Crashdance
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter Seven – Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer
The last techno song of the night blasted through the gym, and the students whooped and hollered to the thumping bass beat. Despite everything that had happened, almost everyone seemed to be having a great time – even the two towering robots who didn't want to be there in the first place.
Hulking about in his monstrous new ten-foot body, Drew couldn't help but laugh at his pathetic dancing skills. He was pretty much limited to shuffling his colossal feet back and forth; if he managed to keep to the beat, that was a bonus. He was more worried about knocking down a wall, or falling over and putting twenty people in intensive care. But it didn't matter how ugly his dancing was; the important thing was that XJ-8 actually seemed to be enjoying herself. He was getting a little better at reading her face – and she seemed to be more at ease around another massive robot. Which was what he was hoping for.
And some of the students even started to cheer them on – after all, how often did you see a pair of giant robots getting their funk on at a high school dance? XJ-8 even got adventurous enough to try a few different dances, like the "robot" – which seemed misnamed, because it wasn't how she or her sisters moved at all. But it did start up a brief chant of "Go Ei-ght, Go Ei-ght" – which Drew had to explain was not a command to leave the gym.
As the song built to its climax, Brad and Jenny whirled around each other in a spectacular frenzy. Jenny was squealing with delight, barely in control of herself as Brad spun her in circles.
"Don't do it, Brad!" she laughed. "You'll hurt yourself!"
Brad grinned at her wickedly. "What's the matter, Jen? Chicken? Get ready! On three!"
"Oh, no … one … two … AAAAH!!!" Brad shifted his weight and swung Jenny up into the air. She twisted and spun like a top, a few feet over his head, and then came down to land in his waiting arms. Of course Jenny weighed a little more than the average teenage girl; Brad's knees buckled, sending them both crashing to the floor, laughing like a pair of lunatics.
Drew shook his head – what a pair of fruitcakes – then got a devious little idea. "Get ready to jump," he said to XJ-8. She was a bit confused as he grabbed her hands, then understood when he said, "On three."
"This maneuver is inadvisable," she bellowed. "But it looks like … fun. One .. two …"
Everyone gasped as Drew heaved with a titanic effort, and pulled XJ-8's feet off of the floor. She twisted around him once, then with a metallic groan and a mighty swing of his tree-trunk arms, he flung XJ-8 twenty feet into the air. People stared in awe as she hovered in space; then she rushed back down towards Drew like a falling piano. He held his arms over his head, and clenched his teeth in anticipation.
The impact shook the walls and ceiling of the entire gymnasium, blasted a three-foot-deep crater in the floor, and knocked thirty people off their feet. But Drew's supersized body managed to catch her, holding her over his head to strike a pose. As Drew carefully set XJ-8's titanic frame back on the floor, the song ended, and the gymnasium erupted into applause.
Jenny ran over and wrapped her arms around XJ-8's waist in a crushing hug. "That was amazing! Sis, you were incredible! I knew you had it in you."
"I believe that I have successfully … rocked the house," XJ-8 smiled back at her sister.
Brad walked over, smoothing out his shirttails. "Dude, that was one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life," he laughed.
Drew smirked back at him. "Ahem. At least I caught my date."
"Well, sure, you're like the robot Paul Bunyan here," Brad shot back. "What's up with that, anyway? I mean, you're huge! So how did you grow? Is this something new with the nanobots?"
"Not really," he explained. "I just grabbed a little something to eat on the way back to the school. Well, a couple of tons of something. Then the nanobots went to work, and voila, I'm grande-sized."
"You ate!?! A couple of tons?" Brad's jaw hung open for a second. "What did you eat?!?"
"Just some metal I found lying around outside."
"How'd you find a couple of tons of metal just lying around outside?"
Drew glanced at XJ-8 with a wink. "Oh, it was easier than you might think."
"H-hey Jenny, you were amazing out there," squeaked a bashful voice. Making his way over from the far side of the gym, Sheldon walked up to them, looking tired and downtrodden. He was carrying a large cardboard box filled with assorted pieces of equipment and robotic parts. His mussed hair was hanging between his eyes in its familiar way, and his shirt was rumpled and untucked. "I just wanted to apologize for the little incident earlier," he said.
"That's okay, Sheldon," replied Jenny. "I feel kind of bad about what happened to your date, but … well … she was a little … how can I put this gently … crazy. And how could you not even realize that she was a robot?"
A drop of sweat rolled down Sheldon's forehead. "Believe me … I was just as surprised by her behavior as you were." Boy, was I – stupid lousy second-rate personality circuits! "I guess this is what I get for finding a date on the Internet. Heh-heh." He chuckled awkwardly at his little fib.
Jenny peeked inside the cardboard box, to see a half-crushed robotic head, sitting on a pile of gears, wiring, and circuit boards. The eyes blinked a couple of times, and a brief surge of power coursed through the circuits. "K-k-keep your mitts off my b-b-beefcake, sister," chirped Helena's voice modulator.
Jenny arched an eyebrow. "Gee, you sure can pick 'em, Sheldon."
"Sh-Sheldy-p-p-poo!" Fzzt! Crackle! Bzzap!
Sheldon sighed in disgust. "Oh, shut up," he said, as he slinked off towards the exit.
Then the DJ announced the last song of the night, and a soft slow-dance number began to play. The chaotic mob of teenage dancers settled down, and started to pair off. Jenny glanced at Brad, with a tinge of blue flashing on her metallic cheeks. "It's the last dance, Brad. I know we've been dancing all night anyway, but, umm … I mean, if you're not too tired … and your feet aren't too sore …"
"No!" he blurted out, then blushed himself. "I mean … well since you went and learned those dance steps, it would be a shame not to use them … heh-heh …"
"Oh, for Pete's sake, this is pathetic," Drew said, rolling his eyes. "Get your butts out there."
Might as well do this right. Brad held his left hand out, looking very gallant, and smiled into Jenny's eyes. "May I have this dance, madame?"
She giggled and placed her left hand in his. "It would be my pleasure." They both chuckled nervously as Brad fumbled to place his other hand on her hip. Then they weaved their way into the crowd of spinning couples, gently swaying back and forth to the soft guitar melody playing over the sound system.
XJ-8 stared at the dancers, with a puzzled look on her face. "What is the purpose of this 'slow dance'? Is it to safely cool down and reduce heart rate after strenuous activity?"
"Actually it's probably increasing heart rate for most of them," Drew smirked. Oh, what the hey. "Here, I'll show you. We hold our left hands like this, then your hand goes on this shoulder, and this hand goes on your hip. We just slowly move to the music, and I try not to step on your feet."
They took a few cautious steps, mindful not to crush any unsuspecting lovebirds. XJ-8 observed the dancers for a few more seconds. "This seems to be a romantic bonding ritual," she concluded, then she turned to face him. "I wish to ask you a question, Drew-for-short."
Oh great, he winced, she thinks it's a mating dance. "Look, XJ-8, it doesn't exactly work like …"
"Why did you not ask Jenny to go to the dance with you?"
He stared back, speechless, as if he'd just been hit in the face with a two-by-four. "Wh-What makes you ask a question like that?" he finally stammered.
"I am creating a program based on the writings of Teen Yak to understand and predict romantic interaction. Jenny is the only female robot in this school. You are the only male robot in this school. Logic dictates that you two would therefore make a compatible couple. Is that not accurate?"
Sheesh. XJ-8 might have feelings, but she sure doesn't have much tact. Drew was still shocked that she'd even asked the question in the first place. Maybe a little too shocked. After all, it's not like I have any feelings for Jenny. Right? Don't get me wrong, Jenny's one of my best friends. Heck, she's the only other robot I know. I don't know what I'd do without her.
He looked to the middle of the dance floor, where Brad and Jenny slowly rocked back and forth, entwined in each other's arms. Jenny's metal cheek was resting against Brad's face, and her arms had slipped around his neck. His arms were lightly wrapped around her blue metal hips, holding her close against his chest. They each wore smiles of simple, perfect contentment, occasionally glancing up to make playful eye contact. They were blissfully lost in each other's arms, oblivious to everything around them.
Jenny was his friend. Brad was his friend. And … I need two friends more than I need one date.
Drew shook himself from his brief daydream, and returned his attention to XJ-8. "That's an interesting theory, but you probably should put a little less stock in Teen Yak."
"Understood. Feedback logged for future reference … " suddenly she shuffled to the side, as they almost bumped into another couple.
It was Don Prima, with yet another beautiful girl on his arm.
"Hey, watch out, you oversized freaks," he growled in a condescending tone. Then he turned to his dance partner with a sneer. "Come on, let's get out of this dump. The whole place is starting to stink with the aroma of loser." And with a pair of upturned noses, they marched off.
XJ-8 watched them walk away for a few seconds, then turned back to Drew. "Searching for appropriate phrase." Her eyes flashed a few times, then stopped with a soft ding! "What a jerk."
Drew smiled in relief, welcoming the diversion from XJ-8's uncomfortable question. "Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on him. After all, we managed to have a little fun here tonight. And you got a dance partner that's more your size. And that wouldn't have been possible … without Don's help." He smiled evilly, then they broke into laughter, as they slowly spun across the floor like a pair of waltzing zambonis.
Another successful evening for the master, Don thought to himself, as he strolled towards the parking lot. He had shown up at the dance with one girl, and he was leaving with three. A blond, a brunette, and a redhead. The complete set. Oh yeah, the evening is just beginning.
"Ladies, what do you say we leave the losers behind and go somewhere a little more private?" Time to turn up the charm. "It's a beautiful night, and I know this fantastic little place on Lake Tremorton. We can sit in my brand new car and watch the moonlight reflect off of the water."
"Ooh, Don, you're such a romantic," giggled the blonde. "Can I sit next to you in the front seat?"
"As long as you keep your hands off the dashboard, babe. Don't want to get any smudge marks on it."
"Umm, Don? Didn't we park, like, right around here somewhere?" asked the redhead.
"We parked right underneath that lamppost," he gestured.
"Then where's your car?'
"What do you mean?" he said, with a touch of annoyance – then he realized that the only thing there was an empty parking place. "Well, it .. it must have been a different lamppost, then."
"Don … I don't see any red sports cars in this parking lot," the redhead huffed.
The brunette noticed something on the pavement, and bent down to pick it up. "It's a license plate," she announced, "D-O-N-S-T-E-R. Doonster? What's a Doonster?"
"WHAT?!?" screamed Don. He checked for himself, and sure enough, it was his personalized license plate. "My car! My beautiful car!" He dropped to his knees, and burst into wet, heaving sobs. "Oh, my beautiful, expensive, imported Donmobile! Gone! Vanished! Taken before her time!" He buried his face in his hands, wailing like a schoolgirl.
The redhead and the blonde exchanged uncomfortable looks, while the brunette turned the license plate over in her hands, making a disgusted face.
"Ewww … why does this license plate have a bite taken out of it?"
Brad, Jenny, Drew, and XJ-8 casually strolled down the sidewalk towards the Wakeman house, enjoying the crisp air and the starry sky. They were finally starting to wind down from the excitement of the dance, and everybody was feeling a bit fatigued, after a physically and emotionally exhausting evening. But everyone was in high spirits, especially Brad and Jenny, who had barely stopped talking since they walked out of the school gymnasium.
"That was the raddest school dance ever!" Brad laughed. "People will be talking about it for years."
"I know!" beamed Jenny, barely keeping her feet on the ground. "That DJ they had tonight was so phat! Every song he played just totally rocked. I think I danced to every single one!"
"You did dance to every single one. I can personally vouch for that," he smirked. "Even that weak girly-man Sync-N song."
She gave him a playful punch in the shoulder. "Hey, that's a great song!"
"Oh, please. The DJ plays that fantastic remix by Acid Reflux, and then he plays Love Your Lovely Lovin' Baby? Lame-o. Can I get some guy backup on this please, Drew?" Brad looked back over his shoulder. "You guys still alive back there?"
Drew – who had shed his extra tonnage, and was back to normal size – just shrugged and smiled back. "Hey, we're just back here listening to you two go back and forth. It's more entertaining than the dance was. I feel like I should be holding a bucket of popcorn."
Jenny grinned back at them. "Oh, stop it. So what do you have to say, XJ-8? What did you think of your first big night out?"
"Please standby while I calculate fun level," her synthesized voice boomed. Her eyes blinked rapidly, with a series of electronic bleeps and bloops. "Program complete. I had … a very nice time."
"I can tell – I've never seen you so excited! Well, here we are," sighed Jenny, as they arrived at the walkway to her house. She'd been looking forward to this evening for three weeks, writhing with anticipation, wondering if it would ever get here – and now, all too quickly, it was over. Even with the all the drama she'd gone through this evening, her first school dance had been everything she could have hoped for. But the evening wasn't completely over yet.
Jenny and Brad took a few steps towards the front door. "Well, Brad, I guess this is the end of our first official date," she said to him, with a soft smile on her face.
"I guess it is," Brad smiled back, playing with the cuffs of his shirt. "I had a really fun time tonight, Jen. I mean, I always have fun when I'm with you, but tonight I had more fun. Um … not that the other times aren't a lot of fun too, they're just different. Er … not bad different, just different different …"
She mercifully interrupted him. "I had a lot of fun, too," she giggled, fidgeting with her hands.
"Uh-huh … yeah, right." Drew took the hint. He grabbed XJ-8 by one of her massive fingers, and led her away from the door, towards the street. "Hey, XJ-8, have you ever noticed this manhole cover in front of your house before? Check out the craftsmanship on that City of Tremorton logo. Wow, you just don't see fine art deco styling like that on most manhole covers these days."
Brad and Jenny chuckled nervously for what seemed like forever; then each of them awkwardly realized how stupid they must've looked, just standing there like statues. Of course, realizing that made them even more nervous. But the quick glances they shot at each other gradually grew into a long, warm stare, and the rest of the world faded away into the background. Brad took Jenny's smooth, metal hands in his, and a bright flash of teal-blue blazed over her cheeks.
"Sorry," she stammered, "my robot hands must seem awfully cold."
"They don't feel cold to me," he said, squeezing them a little tighter.
He gently pulled on her arms, slowly drawing her closer; as strong as Jenny was, she offered no resistance now. Brad's heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. Their faces drew to within inches of each other. Jenny steadied her nerves, closed her eyes, and gently tilted her head, ensuring that her pigtails were safely pointing backwards. Brad moistened his lips, took a quick breath, and leaned forward to …
They nearly bashed their heads together as the front door flew open, bathing them in a blinding light. "XJ-9!!!" shouted an annoyed voice.
"GAHHH!" Jenny flung her arms behind her back, and jumped away from Brad.
Mrs. Wakeman, dressed in a housecoat and slippers, with curlers matted in her hair, tucked a magazine under her arm and marched a few steps out onto the walkway. "Do you have any idea what time it is, young lady?!? Eleven o'clock means eleven o'clock, not eleven-fifteen! And unless you had to stop a meteor on the way home, I'm not interested in hearing any excuses!"
Jenny's electronic mind raced to decide whether she was humiliated or furious. She decided on a little of both. "Moth-errrr! I don't believe you! Stop it! You're embarrassing me!!!"
"Well, I'd be embarrassed too, if I'd forgotten how to tell time," she glowered at her daughter. "We have rules in this house, and I expect you to obey them. Now, you've had enough fun for one evening. Say goodnight to your friends and get in this house right now. You too, XJ-8 … wha … XJ-8?"
The massive robot girl seemed to shrink under her creator's glare. "Hi Mom," she blared sheepishly.
Mrs. Wakeman's drowsy eyes suddenly sprang wide open. She dropped her magazine to the ground, and her mouth hung open for a moment. Then she ground her teeth together, shaking with fury. "XJ-8!?!?"
"Ooooh, not good," winced Jenny. "All right, I'll just say goodnight now, like you said, Mom." She ran a few steps over to Drew, who was desperately trying to look innocent. "Thanks for coming out with us tonight," she blurted. Then she surprised him with a warm hug. "And thanks for taking such good care of my little sister."
Then she hurried over to Brad, with an apologetic smile – the one he recognized as the here-we-go-again smile when she was about to go toe-to-toe with her mother. "Sorry about my mom spazzing out there. I had a wonderful evening, Brad," she said … then quickly gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, and pulled away with a teasing, flirty glance. "Thanks for everything."
Mrs. Wakeman's hands balled into fists. "X-J's eight and ni-yun, in the house, NOW."
The ground thundered as XJ-8 plodded into the house, dragging her massive feet along the walkway. She looked down at her mother for sympathy, but the doctor wasn't in the mood. Jenny quickly darted inside just behind her sister, and waved one last time before Mrs. Wakeman shot the boys a nasty glare, and slammed the door shut.
Brad heaved a sigh of relief; for such a small lady, Dr. Wakeman could be plenty intimidating. But even despite the doctor's interruption, he was feeling pretty good right now. He clasped his hands behind his back and strolled to the sidewalk, humming a tune to himself.
Drew leaned backwards against a utility pole, exhausted. "Thank goodness that's over," he gasped.
"Oh, admit it, you had fun," Brad chuckled. "Look, I know we kind of surprised you with the blind date thing. And I figured the night was over when Jen's sister took off after the fight, but you pulled it out of the fire. Nice job! I owe you one."
"You're darn tootin' you owe me one. I should be inducted into the Wingman Hall of Fame for this."
"Come on, now … Jenny only did this because she wanted to do something nice for you. Think about it," said Brad. "She spent all last night and today trying to find you a date, when she could have been shopping at the mall, or getting her nails done, or … shopping at the mall. And then, she decides to entrust you with the happiness of her little sister, on her very first special night. If that's not a symbol of trust and friendship, then … I don't know what is."
Drew squinted, analyzing Brad's face. He had an amazing ability to spread it on thick, yet sound totally sincere at the same time, and it was tough to tell when he was doing it. "Okay, okay … I realize that you guys were just trying to help me out. Sorry for complaining so much, Brad. I have to admit, it was one of the more … interesting Saturday nights I've ever had."
He turned to leave, then snapped his fingers. "Oh, right. Just one more thing."
Drew reached up and clutched the collar of Brad's shirt. "If either one of you ever – ever – hooks me up on a blind date again – I'll get you. Ohhh, I will get you. You won't know how, you won't know when, and you won't see it coming. Remember – I'm a shape shifter, and I know where you live. Capiche? Do we have an understanding here?"
"Understood," laughed Brad. "No more blind dates. Although Jenny did seem to enjoy doing the whole double date thing. You know, she has seven more sisters."
"Don't even think about it," moaned Drew.
THE END