Goodbyes: Chibi-Usa
Disclaimer: Chibi-Usa isn't mine... Hell, I don't even really like her too much, but it wouldn't be right to leave her out. So, I don't want to own her :P
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
'Mama...' I cry silently. Sitting on the swing in the park, I stare at my mother's old home, the moon. Mama's gone and Daddy will soon follow. I know this deep within my soul. It isn't as if Daddy doesn't love me. It's that he would die without Mamma. He loves me, yet the bond between them is too strong. Sometimes I hate that bond. For making sure that if I lose one parent, I will lose both. But I cannot hate a thing that has no life of its own for long. And I cannot hate something I wish to have someday. I know that any soul-bond I will have will never be as strong as theirs. Yet I long to have one. Mama once told me that sometimes she wished the bond wasn't so strong. I remember that one conversation above all others right now.
~~~
"Small Lady, the soul-bond is a beautiful and wonderful thing and I am sure that one day you and your future love will indeed have one," my mother said softly.
"Mama, will it be as strong as yours and Daddy's?" I asked innocently. Now I wish I hadn't.
She got up and turned towards the window of my room. "Darling, I don't know. Our bond is stronger than it should be. Pluto once told me she doesn't understand how it could have evolved so strongly. We can hear each other's thoughts and feelings unwillingly. Even now, with your father all the way across the world, I can hear him think. He's thinking of the annoying aristocrats he's dealing with." My mother giggled right then. I started to giggle with her. "Darling, sometimes it can be a wonderful thing. It is wonderful to be able to tell him right this moment that I love him and miss him. And I can express my love for him wordlessly and he understands completely."
"Mama, that's good though, isn't it? I mean there are no doubts about how you feel towards each other like most couples have. Isn't that a good thing?" I asked.
"Darling, as I said sometimes it's a very good thing. Others though aren't so good. Sometimes when I have a concern that I wish to be private, it is painful to block part of our bond so that he will not feel my unease. Yet, by blocking it, I let him know I do not want to share something with him and he gets it out of me anyway. Sometimes, when I'm just being silly that is also good. But when my friends tell me in confidence a secret, he knows too. And that makes me feel like I betrayed them. I once asked them if they felt the same way." My mother smiled fondly. "They said that they always expected that my husband knew their secrets too. That they know that I never wished to betray them and that they never minded the bond. For they have no secrets from me or from him. Yet, sometimes I feel as though they don't tell me some things, because he will know then too. Do you understand, Small Lady?" She asked me suddenly.
"I think so, but even so don't you enjoy being so close to someone?" I asked.
She sighed suddenly. "Yes, I do. But like now, it is painful to be so separated from him. I can feel the distance between us. Knowing his thoughts is a comfort to some extent but feeling how far away he is tears at our bond. He feels it too and when we are separated, we are never completely happy. Small Lady, the bond we have is too strong. We aren't completely one or anything, thank god for that. But if one of us should ever die, the other will follow. That is why I wish the bond wasn't so strong. I know that if your father were to die, I would go too. And I know he feels that too. That is the only reason I hate this bond so. Because we have you, Small Lady. Because no matter how much we love you, and never doubt that, if you lost one of us, you will also lose the other. Our fear of leaving you alone before you are ready tears at us. If that were not the case, the bond wouldn't be a burden at all. I would relish it. If not for that." She started to cry softly.
I blinked in surprise. My mother doesn't cry. Not in front of anyone. Except Daddy of course. It's the queen in her. It wasn't good for a queen to cry.
"Mama? Mama, it'll be okay." I went to her and hugged her around the waist. "Mama, I love you and Daddy, but I'll be okay. I have the Senshi. They will take care of me. I'll miss you and cry a lot, but Mama, I will be okay. I'll be sad, but knowing my parents were so closely bonded will make me proud. That they loved each other more than anyone else has ever loved or probably will again makes me proud. I'll be okay, Mama. Please don't cry anymore." I tried to comfort my mother in the only way I could.
"Small Lady," she said softly, kneeling down to hold me. "You are such a grown up little girl. You make Daddy and me so proud, darling."
~~~
'Mama...Daddy...' I cry softly. I love my parents very much. I don't blame Mama. She did what she thought was right. She died for the Senshi. I'm proud of her for that. But I still hurt so much. I don't blame her or Daddy. Daddy will leave me too. But I don't hate them. I've known this for a long time. All I feel is an unbearable sadness. Sadness that I will be alone now. I will never be with my parents. I wish I told my Mama more often that I loved her.
"Mama, please don't leave me. Don't leave me alone. I'm scared, Mama." I shake now, emotion over coming me. "Rei-san once told me I got that from you. The fear of being alone. She also said that one day maybe I would be a great queen because I might have inherited more. Mama, I know you did what you had too and even though I wish you didn't, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of my Mama." I continue to stare at the moon.
"Mama, I'm sorry I'm not as grown up as you. I'm not a Lady like you were. I'm sorry that I always teased you. I just want you to know that I love you, Mom. I love you so much. I never told you often enough. I'm sorry. I love you, Mama," I cry out.
"I love you too, Small Lady." The tears fall faster. She heard me. She really heard me. Looking at the moon, I remember something else she once said. That if I ever needed her, even in death she would be there. My beautiful Mama.
~~~
AN: Well, I know, it sucks :P I'm not that good with Chibi-Usa.
Lovies!
Disclaimer: Chibi-Usa isn't mine... Hell, I don't even really like her too much, but it wouldn't be right to leave her out. So, I don't want to own her :P
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
'Mama...' I cry silently. Sitting on the swing in the park, I stare at my mother's old home, the moon. Mama's gone and Daddy will soon follow. I know this deep within my soul. It isn't as if Daddy doesn't love me. It's that he would die without Mamma. He loves me, yet the bond between them is too strong. Sometimes I hate that bond. For making sure that if I lose one parent, I will lose both. But I cannot hate a thing that has no life of its own for long. And I cannot hate something I wish to have someday. I know that any soul-bond I will have will never be as strong as theirs. Yet I long to have one. Mama once told me that sometimes she wished the bond wasn't so strong. I remember that one conversation above all others right now.
~~~
"Small Lady, the soul-bond is a beautiful and wonderful thing and I am sure that one day you and your future love will indeed have one," my mother said softly.
"Mama, will it be as strong as yours and Daddy's?" I asked innocently. Now I wish I hadn't.
She got up and turned towards the window of my room. "Darling, I don't know. Our bond is stronger than it should be. Pluto once told me she doesn't understand how it could have evolved so strongly. We can hear each other's thoughts and feelings unwillingly. Even now, with your father all the way across the world, I can hear him think. He's thinking of the annoying aristocrats he's dealing with." My mother giggled right then. I started to giggle with her. "Darling, sometimes it can be a wonderful thing. It is wonderful to be able to tell him right this moment that I love him and miss him. And I can express my love for him wordlessly and he understands completely."
"Mama, that's good though, isn't it? I mean there are no doubts about how you feel towards each other like most couples have. Isn't that a good thing?" I asked.
"Darling, as I said sometimes it's a very good thing. Others though aren't so good. Sometimes when I have a concern that I wish to be private, it is painful to block part of our bond so that he will not feel my unease. Yet, by blocking it, I let him know I do not want to share something with him and he gets it out of me anyway. Sometimes, when I'm just being silly that is also good. But when my friends tell me in confidence a secret, he knows too. And that makes me feel like I betrayed them. I once asked them if they felt the same way." My mother smiled fondly. "They said that they always expected that my husband knew their secrets too. That they know that I never wished to betray them and that they never minded the bond. For they have no secrets from me or from him. Yet, sometimes I feel as though they don't tell me some things, because he will know then too. Do you understand, Small Lady?" She asked me suddenly.
"I think so, but even so don't you enjoy being so close to someone?" I asked.
She sighed suddenly. "Yes, I do. But like now, it is painful to be so separated from him. I can feel the distance between us. Knowing his thoughts is a comfort to some extent but feeling how far away he is tears at our bond. He feels it too and when we are separated, we are never completely happy. Small Lady, the bond we have is too strong. We aren't completely one or anything, thank god for that. But if one of us should ever die, the other will follow. That is why I wish the bond wasn't so strong. I know that if your father were to die, I would go too. And I know he feels that too. That is the only reason I hate this bond so. Because we have you, Small Lady. Because no matter how much we love you, and never doubt that, if you lost one of us, you will also lose the other. Our fear of leaving you alone before you are ready tears at us. If that were not the case, the bond wouldn't be a burden at all. I would relish it. If not for that." She started to cry softly.
I blinked in surprise. My mother doesn't cry. Not in front of anyone. Except Daddy of course. It's the queen in her. It wasn't good for a queen to cry.
"Mama? Mama, it'll be okay." I went to her and hugged her around the waist. "Mama, I love you and Daddy, but I'll be okay. I have the Senshi. They will take care of me. I'll miss you and cry a lot, but Mama, I will be okay. I'll be sad, but knowing my parents were so closely bonded will make me proud. That they loved each other more than anyone else has ever loved or probably will again makes me proud. I'll be okay, Mama. Please don't cry anymore." I tried to comfort my mother in the only way I could.
"Small Lady," she said softly, kneeling down to hold me. "You are such a grown up little girl. You make Daddy and me so proud, darling."
~~~
'Mama...Daddy...' I cry softly. I love my parents very much. I don't blame Mama. She did what she thought was right. She died for the Senshi. I'm proud of her for that. But I still hurt so much. I don't blame her or Daddy. Daddy will leave me too. But I don't hate them. I've known this for a long time. All I feel is an unbearable sadness. Sadness that I will be alone now. I will never be with my parents. I wish I told my Mama more often that I loved her.
"Mama, please don't leave me. Don't leave me alone. I'm scared, Mama." I shake now, emotion over coming me. "Rei-san once told me I got that from you. The fear of being alone. She also said that one day maybe I would be a great queen because I might have inherited more. Mama, I know you did what you had too and even though I wish you didn't, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of my Mama." I continue to stare at the moon.
"Mama, I'm sorry I'm not as grown up as you. I'm not a Lady like you were. I'm sorry that I always teased you. I just want you to know that I love you, Mom. I love you so much. I never told you often enough. I'm sorry. I love you, Mama," I cry out.
"I love you too, Small Lady." The tears fall faster. She heard me. She really heard me. Looking at the moon, I remember something else she once said. That if I ever needed her, even in death she would be there. My beautiful Mama.
~~~
AN: Well, I know, it sucks :P I'm not that good with Chibi-Usa.
Lovies!