Remus paused for a moment to steady himself against the laboratory counter before moving on. The memory of Dementors lacked the powers of real Dementors of course - one of the reasons a Pensieve was useful to Sirius for dealing with the memories - but it did nothing to insulate Remus from the strain of seeing Sirius suffering. Watching the agony in his eyes, the struggle to hold on to his sanity and even his identity - the moments when it was all too much for him -
Raising a hand to brush a stray hair away from his forehead, Remus discovered that he was shaking.
"Remus!" Catherine's voice as she said his name was an odd intermingling of distress, anger, and sympathy. He looked up and realized he hadn't noticed her enter the laboratory - a sign that he had to be much more tired than he had realized.
Then she was sweeping him out of the laboratory and into the haven of her study, where she deposited him in the chair just inside the door, a softly-cushioned yellow reading chair.
"Soma!" Catherine called, and a motherly little house-elf popped into view. "Food and chocolate," she directed succinctly, kneeling beside him and regarding him with concern.
"Kate, what - " Remus tried to protest, unaware that the shortened version of her name would slip out until he heard himself use it.
"You've been working too long," she told him firmly, apparently unoffended by his informality.
"I'm fine, really," he said mildly, unwillingly flattered by her concern. "I'll stop when it's time for dinner." She shot him a look that told him more eloquently than words what her opinion was of that. "I promise," he said, smiling at her just as an overloaded tray popped into view.
Kate rose to take the tray and arranged it herself to be convenient for Remus before she replied.
"Have you any idea how you're going to keep that promise without using a Time-Turner?" she inquired in a carefully controlled voice. "Because the rest of us finished eating quite some time ago."
Remus looked up at Kate, startled, and then checked the time. He could feel the faint flush of guilt at his own discourtesy, however unintentional it was, and looked back at her to apologize, but she stopped him with a single gesture toward the tray.
Obediently, and with some inward amusement, Remus starting eating.
Under Kate's critical eye, he finished the hot, creamy soup starter, and all the main course of chicken and dumplings with assorted vegetables. He faltered a bit on the salad, but made good progress on the large wedge of chocolate cream pie before he settled back with his coffee.
He had to admit that he did feel much better after eating, and resolved to make more of an effort to ensure he made it to meals on time. It was terribly inconsiderate of him to worry her this way.
"I'm sorry, Kate, it was very rude of me not to show up for dinner and disrupt the household this way," he said with genuine contrition. Kate waved his apology away and settled down on the floor next to his chair.
"I don't care about that, but you can't go on pushing yourself like this, it's not good for you," she told him earnestly.
"I want to get this done for Harry's birthday," he said mildly.
"Harry will be happy enough to get it whenever you give it to him, it's not going to matter whether or not it's his birthday," Kate's voice was rather tart.
"It matters to me," he explained gently.
She didn't reply for a moment, running her hand through her hair. She had had it trimmed and re-styled a bit so it again looked as he had remembered it. Remus found himself distracted by the way the soft waves fell after her fingers had disordered them. Finally she said, "I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me." Remus smiled at her, involuntarily warmed by her concern. He took another sip of coffee, watching her turn things over in her mind before she looked up at him with a decision and a plea in her blue-gray eyes.
"Will you let me help you?" she asked. "Just with the Dementors? That's the part that's bothering you, isn't it?" Remus set his coffee cup down, frowning.
"I do appreciate the offer, but - "
"You would still be taking care of the rest, and you could do another check of the Dementor memories after Harry's birthday if you wanted," Kate rushed on, "but you could do it at an easier pace."
"Kate, it's really not necessary," he told her firmly.
She fell silent for a moment, then, not meeting his eyes, said "Dumbledore would do it if you asked him."
"It is not a matter of not trusting you. Kate, how could you think that?" he asked, genuinely distressed.
"Remus, you need help and you won't let me help you!"
"I don't want to let Sirius down," he blurted out. "This is the last thing he asked me to do, how can I fob it off on someone else?"
"Oh, Remus, no," she had reached out and caught his hands, and she was looking up at him with such sympathetic understanding that he dropped his eyes. "You can't think that Sirius would expect you to go through something like this when it isn't necessary," she told him gently. "He asked me to give you the Pensieve because he trusted you, not because he was trying to hurt you. He wouldn't want you to put yourself through this out of loyalty to him. It isn't a test, for heaven's sake!" Her voice when she finished was recovering a bit of its edge, a fact he found obscurely comforting.
He was gripping her hands rather harder than he intended, and took a deep breath. "I guess I was being a little silly," he admitted.
"No you weren't, you were just trying to be a good friend," she told him illogically. He forced himself to release her hands.
"If your offer's still open - "
"Of course it is."
"Perhaps, after breakfast tomorrow?"
"Whenever you like."
"And Kate - thank you."
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Remus smiled as he captured the wisp of silver with his wand and transferred it to the Pensieve for Harry. Things were moving along in a much better fashion since Catherine had begun to help him. He got to spend more of his time on happy memories like these without having to watch Sirius suffering. He turned to thank Kate for her support and found her frowning into her Pensieve.
"Kate?"
"Mmm?" She looked up.
"Is everything all right?" She didn't seem to be in distress, but maybe he was missing something.
"I'm not sure," she told him slowly. "Do you know anyone named Lina?"
"I don't think so."
"What about Lucius?"
"Lucius Malfoy?" Remus asked.
"Maybe." Kate leaned back against the counter. "Who is he?"
"One of Voldemort's Death Eaters, but the Ministry has him in custody. Kate, why are you asking about him?"
Her forehead creased in thought. "I was trying to make sense out of something Sirius overheard in one of the Dementor memories. It didn't seem to mean anything to him, but he was a little, um, - "
"I understand," Remus told her, remembering how Sirius had appeared in some of those memories. "Do you think it's significant?" Kate thought about it for a moment and finally shook her head.
"Probably not. We don't even know who Lina is - and it was years ago - and I'm probably just being paranoid," she concluded with a wry smile. "Sort of an occupational hazard."
"You seem to have it under control," he pointed out with some humor, deciding to call a halt for the day and returning the first of the Pensieves he was using to the cupboard. "Unless you've been too paranoid to admit that you've been seeing attackers in every doorway and spies behind every curtain," he teased. Kate grinned and started to put her Pensieves away as well.
"Not too paranoid, just too practical," she parried. "Considering that we're in the middle of a war, things are going reasonably well. As soon as we have a string of really bad luck, I'll probably start seeing Lethifolds in every shadow!"
"You may have to wait a while then. We had our run of bad luck last fall, which probably means the odds ought to be in our favor for at least a little while longer." Remus remembered that Dumbledore wouldn't want him discussing last fall with her because of her visit to him as Cassie and decided he'd better change the subject. "Dumbledore says that everyone accepted. The pool party was a great idea. Thank you for offering; I think the kids will really enjoy it."
Kate's eyes sparkled as she answered him. "The house-elves may enjoy it more than the kids do! They're having the time of their lives with so many new people to fuss over. I think that if I ever move back to the states, I may need to convert Stone House to a bed and breakfast to keep them happy," she joked.
It hadn't occurred to him that she might leave again. "Do you think you might?" he asked, very casually.
"Open a B and B?" she asked, obviously amused.
"Go back to the states," he said, his heart thumping uncomfortably somewhere in the region of his throat as he waited to hear her answer. Kate seemed to consider the question as they started out of the laboratory and back to her study.
"Not until this is resolved," she said finally. "I'm just struggling with trying to figure out when that will be. Fighting Voldemort is more important than anything else at present, but it's hard to see when this is going to come to an end. Technically I'm on leave from my job, although I still put in time on some things I couldn't really hand off, but I'm starting to wonder whether I'm going to be able to go back within a reasonable time."
Kate settled down, not in her desk chair, but on one of the comfortable sofas in front of the window, tucking her legs under her in a way he was coming to think of as peculiarly hers. He studied her expression carefully as she looked out the window, lost in thought.
"You're thinking about resigning," he said aloud. She nodded.
"I've been waiting to see how things were going," she admitted ruefully. "I didn't think I'd have to make a decision until much closer to the time my leave was up, and a lot could happen between now and then. I would hate to give up my job and then have Voldemort captured the following week, but now I - well, I don't know if it's fair to keep it under the circumstances." Kate sighed, and added "Maybe I should have a talk with my boss when I'm over there next week."
"You'll be there next week?"
"For a few hours on Thursday night," she said, turning away from the window.
"The full moon will be that Saturday," he murmured.
"Mmm-hmm. Is there anything I should be doing to make you more comfortable?" Kate asked. She seemed to think it was a perfectly ordinary question, although Remus could not recall anyone ever having asked it before, much less in just that way.
"Not really," he replied in the same vein. "I think Severus is planning to brew the Wolfsbane Potion here rather than at Hogwarts if you don't mind."
"I pretty much stay out of the potions lab since I offered to let him use it," she told him, humor lightening her blue-gray eyes. "I don't think it's large enough to accomodate more than one master - not that I would qualify."
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Meetings of the Order were much more convenient now that he was living in the same building where they were held. On this occasion, and after some discussion, Dumbledore had announced that Harry would be spending the summer at Hogwarts, arriving shortly before his seventeenth birthday. Remus was asked to handle the arrangements for escorting Harry back to the school, a challenge complicated by the intense level of interest directed at Harry from all sides and the apparent desire of everyone in the Order to join the escort. So many witches and wizards flying together would certainly have drawn unwelcome attention, so some of the escort would be Disillusioned this time as well.
One of the few who hadn't volunteered for escort duty was Catherine, who had already offered to provide a distraction in front of the house to improve the Order's chances of getting Harry safely away out the back. They needed something that wouldn't be immediately linked to them but would still draw attention. She didn't share the details of her plans with anyone but Dumbledore, but he seemed to be satisfied, so Remus focused his own attention on worrying about Harry's escort and didn't press her for further information.
When Dumbledore looked around at the end of the meeting and inquired, "Anything else?" as he always did, Remus was rather surprised to see that Severus Snape began to speak.
"There is another matter I would like us to discuss," the Potions Master began, "After some consideration, I am coming to the conclusion that the Order would benefit from further assistance with regard to potions." Remus thought the Headmaster looked a little startled. Severus turned his cool black eyes on Dumbledore's light ones, his expression unreadable to Remus. "As more of my time is devoted to - other activities - I have less time available to keep up with the demand."
"I see," the Headmaster replied calmly. "Do you have a proposal in mind?"
"If there is anyone within the Order who would agree to assist me in handling some of the less complex potions, my available time might be better used," Snape said, his words precisely enunciated.
Remus felt a wave of surprise ripple through the room, which remained silent. It was almost out of character for the Potions Master to imply that anyone else could be even minimally competent in his field of expertise. Now that he had done so - but without naming a proposed assistant - it would take an extraordinary amount of gall to present oneself as a candidate. They all knew Severus' standards. Remus was almost relieved that, knowing how Snape felt about him, he would not be expected to volunteer even if his skill as a potion-brewer had been much greater than it actually was.
Just before the silence changed from awkward to oppressive, Catherine Clare, who was seated next to him, spoke up.
"I understand that you have a fair amount of talent for potions, Molly," she said. Molly Weasley looked somewhat startled, and Remus thought he saw a tinge of pink touch her complexion.
"Well, maybe when I was in school," she demurred, "but that was a long time ago." Severus was regarding her with a calculating air, but said nothing.
"Well, Molly, if you're willing to give it a try again, I'm sure it will come back to you quickly," the Headmaster said, after a quick glance at Professor Snape. "Anything else? Then we're adjourned."
As everyone started to rise from the table, Remus leaned over to catch Catherine Clare's arm.
"How did you know Molly Weasley did well in Potions in school?" he asked curiously, keeping his voice low. Catherine glanced over to where Severus was now speaking to Molly on the other side of the room.
"I didn't," she admitted quietly, her eyes dancing. "But everyone kept telling me what a good cook she is, and it's really the same thing, isn't it?"
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Kate, who was absorbed in a card game with Tonks, Hestia and Sturgis, had looked up when Remus excused himself on the night of the full moon and given him a warm smile before returning her attention to her hand. Somehow, it seemed to stay with him even as he headed up the stairs to his room. He had already finished his Wolfsbane Potion and started mentally running through his personal checklist. He wizard-locked the doors carefully, put his robes away in the wardrobe, and settled down to wait.
Although the Wolfsbane Potion allowed Remus to keep his mind when he transformed, his instincts were still those of the wolf he became. As long as his mind was intact, these were manageable, but some things seemed to translate somehow between his werewolf and human states. If Remus was hungry when he transformed, then his wolf version would be hungry. He didn't allow himself to eat in his wolf state, but that merely meant he became irritable in addition to being hungry.
All things considered, it made a lot more sense just to eat a proper dinner.
That night his transformation was remarkably easy - possibly the most comfortable one he remembered. What he thought of as his wolf side was almost docile, quite content to curl up on the floor in front of the fireplace, replete with a sense of well-being.
Remus was pleased to think that after all these years, and with the aid of the Potion, he was finally becoming adept at handling his transformations.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Uncle Vernon frowned in annoyance. "Damned helicopters," he muttered under his breath. He raised the volume on the television with the remote control. "No consideration at all. Fly wherever they want whenever they please, and never mind those of us who want to enjoy a peaceful evening at home."
Harry thought that the sounds of gunfire and explosions issuing from Dudley's room upstairs at all hours of the night were a lot more annoying than the mild and distant whir that his uncle found so offensive, but didn't bother to say so. He no longer kept silent out of prudence – with the threats issued by various members of the Order of dire consequences for the Dursleys should Harry be mistreated in any way he no longer feared them. Compared to Voldemort, Uncle Vernon was scarcely worth thinking about.
Now that he had only one year of school left, Harry was determined that when he left the Dursleys' home on Privet Drive this year, he would never return to it again – Voldemort or no.
Still, he didn't say anything to Uncle Vernon about the noise from Dudley's room – the intrusive sounds were features of his current electronic game – as it would only produce a stupid argument which would accomplish nothing. So Harry didn't bother.
"Damn those bloody – " Uncle Vernon was swearing again and reaching for the remote control.
"Vernon, what is it?" Aunt Petunia asked him in her querulous voice, coming in from the kitchen wiping her hands on a tea towel. She no longer expected Harry to do the dishes.
"That blasted helicopter must be flying right through our neighborhood. Is the bloody pilot on some sort of joy ride? I've a good mind to complain to the authorities. Right after dinner, too. No consideration!"
Aunt Petunia had stepped over to peer out the window. "He does seem to be flying rather low," she said with interest.
"See! What did I tell you?" Uncle Vernon's beefy face was now dark red with triumphant rage.
"Maybe there's a problem with the helicopter," Harry pointed out unthinkingly. Aunt Petunia gasped.
"Oh, Vernon, do you think it might crash?" she demanded, peering out the window even more avidly than before. Vernon Dursley actually turned off the television and heaved his corpulent form out of his new reclining chair to join his wife at the window. The thumping of the rotors was quite loud now, albeit a little uneven.
"Well, well, well," he muttered in ill-suppressed satisfaction. "I do believe it might. Serves them right, I say."
"Oh, Vernon," Aunt Petunia gasped in horrified delight, her bony hand clutching her chest.
"Nothing to worry about, Petunia," Uncle Vernon pronounced with an air of superiority that made Harry roll his eyes behind them.
"Vernon, I think it's coming down here," Petunia whispered. Harry rose and went to look out the window next to theirs. The sound was very loud now, with erratic little spurts of noise. It definitely sounded as though something was wrong.
"Shouldn't we call someone?" Harry asked. His aunt and uncle remained firmly in front of the window, although Uncle Vernon grunted in a manner Harry decided to interpret as agreement. Harry took one last look out the window – the helicopter was almost down in the middle of the street and all up and down Privet Drive, doors were opening and curtains were being pulled back as everyone hurried to look – before heading to the kitchen to use the telephone.
As Harry walked into the kitchen, he saw Remus and Tonks slipping in through the back door. Remus immediately raised a finger to his lips, while Tonks grinned at him and waved the broom she was carrying cheerfully in silent greeting.
Harry hurried over to Remus' side.
"Not a bad distraction," Professor Lupin said very softly. "Are you ready to leave?"
Harry nodded eagerly, thrilled that the time had come at last. "I'm all packed."
"Tonks will get Hedwig's cage and your trunk," Remus explained quietly as the Metamorphmagus slipped away, bumping into the kitchen table as she passed. He drew out a letter from his robes and handed it to Harry. "You can leave that in your room for your aunt and uncle." Harry grimaced at this but accepted it.
"We're going to wait a little while to make sure everyone is fully occupied with what's going on in the street before we leave. Wait upstairs with your Firebolt, and when Moody thinks it's clear, he will send the signal." Professor Lupin handed Harry a small object that looked a bit like a large blue marble but felt warm in Harry's hand.
"When this turns yellow, mount your broom and hover outside the second rear window. We'll be off as soon as you've been Disillusioned. Some of your escort will be Disillusioned as well. Dumbledore told you where to go if we get separated?" Harry nodded. "See you soon then." With a brief clasp of Harry's shoulder, Remus slipped out the back door again and Harry was left alone.
His spirits rising at the thought that he was finally leaving Privet Drive forever, Harry entered the hall and saw Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia standing on the front lawn, chatting excitedly with Mr. and Mrs. Next Door. Aunt Petunia's head was darting around birdlike at the end of her long thin neck in her eagerness to make sure nothing escaped her attention. Uncle Vernon was rocking importantly back and forth on his heels as he held forth and strangely, illogically, and unreasonably, Harry felt a tiny surge of affection for them.
They had taken him in very unwillingly and treated him horribly – but Harry still felt a tinge of nostalgic warmth as he saw them for the last time. It wasn't that he wanted to see them again, but still –
Giving in to impulse, Harry snatched up a pen from the hall table and, after hesitating a moment, scrawled a single word on the envelope addressed to them – "Thanks" – before he hurried up the stairs for the last time.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
The flight from Privet Drive to Hogwarts was a very long one, especially flown straight through. Moody had grudgingly agreed to limit his efforts to throw any pursuers off track, so their course, while not exactly straight, was no more than twice as long as necessary.
Remus had been pleased to see that Harry had dressed warmly for the excursion, including wearing gloves to keep his hands from freezing, and had even brought along some provisions. Harry had smilingly offered Remus a Mars brand candy bar before they had started, and took occasional sips from an insulated thermos of what Remus presumed was hot chocolate as they flew. The older man rather regretted not bringing along a hot drink himself, but he had been more focused on choosing his warmest robes for the journey and hadn't thought of it.
The attack seemed to come out of nowhere, when they were barely half an hour shy of their destination, and it was regrettably effective. Moody had been reminding them so often to be cautious that Tonks actually rolled her eyes and exchanged a speaking glance with Mundungus Fletcher, who was then on Harry's other side, when he shouted their only warning.
"Everyone, careful now! By the trees, there's – " His call was cut off by the need to counter the curse flying at him from a clump of trees below. Mundungus Fletcher was unable to counter in time, and suddenly his body was falling away, plummeting toward the earth.
Remus instinctively dove between their attackers and where Harry ought to be, unaware that Harry had swerved his Firebolt to the side and avoided a curse heading toward him in a jet of green light. Tonks had been forced into a swift roll to dodge another incoming and had lost some altitude, leaving Harry's left side unshielded, but Charlie Weasley's Quidditch reflexes came to their aid as he quickly zipped in to cover their charge.
"Up, Harry, and faster," Remus ordered. "Alastor and Charlie, cover him and go!" Then Remus had wheeled around and began shooting stunning spells into the foliage below.
The two Aurors were effective fighters – Kingsley, who was Disillusioned, more so than Tonks, who was a visible target – but it was disconcerting to discover that they couldn't even see their enemies. Remus realized grimly that their attackers had also thought of using Disillusionment as well.
Sturgis Podmore went down just as Mundungus had, felled by a curse aimed at Tonks, his Disillusionment Charm flickering as the wave of green light washed over him. Remus had no idea what had happened to Hestia and no time to worry about it as spells shot back and forth, apparently out of nowhere. When the melee ended, three Death Eaters had flickered back into existence as stunning spells took them out, but Remus was uneasily aware that more of the attackers were either there, in hiding, or –
Adrenaline pumping, Remus pulled up and surveyed the scene with a glance. Tonks was nursing her left side, but she was still on her broom and holding her wand.
"Kingsley, how are you?" he asked. The more senior Auror flickered back into view.
"Fine," he replied calmly.
"Can you – "
"I'll go with you if Tonks can cover things here." She nodded firmly, and Remus and Kingsley turned their brooms and took off without another word.
It was a silent flight, and very different from the earlier part of the journey. Neither man looked around or made any attempt to spot potential threats; no threat to either of them was important. The only objective now was to get to Harry, so they flew straight toward their destination, and they flew full out.
When they arrived at the entrance to the school, Minerva McGonagall was conversing anxiously with Alastor Moody and Charlie Weasley. There was no sign of Harry.
"Harry?" Remus managed, his heart in his throat.
Minerva answered him, frowning. "He's fine, Remus. He's in the Headmaster's office." When he started forward instinctively, she put a restraining hand on his arm, much to his surprise.
"No, Remus, you're to go to Stone House," she told him.
"What?"
"Dumbledore wants you to go to Stone House now. If you're not needed to sort this out, of course," she added, raising a stern, narrow brow at Kingsley in inquiry.
"Tonks is on the scene there, and I can head back to help her if I'm not needed here," the Auror replied in his rich, low voice.
"Everything's fine here, you can go on back." Kingsley simply nodded and left again. Remus remained where he was.
"But - "
Minerva shot him a quelling look. "Alastor and Charlie can fill us in, you're not needed here," she told him firmly.
"Are you sure Harry is - "
The Head of Gryffindor lost her temper. "For heaven's sake, Remus, are ye saying ye dinnae trust Albus Dumbledore? All he's asking ye to do is go to Stone House! Go!"
There didn't seem to be anything to say to that. Remus looked helplessly at Moody and Charlie Weasley for a moment. With Minerva glaring at him, Charlie told him kindly, "We didn't have any more problems getting him here, and he did go straight up to the office," so Remus turned and got back on his broom, suppressing a sigh until he was out of earshot. It didn't seem like too much to ask just to see Harry for a minute before being sent away again.