A LOST AND AILING HEART / / Blood-Tainted Petals.3
Sumeragi Sui.
Warnings: Eh, bits of shounen-ai I suppose.
Disclaimers: STOP REMINDING ME THAT X DOESN'T BELONG TO ME! T_T;;
Notes: Even though I cosplayed as Subaru at RECCA Con last night, I'm actually quite depressed today, so please forgive me for a bad chapter, although bad moods and sadness makes me write angst better… lately I just feel like all my writing is a piece of crap. Okay, this is turning into a rant instead of author's notes… um, what can I say? It's just… there. I'm aiming for a longer chapter [like I always do] but I'm not quite sure how it will turn out. I want to refer to Fuuma as [the other] Kamui, but I'm afraid it'll be too confusing that way… gah… so I'm just calling him Fuuma for now.
yamatoforever, thank you for your review and the suggestions. I must admit my intention was not for Subaru to regain his innocence and naivete… I barely noticed that I had done it myself. Although, I apologize for portraying it that way, because I favor Tokyo Babylon Subaru [the one I cosplayed as last night] to X Subaru, who I view as not his true self, the person he was born as, but people change… *shrug* I think it was just that he was momentarily reverting to his old self when he was reminded of Seishirou-san oO; Okay, I have to stop analyzing my own stories… Anyway, I took your suggestion to thought, although I sort of elaborated on it. Thanks, though. =)
Er… please enjoy, if it's possible. x.x;
~
"But why, Fuuma, why?"
Fuuma smiled darkly, digging his nails into Kamui's chest. The question "why" was probably the most popular question addressed to him that escaped the other Kamui's lips. He really was a fun thing to play with, Fuuma reasoned. Pity that he would have to kill him sooner or later. Fuuma would obviously get bored without him.
"Simple, Kamui… I needed someone to replace Sakurazukamori…" he replied softly, as Kamui groaned in pain.
Breathing heavily, Kamui gasped as Fuuma aimed a blast of energy at his heart, wincing in a sudden spasm. "But Subaru won't kill anyone," he managed to choke out, still struggling to respire. "He's too k-kind to…" he added defensively, attempting to raise his head high enough to flash Fuuma a slightly angered glare.
Fuuma smirked, caressing Kamui's hair gently. "Yes, in time, if this keeps up… if he doesn't kill anyone… Your friend Subaru shall die…" he said quietly, still grinning corruptly. Kamui's eyes widened briefly in surprise. "But I think I have a slight remedy for that," he hissed suddenly, striking Kamui so he fell agonizingly to the ground.
Kamui whimpered in his misery… and he blacked out before he could see his rescuers, the other Ten no Ryuu, attempting to save him.
* * *
The dream's scene changed at a glance from the sea to Kakyou's trademark; an old-fashioned Japanese house. Subaru was almost too preoccupied to notice.
"It's inevitable, you know…" Kakyou said sadly, his gold eyes penetrating through Subaru's. Subaru shuddered, and coughed slightly. Kakyou's dreams were frigidly cold. Shivering, he looked around with forced curiosity. How Hokuto-chan was able to stand this atmosphere, he'd never know… But I suppose Kakyou's dreams had been slightly cheerier when she was around…
"A-Are you sure I'm going to die?" he managed to ask, grimacing. Nodding, Kakyou shrugged in slight indifference, looking away.
In a soft, pained voice, Kakyou added faintly, "But… if you die… you will be able to see Hokuto again, won't you…" Almost jumping back in shock, Subaru's eyes narrowed into something between a roused glare and a sympathetic look.
Donning an almost pitying smile, he replied, "Don't think of it that way… I'm sure your Wish will be granted… soon…" He trailed off, seeming disoriented. He shook it off, closing his eyes momentarily and inhaling the freezing air. "Seishirou-san said I was probably too kind to kill anyone anyway…"
Forcing himself to regain his equanimity, Kakyou let himself a rather constrained smile. "It's your choice… It can only be your choice, whether you will kill or not…" he said finally, slowly allowing the dreamscape to fade away.
* * *
Subaru returned to the senseless threads of reality, back into the eerie basement of the City Hall. He imagined again what Seishirou had done in this place. Have tea with the other Dragons? Discuss assassination pointers? He allowed himself a rather hollow laugh as he pictured Seishirou discussing with Fuuma how they could torture their young companions with further emotional torment. Sighing deeply, he gradually walked to the small table in the middle of the room, where there were a few chairs, set up like a quaint tea party. Not much to his surprise, Fuuma appeared there, smiling contently at him.
"Subaru-kun," he greeted cheerfully, gesturing for him to sit down. Scowling at him, Subaru grudgingly sat down next to the other man, who, incidentally, was actually much younger than he was, and couldn't really be described as a "man" in terms of age.
Subaru snapped brusquely in reply, "What?" Reaching over to pour Subaru tea, Fuuma continued to smile. That smile made Subaru angry, the same smile that Seishirou bore, the one that Subaru came to hate, and to love… he resented it with every fiber of what was left with his soul, and resented Fuuma even more for assuming an uncanny likeness to Seishirou just to spite him. He managed to push Fuuma's hand away, grimacing slightly at himself.
Slowly beginning to sip his own tea, Fuuma remarked comfortably, "Now now, Subaru-kun… you shan't make yourself angry just because I'm offering you tea." Placing his cup on the table and leaning backwards in the small chair, he continued, "I'm here so we can discuss your newly acquired position as Sakurazukamori, Subaru-kun."
Following this was another glare. "What about my so-called 'position', Fuuma-sa—Fuuma?"
Still smiling that stupidly smug smile, Fuuma looked thoughtful. "You are going to kill a few people for the Sakura, aren't you? And for us? After all… if you're a Chi no Ryuu… you have to act like one."
Continuing to scowl, Subaru said curtly, "Seishirou-san said I was probably too kind to kill anyone." His tone was rather final. Too final, Fuuma deducted, and he smirked coldly, laughing to himself; Subaru was still naïve under all that resentment and remorse, under all those falsified masks of coldness and angst.
"If you don't kill anyone, the Sakura will kill you. And if the Sakura kills you, the Sakura kills… your beloved Seishirou-san's eye, along with you." Once Fuuma had said this, Subaru swallowed painfully, trembling in the icy ambience of the room. Struggling to suppress whatever emotions he had been feeling at the time (because he thought that was part of the job description as Sakurazukamori), he coughed and attempted to ignore Fuuma, secretly beginning to worry.
* * *
I used to think I wanted to kill him. I used to think I wished nothing but for him to just simply love me. I used to want to live for him, die for him, and at the same time, murder him. Slice away his soul, like he did mine. My Wish changed from wanting Hokuto-chan back to wanting to kill her murderer to wanting to die to wanting to live to disappearing to just going back inside, Within, so I wouldn't have to deal with any of those things anymore. But then I thought about Hokuto-chan's sacrifice for me, and I feel even worse…
Wishes, simple wants and needs… they really are all peculiar things. The way they are like fluid, taking on a different shape depending on the situation. And the way they can simply evaporate after being exposed to too much. They really are quite interesting.
*
"I tried to erase you from my heart, to forget about you…" I could almost hear Seishirou laughing at me in his head, in his thoughts. I was too busy crying to notice anything, too stricken with shock and grief and tears. Had he done this on purpose, just to torment me with the utmost amount of excruciating inner pain, the simple pain of having him not be here anymore? "But… then I thought… then I wished… I wanted to be killed by you…"
To my surprise, he just simply smiled at me and struggled to look up and meet my eyes. "You truly are… a kind person…" He paused, forcing himself to raise his head up to my ear, and whispered, "And I…"
* * *
Subaru woke with a start, breathing strenuously. He had fallen asleep again, and he wondered if the Sakura had caused his frequent bouts of sudden, unreasonable fatigue. Remembering that this had happened once before, and he had found himself by Fuuma's side, he reddened almost unnoticeably. Looking up, he felt a hand brush off his hair. He groaned; it was, of course, Fuuma. And he was smiling at him again with a rather satisfied expression on his face.
"Subaru-kun, you can't escape your destiny. But if you're willing to allow yourself and his eye to die…" he trailed off, stroking Subaru's hair like he did Kamui. "Now, what do you think caused you to fall asleep so suddenly, Subaru-kun?"
Attempting to lift his head but found himself too exhausted, he mumbled faintly with his head uncomfortably placed on the table, "I don't know." He shivered, rubbing his arms in a stubborn effort to warm himself and stay awake. He cringed; he found himself rather hungry after taking that brief nap, but he had no idea where the food was located in this place.
Fuuma smiled and asked cheerfully, "Are you hungry, Subaru-kun?" Doggedly, Subaru shook his head. "…Suit yourself," he muttered in what seemed to be a hiss, standing up and walking swiftly to a compact refrigerator and a pantry Subaru hadn't noticed before. Immediately Subaru regretted declining Fuuma for food. His stomach growled viciously at him. Smirking, Fuuma opened the door and simply retrieved a single can of soda. He opened it, the can fizzing momentarily, and took a large drink of it, walking back to the small table.
"You wouldn't want a sip, would you, Subaru-kun?" Fuuma asked in a polite yet sarcastic voice, taking another swig. Glaring at Fuuma, Subaru obstinately stomped over to the pantry. His face fell, somewhat disappointed. There was nothing there but one last box of half-full strawberry Pocky. He sighed and grabbed it, stuffing a whole piece into his mouth, swallowing tenaciously before Fuuma could comment in an amused voice that the package was already two weeks overdue the "Fresh Until" date.
Sputtering madly, although it was quite useless because he had already very much swallowed it, Subaru choked slightly and flinched. He muttered an expletive to himself as Fuuma laughed and offered him the soda. Resentfully, Subaru sipped it warily, stomach feeling worse.
"So, Subaru-kun, would you like to hear what I have to say or not…?"
* * *
"So apparently Subaru-san is now the Sakurazukamori and one of the Seven Angels?" Nekoi Yuzuriha asked, looking sad. Kamui nodded, seeming hurt at Subaru's betrayal. Arisugawa Sorata frowned, appearing almost disturbed at this sudden turn of events.
"Did Hinoto-hime foresee this…?" he wondered out loud, looking concerned and glancing at Kishu Arashi. She shook her head gloomily, biting her lip.
Kasumi Karen, along with being bothered by it, also was confused. "But why would he do this… surely just taking Sakurazuka's eye doesn't mean he becomes a Chi no Ryuu…?" Pondering, Aoki Seiichiro closed his eyes in thought. "We don't know, and we might not be able to find out," he replied morosely, eyes still shut.
"Why would Subaru-san betray us?!" Yuzuriha shrieked suddenly, appearing as if on the verge of tears. The other Seals gave a start of surprise at her sudden outburst.
"Yuzuriha-chan… even if he has… we can't do anything about it…" Kamui muttered quietly, staring elsewhere, seeming to be focusing on a random black smear on the wall and watching it be devoured by the surrounding white of the remainder of the wall. He felt as if he would be a bit lonely without Subaru—at first he didn't even believe it, at first he refused to believe that Subaru would be disloyal to them, to him, break off any leftover trust he still held for the older man. There was nobody else who could understand him as Subaru did, who had gone through the same hurt, the same pain. Nobody else who had also gone Within before, nobody else he could relate to.
Much to his own surprise, he smiled.
After all, it was going to be a lot more interesting this way.
~
Ending Notes: Yeah, it was an utter piece of crap. I started out with a semi-okay idea and in the middle I just lost it and put some twisted hints of humor. And it wasn't even long. -.- Gah. My own writing is pissing me off. If you want, flame me. Sui.