Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, especially Chibiukyou and TalonSage. Where _do_ you get the energy to review so enthusiastically? ^_~
Emchan, you think you know what's going on? I'm really interested to hear what you think. Drop me an email or something? ^_~
Pyne and Sniffles, I'm deeply flattered that you like it so far! ^-^;; Also Pyne, I'm actually very receptive to criticism. Thank you for your other review. ^_~
And now for the standard "I don't own these characters, just their misery" statement.
And there it went.
On with the show! ^-^
Hitori
By Ryu-chan
Chapter Three: Forest
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The living room was silent. The gentle afternoon sun cast a peculiar white glow throughout, filtered by a light fog that had settled earlier in the day.
//Ethereal. Unreal. Like a dream.//
//But wasn't last night supposed to be a dream too?//
The cushions of the couch muffled the frustrated sound that escaped him. Stretched out on his stomach, he burrowed his face further into the leather upholstery, wondering why he could no longer catch his lover's scent where the boy had slept so often.
"So, let me get this straight."
Eiri jumped as Touma Seguchi's smooth //manipulative// voice cut through the silence. However, he refused to acknowledge further that the older man had even spoken. He knew that tone. //And I'll be damned if I'm ready to put up with it.//
"You've had an average of two or three hours of sleep this week," Touma continued, his voice coming from the direction of the living room window. "And not even at the same time, mostly just cat naps, ne? You say lyrics have started appearing on your laptop at random and that it can turn itself on and off at will. And someone has been in your apartment as well? Or was that part of the dream that wasn't really a dream?"
"Are you trying to be funny, Seguchi?" Eiri growled into the cushions. "Because I'm sure as hell not laughing."
He heard a sigh from the other side of the room. "Eiri-san, look at it rationally. You've been through a rough time, you aren't sleeping, and is it safe to say that you probably haven't left your apartment in a good while?"
Eiri grumbled unintelligibly.
"I think this is called 'cabin fever,'" said the older man, the sound of his voice drawing closer as Touma moved from the window to the L-shaped couch. "Staying cooped up inside this place isn't doing you any good."
"I don't have any reason to go out."
"You don't have any reason to stay here either," Touma pointed out coolly.
Eiri scowled. Turning onto his back, the novelist muttered, "I have more of a reason to be here than I do to be out there."
"And what's that, Eiri-san? Does your ghost want you to stay home?"
Touma was becoming more irritating by the second. "Since when have you been such a cold, unsympathetic bastard Seguchi?" said Eiri angrily.
"Unless you're suggesting that Shindou-san is hiding somewhere in this apartment, running some kind of stealth, covert operation in the middle of the night--"
"That's not what I'm suggesting at all!" Eiri snarled.
"Then you're saying that he's haunting you. Eiri-san, that sounds even more ridiculous."
"Seguchi!" Eiri growled as he sat up.
"It's not my intention to upset you Eiri-san," said Touma before the novelist could start yelling. He offered a placating smile. "I'm just trying to help you."
"By calling me crazy and pissing me off?!"
"I didn't say you were crazy," Touma corrected gently.
"Then what the hell are you trying to tell me?"
Touma sighed and closed his eyes. Eiri scowled at him, waiting for him to finish dressing up his response. A few moments of silence passed between them before Touma opened his eyes and said, "I'm trying to tell you that you can't keep living like this. Trying to convince yourself that Shindou-san is still alive is, well, _far_ from healthy. Eiri-san, it was so hard to deal with losing you back in New York. You've come close to returning to whom you once were, but falling into a delusion like this seems to have ruined it all."
"Touma--"
"Shindou-san is _dead_ Eiri," the Touma interrupted with a concerned look, and Eiri abruptly forgot what he was about to argue. Touma's words struck against something within him that sparked an incredible, emotional pain, and the novelist reached for the cigarettes on the table out of habit as Touma continued. "He's _dead_; you can't keep trying to fool yourself. I know you, Eiri. This isn't like you. It's… frightening."
Eiri lit his cigarette but kept the lighter out, running his thumb over the well-worn sticker plastered on one side of the Zippo. "Frightening," he echoed.
"He changed you more than you think he did. More than I had anticipated. If he's managed to skew your perception on reality so much--"
"Don't you fucking blame this on him," Eiri growled suddenly as he glared coldly at the older man, a look that could silence even the most obnoxious publishing agents.
Touma, however, simply shook his head and looked down at his hands in his lap. "It's a fairy tale, Eiri-san. I understand how much you cared about him, but that's over now. Your time with Shindou-san is _over_, but you can't let him end _your_ life as well. You have to decide whether or not you'll be following him so quickly. I hope you'll make the right decision, for his sake if not for your own."
There was a pause, and Eiri stood up, walking over to the window where Touma had been standing earlier. He took a long drag from the cigarette, exhaling smoothly as he went over what Touma had said. The glass felt cold against his skin as he rested his head against it, and he closed his eyes. There was just so much happening, so many things that didn't add up, and whatever he thought he would accomplish by calling the older man was forgotten.
//Assurance. You wanted him to explain it to you. Well, he's done it, and your only reaction is to be angry? Why not grateful? Why not _relieved_?//
"Because it's not that simple," he murmured.
"Hm?"
Eiri hadn't even realized he'd spoken, and he shook his head as he opened his eyes once more. Spotting a small crack in the glass of the window, he reached up to trace it idly, wondering what could have hit the window hard enough to split it like that.
"Eiri-san, have you been taking anything?"
"What do you mean?" asked Eiri flatly, determining that whatever had caused the crack had come from inside of the apartment, the edges of the split rough beneath his fingers.
"Tranquilizers, your anxiety pills, anything?"
Eiri brought the cigarette to his lips, an excuse to delay his response. It didn't make any difference whether he was taking them or not - they were useless anyway - and he was almost positive that if the dosage was raised any more they'd end up killing him. //But would that be such a bad way to go?//
"They're too strong," he said. "I don't need them."
"Obviously you do."
"I could always overdose, Touma," said Eiri, turning to flash the older man a wry smile. "Would that make you feel better?"
"I'm not worried about that," Touma replied coolly. "You're being overdramatic, Eiri-san. It was a simple question."
"It's never a simple question when it comes to you," said Eiri with a laugh devoid of humor. "You already know the answers. _You_ only ask questions when you're trying to trap someone."
"Now you're just being paranoid."
"Am I, Seguchi?" Eiri exhaled a smoky breath. "I thought I was just being a pretentious asshole. Paranoia implies I have something to fear, and unlike every one else that you choose to bully, I'm not scared of you."
Touma's eyes narrowed. "When did I become your enemy, Eiri-san?"
Eiri met the other man's gaze and held it steadily, resisting the urge to chew on the filter of the cigarette that dangled from his lips, a nervous habit that he'd had longer than he could remember. //Calm down. You called him for help. Attacking him like this isn't going to get anything accomplished, and you _know_ that all of this is hard to believe.//
//But why doesn't he offer anything else?//
"Tell me what happened," said Eiri in a low voice, the hard glint in his eyes softening a little.
Touma appeared confused. "What?"
"God _damn_ it Seguchi, don't play games with me," Eiri hissed. "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about!"
Touma frowned and looked away. "You know I can't. The doctors said you would remember when you were ready. Forcing yourself will only make things worse than they obviously already are."
"Then you're making yourself my enemy. It's your choice." When Touma didn't reply, Eiri went back to looking out upon the fog.
A deep silence settled across the room, interrupted every now and then by the crackling of burning cigarette paper, followed by a soft exhalation of smoke. A serene setting - one man at the window, the other reclining on the couch, the dying sunlight softened further by the hazy white that had enveloped the world outside. In any other situation, it could've been quite tranquil, but here and now, both men had something to lose, and tranquility would not come quite so easily.
"There was nothing you could have done."
The softness of Touma's voice was almost unsettling, the note of sadness in it foreign. It pulled at Eiri painfully.
"Why?" the novelist murmured.
"It happened so quickly. There wasn't anything _anyone_ could have done for him."
Eiri closed his eyes, the pain sharpening in his chest. //I wanted this… // "Was I there?" he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.
"I'm sorry Eiri-san. I can't say anymore."
//Of course not.//
"Just… tell me. Tell me he wasn't alone. Tell me someone was there for him."
A pause. "No. No, he wasn't alone."
"You hesitated."
"He wasn't alone, Eiri-san. Please, I can't--"
"Just tell me one more thing."
A small sigh. "What?"
"He… " Eiri swallowed and turned to face Touma, unwilling to risk the chance that the other man might lie to him. "He didn't suffer… did he?"
Touma gave a soft, sad smile and shook his head. "No."
"Good."
"Forgive me, Eiri-san. I'd tell you more, but…"
"Yeah. I know."
Touma frowned. "Let me make it up to you somehow."
Eiri laughed softly, his earlier irritation with his brother-in-law dulled by the sudden morsel of reality that had been thrown to him. "How?"
"Let me keep you company tonight. I'll make dinner, and we can just… talk. Maybe something will happen again and maybe I'll see it. Maybe you'll remember something."
"Touma…"
"Please, Eiri-san."
The novelist considered it for a moment, wondering if Touma had any ulterior motives to his request. //If he does, then you can always turn them around onto him. Quid pro quo, trade him for information.//
The mere connotations of the thought made him feel a little uneasy.
//Or you could just trust him and let him stay for tonight. What's the harm?//
"All right," he said at last. "All right. You can stay."
//What's the harm…?//