HELLO! I haven't updated in a while and you all probably want to fillet me
alive, but in fear of fellow author rage, I decided to sit my fat ass in a
chair and update! Which unfortunately is a big accomplishment for me; just
imagine what it's like during bad spells. I just bought X2 on DVD and PYRO
IS HOTTTTTTTTTTTTT! *sighs* So amazingly HOT! Mmmm, I feel warm just
thinking about him... yum. Which reminds me, I'm never ever going to
mention Chris' eyes again, 'cause I'm too lazy to really find out. I have
problems. Here is the next chapter. Ya'know, I still haven't read Pride and
Predjudice... can't even spell prejudice right without spell check.
Chapter 4: Pride and Pickled Hen's Eyes
Oops? Oops, friggin', *oops*. Paige had just electrocuted Chris and this was all she had to say for it? Piper inwardly reminded herself of both her sister's momentary flashes of stupidity and proceeded to question Paige.
"Honey, I can see *why* you fried Simon Cowell over there," She gestured over toward Chris who frowned, trying to flatten his hair, which was now standing up on all ends like an afro. "But the pressing question is how the hell *did* you fry him?" Paige kneeled on the hard dirt floor and examined her hands, still teeming with raw energy. She had felt this sensation before... but where? She hadn't made it a hobby to play with electrical circuits in her childhood, so that couldn't explain it.
"I don't know," Paige said incredulously, coughing out at the sawdust trying to enter her nostrils, "I just got really angry-"
"I wonder why?" Phoebe mused, sending a stern glance over to Chris as he stood up and brushed himself off indignantly.
"I was just stating an opinion." Several loud, explosive sneezes and a minor cough later, he was staring at Piper fulsomely. "Besides she was supposed to check the Book of Shadows anyway." Paige paused from a stance of halfway to standing, covered in sawdust and dirt, with her hair sticking out at odd angles, just now understanding now her blunder.
"We'll discuss that later. You okay?" Piper called to Chris, who was standing only with the support of the grimy hut walls.
" Yeah, being electrocuted is just what I was trying to-to-ACHOO!" He sneezed again.
"Really, because that comment about nymphos was really a greatly disguised compliment, wasn't it?" A great roar cut off Chris' reply.
"Hey, ya'know, there's a lot of confused feeling in this room, and probably angry horse-people ready to trample us outside, so I've got a plan." Phoebe intervened nervously, as Piper gave voltage-girl a looked that spelled D-E- A-T-H. Wyatt was playing with her hair, which didn't help her mood.
The mixed voices were growing and the palomino's bass voice was graduating to worried. He couldn't hold up too many volatile centaurs for much longer. "How about Paige stops using her powers until we get some help, Chris promises to stop being mean and take her and Wyatt home, and Piper and I finish up the investigation. All for the motion say 'Ay'." One glance around and the motion was passed.
Suddenly, they could all hear angry shouts and were able to tell the centaurs were riled. And if Paige truly had the aura of a nymph, they would be all over her. Wyatt let out a wail of trepidation and Piper patted his head.
"What the heck?" She exclaimed.
Several centaurs suddenly galloped into the hut, looming ominously. Piper and Phoebe instinctively turned to face them, but the half horsemen had already surrounded the Power of Three. Wyatt began to all out bawl, sensing the urgency of the situation, and put up a force field around him and his mother. Two centaurs stood beside them, spears sharpened and pointing at them. Paige gasped as a chestnut colored one forebodingly jerked Chris forward and sent him vaulting to the ground next to Piper and Phoebe. Big mistake. Her small sound of horror alerted her to the centaur and he paused a moment. Paige froze as his eyes met hers and his eyes misted over with a look of what she interpreted as a look of pure evil.
"Well, well, well..." he mulled, striding easily over to Paige's meager spot of ground. She whimpered slightly and Piper began to viciously fight back.
"YOU LEAVE HER ALONE DAMN IT," Piper shrieked, running forward to aid her baby sister. Wyatt let down his force field, but a blue-roan centaur grabbed her shoulders effectively restraining her and her freezing power with unnecessary strength. She threatened anyway. "OR I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU-" The blue-roan, put his other hand onto her mouth, to the point of wincing as she bit him. Luckily she was still able to hold her sobbing son.
"I had no idea the king was entertaining such company." The chestnut continued as he leaned down to evaluate Paige. "We shall have to see how...*entertaining* you are."
Paige knew she had generally two seconds to either orb out or figure a plan to save her sisters, both of whom had been restricted from helping her. One second later, she knew she had to save her sisters, and needed a plan to save them and not create a war between witches and centaurs, who they were there to help anyway. Of course, with one second left, she couldn't figure out a proficient plan and decided she might just have to wing it.
Another second later, Chris leapt in front of her.
"She's mine." He said, spreading his arms in a possessive gesture. The centaur reared on his hind legs, then settled on the ground. Chris glanced at Piper and Phoebe uncertainly and continued. "As in we're dating, she's Charmed and you can't touch her." 'Charmed' rang a very, very, shocking bell with the centaurs, because all of the sudden, they were bowing to the witches. Wyatt put up another force field anyway, and Phoebe rubbed her wrists, sore from the spotted centaurs grip. The chestnut didn't share the sentiments.
"You lie." He said harshly, twisting into a livid scowl.
"Well, if you don't believe me, believe this." Chris challenged. "The soldiers of your kind have an acute sense of smell. Inspect a little closer, her scent is all over me." The chestnut slowly leaned forward, sniffing slightly at Chris' neck and head.
"Very well, she is your woman." He confirmed hastily, backing away. Paige took his comment as an insult, but held her ground, literally digging her nails into the ground to hold back a shriek of "I AM NOT!"
"We shall leave you to your business," he continued, motioning for the soldiers to exit the hut. "Just as soon as I get an explanation for the commotion."
"Oh, come on!" Phoebe barked. "We're the Charmed Ones," She said, putting her hands on her hips. "You think a dinky hut like this is contain all our magic-"
"What she means is," Piper interrupted, trying to cover up Phoebe's sudden ego size. "We were trying a, um, evilness spell, yah see, to track the evil, darklighter energy?" The centaur rolled his eyes and exited the hut.
Everyone seemed to let a withheld sigh of relief. Wyatt began to play with his mother's hair some more, Phoebe was rubbing her temples tiredly, and Piper basically just shifted Wyatt from one hip to the other. Chris turned around and held his hand out for to help Paige from the ground. She glared at him and rapidly stood up herself. Chris grunted in frustration.
"Thanks Chris," He mocked in a high-pitched voice. "You just saved me from getting raped by the evil horse."
"First off, I am not a thing to be owned!" She spat, closing in on Chris like he was her unknowing prey. "I am a *Charmed* one, they shouldn't just back off because you tell them I'm *your* woman!" She ranted. "How do you get off asking for a thank you, when if you hadn't made me mad, this never would have happened?"
"Well sorry for trying to make up for your mistake, you should have checked Book of Shadows in the first place."
"You shouldn't be calling me a slut to begin with!"
"I never called you a slut!"
"Oh, really, because that comment about the bra didn't insinuate anything."
"That's not the point of the conversation!"
"Well that's how the whole thing began!"
"SHUT UP, YOU PATHETIC CHILDREN!" Phoebe shrieked. Both Chris and Paige opened up their mouths to say something such as, "He/She started it" but Phoebe held up her hands. "You two are acting so hostile that I can't focus!" The offenders looked at the ground in shame. "We will sort this out when the investigation is over- did you say something about a bra?" Both Chris and Paige grew red. "I don't want to know, do I?"
"You two," Piper said, walking forward. "Are going to go home, sit down and work this out." She handed Wyatt to Paige. "When you are finished, Chris will go to the Elders to see what's up with Paige. Do I make myself clear?" Chris and Paige nodded their heads. "And until then, Paige, I would appreciate it if you didn't use your powers for the time being." Paige muttered a brief "Yes" and Chris grabbed both her shoulders to orb them out.
Piper shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe how immature those two are acting, the nerve-"
"How did Chris pull it off?" Phoebe asked.
"Pull what off?" Piper inquired, shuffling off toward the door.
"Tricking the centaur into believing Paige and he are going out." Phoebe reminded her, falling into stride with her sister as they pulled back the door, sunlight pouring onto them.
"Maybe he got it from the fact that Miss-I-Like-To-Play-With-Electrical- Cords, I don't know, ELECTROCUTED HIM." Piper said severely. If Paige had just checked the Book of Shadows, they could've avoided the whole thing. Sometimes she was just too irresponsible for her own good. As they came into full view of the square, a bonfire could be seen, soldier centaurs holding weapons high in someone's honor. /The Prince/ Piper realized, with a slight tug at her own heart, thinking that that could horribly be her own son.
"That would be a type of magical vibe thing, not scent." Phoebe continued, obviously in her own Detective Phoebe mode. "They've usually gotten along, and now they're at each other's throats. Something's up with them."
They rounded the bonfire over to a gathering of woman, preparing a feast for the centaurs. An array of foods they had never seen before decked a table with elegant cloth beneath it. The women themselves were witches dedicated to helping the earth, and would often deal with the centaurs, allying in any conflict.
"Well, we'll have to worry about that later." Piper assumed. A slightly bent woman abruptly came before them and held out a tray of what looked nauseatingly like small animal eyes.
"Pickled 'ens eye for ya' dearies." She cackled, shoving the tray in front of them. Piper and Phoebe exchanged glances. They would have to worry about Chris and Paige *much* later.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At the Haliwell Manor, things were going differently. Meaning, insults were thrown freely around as if in a tennis match. As Chris orbed Paige and Wyatt in, both the (supposed) adults shouted in pain.
"You shocked me!" Chris alleged, studying his now red fingers. Paige shoved past him to the conservatory, and set Wyatt down into his playpen, decked with stuffed animals and rattles.
"If you do that ever again-" Paige began.
"What, save your life?"
Paige rolled her eyes. "What the hell did I ever do to you?" She asked angrily, throwing her hands up in frustration.
"For one, you sent about ten-thousand volts of electricity through me." Chris replied sarcastically.
"Because you called me a SLUT!"
"I DID NOT CALL YOU A SLUT!" Chris shouted, turning his back to her and heading for the attic. A seriously P.O'd Paige followed him, not intending for him to get off so easily.
"Where are you going?" She asked shrilly, stomping up the stairs behind her whitelighter. Chris paused and wheeled around, irritation written all over his face, staring down at his charge.
"To find out why we woke up together this morning!" He said, gritting and grinding his pearly whites. Paige put her hands on her hips defiantly. Chris annoyed her; he annoyed the hell out of her. She wanted nothing more than to shove him down the stairs and fry him to a crisp with what was apparently her new power. She wanted to then grind his ashes into a fine ebony powder and feed it to a rabid hyena. Then she wanted to chop up the hyena and serve it for breakfast. But she couldn't.
"Good, because God knows, you wouldn't want to sleep with somebody's who's been *around*."
"Why the hell are you so stuck on that comment?"
"*Comments*, COMMENT*S*, as in PLURAL." Paige said, putting her hands on either side of Chris' face as if to force it into his head.
"You know what," Chris said, pulling his face away from Paige's hands. "I just want to forget it ever happened. Then you can go on with your little boyfriend, and I can get on with my job." For some reason, Paige instantly became quiet. Only now had they even mentioned Richard.
"For your information, one- I also want to forget, and two," She countered, "Richard and I happen to be on a break." She pushed past Chris to her room and slammed the door shut, tears welling in her eyes. Richard had decided to meet some other witches, seeing as his family had left him, and had met a girl. A girl. One who didn't have the pull of a destiny to fight demons or a destiny to remain with her sisters or a bad family history of never being able to keep a husband. He had broken Paige's heart, and she had been so ashamed she hadn't told her sisters. She had been so involved with her situation with Chris, that Phoebe couldn't even sense it. She fell onto her bed, and didn't plan on getting up for an hour or so.
"Well, it looks like I'll be watching Wyatt." Chris muttered, disturbed at Paige's rapid departure. He turned and slumped down the stairs, strangely depressed all of the sudden. As he twisted around the end of the staircase, he heard glass break beneath his shoes. He bent down to examine a sizable piece of glass, covered in an oozing green blood. His eyes followed a trail that led to a broken picture of Leo, Piper and Wyatt, stained with the same liquid, under a mahogany table. How hadn't anybody noticed?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Protection Paige: YOU NOTICED TOO! That's where my whole inspiration came from!
Chapter 4: Pride and Pickled Hen's Eyes
Oops? Oops, friggin', *oops*. Paige had just electrocuted Chris and this was all she had to say for it? Piper inwardly reminded herself of both her sister's momentary flashes of stupidity and proceeded to question Paige.
"Honey, I can see *why* you fried Simon Cowell over there," She gestured over toward Chris who frowned, trying to flatten his hair, which was now standing up on all ends like an afro. "But the pressing question is how the hell *did* you fry him?" Paige kneeled on the hard dirt floor and examined her hands, still teeming with raw energy. She had felt this sensation before... but where? She hadn't made it a hobby to play with electrical circuits in her childhood, so that couldn't explain it.
"I don't know," Paige said incredulously, coughing out at the sawdust trying to enter her nostrils, "I just got really angry-"
"I wonder why?" Phoebe mused, sending a stern glance over to Chris as he stood up and brushed himself off indignantly.
"I was just stating an opinion." Several loud, explosive sneezes and a minor cough later, he was staring at Piper fulsomely. "Besides she was supposed to check the Book of Shadows anyway." Paige paused from a stance of halfway to standing, covered in sawdust and dirt, with her hair sticking out at odd angles, just now understanding now her blunder.
"We'll discuss that later. You okay?" Piper called to Chris, who was standing only with the support of the grimy hut walls.
" Yeah, being electrocuted is just what I was trying to-to-ACHOO!" He sneezed again.
"Really, because that comment about nymphos was really a greatly disguised compliment, wasn't it?" A great roar cut off Chris' reply.
"Hey, ya'know, there's a lot of confused feeling in this room, and probably angry horse-people ready to trample us outside, so I've got a plan." Phoebe intervened nervously, as Piper gave voltage-girl a looked that spelled D-E- A-T-H. Wyatt was playing with her hair, which didn't help her mood.
The mixed voices were growing and the palomino's bass voice was graduating to worried. He couldn't hold up too many volatile centaurs for much longer. "How about Paige stops using her powers until we get some help, Chris promises to stop being mean and take her and Wyatt home, and Piper and I finish up the investigation. All for the motion say 'Ay'." One glance around and the motion was passed.
Suddenly, they could all hear angry shouts and were able to tell the centaurs were riled. And if Paige truly had the aura of a nymph, they would be all over her. Wyatt let out a wail of trepidation and Piper patted his head.
"What the heck?" She exclaimed.
Several centaurs suddenly galloped into the hut, looming ominously. Piper and Phoebe instinctively turned to face them, but the half horsemen had already surrounded the Power of Three. Wyatt began to all out bawl, sensing the urgency of the situation, and put up a force field around him and his mother. Two centaurs stood beside them, spears sharpened and pointing at them. Paige gasped as a chestnut colored one forebodingly jerked Chris forward and sent him vaulting to the ground next to Piper and Phoebe. Big mistake. Her small sound of horror alerted her to the centaur and he paused a moment. Paige froze as his eyes met hers and his eyes misted over with a look of what she interpreted as a look of pure evil.
"Well, well, well..." he mulled, striding easily over to Paige's meager spot of ground. She whimpered slightly and Piper began to viciously fight back.
"YOU LEAVE HER ALONE DAMN IT," Piper shrieked, running forward to aid her baby sister. Wyatt let down his force field, but a blue-roan centaur grabbed her shoulders effectively restraining her and her freezing power with unnecessary strength. She threatened anyway. "OR I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU-" The blue-roan, put his other hand onto her mouth, to the point of wincing as she bit him. Luckily she was still able to hold her sobbing son.
"I had no idea the king was entertaining such company." The chestnut continued as he leaned down to evaluate Paige. "We shall have to see how...*entertaining* you are."
Paige knew she had generally two seconds to either orb out or figure a plan to save her sisters, both of whom had been restricted from helping her. One second later, she knew she had to save her sisters, and needed a plan to save them and not create a war between witches and centaurs, who they were there to help anyway. Of course, with one second left, she couldn't figure out a proficient plan and decided she might just have to wing it.
Another second later, Chris leapt in front of her.
"She's mine." He said, spreading his arms in a possessive gesture. The centaur reared on his hind legs, then settled on the ground. Chris glanced at Piper and Phoebe uncertainly and continued. "As in we're dating, she's Charmed and you can't touch her." 'Charmed' rang a very, very, shocking bell with the centaurs, because all of the sudden, they were bowing to the witches. Wyatt put up another force field anyway, and Phoebe rubbed her wrists, sore from the spotted centaurs grip. The chestnut didn't share the sentiments.
"You lie." He said harshly, twisting into a livid scowl.
"Well, if you don't believe me, believe this." Chris challenged. "The soldiers of your kind have an acute sense of smell. Inspect a little closer, her scent is all over me." The chestnut slowly leaned forward, sniffing slightly at Chris' neck and head.
"Very well, she is your woman." He confirmed hastily, backing away. Paige took his comment as an insult, but held her ground, literally digging her nails into the ground to hold back a shriek of "I AM NOT!"
"We shall leave you to your business," he continued, motioning for the soldiers to exit the hut. "Just as soon as I get an explanation for the commotion."
"Oh, come on!" Phoebe barked. "We're the Charmed Ones," She said, putting her hands on her hips. "You think a dinky hut like this is contain all our magic-"
"What she means is," Piper interrupted, trying to cover up Phoebe's sudden ego size. "We were trying a, um, evilness spell, yah see, to track the evil, darklighter energy?" The centaur rolled his eyes and exited the hut.
Everyone seemed to let a withheld sigh of relief. Wyatt began to play with his mother's hair some more, Phoebe was rubbing her temples tiredly, and Piper basically just shifted Wyatt from one hip to the other. Chris turned around and held his hand out for to help Paige from the ground. She glared at him and rapidly stood up herself. Chris grunted in frustration.
"Thanks Chris," He mocked in a high-pitched voice. "You just saved me from getting raped by the evil horse."
"First off, I am not a thing to be owned!" She spat, closing in on Chris like he was her unknowing prey. "I am a *Charmed* one, they shouldn't just back off because you tell them I'm *your* woman!" She ranted. "How do you get off asking for a thank you, when if you hadn't made me mad, this never would have happened?"
"Well sorry for trying to make up for your mistake, you should have checked Book of Shadows in the first place."
"You shouldn't be calling me a slut to begin with!"
"I never called you a slut!"
"Oh, really, because that comment about the bra didn't insinuate anything."
"That's not the point of the conversation!"
"Well that's how the whole thing began!"
"SHUT UP, YOU PATHETIC CHILDREN!" Phoebe shrieked. Both Chris and Paige opened up their mouths to say something such as, "He/She started it" but Phoebe held up her hands. "You two are acting so hostile that I can't focus!" The offenders looked at the ground in shame. "We will sort this out when the investigation is over- did you say something about a bra?" Both Chris and Paige grew red. "I don't want to know, do I?"
"You two," Piper said, walking forward. "Are going to go home, sit down and work this out." She handed Wyatt to Paige. "When you are finished, Chris will go to the Elders to see what's up with Paige. Do I make myself clear?" Chris and Paige nodded their heads. "And until then, Paige, I would appreciate it if you didn't use your powers for the time being." Paige muttered a brief "Yes" and Chris grabbed both her shoulders to orb them out.
Piper shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe how immature those two are acting, the nerve-"
"How did Chris pull it off?" Phoebe asked.
"Pull what off?" Piper inquired, shuffling off toward the door.
"Tricking the centaur into believing Paige and he are going out." Phoebe reminded her, falling into stride with her sister as they pulled back the door, sunlight pouring onto them.
"Maybe he got it from the fact that Miss-I-Like-To-Play-With-Electrical- Cords, I don't know, ELECTROCUTED HIM." Piper said severely. If Paige had just checked the Book of Shadows, they could've avoided the whole thing. Sometimes she was just too irresponsible for her own good. As they came into full view of the square, a bonfire could be seen, soldier centaurs holding weapons high in someone's honor. /The Prince/ Piper realized, with a slight tug at her own heart, thinking that that could horribly be her own son.
"That would be a type of magical vibe thing, not scent." Phoebe continued, obviously in her own Detective Phoebe mode. "They've usually gotten along, and now they're at each other's throats. Something's up with them."
They rounded the bonfire over to a gathering of woman, preparing a feast for the centaurs. An array of foods they had never seen before decked a table with elegant cloth beneath it. The women themselves were witches dedicated to helping the earth, and would often deal with the centaurs, allying in any conflict.
"Well, we'll have to worry about that later." Piper assumed. A slightly bent woman abruptly came before them and held out a tray of what looked nauseatingly like small animal eyes.
"Pickled 'ens eye for ya' dearies." She cackled, shoving the tray in front of them. Piper and Phoebe exchanged glances. They would have to worry about Chris and Paige *much* later.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At the Haliwell Manor, things were going differently. Meaning, insults were thrown freely around as if in a tennis match. As Chris orbed Paige and Wyatt in, both the (supposed) adults shouted in pain.
"You shocked me!" Chris alleged, studying his now red fingers. Paige shoved past him to the conservatory, and set Wyatt down into his playpen, decked with stuffed animals and rattles.
"If you do that ever again-" Paige began.
"What, save your life?"
Paige rolled her eyes. "What the hell did I ever do to you?" She asked angrily, throwing her hands up in frustration.
"For one, you sent about ten-thousand volts of electricity through me." Chris replied sarcastically.
"Because you called me a SLUT!"
"I DID NOT CALL YOU A SLUT!" Chris shouted, turning his back to her and heading for the attic. A seriously P.O'd Paige followed him, not intending for him to get off so easily.
"Where are you going?" She asked shrilly, stomping up the stairs behind her whitelighter. Chris paused and wheeled around, irritation written all over his face, staring down at his charge.
"To find out why we woke up together this morning!" He said, gritting and grinding his pearly whites. Paige put her hands on her hips defiantly. Chris annoyed her; he annoyed the hell out of her. She wanted nothing more than to shove him down the stairs and fry him to a crisp with what was apparently her new power. She wanted to then grind his ashes into a fine ebony powder and feed it to a rabid hyena. Then she wanted to chop up the hyena and serve it for breakfast. But she couldn't.
"Good, because God knows, you wouldn't want to sleep with somebody's who's been *around*."
"Why the hell are you so stuck on that comment?"
"*Comments*, COMMENT*S*, as in PLURAL." Paige said, putting her hands on either side of Chris' face as if to force it into his head.
"You know what," Chris said, pulling his face away from Paige's hands. "I just want to forget it ever happened. Then you can go on with your little boyfriend, and I can get on with my job." For some reason, Paige instantly became quiet. Only now had they even mentioned Richard.
"For your information, one- I also want to forget, and two," She countered, "Richard and I happen to be on a break." She pushed past Chris to her room and slammed the door shut, tears welling in her eyes. Richard had decided to meet some other witches, seeing as his family had left him, and had met a girl. A girl. One who didn't have the pull of a destiny to fight demons or a destiny to remain with her sisters or a bad family history of never being able to keep a husband. He had broken Paige's heart, and she had been so ashamed she hadn't told her sisters. She had been so involved with her situation with Chris, that Phoebe couldn't even sense it. She fell onto her bed, and didn't plan on getting up for an hour or so.
"Well, it looks like I'll be watching Wyatt." Chris muttered, disturbed at Paige's rapid departure. He turned and slumped down the stairs, strangely depressed all of the sudden. As he twisted around the end of the staircase, he heard glass break beneath his shoes. He bent down to examine a sizable piece of glass, covered in an oozing green blood. His eyes followed a trail that led to a broken picture of Leo, Piper and Wyatt, stained with the same liquid, under a mahogany table. How hadn't anybody noticed?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Protection Paige: YOU NOTICED TOO! That's where my whole inspiration came from!