Title:The Reason

Author: Finn21

Summary: Future Fic that breaks off somewhere mid-S1...Nathan prepares for his college graduation while reminiscing about his life and how things could've been different with Haley.

A/N: Flashback is in italics.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
-Hoobastank

It always happens when you're the least ready for it. When you think life has finally calmed amidst the storm. And them BAM! It hits you. A choice has to be made, another turn has to be taken. And as with most choices, Nathan Scott learned, came even more questions.

What is it that I want? Where is it that I want to be? What will make me happy?

Of all those questions Nathan knew the answer to at least one of them. And that gave him comfort and pain all at the same time. Because even though he knew what–-strike that--who, made him happy, it didn't change the fact that he didn't have her. Not anymore.

Which was why it made this particular day more difficult than all the rest.

Nathan stared at his reflection in the mirror with a good amount of somberness. He figured he should be happy, excited maybe, or if nothing else just a little bit nervous. It was after all graduation day. And not any graduation, no this was a Stanford graduation, something Nathan had waited four long years for. Struggled and bled to get to. Something he'd wanted for so long, and here it finally was. And he'd earned it, and not in a half-assed way like most of the other things in his life. No, for once he'd really truly and honestly earned this, and for no else but him.

However, the real question still stood: Why didn't he seem to care?

He'd been sitting in his apartment, in his bedroom, in his pajamas for the last hour. Not being able to find the energy to get dressed. Because if he actually picked an outfit to wear, he'd then have to put on his gown, that beautiful burgandy gown, an object many people in his position never got the honor of wearing. And if he put on his gown then he knew graduation would become a reality instead of a fantasy. He'd truly be a college graduate. And what scared Nathan the most was that he had no idea what he was going to do after that.

What did you do with your life after graduation? Where did you go? Everyone always told him that high school--college--these were the best years of your life, you should savor them, treat them like gold.

He never really believed any of that crap though. Maybe it was the cynic in him, but Nathan didn't really believe Saturday night keg parties, life consuming basketball practices, and Wednesday morning cram sessions were the be all and end all of human existence. Sure freedom was great. Sure the ability to be wild and crazy because you were young was great. But it didn't equate to happiness. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that.

Here life was, waiting for him, calling out to him, and he wanted to be ready for it. But truthfully he just didn't think he was. In five hours time, he would be free of school, and all it's obligations, all of its responsibilities, But there were just new ones right? There were always new ones around the corner. And that thought gave him a massive headache.

How was he supposed to accept a new job, a new city, a new life, when he couldn't even find the motivation to get out of his fucking flannel draw string pajama pants? Because come Monday morning, he would be flying across state for a job interview, for a job he wasn't even really sure he wanted. A life he wasn't really sure he wanted.

With a slow fluid motion Nathan rubbed the side of his temples with the edge of his fingertips, in a vain attempt to alleviate some of the tension growing in his mind.

He got up from his bed and went over to his dresser, and bent down to open the last drawer, where he kept his dress pants. Nathan wasn't sure when was the last time he'd been inside this drawer, when the last time he actually gotten dressed up was at all, for that matter.

Mindlessly he rummaged through a few the black slacks, gray and khaki pants. Finally deciding to go with his old pair dark gray suit pants. The last time he'd worn them, was when he'd said goodbye to her.

He pulled them out and sat back on his bed, staring at the material like it was an evil foreign object. He slipped his hand inside the pockets and felt something solid, and cold against his fingers. He pulled it out to examine it. It was a dark blue stone, dull yet smooth to the touch.

He knew where it was from. He didn't even have to think about it, the second it touched his hand he remembered everything about that day, just like she promised he would...

They'd spent the entire day on the beach, the relentless heat of the summer, finally cooling down enough for them to venture out onto the crystal blue waters.

It had been a great day. The kind of day that you never wanted to let go of.

Haley had called him around noon, waking him from his normal 12 hour a day sleep pattern, and begging him to take her somewhere, anywhere away from the insanely boring confines of her house.

He'd groaned and moaned of course, mostly just to annoy her. But within a half an hour there he was, at her doorstep, with beach towel in hand, and sunglasses on his face. And that's how they'd spent the day, just the two of them together, being at peace, being happy. No interruptions from parents or friends, or life.

However, as the sun began to lower and the air became chilly for the first night that summer, Haley and Nathan knew it was time to leave. Time to return to the madness of their lives.

They walked through the parking lot together, towards Nathan's car, everything they brought with them, piled in their arms, their hands still somehow, found a way to link together.

Nathan paused suddenly mid-step, causing Haley to jolt back.

"What's wrong," she asked with concern.

Nathan Scott had never been an overly emotional guy. He'd tell you what he felt, when he felt it. But he tried to never let himself get caught up in the moment. Until now.

"Everything...and nothing." he replied, looking around him, the air blowing through Haley's hair, as his eyes focused in on her. Making her sun kissed skin look golden, her eyes that much bright, that much more beautiful.

"Nathan. Hello, earth to Nathan. Anyone home."

She teased him, waving her hand in front of his face, dramatically. Quickly he caught both of her hands, and entwined them with his own, his bags falling to the ground.

"Can we just stay here." he pleaded, his dusky blue eyes wide with the fear that this, them, together like this would be it. He couldn't handle that reality.

Haley, however, wasn't sure what he meant by his question. They'd been having such a good time together. No fighting, no worrying about the future. Perfection at it's best.

"Okay...if you want. Shall we build our cardboard house over there on the corner, or by the dumpster?"

He laughed. "No, I mean can I just stay like this. With you, right in this moment. I never want it to change."

Haley gave him a warm smile, and curled her arms around his middle, snuggling her head into his chest. Inhaling his scent like it was the best thing she would ever smell.

"I love you, you know that?"

He knew. He doubted why sometimes, wondered if he deserved her. But despite all of his insecurities he had faith in her love for him. In his love for her.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.

She stretched her neck up to meet his eyes, and crushed her mouth against his in a searing kiss. The sensation of his touch making her feel like she could fly. Slowly she pulled back and nodded.

"I agree. We should stay right here, forever and ever and ever. I don't think anyone would mind do you?"

"Nah, after awhile, the police might even stop looking for us."

"And we'd always have our cardboard house."

"And each other," Nathan added.

"Of course," Haley giggled, keeping her arms locked around him.

Nathan rested his head on top of hers and let out a long sigh. Not because he wasn't happy, because he was. He just knew that this whole little fantasy day they had created was now coming to and end. Ultimately to be forgotten.

"What's that look about?"

"What look," he asked, oblivious.

"That pouty, 'I don't wanna do my chores' look," Haley said.

Nathan pulled away from her, and stuck his hands in his pockets. He stared down at the gravel at his feet, and stubbornly kicked at it in aggression.

"I wish it didn't have to end ya know. I wish it could be like this everyday. You and me, and the beach. No problems, no consequences, just us."

Haley gave him a dazzling smile, the smile she reserved just for him. She searched the ground below her in search of something, which made Nathan look down at her strangely. When she popped up, she grabbed his hand and placed a tiny blue stone with in it.

"What's this?"

"Something to remember today by."

He looked confused, and so she elaborated.

"Have you ever seen the movie 'With Honors'?"

Nathan shook his head.

"Well, in it there's this poor homeless guy, and this Ivy League rich kid, and by some crazy twist of fate they come together, and teach each other a little bit about life. In this one part, when the homeless guy becomes sick, he pulls out this bag of stones he has. Each stone represents a moment in his life that is special to him. Something he never wants to forget. And this can do that for you. Whenever you look at this rock, remember us on the beach together. Remember how happy we were..."

It was only a few days later when everything had begun to change between them. When he'd found out he was accepted to Stanford, a complete free ride with all the benefits.

And Haley, well she couldn't leave the state. Her parents couldn't afford it, Financial Aid wouldn't cover it.

And so there they were.

Two different roads, set on separate paths.

And what hurt Nathan the most was that neither of them fought to hold on to what they had. It's like once they discovered were they weren't meant to be, they just sort of accepted it. Let go, of the one thing they vowed to always believe in. Each other.

Yes, that was more than four years ago. Almost like another lifetime Nathan felt like. Yet here he was still thinking about that day, about her. Actually when had he never not thought about her, was the better question. Because despite the fact that Haley James was no longer a part of his life, she'd never left his heart.

There'd been other girls of course. But they never meant anything. They never lasted long. His friends would tease him about being a player, and he'd let them. Mostly because he didn't want to have to tell them the truth. That he didn't want to let another girl that close to him again. He didn't want another girl.

Stalling was beginning to become his new name lately and he knew he should probably get dressed. Everybody was waiting for him. His parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends he'd met at school, people from Tree Hill, everyone. Everyone that is except the one person he really wanted to be there today. The one person he'd always wanted there: Haley.

Resigned to his fate, Nathan finally pulled off his pj's, put the blue stone back inside his pocket and finished getting dressed.

Two hours later he sat in the wooden chair they'd set up outside and listened to the Dean of students speak his final words.

"So on this day, undoubtedly the most exciting of your lives, I urge you to embrace life, because these days will not come again."

Everyone around him moved forward in their seats the anticipation growing. The crowd getting ready to explode.

"Ladies and Gentlemen I proudly present to you Stanford's graduating class of 2010!"

And then everyone was out of there seats, the students, the audience, everyone. Hats flew all around them in a sea of maroon material. Nathan let out a scream of relief, of joy that it was finally over.

It only took a matter of moments before the rest of his family had made it down out of the stand to greet them. Smiles and congratulations filled the air. He hugged more people than he could remember, and was being hugged to the point of suffocation. The vast masses of people surrounding him all seemed so overjoyed, and he felt he should comply, should join in the happiness with them.

But he couldn't.

And then like a dream come true, there she was.

He saw her across the courtyard standing by a tree a few yards from him. She was quietly waiting for him. Almost as if she'd never left. And when he saw her, the rest of the world fell away. His stomach did a complete 360 inside of his body and he wondered for a spilt second if he was going to pass out, or throw up. Luckily neither appeared to be happening.

"Hi," he said tentatively as he approached her, the slight gust of wind, blowing the raven waves of her hair away from her face. She looked older Nathan surmised, but even more gorgeous.

"Hey," she responded, with a genuine smile.

It wasn't so much awkwardness between them as it was figuring out how to begin. What to say to someone you haven't spoken to in years. Someone you knew in your heart but not in reality.

"You came."

"I said I would didn't I?"

She gave Nathan her patented 'I told you so' expression, and it made him break out in a laugh. Yes, she had promised him she would come to his graduation. Promised in fact even after they had broken up. Which made her previous statement somewhat bittersweet. Made him feel like an asshole, because if he had maybe tried to fight for what they had, for their love, maybe just maybe it could have ended up differently for them Maybe neither of them would of had to suffer through the heartache of being alone.

"Yeah I know you did, I just figured–."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Not recently, no," he gave her a teasing grin, and she smacked him on the arm. Just like old times again.

Except not truly. It would never be like old times. Reality check number 5,682: Nathan and Haley would never be the same.

She could tell he had something swimming through his head. "So don't I even get a hug, or something? I mean I did come here all the way from the boon-docks of Tree Hill after all."

Without another word, Nathan scooped Haley's petite figure off the ground and spun her around in his arms, causing her to let out a small little squeal, as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support. The feeling for both of them was mutual as she melted into his arms. God this felt so right. When the euphoria of the moment subsided, Haley slowly slipped out of Nathan's arms and back down to the ground.

"So how's your family been?"

Well that was a sobering question if there ever was one.

"They've been good," Nathan answered mildly. "How about you, how have you been? I heard your going to graduate magna cum luode."

Haley blushed. She never really was one to get all that excited about her own academic achievement. "Yeah, mines next week."

"I'm proud of you," he stated with complete and total sincerity, the kind of sincerity he rarely showed.

Haley knew he meant it. "Hey that's mine line ya know."

"Sorry to obtrude. Figured you deserved some praise too."

"Well thank you. But this isn't my day its yours. Seriously Nathan, I am. Proud of you I mean. Of all that you accomplished. You came so far. And I'd like to think that maybe I had a hand in getting you here today."

Nathan smiled down at her, as the wind picked up speed around them. "You didn't just help get me here Haley. You're the reason I'm here today. The reason I got here. Without you, I don't know where I'd be."

"Oh, you would've gotten here somehow Nathan. It was fate. It was your fate," she replied sadly, a distant look in her eyes. They both knew the reason they'd broken up was because of school, because of Nathan's dad. Nathan's basketball scholarship. The end was inevitable, or so he had though at the time. And looking back in retrospect he knew he'd been dead wrong.

"You said that to me four years ago. And at the time I just sort of let it go, because I didn't really think about it, or I was stupid, probably both. But your wrong Haley. You have to know that. You helped me become a better person. You saw something in me that no one else did. You believed in me. You gave me your faith. And that's what's made me want to change. I wanted to be a better person for you."

Haley averted her eyes from his and looked at the ground below her. Casually she grabbed hold of Nathan's hand and rubbed the top it with her thumb. It was such a small touch, such a gentle touch, but Nathan felt like he was coming alive inside.

"Do you ever wish things had been different between us. Ended differently?"

"All the time," Nathan answered without hesitation.

"Me too."

And here they were again. The same place they were four years ago.

"So what does that mean" Nathan asked, as he linked his hand with hers, pulling her to him.

Haley didn't even attempt to resist, simply let him take her in. His lure far too tempting to contest.

"It means I still love you Nathan. I always have, you know that. It wasn't ever a secret."

"But..."

"But, that doesn't change who we are, or that our lives have gone in separate directions. You're still you and I'm still me, and that doesn't work, remember?"

"I'm kind of having a hard time remembering anything at the moment, actually," he curled his arm around her waist, until she was completely pressed against his body, her head arched up looking into this eyes.

"Look, I should probably go," Haley started to pull away, "I've got a flight that leaves in two hours, and I need to stop by aunts house, and all of that, so..."

"So...what? Is that it," Nathan muttered with hurt in his eyes. "You come all the way here to say congratulations, and then leave?"

Haley gave him a solemn nod. "I wanted to see you graduate Nathan. I wanted to be here for that moment. I figured I deserved to see it, just as much you deserved to have it. Besides, we both know where this road leads too. Hurt and heartbreak."

"And now you're disappearing again?"

Haley let his hand drop from hers, and felt a severe loss at the absence of his touch. "I have to Nathan. I have a life back home. I can't just stay here with you."

"Why not? You said you still love me. Well newsflash Haley...I still love you. I never stopped. And seeing you here now, like this after all this time, I don't want to say goodbye again. I don't to be without you. I can't be."

Of all the times to suddenly decided to declare his undying love for her, Haley couldn't for the life of her, understand why it had to be now. She had a job to go back to, graduation, friends, family. Everything and everybody was waiting for her. Everything except...Nathan.

"What would we do Nathan, honestly? I mean we can't just drop our responsibilities. Don't you have obligations?"

"I have an internship to coach at Brown, that starts next week."

"See!"

"But I don't care Haley. It's just a job. It's not a life."

Haley knew this was true. She'd been having the same exact thoughts for the last few months. Still pondering what it was exactly that she did want to do with her life. And here Nathan was offering a choice.

"So what do we do, Nathan? Run away? Leave everybody behind?"

"We could always get that cardboard box by the beach. I hear there's still space available."

Haley's eyes connected with his, and she gave him that dazzling smile again. God it felt like forever since he'd seen her that way. It made his heart race.

"Alright," she finally answered, coming back into his arms, drawing him closer to her this time.

"Alright?"

"Yes. I'll do it. I'll go wherever you want. As long as it's you and me."

"Until the wheels fall off," he assured her, bending down and capturing her lips with his own, softly grazing the smoothness of her skin. Lingering there for a moment, before deepening the kiss. Letting his body readjusted to fit hers. The only thought in his mind: This is right.

"You know what I want? I just want to stay here like this with you forever. Can we do that," Nathan asked, as they looked into each other. The pain of the past slipping away, as a completely new future began to spread out before them.

"Yes."

"Promise," he asked with a timid smile, bringing her face up to his.

"Always," she answered simply, before falling into another kiss.

Their worlds finally becoming one again.