I'm back! I've been super busy lately with loads of sctuff, but I got a chance to do something and here I am...updating. The direct correspondence idea is out, sorry, but it won't work, although I will take other suggestions, as always.

I won't give personal replies to everybody, sorry, but I have limited time. sigh

If you have not seen or read ROTK, THIS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS, SO CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK, though I'm sure everyone's seen, if not read it already. grin

This chapter features that oh so lovely dysfunctional family from Gondor, Boromir (deceased), Faramir, and Denethor. This won 1 vote, Legolas/Haldir getting 3, and Boromir/Faramir/Denethor getting 4. Please vote from the list or give your own suggestions. If you have voted in other reviews, I'm sorry, but if you don't list all of your votes they WILL NOT BE COUNTED. I don't have time to go through and find everyone's votes.

On to the fic.

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Sometime in the trilogy...

Dear Dad [Denethor],

I just arrived in Rivendell today. It sucks. Why did you have to send me? I'm surrounded by smug, poncy elves, half of whom are cross dressers! I mean, come on, they so stole that from us. Besides, there's some Ranger of the North kinda guy who won't tell me his name, but he's Mithrandir's friend. And he smells, so I don't trust him. Please advise.

Your loving son,

Boromir

PS: Why couldn't you send my brother???? It would get him out of your way! Please send him! Please?? He could get the ring and I could come back and defend our country! Please? Please! I demand it! Please! Please please please Dad I hate elves they're really-message truncated

Dear Boromir,

Any luck with Father? I wrote him too, but I have the suspicion that he burned it. In any case, the only reply I got was an envelope of ashes, so either he died and those are his ashes, or he burned the letter. Did you try to convince him to send me in your stead? It's sooo boring here, you have no idea. I sit around, get insulted, go try and prove myself, almost get killed, and come back and get insulted again. It's really dull. Good luck!

Your brother,

Faramir

PS: Dude, are the elves cool? Any chicks there?

Dearest Boromir,

I am sorry, but I cannot allow your brother to go to Rivendell. If I send him Elrond and Mithrandir will never forgive me. The last time Mithrandir visited, Faramir, well, quite embarrassed me. Dyed Mithrandir's robes hot pink and put sequins all over. I must say, he does look good in pink, though...it's too bad he's not Gandalf the Pink.

Anyway, must dash, Saruman's on the Palantir. Again. Stupid wizard. Can't live without me for a minute...not that I blame him.

Your loving father,

Denethor

Some time in ROTK...

Dearest Father,

I regret to inform you that I was killed several weeks ago by some butt-ugly Uruk-Hai. Please accept my regrets and pass them along to my brother.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

You're DEAD?

Love, Faramir

Dear Faramir,

It would seem so.

Love, Boromir

Dearest Boromir,

No! I hate your brother! How could you do this to me? I hate you! I hate you all! Tell your brother that he should've gone to Rivendell!

Love, Denethor

Dear Faramir,

Umm, Dad hates you. He just wanted you to know.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Tell Dad I hate him, too.

Love, Faramir

Dear Father,

Faramir hates you, too.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Good.

Love, Denethor

Dear Faramir,

Dad says, 'good'.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Tell Dad to go to Tartarus.

Love, Faramir

Dear Father,

Faramir says to go to Tartarus.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Ask Faramir where in hell Tartarus is.

Love, Denethor

Dear Faramir,

Dad wants to know where in hell Tartarus is.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Tartarus is located on the opposite side of the Styx.

Love, Faramir

Dear Father,

Faramir says Tartarus is located on the opposite side of the Styx.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Has Faramir been watching "Xena: Warrior Princess" again?

Love, Denethor

Dear Faramir,

Have you been watching "Xena: Warrior Princess" again?

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Umm...no?

Love, Faramir

Dear Faramir,

You liar.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Fine, fine, I've been watching "Xena"!

Love, Boromir

Dear Faramir,

Cool! Could you get copies of your dvds for me?

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Why haven't you answered my letter???

Love, Denethor

Dear Father,

Yes, Faramir's been watching "Xena" again.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

How can you write us if you're dead?

Love, Faramir

Dear Father,

Faramir says, 'how can you write us if you're dead?'.

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

I'm not dead!

Love, Denethor

Dear Father,

You're not??

Love, Boromir

Dear Boromir,

Faramir was talking to you!

Love, Denethor

Dear Father,

Oh.

Love, Boromir

Dear Faramir,

I don't know how I can write, but I can.

Love, Boromir

Boromir, son of Denethor:

We have received notice from one Aragorn, son of Arathorn, that you have been corresponding with Faramir, son of Denethor, and Denethor, son of Ecthelion. Unfortunately, this is against regulations and we must insist that you cease.

Sincerely, the Valar

Obviously Boromir stopped writing, Faramir and Denethor only got more pissed off at each other (Faramir wouldn't share his "Xena" dvds and Denethor was bored) and, well, you know what happens...

VOTE AND REVIEW!

Faramir / PJ

Glorfindel / Tom Bombadil / Goldberry

Legolas / Haldir

Frodo / Gollum

Sauron / One Ring

Frodo / Sam

Legolas / Thranduil

Gollum / Dobby

Arwen / Glorfindel

And, as always, suggestions are always welcome.

Incurelf