~VORT RESEARCH, STATION 9~
Lard Nar walks slowly up the hallway. Gloomy and angry at life itself, he holds the model of The Massive ship to-be. Tallest is just several yards away from him, pretending to be lil' Miss nice and loyal leader to the Head Vortain Scientist, who's leading the tour.
"Why, after all I've learned about the Irkens planning to conquer the Universe cruelly , try to have my fellow work mates fight back against her and being the ultimate target for teasing in this VERY BUILDING, had to be chosen to show the ship my people have designed for the Irkens to use to destroy our home?
"Ah well, life can never be what I wanted it to be now. I'll just smile for her and pretend to be oblivious to all my spyings and extensive research on conquest! " Lard Nar shows his teeth with a wide grin for smile, something that is rarely see on him. "There, that'll do."
He steps right behind the tall Irken, waiting patiently for The Moment as the scientist speaks.
"Tallest Miyuki, welcome to Vort Research Station 9. You honor us with your visit!"
"Tell me what my finest minds are dreaming up for the EMPIRE.", she clasps her claw together in her style of evil.
"Well, there's our infinite energy producing thing-y. And Lard Nar here has begun work on preliminary designs for your new BLUDGEON CLASS fleet leader"
Not knowing how the Head Scientist notice him stepping right next to the energy generator, or found out he would be here in such short time, he salutes Miyuki and "proudly" presents the holographic model of the Massive ship to-be.
But then at that moment one of the very few Irkens working at Vort butts in to the scene. "DOOKIE!! That thing will never fly!"
Lard Nar had seen this short guy many times before, but didn't know he was the most trouble some Irken.
"OPERATOR, who is this little creature?"
"Eh...Zim,my Tallest. A transfer from Irk. He destroys everything he touches, so they figured he'd excel at military research." From the shame in the scientist face, the gray Vortian knew chaos would be a-coming soon.
"Enough praise. LOOK! I made an infinite energy ABSORBING thing-y !" Zim shouted in pride, "HE'S CHUBBY!!"
The scientist is now more terrified than embarrassed. "No! Keep it away from the energy producing thing-y!"
The chubby creature eats the infinite energy producing thing-y and grows out of control. As it gets bigger, it gets more hungry. They all start to get scared, but only Lard Nar was smart enough to move back a couple of feet.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!DON'T EAT ME!NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
It eats Miyuki. It rampages the building. It eats everything in sight outside in the capital city of Vortica.
It makes Lard Nar scream, running through the hallways and accidentally dropping the model, breaking it. But he didn't care. The only thing he wanted now was to survive....and maybe have some cheese puffs for a change.
~VORTICA, CAPITAL OF VORT~
Everyone is screaming and running all over the place, trying to get away from the monster who just can't stop eating. It now has chewed up all Vortian ships visible, a couple of buildings, all transporting tubes and basically all the possible ways of escaping Vort and thousands of foolish citizens. No one even bothers to stop it. In fact, no even thought of bringing the Megadoomer or any Battlemechs out to use. Idiots.
Lard Nar, as well as the others, runs .Away. From. Life. Universe. And Everything. He stops for a moment to stare at a flagpole. But not just any old flagpole. XXZ45673, the tallest flagpole in the universe(basically about 3 times taller than the Blob's current height). It's obvious. It's stupid. It's desperate.
Vortians being extraordinary climbers because of their unique leg structure, he and several other Vortians climb up the pole as fast as they can until they can feel the tip on their palms. Everyone else on Vortica follow suit, and before you know it the flag pole now looks like a huge Vortian-filled lump piled up on top of a tall, skinny, stick.
A violet-skinned lady cheers, "We did it! The blob can't get us now!"
Her friend, grabbing her arm asks, "But how long do we have to wait till someone kills the monster or at least sends it to another planet?"
"....Like I said, the blob can't get us now!"
The blob stares up at the pole and closely keeps an eye on any falling fools. 3 fall from the top. Then 6, 13, 25, 55, 12, 1, 4, 62,etc.,etc.,etc. It keeps going on like this for an hour. The new record for most falling fools at one time was 96.The Blob so far has missed not a single falling fool.
Lard Nar climbs through thousands of Vortian bodies to see the outside view of the monster. "How long will that pole will be able to hold us? According to my memory, it can only hold up to 14,000 pounds. Hopefully no one from the sky will suddenly fall on top of the pile....."
Someone from the sky suddenly falls on top of the pile.
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The flagpole bends very fast down to right so close to the ground that Lard Nar Can touch it with a little arm stretch. But it swings backward to the left, the backward, forward, northeast, southwest, northwest, southeast, west, south, north, etc., etc. All the Vortians still hanging on scream and yell for both fear, shock and fun! Now even more falling fools had gone into the rotating Blob's mouth, continuously chasing the flagpole like a dog chases its own tail. The grand ruler of Vort Lardlipsika slips, falls, and she yells at all of them.
"CURRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSE YOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She gets eaten. Moment of silence.
The pole is beginning to swing faster and more viciously than before, Lard Nar now wishes to die and closes his eyes so he wouldn't see it. Several others around him copy him, and even block their hearing so they won't hear the Blob's almighty roar for hunger and frustration and the big crash.
"CRASH?!?!"
The flag pole sways upward very hard and high up, causing the pole to be pulled out of the ground and up 10 feet up in the air, and drop with.......the crash.
THUMP! BANG! CRAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!
The flagpole landed flat on the ground, and most of the unfortunates who were on the side of the lump that hit the ground flat, seriously cracked their skulls and had their faces ripped and torn apart. The few lucky Vortians who felt perfectly fine and normal, like Lard Nar, jumped off the pole and ran for it. Luckily, the Irken army came just in time to zap the blob monster in another dimension, hopefully never to be seen again.
DORMITORY RM#4444, TOP BUNK~
Lard Nar lies on his top bunk where he had just been this morning, thinking sadly about the disaster. He had his portable TV on to the Intergalactic News Channel, watching a videotape of the blob terrorizing Vortica and watching the flagpole break for the first time. He turns it off with horror and disgust.
"This day sucked........first I thought today is the most victorious day of my life, I knew the Irkens' big secret and I could find people to join me in the fight! Then all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of myself..........Next I was running for my life; praying I would survive and promised not to regret life ever again--"
The intercom buzzed off again, though it had always done that once every hour. "Attention! Kepsklot, it's your turn to scream in joy and have the comfort of your life... Kepsklot?....Hello?...."
Lard Nar continued with his complaints. "----Then I wanted to kill myself being on that stupid pole, and NOW I'm angry at the Universe and everything in it!! UGGHH!!! How could life get any worse now? Where is fate going to lead me now? To Dirt! Or some other hell planet, right Shitley? Shitley?
"Oh yeah.....he's at the hospital....Along with 85% of the planet's population!!! AHHH!!! This is sick! It's hopeless now! It'll take years before Vort is back to normal and now almost everybody will be wearing artificial holographic faces for the rest of their lives!!! Where is hope now?!?! Will happiness and peace ever come back to me or anyone else here ever again?!
"I HATE YOU, LIFE!!! Why don't you ever leave me alone?!? Tell me! Tell me! TELLL MEEE!!"
Lard Nar sops shouting to himself, hearing foot steps outside his room. The dormitory door barges open to reveal Commander #296 behind it, holding a very badly broken holographic model, and a deep, deep, hatred look on his flaming eyes.
"LARD NARRR!!!!YOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lard Nar walks slowly up the hallway. Gloomy and angry at life itself, he holds the model of The Massive ship to-be. Tallest is just several yards away from him, pretending to be lil' Miss nice and loyal leader to the Head Vortain Scientist, who's leading the tour.
"Why, after all I've learned about the Irkens planning to conquer the Universe cruelly , try to have my fellow work mates fight back against her and being the ultimate target for teasing in this VERY BUILDING, had to be chosen to show the ship my people have designed for the Irkens to use to destroy our home?
"Ah well, life can never be what I wanted it to be now. I'll just smile for her and pretend to be oblivious to all my spyings and extensive research on conquest! " Lard Nar shows his teeth with a wide grin for smile, something that is rarely see on him. "There, that'll do."
He steps right behind the tall Irken, waiting patiently for The Moment as the scientist speaks.
"Tallest Miyuki, welcome to Vort Research Station 9. You honor us with your visit!"
"Tell me what my finest minds are dreaming up for the EMPIRE.", she clasps her claw together in her style of evil.
"Well, there's our infinite energy producing thing-y. And Lard Nar here has begun work on preliminary designs for your new BLUDGEON CLASS fleet leader"
Not knowing how the Head Scientist notice him stepping right next to the energy generator, or found out he would be here in such short time, he salutes Miyuki and "proudly" presents the holographic model of the Massive ship to-be.
But then at that moment one of the very few Irkens working at Vort butts in to the scene. "DOOKIE!! That thing will never fly!"
Lard Nar had seen this short guy many times before, but didn't know he was the most trouble some Irken.
"OPERATOR, who is this little creature?"
"Eh...Zim,my Tallest. A transfer from Irk. He destroys everything he touches, so they figured he'd excel at military research." From the shame in the scientist face, the gray Vortian knew chaos would be a-coming soon.
"Enough praise. LOOK! I made an infinite energy ABSORBING thing-y !" Zim shouted in pride, "HE'S CHUBBY!!"
The scientist is now more terrified than embarrassed. "No! Keep it away from the energy producing thing-y!"
The chubby creature eats the infinite energy producing thing-y and grows out of control. As it gets bigger, it gets more hungry. They all start to get scared, but only Lard Nar was smart enough to move back a couple of feet.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!DON'T EAT ME!NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
It eats Miyuki. It rampages the building. It eats everything in sight outside in the capital city of Vortica.
It makes Lard Nar scream, running through the hallways and accidentally dropping the model, breaking it. But he didn't care. The only thing he wanted now was to survive....and maybe have some cheese puffs for a change.
~VORTICA, CAPITAL OF VORT~
Everyone is screaming and running all over the place, trying to get away from the monster who just can't stop eating. It now has chewed up all Vortian ships visible, a couple of buildings, all transporting tubes and basically all the possible ways of escaping Vort and thousands of foolish citizens. No one even bothers to stop it. In fact, no even thought of bringing the Megadoomer or any Battlemechs out to use. Idiots.
Lard Nar, as well as the others, runs .Away. From. Life. Universe. And Everything. He stops for a moment to stare at a flagpole. But not just any old flagpole. XXZ45673, the tallest flagpole in the universe(basically about 3 times taller than the Blob's current height). It's obvious. It's stupid. It's desperate.
Vortians being extraordinary climbers because of their unique leg structure, he and several other Vortians climb up the pole as fast as they can until they can feel the tip on their palms. Everyone else on Vortica follow suit, and before you know it the flag pole now looks like a huge Vortian-filled lump piled up on top of a tall, skinny, stick.
A violet-skinned lady cheers, "We did it! The blob can't get us now!"
Her friend, grabbing her arm asks, "But how long do we have to wait till someone kills the monster or at least sends it to another planet?"
"....Like I said, the blob can't get us now!"
The blob stares up at the pole and closely keeps an eye on any falling fools. 3 fall from the top. Then 6, 13, 25, 55, 12, 1, 4, 62,etc.,etc.,etc. It keeps going on like this for an hour. The new record for most falling fools at one time was 96.The Blob so far has missed not a single falling fool.
Lard Nar climbs through thousands of Vortian bodies to see the outside view of the monster. "How long will that pole will be able to hold us? According to my memory, it can only hold up to 14,000 pounds. Hopefully no one from the sky will suddenly fall on top of the pile....."
Someone from the sky suddenly falls on top of the pile.
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The flagpole bends very fast down to right so close to the ground that Lard Nar Can touch it with a little arm stretch. But it swings backward to the left, the backward, forward, northeast, southwest, northwest, southeast, west, south, north, etc., etc. All the Vortians still hanging on scream and yell for both fear, shock and fun! Now even more falling fools had gone into the rotating Blob's mouth, continuously chasing the flagpole like a dog chases its own tail. The grand ruler of Vort Lardlipsika slips, falls, and she yells at all of them.
"CURRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSE YOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She gets eaten. Moment of silence.
The pole is beginning to swing faster and more viciously than before, Lard Nar now wishes to die and closes his eyes so he wouldn't see it. Several others around him copy him, and even block their hearing so they won't hear the Blob's almighty roar for hunger and frustration and the big crash.
"CRASH?!?!"
The flag pole sways upward very hard and high up, causing the pole to be pulled out of the ground and up 10 feet up in the air, and drop with.......the crash.
THUMP! BANG! CRAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!
The flagpole landed flat on the ground, and most of the unfortunates who were on the side of the lump that hit the ground flat, seriously cracked their skulls and had their faces ripped and torn apart. The few lucky Vortians who felt perfectly fine and normal, like Lard Nar, jumped off the pole and ran for it. Luckily, the Irken army came just in time to zap the blob monster in another dimension, hopefully never to be seen again.
DORMITORY RM#4444, TOP BUNK~
Lard Nar lies on his top bunk where he had just been this morning, thinking sadly about the disaster. He had his portable TV on to the Intergalactic News Channel, watching a videotape of the blob terrorizing Vortica and watching the flagpole break for the first time. He turns it off with horror and disgust.
"This day sucked........first I thought today is the most victorious day of my life, I knew the Irkens' big secret and I could find people to join me in the fight! Then all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of myself..........Next I was running for my life; praying I would survive and promised not to regret life ever again--"
The intercom buzzed off again, though it had always done that once every hour. "Attention! Kepsklot, it's your turn to scream in joy and have the comfort of your life... Kepsklot?....Hello?...."
Lard Nar continued with his complaints. "----Then I wanted to kill myself being on that stupid pole, and NOW I'm angry at the Universe and everything in it!! UGGHH!!! How could life get any worse now? Where is fate going to lead me now? To Dirt! Or some other hell planet, right Shitley? Shitley?
"Oh yeah.....he's at the hospital....Along with 85% of the planet's population!!! AHHH!!! This is sick! It's hopeless now! It'll take years before Vort is back to normal and now almost everybody will be wearing artificial holographic faces for the rest of their lives!!! Where is hope now?!?! Will happiness and peace ever come back to me or anyone else here ever again?!
"I HATE YOU, LIFE!!! Why don't you ever leave me alone?!? Tell me! Tell me! TELLL MEEE!!"
Lard Nar sops shouting to himself, hearing foot steps outside his room. The dormitory door barges open to reveal Commander #296 behind it, holding a very badly broken holographic model, and a deep, deep, hatred look on his flaming eyes.
"LARD NARRR!!!!YOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"