Numb by Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Han Solo stared at his daughter, his oldest child, his mechanically-inclined, most wonderful and only daughter. The same daughter who had become very scarce since a certain Chiss Colonel had returned from the Unknown Regions three weeks ago. And now she was sitting here with his wife, staring at her hands after she'd told them a rather startling piece of news. What Han couldn't understand is how the need to tell them that news had taken place. Sure, he knew the technical side of it, but the whole idea that Jaina was sexually involved with anyone, not just Jagged Fel but anyone, was startling to him. She was also 20 years old.

He sighed at himself, unable to see how he could've missed his daughter growing up in her own eyes. And only in her own eyes, because it certainly wasn't in his. Han was startled out of his thoughts by Jaina's pleading voice making it to his ears.

"Dad... please say something..." as she spoke she looked pleadingly at him, causing Han to remember other times she'd pulled off other pleading faces. None of that happened to count in credit to him right now.

"You want me to say something?" Han finally asked, rather sarcastically, his face hardening. "Fine. I'll say something."

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Jaina stared at her father in something like horror as he began to talk. This certainly hadn't been what she'd wanted, though she knew that he would go off on this thread. She just didn't want to have to hear it.

"Jaina Solo, how in all the Corellian hells could you go off and get married behind our backs?! Why couldn't you have told us before, perhaps, say, before this precious 'husband' of yours came back? And speaking of whom, the next time I catch him out of hiding, he goes straight into carbonite. He's not good enough for you; you know that, I know that. And this whole business with being pregnant with Sithing Jagged Fel's child-"

"That's quite enough, Han," Leia said quietly. Jaina felt her mother's hand rubbing up and down her spine and the comforting brush from her in the Force. That didn't stop Jaina from putting her face in her hands as tears started down her cheeks. She knew her father hadn't even said half of what he wanted to, knew it thanks to being able to read him in the Force. But that didn't make her feel any better. At this point, she wondered if anything she ever did could ever measure up to her father wanted. It just didn't seem like she'd ever be able to please him any more. She just wanted to be allowed to live her life the way she wanted to. Without having to have it hanging over her that her father, her idol father, disapproved of soemthing she'd done.

Across the room, Jaina heard the Corellian ex-smuggler muttering various curses under his breath as he leaned against a wall. Some of them were in Shyriiwook, others in Corellian, and some in languages Jaina herself hadn't spoken in quite a while. Finally she heard something coming out in Basic. "Kriffin' nerfherder. Of all people, my daughter had to choose a full-blood Corellian who's father is and Imperial Baron. Just wonderful. Vapin' wonderful."

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

Before he said anything else, Jaina stood up quickly, ignoring the lightheaded dizziness that flashed across her senses. Instead, she used the Force to steady herself and hit the control panel for the door. A second later, she was out of the apartment, making a run for her own quarters. Nearly there, Jaina felt the momentary energy she'd had at leaving her parents' place disappear. To add to it, she was feeling extremely nauseous.

A strong pair of hands gripped her shoulders just as she felt ready to collapse on the floor. The hands were accompanied by a gentle yet firm connection in her bond with Kyp. The Jedi Master scooped her into his arms, saying nothing verbally. Jaina tucked her head against Kyp's chest as she let him carry her into her quarters, not caring that this was totally out of her 'I'll do it myself, thank you very much' attitude.

Kyp set her down on her side, her head resting against the arm of the couch. Jaina watched him walk over to the counter and grab a nutrient bar which he, in turn, offered to her. She merely shook her head, not in the mood for eating anything at the moment. Instead, she hid her face in the material of the couch, feeling tears start in trailing down her cheeks again.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

"Jaina," Kyp said, forcing her face out of the couch to look at him. When she looked at him, his face fell as he saw tears running down her cheeks. Quickly the silver-haired Jedi pulled her into a hug, taking care to avoid squishing her against him, as her stomach was now beginning to show signs she was pregnant. Jaina merely buried her face in Kyp's chest, clinging to him like he was her lifeline.

The door released a moment later and Kyp looked over to see Jag entering. The pilot looked between his wife and his wife's partner, a worried expression evolving on his face. Kyp rubbed Jaina's back with his free hand, then pulled away, looking back to Jag. Jaina merely curled up on the couch, closing her eyes to attempt sleep. Kyp stood up and walked over to Jag, stopping him from going over to Jaina for the moment.

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

"What's wrong?" Jag asked as soon as Kyp was in range of hearing his lowered voice. The Jedi Master looked back at Jaina, sighing softly, then returned Jag's stare.

"Her father," the older man said.

Jag sighed, cringing inwardly. He loved Jaina, always would, and it hated him to see her torn in two between him and the rest of her family. Even when she denied feeling torn in half, Jag knew she was just saying it so he would feel better over whatever was wrong. It hadn't been working as of late. Jaina was having a bad enough time as it was, what with her morning sickness that was really all-day sickness. Add that to having to deal with her father being a bit less than supportive... Jag sighed again.

Instead of requesting further information from Kyp, he nodded and walked over to Jaina, who was doing her best to try and rest. Jag reached over to her and brushed her hair from her face, kissing her tenderly on the forehead. Jaina opened her eyes at once, looking up at him.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

"Mm?" she mumbled, not truly awake, yet not truly asleep.

Jag smiled down at her, his expression a bit less serious then it had been a few minutes ago. His cupped hand rested on her cheek as he kneeled in front of the couch. "Jaina, I'm sorry, really." He stopped when she shook her head, but decided to go on instead. He'd received a code encrypted message from his mother and in that message she'd asked Jag to come back for a visit again, and to bring Jaina so they could meet her before she decided she wanted to stick to one planet.

When she appeared to be more attentive, he continued. "I got a message from my mother. She invited you to come visit out on Csilla." Jag watched her face as she thought about it, eyes boring into his. At last a hint of a smile appeared on her face, and she nodded.

"So long as I don't have to worry about another performance about how I shouldn't be married to you," she said, her smile wavering. Jag pulled her into a loose hug, and as he did so, he heard her whisper something to him. "Jag, can we bring Kyp?"

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be