Goodbyes: Chiba Mamoru
Disclaimer: Mamo-chan is mine! Mwahahahahahahaha! *Sigh* Okay, I'm kidding! He's not, I only wish... deep in my heart for a man... tall, dark, and just yummy! Don't sue!
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
They finally left. They mean well but they do not know. They do not know how I need her. How I feel myself drawn towards her. Pluto knows I will not live much longer and is saddened, but she doesn't know the true extent of it. I feel nothing now, nothing except the pain and despair her death has left me with. I feel no remorse that my death will cause anyone. All I feel is emptiness and loneliness. I feel where I bond used to be... and I feel nothing. That hurts me more.
Usako... I saw her die. I felt her pain. I felt her sorrow at leaving me... but she still left. Getting up and moving onto my bed, I look out towards the moon. I feel my soul tearing and slipping away. How can the Senshi know how I feel? How can they know that my entire life I have felt her? Somewhere deep within me I have felt her presence. Yet, now for the first time, I feel nothing. Nothing at all where there should be love and light. I spent my entire life trying to find the other part of my soul. Now, it is gone.
When I first saw her, I felt something. I felt alive. I felt attraction and love for such a young girl. I thought I had gone insane. How could I love someone who I just met? Let alone a girl who seemed so different from me. She called for me to trust her with everything she was. And that scared me. Never had I felt my defenses crumbling before. She just inspired my trust and love... and she hadn't even seen me. So my first action when I was hit with that test... was to protect myself. Protect myself from this small slip of a girl who made me fall for her without even telling me her name. I felt like I knew her a long time ago and I felt as though I waited my whole life for her. And I did. I protected myself by withdrawing myself from her. I teased her mercilessly and was a cruel bastard. Oh, many assume that was to see her mad; because I thought she was beautiful mad. Oh, she was breathtaking but that wasn't the reason.
I didn't want years of defenses taken down by one moment with this girl. I was scared. I was immediately sorry that I hurt her. But that didn't change what I did and continued to do to her. I hated every minute of it...but I felt an urge to protect myself from more pain.
How foolish I was. If I just would have let myself open up to her like my heart and soul told me to, I could have spent more time with her. Soon though, soon. I will be with her for eternity. I feel my life slipping away. And I welcome it. I welcome the oblivion of death.
Smiling through my tears, I remember her sweet smile. If only I could have made it appear more often. If only I wasn't such an ass to her. I hurt her too many times. Shaking with sobs, I look towards the ceiling.
"Usako. Usako...I'll be with you soon, won't I? That is my only fear. That dying won't reunite us. That is why I haven't let myself slip away yet. I'll be with you, right Usako?" I ask the room. I was expecting no answer but I got one.
"Yes, love. You will be with me," she says in her beautiful voice. Looking towards it, I see her. I see her as solid as ever and as alive.
"You're alive?" I ask, scared of the answer. "Or am I dreaming?
"No, I'm not alive and neither are you dreaming. I'm here Mamo-chan. I'm real too." I stand up moving slowly towards her. Lifting up my hand, I shakily start to reach for her cheek. Expecting nothing but air, I was surprised when I touched her. It felt warm and alive.
"Usako..." I say hope filling my soul.
"Mamo-chan..." she says lovingly. "Oh, Mamo-chan." I then grab her fiercely and hug her like a lifeline. Burying my face into her neck and hair, I cry. I cry out my pain and loneliness and despair her death left me with. I cry out the hopelessness and lifeless-ness I feel. I cry out all my sorrows into my dead lover's embrace. She puts her arms around me as I slide to my knees, letting myself slide until I was holding on to her waist, crying like a lost little boy.
"Mamo-chan," she says, "Its okay, its okay. I'm here now. I've come for you, love. I'm here now. Cry, love, cry. You can cry." Stroking my hair, she also starts to shake.
"Usako, why did you leave me? Why did you have to leave me all alone? You promised me, remember? You promised you wouldn't leave me alone. Oh, Usako..." I say, sobbing.
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan, I'm sorry. I had too. I had to save my friends and save you. I never meant to hurt you. I would never have done that purposely. Never. I love you." She continues to console me until my sobs slow down. I feel her now. I feel our bond and it's as strong as ever. I start in surprise.
"Wha...?" I ask.
"Hm?"
"The bond, it's back! How?"
"It's because you are dying, love. You are neither of this world or the next but of both. That is why. I always wanted you to live and be happy regardless of what happens to me. But I knew that would never happen without me. No matter what any body would have done, you would have joined me anyway and I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. I'm sorry my death is shortening your life," she tells me sadly, pain deep in her eyes.
"Don't be, Usako. I want to be with you. Dead or alive. I want to be with you." Standing up I moved towards my bed pulling her with me. Sitting down, I lifted her chin so that I could look into her beautiful eyes. They were filled with unshed tears, shining brightly.
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. When I died... I felt our bond tear and break, and it nearly destroyed me, even in death. When I realized you were feeling the same and I knew you would join me soon. That is the only think keeping me alive in a sense, alive in the next world. Otherwise my soul would have been destroyed."
"Our bond is that strong?" I ask in awe.
"Yes, Mother told me that most soul-bonded people die together. But she saw how strong our bond was. She saw that if you did not join me soon, I would die in that world as well. She couldn't believe our bond had evolved so even when we've been separated though all time, even with the past few centuries of being married."
"Usako, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I took so long to join you. I tried to after I defeated that youma but Rei-chan wouldn't let me. I only felt the pain. My body was on fire with the pain of your loss."
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. I made Rei-chan promise to look after you should I ever die. I'm sorry. I just wanted you looked after."
"Usako, don't be sorry for loving me." I reach out and pulled her to me. Leaning down, I let myself taste her. I kissed her roughly and fiercely. I couldn't help it. I had thought I lost her. I needed to know she was really here. Feeling her respond I leaned her down upon the bed. Slowly starting to unbutton her shirt, I slowly kissed down her neck until we knew nothing but our love.
~~~
"Mamo-chan... It's time. We must go."
"Yes, Usako." I say. I continue to lay with her, but look over at her. "I love you, Usako..."
"I love you too, Mamo-chan." I continue to look at her as I feel the peace come. Peace with my princess. I smile softly and close my eyes.
~~~
That is how they found me the next afternoon. Each felt a kind of peace that my Usako had given them and went to check on me. They found me smiling softly and peacefully. They shed tears but knew I was happy and with Usako.
I watched them with my wife, my love, until the last of them left the room. I turn towards her and smile. "Let's go," I suggest, and taking her hand, we both fade from the room to reach towards the heavens.
Together.
~~~
AN: Um, sorry to kill him, but that's the way I see it. I'm sorry! I think that if Usa died, Mamoru would follow... And it really sucks as a fic, I'm aware! Sorry!
Lovies!
Disclaimer: Mamo-chan is mine! Mwahahahahahahaha! *Sigh* Okay, I'm kidding! He's not, I only wish... deep in my heart for a man... tall, dark, and just yummy! Don't sue!
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)
Rating: PG13
They finally left. They mean well but they do not know. They do not know how I need her. How I feel myself drawn towards her. Pluto knows I will not live much longer and is saddened, but she doesn't know the true extent of it. I feel nothing now, nothing except the pain and despair her death has left me with. I feel no remorse that my death will cause anyone. All I feel is emptiness and loneliness. I feel where I bond used to be... and I feel nothing. That hurts me more.
Usako... I saw her die. I felt her pain. I felt her sorrow at leaving me... but she still left. Getting up and moving onto my bed, I look out towards the moon. I feel my soul tearing and slipping away. How can the Senshi know how I feel? How can they know that my entire life I have felt her? Somewhere deep within me I have felt her presence. Yet, now for the first time, I feel nothing. Nothing at all where there should be love and light. I spent my entire life trying to find the other part of my soul. Now, it is gone.
When I first saw her, I felt something. I felt alive. I felt attraction and love for such a young girl. I thought I had gone insane. How could I love someone who I just met? Let alone a girl who seemed so different from me. She called for me to trust her with everything she was. And that scared me. Never had I felt my defenses crumbling before. She just inspired my trust and love... and she hadn't even seen me. So my first action when I was hit with that test... was to protect myself. Protect myself from this small slip of a girl who made me fall for her without even telling me her name. I felt like I knew her a long time ago and I felt as though I waited my whole life for her. And I did. I protected myself by withdrawing myself from her. I teased her mercilessly and was a cruel bastard. Oh, many assume that was to see her mad; because I thought she was beautiful mad. Oh, she was breathtaking but that wasn't the reason.
I didn't want years of defenses taken down by one moment with this girl. I was scared. I was immediately sorry that I hurt her. But that didn't change what I did and continued to do to her. I hated every minute of it...but I felt an urge to protect myself from more pain.
How foolish I was. If I just would have let myself open up to her like my heart and soul told me to, I could have spent more time with her. Soon though, soon. I will be with her for eternity. I feel my life slipping away. And I welcome it. I welcome the oblivion of death.
Smiling through my tears, I remember her sweet smile. If only I could have made it appear more often. If only I wasn't such an ass to her. I hurt her too many times. Shaking with sobs, I look towards the ceiling.
"Usako. Usako...I'll be with you soon, won't I? That is my only fear. That dying won't reunite us. That is why I haven't let myself slip away yet. I'll be with you, right Usako?" I ask the room. I was expecting no answer but I got one.
"Yes, love. You will be with me," she says in her beautiful voice. Looking towards it, I see her. I see her as solid as ever and as alive.
"You're alive?" I ask, scared of the answer. "Or am I dreaming?
"No, I'm not alive and neither are you dreaming. I'm here Mamo-chan. I'm real too." I stand up moving slowly towards her. Lifting up my hand, I shakily start to reach for her cheek. Expecting nothing but air, I was surprised when I touched her. It felt warm and alive.
"Usako..." I say hope filling my soul.
"Mamo-chan..." she says lovingly. "Oh, Mamo-chan." I then grab her fiercely and hug her like a lifeline. Burying my face into her neck and hair, I cry. I cry out my pain and loneliness and despair her death left me with. I cry out the hopelessness and lifeless-ness I feel. I cry out all my sorrows into my dead lover's embrace. She puts her arms around me as I slide to my knees, letting myself slide until I was holding on to her waist, crying like a lost little boy.
"Mamo-chan," she says, "Its okay, its okay. I'm here now. I've come for you, love. I'm here now. Cry, love, cry. You can cry." Stroking my hair, she also starts to shake.
"Usako, why did you leave me? Why did you have to leave me all alone? You promised me, remember? You promised you wouldn't leave me alone. Oh, Usako..." I say, sobbing.
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan, I'm sorry. I had too. I had to save my friends and save you. I never meant to hurt you. I would never have done that purposely. Never. I love you." She continues to console me until my sobs slow down. I feel her now. I feel our bond and it's as strong as ever. I start in surprise.
"Wha...?" I ask.
"Hm?"
"The bond, it's back! How?"
"It's because you are dying, love. You are neither of this world or the next but of both. That is why. I always wanted you to live and be happy regardless of what happens to me. But I knew that would never happen without me. No matter what any body would have done, you would have joined me anyway and I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. I'm sorry my death is shortening your life," she tells me sadly, pain deep in her eyes.
"Don't be, Usako. I want to be with you. Dead or alive. I want to be with you." Standing up I moved towards my bed pulling her with me. Sitting down, I lifted her chin so that I could look into her beautiful eyes. They were filled with unshed tears, shining brightly.
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. When I died... I felt our bond tear and break, and it nearly destroyed me, even in death. When I realized you were feeling the same and I knew you would join me soon. That is the only think keeping me alive in a sense, alive in the next world. Otherwise my soul would have been destroyed."
"Our bond is that strong?" I ask in awe.
"Yes, Mother told me that most soul-bonded people die together. But she saw how strong our bond was. She saw that if you did not join me soon, I would die in that world as well. She couldn't believe our bond had evolved so even when we've been separated though all time, even with the past few centuries of being married."
"Usako, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I took so long to join you. I tried to after I defeated that youma but Rei-chan wouldn't let me. I only felt the pain. My body was on fire with the pain of your loss."
"I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. I made Rei-chan promise to look after you should I ever die. I'm sorry. I just wanted you looked after."
"Usako, don't be sorry for loving me." I reach out and pulled her to me. Leaning down, I let myself taste her. I kissed her roughly and fiercely. I couldn't help it. I had thought I lost her. I needed to know she was really here. Feeling her respond I leaned her down upon the bed. Slowly starting to unbutton her shirt, I slowly kissed down her neck until we knew nothing but our love.
~~~
"Mamo-chan... It's time. We must go."
"Yes, Usako." I say. I continue to lay with her, but look over at her. "I love you, Usako..."
"I love you too, Mamo-chan." I continue to look at her as I feel the peace come. Peace with my princess. I smile softly and close my eyes.
~~~
That is how they found me the next afternoon. Each felt a kind of peace that my Usako had given them and went to check on me. They found me smiling softly and peacefully. They shed tears but knew I was happy and with Usako.
I watched them with my wife, my love, until the last of them left the room. I turn towards her and smile. "Let's go," I suggest, and taking her hand, we both fade from the room to reach towards the heavens.
Together.
~~~
AN: Um, sorry to kill him, but that's the way I see it. I'm sorry! I think that if Usa died, Mamoru would follow... And it really sucks as a fic, I'm aware! Sorry!
Lovies!