Crashdance
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter Five – Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting
The thumping beat in the gymnasium picked up a bit, as the DJ cranked up the next techno song. Most of the students were into full dance mode by now, jumping and swaying at a frenetic pace. But the Wakeman girls were off to the side, taking a quick rest. At least, that's what Jenny told her little sister, XJ-8. The truth of it was, she wanted to get her away from the laughter of the mob – cold, hurtful laughter that she'd experienced too many times herself.
Large eyes glowed down at Jenny, looking both powerful and innocent at the same time. "Question: do humans normally include weight information in their names?"
"I'm not sure what you mean, XJ-8," Jenny answered, holding onto a giant finger.
"Several students have addressed me tonight as 'Two-ton Tina', which is both incorrect, and an underestimation of my resting mass …"
"Never mind that, sis," Jenny frowned, eager to change the subject to a happier topic. "The only thing that's important is that you're having a good time! So tell me how your date with Drew is going! What do you think of him so far?"
"He is a very nervous individual," XJ-8 droned, "and he has a remarkable ability to recover from massive structural damage. Why has Drew-for-short not flown back to the social interaction area?"
"Oh, well, that's because he can't fly … uh-oh." Jenny grimaced with sudden worry. "Um, why don't you just stay here, and I'll go see if I can find him? Be right back!" She took a few casual steps, trying to look calm, then broke into a run, hoping that Drew was still somewhere in Tremorton county.
Drew staggered through the double doors, ignoring the cries from short blonde girl who insisted that he show her his hand stamp before re-entering the gym. He simply didn't care anymore. All he could think about was getting out of there, and back to his safe, comfortable couch in the living room. Look, guys, I gave it a try, I stayed for half the dance – it's not you, it's me. I've got a headache. Yeah, that's it, I've got a headache – in every cubic inch of my body.
He didn't take five steps inside before Brad ran up to him with a look of relief on his face. "Man, what happened? I was just heading outside to start looking for you. You kind of disappeared at the end of that last dance. Where did you go?"
"I took a little sub-orbital pleasure trip," groaned Drew. "Anyway, I'm glad I found you. I just came back to say 'so long'. Hasta la bye-bye. No mas. I'm packing it in. I wave the white flag of surrender."
"Pffft. Come on, you're overreacting," chuckled Brad. "Okay, sure … things may have gone a little … rough so far. But that's to be expected! Remember, it's XJ-8's first night out with a guy. She's probably just a little nervous around you, Tiger."
Drew frowned, unimpressed. "Sure. Yup, when I get nervous, I like to grab the first person I see and hurl them into the stratosphere like a cannon shell. It's a coping mechanism."
Brad folded his arms. "All right, seriously, lose the sarcasm. You know she didn't mean to do that. Okay, so she's not much for dancing. Just talk to her, or something. Be creative. It's only another couple of hours. Do it as a favor to me. And Jenny."
And Jenny. His silver-green shoulders slumped. "Geez, Brad … twist the knife a few more times, why don't you? Sigh … all right, all right, I'll try to stick it out for the rest of the night. Provided I live that long. Brother."
"Will you stop exaggerating? Look, you're not in too bad a shape here. Er, except for that deal on your shoulder. What's up with that? It looks like some kind of … tread mark."
Drew checked it out, and moaned. "Oh, that would explain the snickering behind me. Yes, that would be a tire track, amigo." A wave of silver-green swept over his back, and the track started to fade away. "As in the kind of tire you might find on Don Prima's car, which just ran over me in the parking lot, after my little swan dive from three thousand feet."
"Yeesh," winced Brad.
"Ohhhh yes … thank goodness I'm not at home right now, on that comfy sofa watching the big-screen TV in my living room. Luckily, I'm here at a stupid school dance becoming even more of a laughingstock than I was before – if that's even possible! Yes, who in their right mind would want to relax at home and watch movies in surround sound, when I can go to school on a Saturday night and get run over by a two-ton metal contraption!?!?"
"My s-sister … is not a … contraption," squeaked a soft, shaking voice.
Drew had been so busy complaining, and Brad had been so busy trying to calm him down, that neither of them had noticed her approach. "Jenny!" Drew said, horrified. How long had she been standing there?!? "Oh no … no, Jenny, that's not what I meant –"
Jenny cupped her hand to her quivering metal lips, with a destroyed expression on her face. "I might expect the other kids to say things like that, but … but I never thought … that you guys …" She turned and ran blindly, feeling betrayed, fighting to hold back the tears.
"Jenny!" Brad shouted after her. He paused just long enough to glare furiously at Drew. "Smooth, pal. Really smooth." Then he took off into the crowd, trying to track down his distraught friend.
"But I wasn't … I didn't … I wasn't talking about your sister!" Drew said, into thin air. He was left standing alone, wondering just how he had managed to ruin the evening for everybody so quickly. Once again, the universe decides to use me the way a dog uses a fire hydrant. He dropped his face in his hands, disgusted with the evening and with himself.
Sheldon left Helena alone for a few minutes, to cool down and recover from his one-man dancing spectacular. She'd wanted to accompany him, of course, and it had been difficult to explain that there was simply no way she was getting into the boys' restroom. He tugged at his trendy clothes, trying to air them out. I know the magazine said these were cool, but I can't see why! A sweatshirt is so much more comfortable. And it has pockets for your mini-computer and your calculator! Fashion just makes no sense at all. He rinsed the sweat from his face, ran his hands through his hair, and made his way back into the gymnasium.
Just in time to get his biggest break of the night. For Jenny was all alone, and running right towards him. Sheldon fought back the wave of nervous giddiness that always came over him whenever his lady fair approached, and quickly huffed into his hand to check his breath. Okay, Sheldon Lee … cool and confident … play it smooth … you're the man. But something didn't seem quite right. Jenny was … sobbing.
"Jenny? Jenny, what's wrong?" he asked, with genuine concern.
"Sh-Sheldon? Oh … it's nothing," she said, very unconvincingly. She wiped at the corners of her eyes. "It's just something s-stupid I need to deal with myself. I don't want to ruin your evening with your beautiful new girlfriend."
"Oh, Jenny, you could never do that," he said, trying to soothe her. "No matter how many beautiful supermodels I'm dating, I'll always have time for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of tissues. "Here, take these. If you don't dry your face off, you'll get rust stains, and that can wreak havoc on a pair of beautiful metal cheeks like yours!"
Jenny dried her eyes, half-sniffling, half-chuckling at Sheldon's goofy version of chivalry. "Thanks, Sheldon – that's so sweet. It's good to know that … I've still got one friend here tonight." Then her shoulders started to shake, and suddenly she flung her arms around Sheldon's neck, bawling her eyes out. She was more upset than she'd realized, and she needed a good cry right now.
Sheldon couldn't believe it; his lady love had him wrapped up in a passionate embrace. He couldn't keep up the façade of coolness any longer; his face twisted into a grin that nearly came up to his eyebrows, and he blushed beet-red from ear to ear. He finally willed his arms to move, and gently patted Jenny on the back. She's in my arms! Finally, yes! Victory is mine! Thank you, Dr. Macho, wherever you are!
Helena stood ramrod-straight, right where her beloved Sheldon had instructed her to remain until he got back from the restroom. Her head slowly oscillated left and right, like a radar dish, waiting for her man to reappear so she could resume smothering him with affection. She was barely paying attention to the tall bond male next to her, who just wouldn't stop talking.
"So I couldn't help but notice you, in that sexy little number, babe," blathered Don, leering at her with seducing eyes. "That's a pretty shade of red. It's almost the same color as the red on my new car. Tell you what – why don't we head outside and see if it matches."
"I am waiting for my Sheldon to return."
"Don, you said you were going to dance with me on the next song," pouted Don's date.
"In a minute babe". He turned back to Helena. "Did I just hear you right? You're here with that pizza-faced loser Sheldon? Babe, this is your lucky day. I'm here to give you a free upgrade from Economy … to 'Don' Class."
Helena glanced at Don with fire in her eyes. "You shouldn't talk that way about my Sheldy-weldy. He's handsome, and wonderful, and charming, and … and … " Suddenly she fell quiet, and a few stunned squeaks dribbled out of her mouth. She stared right past Don, as if he wasn't there, at a sight that filled her microchip brain with dread.
There, over next to the restrooms, was Sheldon … her Sheldon … in the arms of another girl. That other robot girl he'd been yammering about all night. Jenny.
"Error … error, that is n-n-not acceptable," babbled Helena. Her eyes started to glow an intense red, and she developed a nervous tic that spooked Don into taking a few steps backwards. "Incorrect p-p-parameters! Error! Sheldon belongs to me, and I b-b-belong to Sheldon! Jenny does not fit in the equation. J-J-Jenny must be removed! Deleted!"
Helena marched off in a fury, straight across the dance floor, barreling through stunned students like a runaway locomotive. A casual swing of her smooth, toned arms was all it took to send dancers tumbling left and right. She was growling like an animal as she drew closer to Jenny and Sheldon, her hands balled into a pair of shaking fists.
"Get away from my Sh-Sh-Sheldon, you robotic hussy!" she snarled.
Jenny snapped upright, startled by the tone of the voice, and gasped as she saw Helena baring her teeth at her. Then she realized that her hands were still clasped behind Sheldon's neck. "Oh no … no, Helena, this isn't what it looks like! Sheldon was just being nice enough to …"
"YEARRRGHH!!!" Helena pulled back a fist, and let it fly at Jenny's face. Even with her super robot reflexes, she surprised her so much that she barely dodged the blow. Helena sprawled forward clumsily and blasted her arm through the wall of the gym, making a two-foot hole in the plaster.
"Helena! STOP!" shouted Sheldon, clutching at his hair. "What do you think you're doing?!?"
Jenny took a step backwards, trying to sound reasonable. "Look, if you just stop long enough to listen to me, we can straighten this whole thing out! I'm not going to steal …"
"Darn right you're not … Click! Bzzzt! … you little tramp! Sheldon is m-m-m-MINE!"
Helena shot an arm out and grabbed Jenny by the wrist. To everyone's amazement, she pulled her off her feet and started swinging her around like a helicopter blade. Jenny's eyes spun in their sockets, and she tried to make sense of what was happening as the gym spun in circles around her. Helena finally released her, turning Jenny into a speeding projectile that flew towards the other side of the gym. Students dove for the floor as the blue-and-white robot girl whizzed over their heads. She slammed into the gym wall, blasting loose a silhouette in the plaster, and slowly sunk down to the floor.
Sheldon was beside himself. "JENNY! Oh, no … I knew I needed to spend more time debugging that software … Helena, stop! Emergency shutdown!"
Helena's head spun around in a full circle, and she stared at Sheldon with an eerie, surreal grin. "Sheldon, you d-d-don't need her! You have me! Forget about her!" She shuddered, and a few electrical sparks leapt from her head. "You'll see, it'll be easier to forget about her once she's been destroyed!!!"
The beautiful Helena turned and sprinted towards Jenny, eager to deliver another attack to the girl who had dared touch her true love. Jenny still wasn't exactly sure of what was happening, but she was in no mood to put up with any more from Sheldon's jealous girlfriend. She sprang to her feet and assumed a defensive posture, hoping to slow Helena down so that she could talk some sense into her. But Helena came at her with arms flailing wildly, and Jenny had to start blocking kicks and punches. She didn't want to hurt her, but she was starting to lose her patience.
"Knock it … clang! … off! You're acting like … clang! … a real psycho!"
"I don't know w-w-what my Sheldon sees in a s-s-scrawny bimbo like you, anyway!"
"WHAT!?!" Did that little … just call me a bimbo? With a furious swing, Jenny slapped Helena across the face, sending her reeling backwards a few steps.
Off to the side, a growing crowd of students watched and cheered as the battle escalated. Two boys started chuckling and pumping their fists. "All right dude, check it out! Chick fight! Ye-e-eah, now we got a party going!"
Helena recovered and grabbed at one of Jenny's pigtails. But this time Jenny grabbed Helena's wrist, using her own momentum to flip her into the air. Helena was fighting so desperately, twisting and thrashing ferociously, that Jenny was having a hard time just holding onto her. She lurched wildly, and with a burst of strength, broke free from Jenny's grasp … but instead of simply rolling off to one side, she slammed face-first into the floor.
Jenny gasped, afraid that the crazed girl had seriously injured herself, because a human elbow simply shouldn't bend that way. She slowly knelt down towards Helena, who lay motionless on the floor. "Helena? Are … are you alright?"
Then she reeled back in horror as Helena's head snapped around one-hundred-eighty degrees – without any skin on it. With the silicone ripped free, Helena's smooth metal face gazed back at Jenny with garish inhumanity. Her spherical eye-orbs wiggled with a nervous frenzy in their recessed sockets. Bare wires and piston rods flexed and whined as her jaw moved.
"Stay … away … from my … Sheldy-poo!" a crackling voice hissed from Helena's mouth.
Helena flipped onto her back and swung her legs with a mighty kick, launching Jenny twenty feet into the air. She sprung to her feet, the skin ripped from her elbows and shoulder, a few wires protruding from her neck. Jenny plummeted into the floor like a meteor, with a thundering crash. Helena leapt towards the ceiling, somersaulted, and descended towards Jenny's body with a scream, looking to deliver a vicious kick.
Jenny shook her vision clear just in time to see a red boot streaking towards her face. She gracefully rolled away and flipped to her feet, fists in a martial arts position. By now the dance had come to a halt, and the gym was filled with students scrambling out of the way, or jockeying for the best viewing positions. Even though Helena … whatever she was … was fixated on Jenny, she was so unstable that she might hurt the other kids. Gotta wrap this up fast …
The faceless robot stumbled a few feet away, then turned to face Jenny once more. "You two-bit floozy," she screamed with a garbled voice. "If I can't h-h-have Sheldon, then nobody can!" She suddenly turned towards Sheldon, eyes glowing, and broke into a sprint …
Oh no. Jenny ignited her pigtails and blasted towards Helena, catching her with a flying tackle. She carried her into the air, fighting her wildly swinging hands. Helena actually managed to scratch Jenny's arm with her robotic fingers. That's it. "Girl … you've got issues," Jenny chuckled smugly, as she spun and hurtled her towards the gym floor.
Helena slammed into the floor like a rag doll, tumbling and rolling out of control, directly towards … XJ-8. Jenny worried when it became obvious that Helena was going to hit her little sister, who didn't seem to be paying very much attention to the fight for some reason.
With a resounding crash, Helena slammed into XJ-8's leg, coming to rest beside her. Even now, her wires and motors whined and pumped furiously, eager to lift her back on her feet. But XJ-8 had taken notice, quickly assessed the situation, and decided that the most efficient course of action was also the most direct. Twisting her massive frame slightly to put her weight on her elbow, XJ-8 simply fell on top of Helena with a reverberating thud, delivering a finishing blow to the psychotic robot, crushing her into a huge wafer of scrap metal.
Jenny flew down and landed next to her little sister, smiling as she watched loose springs and gears slowly spinning around on the gym floor. "XJ-8, you did it! You stopped her!" The danger was over, and a roar rose up from the crowd …
But it wasn't applause. It was laughter. But … But why …
Students were laughing at XJ-8, pointing at her and hurling insults. "Godzilla is entering the city!" "Nice moves, Wide Load!" "The winner, by body slam, Big Bertha!"
Jenny watched her sister's face, mortified, as XJ-8 processed everything she heard … and her eyes started to sadden, her mouth-grill sinking into a pained frown.
Another group of girls, orbiting around Don Prima, started laughing at the robot girls, tossing in a fresh set of attacks. "So this is your sister, Jenny? Oh yeah, I recognize that characteristic Wakeman grace. Just like a falling anvil."
"Let me guess, Jenny … you brought her along to make sure you weren't the biggest freak here tonight, right?"
Don Prima himself looked XJ-8 up and down, sneering. "I don't quite understand. Your mom built Shamu here out of, what … an old supertanker? So are there like, smaller robots inside, running this thing?"
Normally, Jenny would have shriveled under an onslaught like this … but this was different. They were insulting her little sister. Her cheeks started to burn red with anger. By now, Jenny had learned to deal with verbal abuse at high school – she put up with it every day. But it was all new to her sister. "Come on, XJ-8," she hissed, "these morons aren't worth our time. XJ-8?"
Jenny couldn't see her, but she could feel pounding footsteps shaking the floor. Then she just caught a glimpse of deep blue pigtails, lumbering towards the exit. Her little sister had just learned a hard lesson about life as a robot in high school. But she wouldn't even be here if I hadn't dragged her here tonight. She must be furious with me. Drew's mad at me. Brad's probably mad at me, too. And Sheldon's probably mad that I ruined his date! Her pigtails slumped low against her head, and Jenny ran for the exit, riddled with grief and worry.
Continued in Chapter Six