You've got the choice.

Disclaimer : All characters except Simon's brother belong to William Golding, whom I deeply admire. No offence intended.

Warnings: Everyone who was able to read the book without being scarred for life will be able to read this, too. That means: Violence, language, philosophical thoughts and angst. Slashy themes as well. Rating is PG-13 - R

Summary: It's 1968, twenty years after the events of 'Lord of the Flies'. The survivors reunite and travel to the island once more, to have a little ceremony for the dead ones. But then, unforeseen things happen... have they learned or will the past repeat itself?

Note: This chapter was (at least for me) exceedingly boring. It is too much talk and morals. But what can one expect from a person who has to learn her philosophy for an ethics test on Wednesday? (Ethics is one of my school subjects, don't ask.) Aristotle, Platon and Cicero are torturing my poor brain and this is my revenge on the world. Yay.

Bagheera (who would also like to excuse for any terrible grammatical errors, for she is not a native speaker!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

4 Words

"Maybe we shouldn't intrude right now... I mean it looks like they're being rather personal right now..." Johnny looked doubtfully at Daniel and then back at the two men sitting close together under the palm trees. It was still light enough to see that they were talking peacefully, not something one would have expected Ralph and Jack to do. But Daniel shook his head.

"It is important, and it will be good to talk to both at once."

As they came closer, Jack noticed them and fell silent. Ralph turned around, too. Johnny studied the two men. Ralph, who looked pretty average, still rather attractive, but not as energetic as the boy he had been, and Jack, who looked at lot like a man whose life has taken a few too many bad courses. Normally, he would not have given them a second glance, categorising them as boring, typical middle-class men. But knowing at least part of their history, he knew that this judgement was completely wrong. It reminded him of how dangerous it was to judge by appearances.

"Hello," Daniel said and sat down next to them quite casually. Johnny followed his example. Sitting in a small circle like that, they reminded him of many of his friends, and he suddenly, irrationally longed for a guitar and some cigarettes. It could have been such a nice moment if there had been nothing to worry about.

"Thank you, by the way, for earlier," he said to Jack.

"It was you who stepped in for me, first." I didn't step in to defend you, Johnny thought but didn't say it. I tried to defend principles.

+++

"I really don't get why Maurice would side with that bastard Jack! Where is he now, anyway?" Percival looked around angrily, his pale cheeks pink. He had been persuaded by Maurice to fly them to the island with his plane, or rather his father's plane, his father's former plane!

"It's that bunch of eggheads, Perce. They always talk smartly, but they're all the same. Think they're something better than you 'n me." Henry pointed at Daniel and Johnny who where sitting in a small distance from the group. They were talking quietly and smiling now and then. "And that's what you get! They talk about how things must be solved peacefully, but what they mean is: things must be solved in their way. Or things must not be solved at all."

"The kids of today...," Harold shook his head in disdain. "My boys won't be going to university if it's going on like that. Drugs! Free love! They're running down our country, those radicals!" he ranted on. He was barely four years older than Johnny, but to him it felt like decades of age and wisdom separating them.

"Only look at them," Percival spat. "Hair like a chick he's got!" He jerked his chin in Johnny's direction. The man had wheat coloured hair so long he could tie it back.

"I'm sure that's not the only thing about him like a chick..." Henry smirked. They laughed dirtily.

+++

"This isn't over," Daniel said. "Henry and his peers won't let go now. You said you wanted to show it would work differently. What are you going to do now?" Jack first frowned, then shook his head and smiled.

"You actually believed me?" He asked incredulously. "It was only talk! I didn't think. There is nothing I can do. Or do you expect me to miraculously turn this into a happy end? What I meant when I said it could be done differently, was that I could do it differently. It was just talking! Crap, stupid crap. If Henry thinks he'll be the big leader in this thing, there is nothing I can do about it."

"You could talk to him."

"Sure. Because he's so very reasonable."

"Jack is right," Ralph suddenly said. "There is no talking to people like Henry. Not the best reasoning won't change his actions. He doesn't care for what is reasonable or right. He cares only for what he wants."

"Like me," Jack said. "If he's really like that, then there is no way for than either to be stronger than him or submit in one way or another."

"Then be stronger."

+++

"But have you seen how I've got him!" Henry repeated the right hook and then the left.

"Whoosh, bang! Right like this!"

"Yeah, that was a nice one," Phil agreed with satisfaction.

"Wish you'd have let me, too," Percival added wistfully.

"I wouldn't have thought that you'd get Jack so easily. Wouldn't have thought that, really," Harold said slowly. Robert nodded.

"A pity somehow, isn't it? I would have liked to have a real opponent," Henry laughed boastfully. He run a hand through his oily black hair

"But Maurice... uh..." Harold shook a hand like he'd burnt it and grinned at Henry. "He's way out of your league."

"Hah! That's what you think. But wait until he does this once more! Thinks he's the big boss here, doesn't he? He and his pack of little professors, pack of nancies, they are! All bark, no bite!"

+++

"Being stronger means violence. You understand that, do you?" Jack ventured. Daniel shook his head.

"No, no, that can't be. If you are violent, then you submit to him, too."

"Guys you're seeing this all too pessimistic. It's not only Jack against Henry and his peers, is it?" Johnny looked at them meaningfully. "It's us, too, and it's Maurice. And even though maybe they sided with Henry, I don't think that Robert and Harold are totally unreasonable. They'll know where to draw the line. And Sam and Eric, I don't think they would side against us, either. I'm not to sure about the other ones... but even then we're already the majority."

"Ralph had the majority in the beginning, too," Jack retorted.

"But we're not kids anymore. We won't be persuaded by food and fun anymore, will we?" Johnny asked hopefully. He simply could not imagine grown-up people being so selfish and stupid. But Ralph shook his head darkly, and Jack laughed bitterly.

+++

Actually Sam and Eric had not been quite comfortable with sitting together with Henry, Percival and their little group, but it was still better than sitting around alone. After the fight in the morning, things had cooled down pretty fast. Ralph and Jack had disappeared to God knows where, and so had Maurice. Daniel and Johnny, who where obviously not welcome with Henry and his group, had at first been sitting in a little distance together, then had walked away when the evening came. The day had seemed to stretch endlessly. Just what had they been doing all day when they had been children? This island was probably the most boring place on the whole planet. Now, if there had been some girls in bikinis or a little music or at least a TV, it would have been a nice enough holiday. But only sitting and talking was not Sam and Eric's idea of fun.

So they had come to the bigger group of men that included Henry, Percival, Harold, Robert and Bill, as well as some of the younger men they knew even less. They found that one could talk quite nicely with Bill about any kind of sports, which was their favourite subject as Sam was a physical education teacher at a public school, and Eric had started a career as a long distance runner after his studies. As long as the talk was about that, or about women – the three of them were not married – everything was okay. It was actually more comfortable to talk with these men than with Maurice or Johnny for example, whose talk was always a little to sophisticated or with Jack and Ralph who didn't seem to talk a lot at all.

But every now and then somebody would make a remark that was not so light in nature. Something like calling Daniel and Johnny who were sitting together in quiet companionship a few yards away 'Faggots' or 'Nancies'. Something like talking about how they would make Jack pay, how they would ' squash his head' and 'gut him alive.' Something like calling Daniel and Johnny and Jack and Ralph a 'case for the loony bin altogether.'

Then they would look at each other, only for an instant, uncomfortable but not quite able to say so.

+++

"If all people were like you, Johnny..."

"But look at our society, man! I mean, it may not be perfect, democracy and stuff, there are injustices and corruption and double morals, but still people do what's reasonable more or less. There is such a thing as civilisation, after all. If people were as bad as you two seem to think, then how would a society like ours ever exist?" He was angry, angry to have to defend a system that he did not believe in, angry to see that obviously no one had ideals like him. But Jack didn't need very long to reply.

"You really think that people in our society do what they do because it's reasonable? I don't think so. I think what they want is not the best for everyone, but food and fun. Democracy and rules and order are just the easiest way to get to food and fun, or so it seems to them."

"Maybe we are like that. But there are some things I wouldn't do, even for food and fun as you put it. There are some things I would sacrifice my health and happiness for, myself even. There are people like us who can control themselves."

"That's not the point," Jack growled.

"What Jack wants to say, Johnny, is this: of course there are people who think and act like you do, or like we do. But they're not everyone. Food and fun, as he puts it, is the simpler thing out of the two. So the majority of people acts that way. Living like you suggest to, is tough and dangerous in our world." Ralph said tiredly. It had come out of him like a sigh or last breath, the essence of his conviction. The world of humanity was a deadly place, a teeth and claws place. He looked heavily at them. He had never said this aloud, nor written it down, nor ever thought it out. Now he got up, walked away with his feet shuffling slowly in the sand. The three other men looked after him, overwhelmed and downcast. What he had said was final.

Jack rubbed his eyes and then laid down, on the sand without a pillow or blanket. It was a hard bed and he liked it. There is no such thing as lying on the earth, the real ground. It is a feeling of fulfilment, of being one with something greater. It was like the hunt had been, only that it was calmer, more perfect. It was not the flow, but the stillness. He heard Johnny and Daniel talking quietly, but he was unable to listen. His mind felt raw and jittery images of his youth mixed with the images of the day. Roger was in his head, and wouldn't go away. Even though those years with Roger hadn't been happy – in fact they had been one big celebration of their common anger and unhappiness – they still were the most outstanding part of his life. It was the feeling of being wide-awake, of being alive, of being close, so very close to the meaning of it all... Ever since, his life had been filled either with longing or indifference.

"... and then things start to glow, in a golden light, that rises like haze and swirls..."

"And there is sound... a buzzing... like the blood in your ears... but so much ... lighter... and then the things talk to me... ."

"Does it scare you?"

"No... it scares other people. I faint, sometimes, or they tell me I'm having seizures or I'm getting spacey. But I don't... I don't want it to go away. You wouldn't want to live without dreaming, would you? It would be like that, or like blinding myself. But I have learned not to show it to everyone."

"You shouldn't hide yourself. There are people who actively search what you got. I think it is beautiful."

"Thank you..."

"What for?"

"..."

"Dan.."

Jack opened his eyes a little, unable to stop his curiosity. The two were sitting very close, leaning against each other, but he could not quite see what they were doing. He got up very silently, trying to get away unnoticed. But suddenly Johnny turned his head and saw him standing. Daniel, too, flinched. Jack quickly made a reassuring gesture with his hands.

"Didn't want to disturb you...". He flashed them a short smile and walked away. The two men grinned at each other with embarrassment.

+++

He almost hoped to find Ralph somewhere along the beach, he didn't feel like sleeping after this and needed someone to talk to. Normally he could spend whole nights awake and sitting in the dark, watching the lights from the street under his window, or following the cracks in the ceiling with his eyes, thinking all kinds of things, making up reasons for his life. But here on the island he felt agitated, like the island was somehow a source of energy, biding him to do something. He didn't think he would find Ralph somewhere else but on the beach, Ralph had never liked the interior of the island as much, had always spend most of the time on the open beach, but when he had walked a few minutes, he saw the light of a fire shine red and warm across the beach. It made sense, the other had lighters and why should they not make a fire?

He turned to the forest, quite sure that Ralph wouldn't have one to the others, even if maybe he would have been welcome there. The forest was thick and dark and everywhere there was moisture. He was aware that there might be spiders and poisonous snakes in there, something he hadn't feared as a child, but he ignored this and fought his way through the sultry air until with a ripple of cool drops of dew, he stepped out in the moonlight. The ground was suddenly sandy, with hard and dry grass and pointy stones. Little bushes and big rocks created a landscape of shadows and lurking, crouching beasts. Crickets trilled loudly. He needed a minute or two until he could make out one of the crouching shadows as Ralph, lying flat on the ground. He seemed to be watching his right hand in fascination.

"Hi," Jack said and sat down next to him.

"What do you want?" Ralph didn't look up from his hand. Jack could see now that dozens of ants were running over it, as Ralph had placed his hand in one of their little 'streets'.

"Nothing. Just got away from Johnny and Dan. Wanted to give them some privacy."

"Privacy?"

"They were getting close. Not that I mind..."

"Close?"

"Yes. Close as in close."

"Hm."

"It's just not what you need to see when you're single and brooding about lost loves. What are they like?" he added as an afterthought.

"Tickling. And it stings when they bite."

"What? I meant your family not the ants."

"Oh." Ralph looked up at him, obviously he was caught off guard. "Um... nice."

"You don't want to talk about them?"

"Not really. There's not much to say about my family... Lizzie, that's my daughter, she's a kid, well you know what little girls are like, I guess... ".

"That's strange."

"Strange?"

"Most father's I know are all crazy about their kids. Nobody would say something like 'you know what little girls are like...' . It doesn't sound too happy to me... What about your wife?"

"Merridew, I don't want to talk about this right now." Jack grimaced. So listening to his life-story was okay, but sharing his own was not.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

"Ants. Nothing, Jack, I came here to be silent."

"Should I go?"

"No. Just... just be silent for a while."

Jack sighed and searched for a more comfortable position to sit on the hard ground. Thorns were piercing through his thin shirt and he felt something small creep up his leg, hopefully an ant. The thin moon was producing eerily much silvery light, light that crept into his eyes and his thoughts, that paralysed him, yet prevented him from sleeping. At some point Ralph rolled over and away from the crawling ants, curling in a fetal position on the ground. The moonlight was on him, too. It shone in his tangled hair, played on the thin curve of his weary mouth. Desperation rose in his body like the flood, strangled and drowned him. It was not easier to watch this than to watch lovers, for the moonlit sleeper multiplied his loneliness until his eyes burned. Yet he did not close them.