Yes, I've edited this fan fiction, for my own eyeballs explode because of this hideous piece of n00b language I've written over 7 months ago (Wow, that was a long time ago!!). Translated into proper English, and hopefully not too many spelling mistakes. Some chapters have been split up, so you won't get a headache reading 20 pages of a space battle, or something random. Any ways, enjoy to new readers and old readers a like, I own nothing but the Vortian extras, Hermly and other psycho fan characters!! BEGIN INSANITY STORY NOW!!!!!
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EXT.-PLANET VORT- Many years before Operation Impending Doom I
INT.-VORTIAN MILITARY TECHNOLOGY COMPANY-LEVEL NINE-DORMITORY RM #4444
Lying on his top bunk bed, Lard Nar reads a book entitled 'What Irkens Have Done For Us' with wide interest, taking notes on his palm pad. On the bed below him, a turquoise skinned Vortian listens to rock music loudly on his radio. As he dances around playing the air guitar and turning up the volume, literally shaking the entire room, Lard Nar growls; feeling a sense of immense strangling and yelling coming through his veins. The song ended and a equally irritating radio DJ guy comes up blabbing about stuff.
"And that was 'I Bet You're Going To Kill Me Right Now!' by The Lovely Bugs! Now, a whole 78 hour straight Rockn' Poppin' Insanity Tunes Extravaganza !!WOOOOOOOT!!!
He growls even more, like a fierce bulldog about to kill a kitten. Though the Vortian was never close as to being violent and dangerous as the very species he was studying at this hour.
"Can't you play that hearing destruction device somewhere else already?! I'm researching important information on the Irkens, for what they're up to at this VERY second...FOR THE SAKE OF OUR FUTURE !!!" Lard Nar throws his own book, bobbing on the head of ever-so-careless roommate. He finally gets the guy's attention, but Lard Nar already knew what Shitley would sneer back at him. Shitley was just one of the hundreds of them workers who were getting tired of Lard Nar's rambling about saving the Vort.
"Saving Vortian lives from slavery and tormenting conquest is at stake! Don't you even care with your wife and children will be enslaved and force to serve our own allies for many years to come??"
Shitley turns off the radio and sighs, tired of having to explain to the idiot once again, "Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe your pathetic theories about Irkens taking over the universe, and using our machinery to attack unsuspecting planets! HA!! Like they would really do that? Especially after all they've done for us! Donate monies, rebuilt our civilization after the Asteroid Attack, gave us all jobs and even made our culture one of the most superior in the entire Universe! Why would they be so bossy, so evil, and so dominant as to ruin US first and then everybody else in the galaxy?? If you have one, I'll sure to report it to the Commander to post on the "Daily Nitwit"! HA!! HA!!HAHAHAH!!"!
A bunch of Vortians from the hallway come into the room and started to follow suit, and laugh a lot longer and a lot more hysterical than necessary at Lard Nar. Lard Nar growls once again, frustrated, and hops off his bunk and walks away from the crowd. From everything. To think. As he does everyday of his unappreciated lifetime.
Why do they always have to use that word to insult me? Thought the gray-skinned Vortian. I'm no nitwit, I'm as thick-brained* as every other Vortian was born to be!! Sure, I admit I've been a l over paranoid about Irkens ever since I was young, but I just can't ignore the fact that that is what Irkens are!
And they're planning a top secret project that can possibly change the lives of trillions!! "TRILLIONS, I SAY!!!TRIILLLLLIONSSS!!!!"
Several Vortian scientists walking about stare at him strangely and mumbled 'Nitwit' to one another. Lard Nar stands still and gives a sheepishly grin.
"Heh, heh, just kidding! Heh, heh." This no longer works on anybody anymore, he thought to himself, and positions himself for the upcoming Vortian. Tall and blue, he comes out of the crowd. He stares at him with a 'I hate you crazy son of a nit wit' look.
This was obviously the one guy Lard Nar both feared and hated the most. Commander #926, editor of the "Daily Nitwit".
"Yeeeaaahh, sure.. Just don't be late for the emergency meeting on 12th floor!!! It's gonna start in 4 minutes, SO GET MOVING MAGGOT!!!" The commander boomed his voice just to see Lard Nar shrinking to the ground and cower with a shaky salute.
"Uh...Yes sir! Right away, sir!" The crowd follows the commander down the fall forming a pack, and the lonesome worker runs up as fast as he can up the stairs, his only source of getting up floors these days. He does fine at first, but then trips on the 11th floor.
"Oh, shit!"
INT.-12TH FLOOR-RM4367 (Ten min. later)
The room has a long table with a large group of Vortians sitting on their hover seats, talking amongst themselves as the commander at the front end of the table looks at the clock every 3 seconds with a twitching eye. Impatient workers complain to him and groan, anxious about the "Emergency" part of this business.
"I'm not starting the meeting until everyone is here, and that includes Lard Nar! Even though we all hate him and he's completely useless to us....So blame him for all your misery!"
The door in the room slides open and Lard Nar enters, breathing heavily.
"Ah, good to finally see you Lard Nar...... YOU'RE OVER TEN MINUTES LATE!!!!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"
"Sorry sir, I tripped and fell down the stairs and had to climb up again. Won't happen anymore...."
"Whatever, just take a damn seat and shut the hell up." He lights up a thick cigar, spitting some of it out as he swears. " Now that we can officially start this emergency meeting, I would like to start by anno-
The intercom on the wall buzzed and crackled for it's traditional speech. Everyone becomes silent as air. "Please excuse the interruption, Cooptklin has now officially left The Couch **, and the next lucky one to sit on The Couch for the hour is La-
Lard Nar has a gleeful look on his face, and prayed for the intercom to say the name given to him by the second his was born, by the Pychix of his family blood. He waits, seconds go by, and.....
"Lakropskiddle. Congratulations. Please report to the Lances Building immediately. Thank you." And it buzzed off. Every intercom on the planet buzzed off. Just like that.
"Darn it!! Why are there so many Vortians with names close to mine! It's pisses me off so much!"
"NOW I would like to start the meeting by announcing that Almi-"
The others ignored 926 and looked down through a window. They watch Lakropskiddle as he danced like a ballerina in Disco Fever. Or something.
INT.-OUTSIDE
"WHEEEE!!!! Victory for me, WOOOOO!!!!! This is the greatest day of my life!!!!!"
Back inside, he twitches even more, and to get everybody's attention, he booms his voice to the highest level, with a dose of threat on to the rough military tone.
"ALMIGHTY TALLEST MIYUKI IS COMING OVER TO OUR STATION IN LESS THAN THREE HOURS, AND IS EXPECTING OUR LATEST PRODUCTS, INCLUDING THE MASSIVE! GOD DAMMNIT!!"
Everyone turns around, pip-squeaked. They exchange glances. They're all doomed. Now the Vortians knew why it was an emergency.
Even Lard Nar.
****************
EXT.-PLANET VORT- Many years before Operation Impending Doom I
INT.-VORTIAN MILITARY TECHNOLOGY COMPANY-LEVEL NINE-DORMITORY RM #4444
Lying on his top bunk bed, Lard Nar reads a book entitled 'What Irkens Have Done For Us' with wide interest, taking notes on his palm pad. On the bed below him, a turquoise skinned Vortian listens to rock music loudly on his radio. As he dances around playing the air guitar and turning up the volume, literally shaking the entire room, Lard Nar growls; feeling a sense of immense strangling and yelling coming through his veins. The song ended and a equally irritating radio DJ guy comes up blabbing about stuff.
"And that was 'I Bet You're Going To Kill Me Right Now!' by The Lovely Bugs! Now, a whole 78 hour straight Rockn' Poppin' Insanity Tunes Extravaganza !!WOOOOOOOT!!!
He growls even more, like a fierce bulldog about to kill a kitten. Though the Vortian was never close as to being violent and dangerous as the very species he was studying at this hour.
"Can't you play that hearing destruction device somewhere else already?! I'm researching important information on the Irkens, for what they're up to at this VERY second...FOR THE SAKE OF OUR FUTURE !!!" Lard Nar throws his own book, bobbing on the head of ever-so-careless roommate. He finally gets the guy's attention, but Lard Nar already knew what Shitley would sneer back at him. Shitley was just one of the hundreds of them workers who were getting tired of Lard Nar's rambling about saving the Vort.
"Saving Vortian lives from slavery and tormenting conquest is at stake! Don't you even care with your wife and children will be enslaved and force to serve our own allies for many years to come??"
Shitley turns off the radio and sighs, tired of having to explain to the idiot once again, "Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe your pathetic theories about Irkens taking over the universe, and using our machinery to attack unsuspecting planets! HA!! Like they would really do that? Especially after all they've done for us! Donate monies, rebuilt our civilization after the Asteroid Attack, gave us all jobs and even made our culture one of the most superior in the entire Universe! Why would they be so bossy, so evil, and so dominant as to ruin US first and then everybody else in the galaxy?? If you have one, I'll sure to report it to the Commander to post on the "Daily Nitwit"! HA!! HA!!HAHAHAH!!"!
A bunch of Vortians from the hallway come into the room and started to follow suit, and laugh a lot longer and a lot more hysterical than necessary at Lard Nar. Lard Nar growls once again, frustrated, and hops off his bunk and walks away from the crowd. From everything. To think. As he does everyday of his unappreciated lifetime.
Why do they always have to use that word to insult me? Thought the gray-skinned Vortian. I'm no nitwit, I'm as thick-brained* as every other Vortian was born to be!! Sure, I admit I've been a l over paranoid about Irkens ever since I was young, but I just can't ignore the fact that that is what Irkens are!
And they're planning a top secret project that can possibly change the lives of trillions!! "TRILLIONS, I SAY!!!TRIILLLLLIONSSS!!!!"
Several Vortian scientists walking about stare at him strangely and mumbled 'Nitwit' to one another. Lard Nar stands still and gives a sheepishly grin.
"Heh, heh, just kidding! Heh, heh." This no longer works on anybody anymore, he thought to himself, and positions himself for the upcoming Vortian. Tall and blue, he comes out of the crowd. He stares at him with a 'I hate you crazy son of a nit wit' look.
This was obviously the one guy Lard Nar both feared and hated the most. Commander #926, editor of the "Daily Nitwit".
"Yeeeaaahh, sure.. Just don't be late for the emergency meeting on 12th floor!!! It's gonna start in 4 minutes, SO GET MOVING MAGGOT!!!" The commander boomed his voice just to see Lard Nar shrinking to the ground and cower with a shaky salute.
"Uh...Yes sir! Right away, sir!" The crowd follows the commander down the fall forming a pack, and the lonesome worker runs up as fast as he can up the stairs, his only source of getting up floors these days. He does fine at first, but then trips on the 11th floor.
"Oh, shit!"
INT.-12TH FLOOR-RM4367 (Ten min. later)
The room has a long table with a large group of Vortians sitting on their hover seats, talking amongst themselves as the commander at the front end of the table looks at the clock every 3 seconds with a twitching eye. Impatient workers complain to him and groan, anxious about the "Emergency" part of this business.
"I'm not starting the meeting until everyone is here, and that includes Lard Nar! Even though we all hate him and he's completely useless to us....So blame him for all your misery!"
The door in the room slides open and Lard Nar enters, breathing heavily.
"Ah, good to finally see you Lard Nar...... YOU'RE OVER TEN MINUTES LATE!!!!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"
"Sorry sir, I tripped and fell down the stairs and had to climb up again. Won't happen anymore...."
"Whatever, just take a damn seat and shut the hell up." He lights up a thick cigar, spitting some of it out as he swears. " Now that we can officially start this emergency meeting, I would like to start by anno-
The intercom on the wall buzzed and crackled for it's traditional speech. Everyone becomes silent as air. "Please excuse the interruption, Cooptklin has now officially left The Couch **, and the next lucky one to sit on The Couch for the hour is La-
Lard Nar has a gleeful look on his face, and prayed for the intercom to say the name given to him by the second his was born, by the Pychix of his family blood. He waits, seconds go by, and.....
"Lakropskiddle. Congratulations. Please report to the Lances Building immediately. Thank you." And it buzzed off. Every intercom on the planet buzzed off. Just like that.
"Darn it!! Why are there so many Vortians with names close to mine! It's pisses me off so much!"
"NOW I would like to start the meeting by announcing that Almi-"
The others ignored 926 and looked down through a window. They watch Lakropskiddle as he danced like a ballerina in Disco Fever. Or something.
INT.-OUTSIDE
"WHEEEE!!!! Victory for me, WOOOOO!!!!! This is the greatest day of my life!!!!!"
Back inside, he twitches even more, and to get everybody's attention, he booms his voice to the highest level, with a dose of threat on to the rough military tone.
"ALMIGHTY TALLEST MIYUKI IS COMING OVER TO OUR STATION IN LESS THAN THREE HOURS, AND IS EXPECTING OUR LATEST PRODUCTS, INCLUDING THE MASSIVE! GOD DAMMNIT!!"
Everyone turns around, pip-squeaked. They exchange glances. They're all doomed. Now the Vortians knew why it was an emergency.
Even Lard Nar.