A LOST AND AILING HEART _ CHANGE
Warnings & Disclaimers: The usual warnings, lots of shounen-ai hints and pairings and such. Regular disclaimers apply; the X bishounen belong to CLAMP.
Notes: Yes, I finally updated… ^^;; I'm not sure how this one will turn out, but since the first two chapters were only about 550 words each and then the third was almost 3000, I decided those first two were just prologues and the last one was Part One. So I guess this is part two? I'm having Subaru call Fuuma… well, Fuuma, as opposed to Kamui, just because *shrug* It sounds better that way xD And plus, it's confusing otherwise. Enjoy, in any case.
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change. (chanj) v. changed, chang∙ing, chang∙es. –tr. 1.a. To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word. b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden. 2. To give and… 3. To exchange for or…
4.a. To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch: change methods; change sides.
b. To transfer from…
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Sumeragi Subaru awakened slightly, finding himself in the comfort of his own usually bleak apartment. It was still night, and a gloomily dismal darkness plagued the dim flicker of his surroundings. "Wh-what?" he stammered nervously, still disturbed by a faintly harsh fatigue. The last thing he could remember, he was in the cold basement of the City Hall, introducing himself to the other Angels and… he fell asleep. Somewhere… in someone's arms. Who was it? He'd reminded him so much of Seishirou-san… Seishirou-san…
"So, you've finally woken up, Subaru-kun," a smooth voice roused him even more. Slowly, Subaru forced his left eyelid open, revealing a brilliant emerald eyeball. He could barely recognize the man. He compelled the other eye to open. A gleaming gold eye was revealed to the world.
Or, more specifically… Fuuma. "Seishirou-san!" Subaru blurted out unexpectedly, feeling uncomfortable.
Subaru blinked. He hadn't seen Fuuma. He saw Seishirou.
He blinked again. A brief pause passed by before he blinked again. "…Oh."
He seemed to regain consciousness fully, and his eyes widened in surprise, finally catching on. "OH!" he exclaimed in astonishment. "F-Fuuma-san…" he muttered, blushing for no apparent reason. Fuuma smiled kindly at him, leaning over to gently stroke Subaru's hair, complete with newly regrown sideburns.
"F-Fuuma-san!" Subaru stuttered uneasily, sitting himself in his moderately small bed. Smirking, Fuuma whispered softly, "But isn't this… your Wish?"
Subaru blinked again, recovering. He had regressed to his naïve sixteen-year-old manner momentarily, but he didn't want that. He didn't want to be hurt again… but he wiggled uneasily. What exactly was his wish? He coughed loudly to clear his throat, but he still felt the lingering carnation pink on his cheeks, which only made him blush more. He shook his head to clear it. "N-no, just that, I don't know what my Wish is right now," he paused to sneeze, and Fuuma smiled at him. "Fuuma," Subaru said more sternly, staring straight into his eyes with a forced glare, "what exactly are you trying to do?"
Cheerfully, Fuuma smiled, and in a nonchalant tone, he murmured in a low hiss, "Nothing, dear Subaru-kun… just… rest…"
Subaru frowned, but, for some reason or another, he drifted back into a slumber, tossing and turning slightly in his dreams
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Subaru sighed, looking up at the tree. The great sakura tree in Ueno Park… he breathed calmly, whispering, "I'm sorry… sakura… you might have to stay hungry for a while. I don't think I can kill anybody for you… quite yet." He closed his eyes, feeling depressed and sorrowful. "I'm sorry… Seishirou-san…" he murmured to himself, the expression on his face pitiful. Before he could start crying again, he forced it down and swallowed, along with his tears. Instead he began pacing around the tree, staring at the ground and feeling wary.
"You've… changed," Kamui commented quietly, attempting to look stoic and apathetic but failed greatly, instead seeming intensely unsettled at Subaru's presence. He had walked silently up to the other boy after abruptly noticing him. Surprised at being addressed by Kamui, Subaru jumped in astonishment.
"K-Kamui-kun!" Subaru cried out in his shock, recovering from his startled jolt. "What—what are you doing here?" he asked quizzically, feigning polite innocence. He'd almost forgotten about the other Seals after he changed sides, and he made an effort to conceal his guilt, striving to imitate a sheepish grin. Kamui frowned slightly at Subaru's odd expression.
Catching a cherry blossom in his scarred, delicate hands, he gazed at it for a few awkward moments and then looked up at Subaru. "I'm looking at the sakura," he said quite flatly, still seeming dimly uneasy. After an extensive, purposeful pause, he murmured, "What about you, Subaru-san?" He stared at Subaru, then annunciated for effect. "What are you doing here?"
Face flushing subtly, Subaru managed to stammer a sheepish reply, "N-nothing! I'm, uh, admiring the sakura too."
"Subaru… are you still a Ten no Ryuu?" Kamui asked suddenly in a small voice with a face of concern. Subaru hesitated slowly, seeming more uncomfortable by the second.
Faltering before answering, he sighed and replied, "No, I'm not, Kamui-kun… I've changed sides now." Kamui's eyes enlarged, stunned and almost paralyzed. He tried to mumble an intelligent answer, something like "I thought so", but instead he ended up shouting, "WHY?!"
Subaru's forehead began to turn immersed with small sweatdrops. "It was Seishirou-san's… Wish…" he said quietly, looking at the tree with a sad smile. "If I took his eye, it meant I would have to take his place. His place… as the Sakurazukamori… and Chi no Ryuu."
Astonished, Kamui was at a loss for words. He had felt too betrayed to feel anymore, to say anymore. Subaru had brought him back to reality from the depths of his soul… and now he was simply going to switch sides and expect him to be content, fine, happy with it? It didn't work that way, things don't work that way. Instead he simply just flashed a momentary glare at Subaru and simply and swiftly just walked away, looking back at him for a second before leaving entirely.
Subaru sighed. He had sacrificed a friendship to join a group of people he barely knew and who already didn't like him… but he frowned. No, as long as he had fulfilled Seishirou's wish and had his eye, he was content. He didn't need… friends. In those nine years apart from Seishirou, he didn't need friends either… he didn't need anybody but Seishirou…
Didn't he?
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"Initiation complete," the robotic voice of the Beast droned, as Yatouji Satsuki jumped down onto the freezing cement floor from her massive machine. She flashed an icy cold look at Subaru, who ignorantly gave her an uncomfortable smile in return.
"Satsuki-san… what were you doing with your computer?" Subaru asked timidly, attempting to make conversation or at least get acquainted with the other Chi no Ryuu. She stayed silent for a few instants, busying herself with an elaborate collection of wires and blatantly ignoring him. She then scowled at him, turning towards him to reply.
In a cool, breathy voice, she muttered lowly, "I was taking more tests to see what Barriers I—and we—can still destroy." She began inserting wires into various areas in a small booth on her Beast. "There are still a few left, but Kamui can take care to assign different regions to every one of us…" Smirking to herself, she asked in a rather amused voice, "Have you killed anybody for the sakura yet?"
Feebly, Subaru blushed and replied honestly, "No, I haven't…" He frowned to himself with a sort of growing self-apprehension. Suddenly he gasped, remembering something Seishirou had told him years before. Muttering, he said to himself, "Didn't Seishirou-san tell me once that if he didn't kill for the tree, he would die himself from the magical backlash of it?" He shuddered, wincing at his own stupidity. But he still couldn't kill anybody… he wasn't able to…
"Did you say something?" Satsuki asked in a bored voice.
"No," Subaru mumbled plainly, leaving her to her work and nervously attempting to approach the other Angels. He imagined what Seishirou had said to these people, how Seishirou had acted toward them… he tried to imitate Seishirou to himself. He laughed nervously. Satsuki turned to stare at him, raising a small eyebrow of seemingly curious questioning.
Giving a trivial, exasperated sigh, Subaru grimaced at the rest of the Chi no Ryuu. For some reason, they all looked important and massive, overpowering. Even the dainty ones, like Nataku and Kakyou, the Chi no Ryuu no yumemi, seemed to scare him. He instead compromised to himself to walk towards to Kakyou and speak with him instead… after all, he had once knew his sister.
"Hello, Kakyou-san…" he greeted softly, sitting down next to the unconscious figure strewn among a short chair. Abruptly drawn into a dreamscape, he exhaled fiercely. The sea… again.
"Hokuto's brother…" Kakyou managed to mutter to himself in his own dream, smiling sadly at the seagulls flying above him. Subaru tried to grin contently, suppressing his worry of the sakura's revenge.
"You know," the other man said softly, "if you don't kill for the sakura tree soon, you might die."
Shocked, Subaru's head flicked in awareness. "What? Did you… foresee my death?" Kakyou shook his head gradually. Subaru breathed a strong sigh of relief, regaining his composure.
"But there's a high chance you will," Kakyou suddenly said in a flat voice. "You are now like Kamui… you have two futures. Either you can choose to kill, and live… or you can let the sakura stay hungry, and die…"
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Ending Notes: I'm very uneasy about this chapter… the first part went well, but the later parts made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know why… I have a feeling I didn't write them very well, especially since I was sort of rushing myself and not thinking straight. Forgive me for this. This was a slightly short chapter, not like I'd planned [I actually wanted to write a long one…] but it came out … okay, I guess. Please let me know if it was good or not. Thanks =)