
Harry lowered his eyes rebelliously, irrationally angry about the whole stupid situation. His mind churned, and his thoughts flashed painfully back to his lessons – his confrontation with Snape last year – the Floo discussion with Sirius and Remus – he looked over toward the window to escape his thoughts and found the view blocked by that woman. His mind turned back to the time when the Potions Master was trying to teach him how to protect himself, and Harry had inadvertently invaded Snape's memories. Then, acting on impulse, Harry hurled his mind at the now-silent woman, just standing there as if nothing had happened, when she'd just been so unkind to Remus –
– and felt himself shatter.
Harry couldn't gather his thoughts enough even to comprehend it properly. It was as if he had been traveling impossibly fast and suddenly slammed into a massive, impenetrable wall, only he had been made of something as insubstantial as water, and the impact reduced everything he was into tiny particles of spray, infinitesimally small, spinning away from each other in hundreds of different directions until he was nothing –
– and Harry was huddled over, shaking, his body covered in a sheen of damp sweat, as he retched helplessly on the Headmaster's floor.
"Harry, Harry – " Lupin was repeating nonsensically, holding Harry as his vomiting subsided to dry heaves, and Harry was desperately grateful to have something to hang on to.
Then the woman spoke for the first time since Harry had entered the room.
"Do you learn anything from your attempt to invade my mind?" she inquired coolly, still with her back to them.
"Nothing," Harry spat back harshly, the word somehow emerging as an invective. Beside him, Remus drew away with a sudden inarticulate gasp.
Harry shot a quick, shameful look at the Headmaster, and found that Dumbledore was looking at him with a sort of resigned regret, but without surprise. Turning to Remus, he found his father's last real friend regarding him with a strange mixture of shock, horror, outrage, and pain intermingled on his weary countenance. Harry opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.
"I think, Harry," the Headmaster directed quietly, "that you had better visit Madame Pomfrey now. It will shortly be time for dinner. Remus, I still need to speak with you. You may show Harry to the door if you wish."
Harry, still shaking, managed to force himself to his feet and stumble out of the office. Remus did not offer to help him. The ride down the stairs was horrible. Harry knew he needed to say something, but he couldn't think of the right thing to say. Then they were down the stairs and at the entrance and he was almost out of time.
He stopped suddenly, turning to Professor Lupin, and started to open his mouth, still unsure what he was supposed to say.
"Please don't, Harry," Lupin said gravely before Harry found out what would have emerged if he had managed to speak. Harry stood there, feeling awkward, and Lupin sighed.
"It matters, Harry," he told him quietly. "The kind of person you turn into? It matters."
"But, I didn't – " Lupin was still looking at him with the same sad expression, and Harry wanted to sink through the floor. He tried desperately to explain. "I wasn't trying to turn into a person, I just, just, acted on impulse. I didn't mean to – " he trailed off awkwardly.
"If you are not your own master, Harry, who is?" Lupin's tone was grim. He ushered Harry out into the hallway without waiting for an answer.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Harry barely remembered his visit to Madam Pomfrey. He swallowed whatever she gave him without comment and was finally allowed to return to the Gryffindor common room, which was empty except for Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, who were obviously waiting for him.
"Where – " he began.
"Supper," Hermione replied, correctly interpreting his expression. "We still have enough time for you to tell us what happened."
"Tell you what happened," he repeated flatly. Well, he had lost his temper and attacked a total stranger. She had been apparently unaffected, but he had managed to seriously damage two of the most important relationships in his life. What was worse, he deserved it.
None of this was information he felt like sharing.
"After the Quidditch match?" Ginny prompted.
"Oh. Right." Harry realized that Ginny was looking at him a little too shrewdly – for an unnerving moment she reminded him of Hermione looking at Ron – and quickly explained what he had seen earlier in his vision.
"And then Professor Lupin slapped me, I guess, and brought me back."
"Is that what we're supposed to do? Slap you, I mean?" Ron asked, and Harry grimaced.
"Well, it worked," he admitted ruefully.
"You know, Harry," Hermione began.
"I know, I know, Occlumency," he responded wearily. "If I promise to try harder, can we skip the lecture and go down to dinner?"
Hermione's expression was a mixture of exasperation and empathy. "We'd better get downstairs while there's still food left anyway," she said. "Unless, of course, everyone is really anxious to visit the kitchens instead," she suggested slyly.
Harry was surprised to find himself almost smiling as Ron and Ginny laughed at Hermione's light-hearted reference to the Society for the Preservation of Elvish Welfare (S.P.E.W. for short) and went down to dinner in what he shamefully confessed to himself was a better mood than he deserved.
He darted a look at the High Table when he came in, seeing that the Headmaster was just seating himself. Harry looked down at his plate, unable to meet Professor Dumbledore's eyes just now.
"Did you see Malfoy's expression after the match?" Ron gloated. "He looked absolutely furious! I bet Snape's in about the same mood."
"He isn't here," Hermione pointed out. Harry was surprised enough to glance briefly again at the High Table. As usual, Hermione was right; the Potions Master was conspicuous in his absence.
"Where is he?" Harry asked.
"Dunno," Ron shrugged, helping himself to another jacket potato.
"He left a couple minutes into the game," Hermione told them.
"He left the Quidditch match?" Harry asked.
"Yes, just after it started," she confirmed.
"Why would he do that?" Harry wondered aloud.
"Maybe he couldn't stand to watch Gryffindor win," Ron suggested.
"Maybe he had something else he needed to take care of," Hermione theorized. She didn't mention the Order in the crowded hall.
"If you're lucky, he won't be back in time to teach your Potions class," Ron told them encouragingly. Ron had been able to drop Potions from his schedule, but the others had not. Ginny was still taking Potions because it was required through fifth year, and Hermione was taking Advanced Potions because – well, because she was Hermione. Harry had to take Advanced Potions – and do well in it – if he wanted to be an Auror, presuming that Voldemort didn't kill him first, of course.
Harry looked back at Ron with an expression of resignation. "Somehow," he told his best friend, "I don't think I'm going to be that lucky."
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Remus returned to Dumbledore's office in a very disturbed frame of mind, which was not improved upon opening the door and seeing the Headmaster helping the woman in blue over to a sofa.
"Should I send for Poppy?" he was asking her when Remus came in.
"No, of course not," she responded swiftly, pushing the hood of her cloak away from her face impatiently. Remus managed to control the impulse to suddenly gasp for air. For some reason, he felt as though all of it had just been sucked out of the room.
He had seen her before, of course. Earlier that afternoon, he had caught up with her on the steps into the Entrance Hall of the castle, worried about the sudden appearance of an unidentifiable stranger at Harry's school. When he asked if he could help her however, she merely replied that she was here to see the Headmaster. She had accepted his escort to the office without argument, where she had given the gargoyle her password ("Malted milk balls") and disappeared up the stairs without his ever catching sight of her face.
Now that he could see it, he wasn't quite sure why it was affecting him this way. Light brown hair framed her face in soft waves to the nape of her neck. Her features were even, and attractive, but hardly extraordinary. The part of his brain that was still functioning when she glanced over at him – she seemed to be aware of his return to the office before the Headmaster was – noted that her eyes, which surveyed him very clearly, were a blend of blue and gray, and that she was much too pale. It didn't occur to him to wonder how he knew this.
She immediately looked back at Dumbledore, who caught sight of him and straightened up. "Ah, Remus, thank you for returning so promptly. I'd like to introduce you to Miss Celarevos. I believe you met briefly earlier?" Remus found himself walking towards the sofa on which she was seated as the Headmaster continued. "Cassandra, I'd like to present Remus Lupin. He used to hold our Defense Against the Dark Arts post, and I was very sorry to lose him."
Remus could see her starting to rise to greet him and quickly forestalled her. "Please don't get up," he protested quickly. She smiled warmly instead as she took his hand, and his insides twisted strangely.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," she told him in a clear voice. Remus acknowledged this with a smile, not quite trusting himself to speak.
"Cassie, my dear, are you quite sure – " Dumbledore began.
"Quite," she replied immediately, an impatient edge to her voice. As the Headmaster continued to regard her with concern, she seemed to relent a little, and added in a slightly softer tone, "If it will make you feel better, I'll take something from the potions cupboard along with me when I leave," her eyes flashed warningly at this point and she added, "but that's my last and best offer."
Dumbledore chuckled slightly, "All right, I guess I've pushed enough for one afternoon, all things considered."
Hearing her sparring again with Dumbledore, Remus was unpleasantly reminded of the earlier conversation he had not been intended to overhear. The memory made him feel slightly sick, and he arranged his face into a more neutral mask.
"Remus, Cassie is here on business for the Order. I wonder if I could impose on you to put her up at your place?" As pleasantly as Dumbledore made his request, there was an undertone of command in his voice, and Remus nodded and murmurred "Of course," in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone before the Headmaster continued.
"It is critically important that no one sees her or even knows that she is here, other than you and I, of course, and possibly Severus." Dumbledore seemed to know what Remus was about to say and answered the question he hadn't had time to ask. "I don't think that Harry knows enough to present a problem – one of the reasons I didn't introduce him – but I'd like to hear about it if his curiosity finds an object in Miss Celarevos. Her work for the Order is highly sensitive, and we cannot risk having attention drawn to her presence by Harry asking questions about her."
Remus nodded again, and the Headmaster paused for a moment before shooting him a very penetrating look over the tops of his spectacles. "I assumed that there were other reasons for leaving his memory intact about the encounter this afternoon," Dumbledore said carefully, "but if that's not the case, we may need to discuss whether he needs to retain that particular memory."
Remus was startled, as Dumbledore rather disliked Memory Charms. Remus restrained his natural impulse to turn and stare at the woman who had inspired this extraordinary proposal, as though hoping to find an explanation written across her forehead.
"I'd rather he remembered this afternoon," Remus replied calmly. "I don't know what, if anything, will result from it, but I'd like to give him a chance." The Headmaster nodded.
"There is one more matter I wanted to mention. The Order will no longer be meeting at Grimmauld Place," he said gently. "I'm afraid that if you have anything there, I will have to ask you to retrieve it within a week, as you will no longer be able to go there after that time." Remus heard him with a twinge of pain, but concealed his feelings. This day was already testing his self-control, but he merely nodded in response.
The Headmaster apparently accepted this, for he rose from his desk. "I'll have one of the house-elves bring you some supper here, if you don't mind, along with your potions, Cassie. You can set out after dark." Dumbledore paused briefly to clasp Remus on the shoulder, telling him "Thank you" with a surprisingly serious look in his light blue eyes. The Headmaster then nodded at Cassie too, and, watching their eyes meet momentarily, Remus was convinced that some wordless understanding had been exchanged between them before the Headmaster abruptly turned and disappeared down the stairs.
Remus finally felt free to take another look at the woman who was now, so unexpectedly, his new house mate. She was still much too pale, and he now became aware of the subtle tension in the way she was holding herself that told him that she was in pain more clearly than if she had cried out in agony.
"Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" he asked quietly.
"I don't think so," she answered, one gloved hand moving instinctively to her temple before she realized what she was doing and pulled it back to rest in her lap.
Remus hesitated, "Am I allowed to ask what caused this?"
She started slightly in surprise. "I would have thought that was obvious," she responded dryly. "Mr. Potter more than makes up in strength for whatever he lacks in control."
"Harry did this to you?" he asked, and then flushed. "I mean, obviously I knew he tried to – " he broke off abruptly, but she seemed to understand.
"He mustn't know," she told him firmly, then continued again before he could open his mouth, "he's already been made aware of, well, call it the ethical aspects of what happened, but he does not need to know just how close he came to succeeding."
"He could have – " Remus broke off, honestly appalled.
"He won't try it again, at least not with me," she assured him calmly.
Remus struggled against his feelings of disloyalty to Harry for a moment, before forcing himself to tell her, "I don't know that we can be sure of that."
The simple sentence seemed to reflect a monumental failure on his part. He had a lowering feeling that James or Sirius would have handled the whole situation better, would have been able to guide Harry in a way that Remus, evidently, had not. If only Sirius – Remus reminded himself sharply that he shouldn't think about that now.
Cassie moved as though she had been about to cover his tightly clenched hands with her own but thought better of it. "I'm sure," she insisted.
"How can you be?" Remus asked, unaware of the way his voice broke.
"I'm sure he won't try it again simply because he was hurt and humiliated, and he has no idea how close he was to succeeding." There was a short pause, and then her eyes twinkled at him, inviting him to share her amusement as she added, "I have a great deal of confidence in the desire of a teenager to avoid embarrassment."
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Cassie flew well, but Remus could practically see her energy draining away as they proceeded. He tried to smile his encouragement to her and received a slightly strained smile in reply. At last he could see the outline of his house, and a sense of relief swept over him at being able to signal that it was time to land. Cassie dismounted beside him after landing neatly only a few feet away.
"How are you holding up?" he asked her quietly, fishing for his key in the pocket of his robes.
There was an almost imperceptible hesitation before she responded casually, "I'm a little tired, of course, but some sleep will take care of that."
"Then, if you don't mind, we'll save the grand tour for tomorrow," he told her as he unlocked the front door. Unusually for him, he took her broom out of her hand, which she did not protest, and set it next to his in the front hall.
"What potions did the Headmaster give you?" he inquired as he ushered her up the stairs.
"I haven't looked," she admitted. They had arrived in the upstairs hallway and he opened the door to his bedroom, scanning it quickly to make sure that he hadn't left any personal items out.
"If this will do for tonight, we can see to everything else in the morning," he offered.
"It will be fine, thank you." He wondered with a touch of humor whether she had really registered anything other than the fact that the room contained a bed. "Thank you very much for agreeing to put me up, especially on such short notice," she continued with automatic courtesy. "It was very kind of you."
"You're quite welcome, and I hope you'll be comfortable here," he replied equally mechanically. Considering the state the house was in, it didn't seem likely, he reflected ruefully. She had pulled her hood down again now that they were safely indoors, and her extreme pallor rendered her momentarily ghost-like.
"Would you like me to take a look at them for you?" he asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"The potions," he explained, just as he realized how incredibly presumptuous he had been. She was on some sort of top-level mission for the Order, and he had just offered to handle her potions! What could he have been thinking? He considered what Moody's reaction to such a request would have been and groaned inwardly.
He opened his mouth to apologize and realized that she had evidently responded affirmatively while he was mentally berating himself for asking her, for she was handing him a collection of half a dozen small potions bottles and sitting down on his bed to remove her shoes. Closing his mouth again sharply, he looked down at the bottles and started turning them to find the labels.
It turned out that Dumbledore had sent her two doses each of a painkiller, a stimulant – she was probably supposed to have taken that before they started flying – and the Potion for Dreamless Sleep.
"One of the painkillers and a Potion for Dreamless Sleep?" he suggested, setting the others down on his bureau. She simply nodded in response, and put out her hand for the first bottle. She grimaced slightly upon drinking the painkiller, then returned the bottle to him and accepted the Potion for Dreamless Sleep, which she downed very swiftly as well.
He was never quite sure whether or not her head was actually resting on his pillow before she lost consciousness, and Remus was left standing in his bedroom holding two empty potions bottles and wondering what he was supposed to do now.