Obvious Disclaimer – All of the characters in this story are from the cartoon "My Life as a Teenage Robot" and are the exclusive property of Nickelodeon, Frederator, Rob Renzetti, and probably a few other folks who aren't me. My sole creation is the character of Drew, a human high school student who was accidentally turned into an android by Cluster nanotechnology. It's explained in my first story "Android Scam".
As always, I want to thank everybody who's ever submitted a review. They are real treats to receive in the ol' Inbox, and they have been known to speed up the writing process! So here goes another story, something a little lighter, a little fluffy (seems you folks like the fluffy) and it'll hopefully be shorter than my last one (30K words … ack!)
CRASHDANCE
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter One – Dance Fever
Jenny hovered with her pigtail-jets, thirty feet above the floor of the gymnasium, and gave a few last turns to the metal hook she'd just installed in a ceiling beam. Not that simple a task, considering that she was holding on to a heavy mirrored ball with her left hand. She hung the ball from the ceiling and backed a few yards away, admiring her handiwork.
"Check it out!" she shouted. "How does it look from down there?" Her arms cracked open, and two large spotlights deployed from her wrists, shining brightly onto the mirrored ball and filling the school gym with thousands of lighted dots.
The head of the decorating committee took a break from painting and glanced up with a smile and a wave. "Right where it's supposed to be, Jenny! You're a life saver!"
Jenny waved back, giggled at her bizarre reflection in the surface of the mirrors, and balled her fists with excitement. Certainly more excitement than you'd expect from a student staying after school on a Friday – but this was different. She was helping to get the gym ready for Tremorton High's first big school dance of the year – and now it was only a day away. Actually, twenty-six hours, fifteen minutes, and forty-two seconds away. Not that I'm counting, or anything. Oh, who am I kidding? I started counting three weeks ago!
"Jenny!" Brad waved at her, standing on the top rung of a metal stepladder. "While you're up there, tell me if this thing is hanging straight!" He was nudging the corner of a fifteen-foot long banner, trying to decide if it was level before hammering in the tacks. Half an inch to the left … no, to the right …
Drew looked up at Brad, starting to grow a little impatient. Four long, silver-green arms stretched up from his body, each one pressing a corner of the banner flat against the wall. "Hey Brad, sometime before Christmas, okay?"
Jenny floated down and inspected the sign. A laser scope unfolded from the back of her head, and a thin red beam flickered across the wall. "Your end has to go up a quarter-inch, Brad," she announced. "I'll take care of it in a jiffy!" She deployed a small hammer from her wrist and zipped back and forth in a blur, like a hummingbird. In a split second, the colorfully painted banner was hanging over the entrance to the gym. "It looks great!" she giggled.
Brad slid down the ladder to the floor, while Drew reeled in his fifteen-foot long arms, absorbing the extra pair back into his body. "And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I believe our work here is done. Unless Jenny wants to repaint the gym," he teased. "And before you say 'yes' – I was kidding."
They grabbed their backpacks and headed outside. Jenny was struggling to keep her feet on the sidewalk. "Well, can you blame me for being so excited? Oh, I can't wait, I can't wait! My first school dance! Brad, I've been looking forward to this all week. I've downloaded videos of all the latest dance steps and checked the leading magazines to see which ones are the most popular. I've been practicing every night after crime-fighting!" She spun around on her toes and struck a pose on the sidewalk. "I am ready to get my groove on!"
Brad laughed and danced a few steps in place. "Just try and keep up with me. You may be a robot … but I am the original dancin' machine. We're going to have a blast together tomorrow night! As long as your mom doesn't need to send you off on some emergency …"
"Shhhhh!" Jenny waved her arms at him. "Don't jinx it! It was bad enough when she sent me off in the middle of fourth period to go fight that giant mechanical alligator. Mr. Smelhaus almost gave me detention."
Drew snapped his fingers. "Smelhaus! Oh, that's right! Jenny, he moved up the midterm to Monday. He announced it right after you flew off. Do you have a blank disc on you?"
"Monday?!? Cripes, that was nice of him." A door in Jenny's head flipped open, and a rack of data discs slid out. She found a blank one and handed it over.
He held the disc against the side of his face. There was a slight shimmer, and the disc slid right into his head. "I'll make you a copy of the class notes, and a video of the lecture. And I already downloaded the extra readings – I'll slap them on there too. Might save you a little time tomorrow."
"Hey, thanks for saving my butt," she grinned. "But I'll worry about studying on Sunday. Tomorrow I need to go to the mall. I have some serious shopping to get done. And I need to swing by the auto parts store to get a fresh can of wax. Brad, you need to tell me what you're going to wear. I could get some matching pinstripes painted on at the detailer's …"
"Does this qualify as freaking out?" Drew laughed.
"Not quite yet, but she's getting close," Brad chuckled back. "Jen, chill out! You do know this isn't a formal, right?"
"You know, I'm really jealous of you, Drew," she continued excitedly. "If I was made of nanobots, I could just change my look every five minutes if I felt like it! Wow, that would be a wardrobe dream come true! So how are you going for tomorrow night? Formal? Casual? Kaleidoscopic? Or are you going to make us wait and see?"
The data disc slid out of Drew's head, and he handed it back to Jenny. "Um … I'm not going, guys."
"Not going?" Brad said, surprised. "What do you mean? Everyone's going to the dance."
"Everyone but me, then. I mean, I haven't been to a school dance since … well," Drew lifted his right leg, and with a quick schlorrp, it morphed into a replica of his old artificial limb – the one he wore when he was still human.
"I thought we were all going," said Jenny, pouting a bit. "That way, I wasn't going to be the only robot there."
"Oh, pfft, that's not going to matter," Drew said with a wave of his hand. "Look … you two don't need a third wheel dragging along behind you all night."
"Third wheel? You mean you couldn't get a date?" Brad blurted out, amazed. Jenny gave him a jab in the ribs and a nasty look.
Drew rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Yeah, amazing as it sounds, it seems that girls are turned off by hideous blobs of alien metallic nano-pudding. Who'd have thunk it? So it's just another Saturday night in front of the ol' boob tube. Got the movies already picked out. Guys … don't worry about it. You have fun, and you can tell me all about it on Monday."
"Uh … okay, then," said Brad. "See you Monday."
Jenny's pigtails slumped a bit as she watched Drew walk off. She turned the disc of class notes over and over in her hands. "Wow, I can't believe that nobody wanted to go with Drew to the dance. He's good-looking, and funny, and a really nice guy."
"Oof!" Brad winced, clutching at an imaginary harpoon in his chest. "'A really nice guy'. The phrase that strikes dread into the soul of every male. Use one of your laser blasters on him, it'd be quicker and more humane."
"I'm serious, Brad! You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen him with anybody, or heard him talk about going out on a date …"
"Look, I gotta be honest here," he sighed. "Remember how everyone looked at you and called you a freak when you first started going to school?"
"You mean the way they still do?" Jenny groaned.
"That's the way they look at Drew now. I mean c'mon, five minutes ago, he had four wiggly tentacles sticking out of his chest." Brad waved his hands in the air, pantomiming an angry octopus.
"Poor guy," she sighed. "But he still shouldn't spend so much time alone. It's not good for him. And he'll never become popular that way. Hmmm."
Brad raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Hmmm? What hmmm?"
Jenny tapped her chin, and a scheming smile grew on her face. "It wouldn't be hard for me to download a copy of all the girls' names and their phone numbers from the student directory. I'm sure that I can find somebody who would love to go to the dance with Drew."
"Uh … are you talking about setting him up on a blind date? I'm not sure if that's really such a good idea," he said, warily. "If Drew doesn't want to go to the dance, then he must have his reasons. You probably shouldn't meddle."
"Meddle? Who's meddling? This is helping," she said, brushing aside his reservations. "I wouldn't expect a guy to understand. See, Drew wants our help. He practically asked us to help him find a date!"
"Huh?!? Did he say it in some ultra-high frequency voice that only dogs and robots can hear?"
"No, silly. See, when he said "don't worry about it" … he was really hoping that we would worry about it. You have to learn to read between the lines."
Brad blinked his eyes a few times. "Suuuure … that makes perfect sense. O-kaaay. And on that note, I think it's time to get going. I'm headed to the mall to hang for a few hours. Wanna come?"
"Can't – I've got to get home and start making phone calls." Jenny was more excited than ever. She was still looking forward to going with Brad to the dance tomorrow night, of course. But she'd never had a chance to play matchmaker before. And best of all, Drew wouldn't know a thing about it! What a great surprise this is going to be! She rubbed her hands together, eager to get home and start her little project as a stealth Cupid.
Sheldon slipped into a dreamy gaze from his hiding spot behind the lamppost. With every move of her servos, she strolled closer, like a ballerina gliding across a stage. With every toss of her head, the fading afternoon sun reflected off of her metallic pigtails, surrounding her glorious face with a glowing aura like a heavenly angel. She looked even more lovely than usual today – but then again – she always looked more lovely every time he saw her.
Then he shook himself back to awareness. There would be time for dreaming later – now was the time for action! He grabbed a notepad from his pocket and started jotting some quick notes down. Estimated range to target … average robotic walking speed … Jenny should be in front of the coffee shop in approximately twenty-seven point four seconds! Time to initiate 'Operation Sophistication'.
Sheldon ran back to his table in front of Coffee By Alex, where he'd been sitting for the past hour. He gathered up his backpack, a heavy hardcover book, an extra-large mocha double espresso, and watched the second hand of his watch. Ten seconds … five seconds … Go! Go! Go!
He got out of his chair, turned to the right, and took two steps, his head buried in the middle of Crime and Punishment. His calculations had been perfect, and Jenny ran right into him … a little harder than expected. She hadn't been paying attention to where she was going either. Sheldon almost fell over backwards, and his coffee, and his book, went flying onto the sidewalk.
"Omigosh!" she yelled. "Sheldon! Are you all right? I didn't even see you there!"
He brushed a few spots of mocha from the sleeve of his sweatshirt, chuckling. "Oh, why hello there, Jenny. Think nothing of it – my fault entirely. I was just so … engrossed with the deep philosophical questions in this book I've been reading …"
"Uh … philosophical questions?" She picked his book up off the ground, brushed off the cover, and handed it back to him.
He scratched his chin pensively, tugging at both of his whiskers. "Yes, Dostoevsky's immortal tale of the meaning of justice poses questions we would all do well to contemplate, in this modern, confused world … anyway, it's a pleasant surprise to see you. What brings your lovely self to this part of town?"
Jenny's eyebrow arched with a whirr. "Um … I walk home from school this way every day."
"Ah, yes, well, of course …" he coughed, trying to recover. "You know, it's funny you should mention school. I believe tomorrow night is the first big school dance of the year …"
"I know!" she squealed, bouncing on her toes. The mere mention of the dance had her brimming with excitement again. "We were just talking about it at school! It's going to be so much fun. And I've still got so much to do! I've got to find somebody who needs a date for tomorrow night!"
Sheldon had been playing it cool, but this was almost too much to hope for. His throat flashed bone-dry and his eyes nearly sprang out of their sockets. He tried to regain his composure. "Ahem … er … it could be difficult finding someone on such short notice, Jenny, but I think that …"
"I know, I know, it's late. But that just makes the challenge all the more exciting! Wait a second …" She grinned and grabbed Sheldon by the shoulders. "Sheldon! How about you? Do you know anybody who still needs a date for tomorrow night? If you could help me out, I would really appreciate it!"
I don't believe It! She's actually asking me! This is the moment I've been waiting for. Sheldon gave her his most sophisticated glance, and spoke in a suave voice. "Why Jenny, you should know that you don't even need to ask. I'd be honored to take …"
Jenny was still going a mile a minute. "That's super! It's so sweet of you to help out Drew like this …"
Sheldon blinked a couple of times. "Drew?"
"He needs a date for the dance," she continued. "Well, he doesn't know it yet, because he doesn't think that he's going. Except that he is! Brad and I were just talking about it. You see, Drew was worried that he was going to be a third wheel, since Brad and I are going to the dance together, and he doesn't have anyone …"
Sheldon's face nearly cracked in half. "Brad!?!?!"
"I know, I know, he doesn't think it's a good idea. But it'll be so much better if we all go, and then everyone can have fun! So if you know anybody who still needs a date, just give me a call, will you? Er, well … maybe not. You probably won't be able to get through – I'm going to be on the phone all night." She glanced at a clock underneath her wrist panel. "Wow! Look how late it is! I've got to get started now! Sorry to hit and run, Sheldon. See you later! Um, have fun with your book!"
Her pigtails rotated to flight mode, and before he could speak a word, she shot into the air on a trail of blue exhaust. In another couple of seconds, she was out of sight.
Sheldon's face quivered slightly, then he clenched his fists in rage and screamed. He threw his book onto the sidewalk and started jumping up and down on the cover. "Arrrghhh, I don't believe it! That stupid magazine said that girls fall for sophisticated guys. I spent all that money on this stupid book and drank all that disgusting coffee!" He tugged at the two whiskers sticking from his pimpled chin. "I even grew this goatee to impress her! Oh, what did I screw up? Maybe I should have gone with the black turtleneck and the sunglasses …"
He slumped back down in his chair outside the coffee shop and sulked. Frustrated, he pulled a rolled-up copy of Manly magazine out of his backpack and tossed it on the table. Sheldon flipped it open to the article he'd been reading – which promised that girls would just melt like butter over a sophisticated man of intellect. So what am I missing here? I'm more intellectual than any of the guys in this magazine! I'll bet that none of these losers could even name the original cast members of Star Dreck! He ripped out the page, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it at a garbage can. He missed, of course.
But he noticed another article in the magazine, called Ask Dr. Macho. Curious, Sheldon started reading as Dr. Macho explained to a reader how pathetic he was for chasing a woman that he liked. The trick was to make women want to chase you.
"That's what I'm trying to do," Sheldon moaned out loud. But then Dr. Macho revealed his secret – women want what they can't have. Once a girl sees that she can't have you, she'll want you more than anything in the world.
Sheldon tossed the magazine in the trash with a harrumph. "Well, I suppose it's true – after all, the girls all chase Don Prima like he's hot stuff, and he's a total jerk who treats them like garbage. But it doesn't help me at all! How am I supposed to make another girl crazy about me, when I can't even make Jenny crazy about me?"
Suddenly a flash of inspiration dawned on him. He smiled a scheming smile.
"How am I supposed to make another girl crazy about me? That's it!!! That's the answer! Wow, once Jenny sees me at the dance tomorrow night, her oil pan is gonna boil over with jealousy and desire … and then we'll finally be together!"
Sheldon clasped his hands together, fantasizing about his true love. "Thanks, Dr. Macho! I've get to get back home – I've got work to do!" He sprang to his feet … and started hopping from one foot to the other. He'd drank an awful lot of coffee. "Unghhhh … right after I find a bathroom."
Continued in Chapter Two