Goodbyes: Luna
Disclaimer: Not mine, get it?
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
Usagi-chan... I lay down on her bed. Remembering all the times she flung me out of bed in her sleep makes me cry harder. "Why?" I sob out. My princess sacrificed herself. I was supposed to be her guardian. I'm just a worthless excuse for one. Why did Queen Serenity have to put so much faith in me? I'm just a cat. A talking cat, but a cat just the same. I let the princess die again. Again! I failed. I failed.
I'm glad Artemis finally went back to Mina-chan's room. He tried to comfort me. But he hurts too. I can't help him. Mina-chan probably needs him too. She looked devastated when she found out she was to be Queen Regent. I cry out to the night. I cry out my pain, my failure, my hopelessness, and my despair. 'Why Usagi-chan?' I ask myself for the millionth time. 'WHY?!' Looking up towards the moon, I let myself feel the self-hatred and the pain.
I always criticized her and nagged her. Ever since I first met her, I criticized and nagged. Never once told her I was proud of her. Never once told her she did a good job. I always nagged.
When I first met her, I never realized she was the princess I was looking for. All I saw was a clumsy crybaby. After the first couple of fights, I knew that she would become a great fighter. Not for her skills but for her heart. She didn't want to be a Soldier for Love and Justice. She didn't want the responsibility. She understood the burden and didn't want it. She didn't want to have a secret life. She wanted to be normal, just like she wanted to be on the moon. Maybe I should have realized who she was then. But I was blind. And I nagged. I yelled at her and made her fight. I made her fight, made her doubt Tuxedo Kamen. I made her fight her love. I revived her memory when all she wanted to do was be normal. I revived Sailor Moon to fight alone. Then I refused to revive Mamoru-san's memories. I could have. But I thought that he would distract her. No, that's not true. I was over protective. I thought that he would hurt her. And I didn't want her to hurt. Yet, it was me who hurt her.
I hurt my princess. I made her suffer needlessly, and yet the queen insisted I be her guardian. I failed in everything when it came to her. I failed in protecting her many times. I failed in sparing her pain. Most of all I failed in telling her I cared. I never told her I cared about her. I never said I was proud. I never said I loved her. I regret that now. More than anything.
"Usagi-chan, I'm sorry, my princess. I'm sorry I was such a bad guardian. I'm so sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I never let you be happy. I'm sorry I took away your innocence. I'm sorry I took away everything. I'm so terribly sorry I made you fight Endymion. Most of all I'm sorry I let you down. I never told you that I love you, did I? Never told you I was, *am* so proud of you. You grew into a beautiful and caring warrior. I'm proud of you, Usagi-chan. I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry I never told you before. I never told you I love you. I failed." I hang my head in shame as tears flow.
"No, Luna, you did not." I snap my head up. 'I didn't?' I ask silently, knowing there wouldn't be a reply. She gave me the only one I really needed. She heard me. She heard me and doesn't hate me for not telling her. She doesn't think I failed. She doesn't think I failed! I smile sadly, and start to purr.
"Thank you, Usagi-chan. Thank you, my Queen," I say softly. Curling into a ball, I fall into a peaceful sleep.
~~~
AN: I'm not a cat and I don't play one on TV. :P So, if it seems weird I'm sorry! Not to mention this whole series of fics here get worse the longer it is... I need to add new ones instead of reposting old ones... that way maybe I can give it SOMETHING.
Lovies!
Disclaimer: Not mine, get it?
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
Usagi-chan... I lay down on her bed. Remembering all the times she flung me out of bed in her sleep makes me cry harder. "Why?" I sob out. My princess sacrificed herself. I was supposed to be her guardian. I'm just a worthless excuse for one. Why did Queen Serenity have to put so much faith in me? I'm just a cat. A talking cat, but a cat just the same. I let the princess die again. Again! I failed. I failed.
I'm glad Artemis finally went back to Mina-chan's room. He tried to comfort me. But he hurts too. I can't help him. Mina-chan probably needs him too. She looked devastated when she found out she was to be Queen Regent. I cry out to the night. I cry out my pain, my failure, my hopelessness, and my despair. 'Why Usagi-chan?' I ask myself for the millionth time. 'WHY?!' Looking up towards the moon, I let myself feel the self-hatred and the pain.
I always criticized her and nagged her. Ever since I first met her, I criticized and nagged. Never once told her I was proud of her. Never once told her she did a good job. I always nagged.
When I first met her, I never realized she was the princess I was looking for. All I saw was a clumsy crybaby. After the first couple of fights, I knew that she would become a great fighter. Not for her skills but for her heart. She didn't want to be a Soldier for Love and Justice. She didn't want the responsibility. She understood the burden and didn't want it. She didn't want to have a secret life. She wanted to be normal, just like she wanted to be on the moon. Maybe I should have realized who she was then. But I was blind. And I nagged. I yelled at her and made her fight. I made her fight, made her doubt Tuxedo Kamen. I made her fight her love. I revived her memory when all she wanted to do was be normal. I revived Sailor Moon to fight alone. Then I refused to revive Mamoru-san's memories. I could have. But I thought that he would distract her. No, that's not true. I was over protective. I thought that he would hurt her. And I didn't want her to hurt. Yet, it was me who hurt her.
I hurt my princess. I made her suffer needlessly, and yet the queen insisted I be her guardian. I failed in everything when it came to her. I failed in protecting her many times. I failed in sparing her pain. Most of all I failed in telling her I cared. I never told her I cared about her. I never said I was proud. I never said I loved her. I regret that now. More than anything.
"Usagi-chan, I'm sorry, my princess. I'm sorry I was such a bad guardian. I'm so sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I never let you be happy. I'm sorry I took away your innocence. I'm sorry I took away everything. I'm so terribly sorry I made you fight Endymion. Most of all I'm sorry I let you down. I never told you that I love you, did I? Never told you I was, *am* so proud of you. You grew into a beautiful and caring warrior. I'm proud of you, Usagi-chan. I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry I never told you before. I never told you I love you. I failed." I hang my head in shame as tears flow.
"No, Luna, you did not." I snap my head up. 'I didn't?' I ask silently, knowing there wouldn't be a reply. She gave me the only one I really needed. She heard me. She heard me and doesn't hate me for not telling her. She doesn't think I failed. She doesn't think I failed! I smile sadly, and start to purr.
"Thank you, Usagi-chan. Thank you, my Queen," I say softly. Curling into a ball, I fall into a peaceful sleep.
~~~
AN: I'm not a cat and I don't play one on TV. :P So, if it seems weird I'm sorry! Not to mention this whole series of fics here get worse the longer it is... I need to add new ones instead of reposting old ones... that way maybe I can give it SOMETHING.
Lovies!