Chapter Two
Rachael and Emily couldn't believe their luck. Not only had they bought the ship cheaply, they were now standing before what must surely be the world's seven hottest men. Orlando was now introducing them one by one.
"Elijah Wood." (Emily was hard-pressed not to drool over the blue- eyes curly haired man with a sweet smile.)
"Johnny Depp." (Emily by-passed this one after a quick once-over, but Rachael continued to peer interested at the dark haired man with dreadlocks, lotsa beads in them, and a hat and handkerchief thingy, and a lot, a lot of eyeliner, until Emily poked her as she was holding up the intros.)
"Dominic Monaghan." (Both girls returned the sandy haired, dark-eyed man's smile.)
"Peregrin Took." (He's a little short," whispered Emily in Rachael's ear. "Yes, but so cute," said Rachael..)
"Aragorn, son of Arathorn" ("Pardon me while I check into the Hot Hotel!" whispered Rachael, as Emily blushingly shook his hand.)
"And lastly, Sinbad, former pirate and sailor extraordinaire." ("Doesn't he look just a little bit like a cartoon?" asked Emily, "But yet again," Rachael answered, "So hot!")
Once finished, Orlando returned to the head of the line.
"Well, men," began Emily, "We are your captains, and no, we know nothing about sailing or sword-fighting, but that's what you're here to teach us. Among other things...heeheehee..ahem, we sail out tomorrow morning, so make yourselves at home and do some saily stuff whilst Rachael and I go outfit ourselves."
She turned to Rachael, "Now this isn't a dance party. We must be practical."
"I completely understand. No halter tops, high-heels, etc. Only serviceable draw-string loose capri pants, loose shirts and all that other stuff sailors wear." said Rachael.
* * * * *
They had been at sea for three days, and Rachael and Emily were lounging on the deck, each in one of their new bikinis. Ok, no, those are not serviceable whatevers, but they had to indulge in something, right? Anywho, Rachael's was a black string bikini, and Emily's a white one. Both had Disney Princess sunglasses in their respective princess, (Belle for Emily, Arial for Rachael) and matching flip-flops lay on the deck besides their lounge-chairs. They were sharing Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris, and watching their incredibly hot crew run around shirtless as they did...saily things.
Already, the sailors had fallen desperately in love with their new captains, whose duties, besides an hour a day's lesson in both sailing and sword-fighting, mainly consisted of lounging around on the deck and making out with the hot crew as they saw fit.
"Ah, this is the life." sighed Rachael, turning over and reaching for the drink.
"How did we ever live before?" agreed Emily. "Although, you know, we really should think of some purpose...."
"Ach, yes, the crew will start getting restless if we just sail around aimlessly forever. Not that I'd mind or anything." said Rachael, and then she and Emily did their I'm-so-happy-I'm-sailing-all-around-the-world- with-the-hottest-crew-in-the-world laugh that they did nearly every hour or so. (The crew had gotten used to it.)
"And not only are they hot, they're so sweet." said Emily. "But anyways, listen to this, what if we went on a quest-type-thing for the perfect Disney castle in the perfect location?"
"Beauty and the Beast castle on Little Mermaid's plot?" said Rachael promptly.
"Of course, and there we can start our fleet."
"Of stunningly gorgeous men on ships?"
"You are so perceptive."
"Thank you. Shall we tell the crew?"
"Of course." Emily then sat up and gave the call to gather:
"ALL HANDS ON THE POOP!......deck." (Followed of course by crazy laughter.)
So all the crew swung on ropes and hopped, skipped and jumped towards the POOP...deck, where Sinbad was steering. Emily and Rachael slowly got up and retrieved their flip-flops and large hats (Yes, I know they came out of nowhere!) And walked slowly towards the POOP...deck, where their loyal and incredibly hot crew was gathered.
"Ah," said Rachael, as they sat on the rail and merely gazed at the HOT crew. Most of them blushed, before Rachael continued, "Ah...we have someplace to go."
All of the men cheered as they had just been sailing aimlessly for the past three days, not they overly minded.
"We are going to...um...where does the Little Mermaid take place?" Emily asked Rachael confused.
"Ooo...where does it take place?" said Rachael.
"Um, do any of you know Prince Eric?" Emily asked crew, hopefully. Most of them were shaking their heads no, but Sinbad looked thoughtful.
"Um, tall, dark haired guy sails ships, and also the world's biggest prat?" Sinbad asked them.
"HEY! That's my fairy tale prince you're talking about!" Rachael exclaimed, until Emily hit her in the nana. "You have all of them." she gestured at the rest of the crew.
"Oh yeah..."
"Anyway, yeah, that's him. So, do you know where he lives?" asked Emily.
"Oh yeah, I've robbed him a couple times." said Sinbad.
"Ah, nothing like a warm welcome..." said Emily wryly, "Yes, well head for that place...You are a reformed pirate, right?"
"Oh, yes, definitely."
With that, Rach and Emily prepared to leave the POOP...deck, and return to sunbathing, this time with Orlando and Aragorn, when they heard a cry off the...hmm...Starboard bow! Rachael and Emily immediately begin doing the "Star Trek" dance from church camp (Come on, you know the words!)as the music blared over their fantastic sound system. (Did I mention the fantastic sound system?) After a few minutes they heard the sound again, and Dom called from the...crow's nest, "MAN OVERBOARD!"
"WHAT!?" screamed Emily and Rachael in shock, and they immediately (it's a colour guard reflex) started counting everyone to make sure it wasn't one of their hot men overboard. "One..two..three, four...five, six," They turned and counted each other and themselves, "Seven, eight...THERE SHOULD BE NINE! AS IN THE FELLOWSHIP OR THE NÁZGUL! WHERE IS PIPPIN?"
"Over here, ladies!" Pippin called from a coil of rope that was hiding him.
"Oh thank God!" they exclaimed, "Now, let's see who it is overboard."
So all of the people ran over to the starboard side, which caused the deck to tip the...right I think.
"HEY!" Rachael exclaimed, "This is just like the time we saw the statue of Liberty!"
"Yeah! Except this time you're not allowed to throw pantyhose overboard! Anywho, Let's roll a quarter from the other side of the deck!"
"OK!" So they scampered off while the men dragged up the man who was overboard.
"HEY! We should have Travis join the Hot ship!" exclaimed Emily.
"OK, next time we're in port."
They rolled the coin down the deck where the wet and sopping man who had been hauled onto the ship smacked his hand down on it to catch it, and then he promptly said, "Deal the Cards!" (Then he picked it up and started whispering to it as if it were a moth.)
"HEY! That's Ian McKellan aka Gandalf the White!" exclaimed Emily.
"Ooo!" said Rachael, walking over to Sir Ian, "Why, Hello there!"
"Um.is this the gay cruise?" he asked hopefully, looking up at all the hot men.
"MOST DEFINITELY NOT!" shouted the girls, "This is OUR hot men ship!"
"Oh, well, I'm gay! So, you won't want me."
Rachael was looking at him rather lustfully.
"I'm sorry but the penalty of being hauled on board by my men is to sleep with one of the captains. And since you are gay you must do it twice." Rachael clapped her hands twice as she said, "Men, bring him to my chamber! Emily, I may need your help on this one!"
"ERLACK, ERLACK!" Emily exclaimed, as everyone looked around at her, "He's my grandfather, I can't sleep with him!"
"Oh, fair point." said Rachael, agreeing.
So the men took Sir Ian, howling and screaming into Rachael's bunk room thing. When they came back out, Emily kept boredom away by busying herself with the remaining men, except for Sinbad who had to run up occasionally to the steering wheel thing and make sure they were still on course.
They were having a pleasant afternoon, lots of sandwiches (which Emily made for them) and singing and dancing to the excellent sound system. But a few minutes later they heard the door to Rachael's bunk room thing being flung open.
They looked up to see Sir Ian, standing there, clad only in his boxer shorts, looking really happy.
"I'M NEVER GOING BACK!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
"HUZZA!" everyone yelled, and they all got up to say "Hooray and Congratulations to you!" to Ian.
Emily walked over to Rachael as she sidled out of her bunk room thing.
"Nicely done." said Emily.
"Thank you. Now, on to the Little Mermaid land."
* * * * *
Rachael and Emily couldn't believe their luck. Not only had they bought the ship cheaply, they were now standing before what must surely be the world's seven hottest men. Orlando was now introducing them one by one.
"Elijah Wood." (Emily was hard-pressed not to drool over the blue- eyes curly haired man with a sweet smile.)
"Johnny Depp." (Emily by-passed this one after a quick once-over, but Rachael continued to peer interested at the dark haired man with dreadlocks, lotsa beads in them, and a hat and handkerchief thingy, and a lot, a lot of eyeliner, until Emily poked her as she was holding up the intros.)
"Dominic Monaghan." (Both girls returned the sandy haired, dark-eyed man's smile.)
"Peregrin Took." (He's a little short," whispered Emily in Rachael's ear. "Yes, but so cute," said Rachael..)
"Aragorn, son of Arathorn" ("Pardon me while I check into the Hot Hotel!" whispered Rachael, as Emily blushingly shook his hand.)
"And lastly, Sinbad, former pirate and sailor extraordinaire." ("Doesn't he look just a little bit like a cartoon?" asked Emily, "But yet again," Rachael answered, "So hot!")
Once finished, Orlando returned to the head of the line.
"Well, men," began Emily, "We are your captains, and no, we know nothing about sailing or sword-fighting, but that's what you're here to teach us. Among other things...heeheehee..ahem, we sail out tomorrow morning, so make yourselves at home and do some saily stuff whilst Rachael and I go outfit ourselves."
She turned to Rachael, "Now this isn't a dance party. We must be practical."
"I completely understand. No halter tops, high-heels, etc. Only serviceable draw-string loose capri pants, loose shirts and all that other stuff sailors wear." said Rachael.
* * * * *
They had been at sea for three days, and Rachael and Emily were lounging on the deck, each in one of their new bikinis. Ok, no, those are not serviceable whatevers, but they had to indulge in something, right? Anywho, Rachael's was a black string bikini, and Emily's a white one. Both had Disney Princess sunglasses in their respective princess, (Belle for Emily, Arial for Rachael) and matching flip-flops lay on the deck besides their lounge-chairs. They were sharing Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris, and watching their incredibly hot crew run around shirtless as they did...saily things.
Already, the sailors had fallen desperately in love with their new captains, whose duties, besides an hour a day's lesson in both sailing and sword-fighting, mainly consisted of lounging around on the deck and making out with the hot crew as they saw fit.
"Ah, this is the life." sighed Rachael, turning over and reaching for the drink.
"How did we ever live before?" agreed Emily. "Although, you know, we really should think of some purpose...."
"Ach, yes, the crew will start getting restless if we just sail around aimlessly forever. Not that I'd mind or anything." said Rachael, and then she and Emily did their I'm-so-happy-I'm-sailing-all-around-the-world- with-the-hottest-crew-in-the-world laugh that they did nearly every hour or so. (The crew had gotten used to it.)
"And not only are they hot, they're so sweet." said Emily. "But anyways, listen to this, what if we went on a quest-type-thing for the perfect Disney castle in the perfect location?"
"Beauty and the Beast castle on Little Mermaid's plot?" said Rachael promptly.
"Of course, and there we can start our fleet."
"Of stunningly gorgeous men on ships?"
"You are so perceptive."
"Thank you. Shall we tell the crew?"
"Of course." Emily then sat up and gave the call to gather:
"ALL HANDS ON THE POOP!......deck." (Followed of course by crazy laughter.)
So all the crew swung on ropes and hopped, skipped and jumped towards the POOP...deck, where Sinbad was steering. Emily and Rachael slowly got up and retrieved their flip-flops and large hats (Yes, I know they came out of nowhere!) And walked slowly towards the POOP...deck, where their loyal and incredibly hot crew was gathered.
"Ah," said Rachael, as they sat on the rail and merely gazed at the HOT crew. Most of them blushed, before Rachael continued, "Ah...we have someplace to go."
All of the men cheered as they had just been sailing aimlessly for the past three days, not they overly minded.
"We are going to...um...where does the Little Mermaid take place?" Emily asked Rachael confused.
"Ooo...where does it take place?" said Rachael.
"Um, do any of you know Prince Eric?" Emily asked crew, hopefully. Most of them were shaking their heads no, but Sinbad looked thoughtful.
"Um, tall, dark haired guy sails ships, and also the world's biggest prat?" Sinbad asked them.
"HEY! That's my fairy tale prince you're talking about!" Rachael exclaimed, until Emily hit her in the nana. "You have all of them." she gestured at the rest of the crew.
"Oh yeah..."
"Anyway, yeah, that's him. So, do you know where he lives?" asked Emily.
"Oh yeah, I've robbed him a couple times." said Sinbad.
"Ah, nothing like a warm welcome..." said Emily wryly, "Yes, well head for that place...You are a reformed pirate, right?"
"Oh, yes, definitely."
With that, Rach and Emily prepared to leave the POOP...deck, and return to sunbathing, this time with Orlando and Aragorn, when they heard a cry off the...hmm...Starboard bow! Rachael and Emily immediately begin doing the "Star Trek" dance from church camp (Come on, you know the words!)as the music blared over their fantastic sound system. (Did I mention the fantastic sound system?) After a few minutes they heard the sound again, and Dom called from the...crow's nest, "MAN OVERBOARD!"
"WHAT!?" screamed Emily and Rachael in shock, and they immediately (it's a colour guard reflex) started counting everyone to make sure it wasn't one of their hot men overboard. "One..two..three, four...five, six," They turned and counted each other and themselves, "Seven, eight...THERE SHOULD BE NINE! AS IN THE FELLOWSHIP OR THE NÁZGUL! WHERE IS PIPPIN?"
"Over here, ladies!" Pippin called from a coil of rope that was hiding him.
"Oh thank God!" they exclaimed, "Now, let's see who it is overboard."
So all of the people ran over to the starboard side, which caused the deck to tip the...right I think.
"HEY!" Rachael exclaimed, "This is just like the time we saw the statue of Liberty!"
"Yeah! Except this time you're not allowed to throw pantyhose overboard! Anywho, Let's roll a quarter from the other side of the deck!"
"OK!" So they scampered off while the men dragged up the man who was overboard.
"HEY! We should have Travis join the Hot ship!" exclaimed Emily.
"OK, next time we're in port."
They rolled the coin down the deck where the wet and sopping man who had been hauled onto the ship smacked his hand down on it to catch it, and then he promptly said, "Deal the Cards!" (Then he picked it up and started whispering to it as if it were a moth.)
"HEY! That's Ian McKellan aka Gandalf the White!" exclaimed Emily.
"Ooo!" said Rachael, walking over to Sir Ian, "Why, Hello there!"
"Um.is this the gay cruise?" he asked hopefully, looking up at all the hot men.
"MOST DEFINITELY NOT!" shouted the girls, "This is OUR hot men ship!"
"Oh, well, I'm gay! So, you won't want me."
Rachael was looking at him rather lustfully.
"I'm sorry but the penalty of being hauled on board by my men is to sleep with one of the captains. And since you are gay you must do it twice." Rachael clapped her hands twice as she said, "Men, bring him to my chamber! Emily, I may need your help on this one!"
"ERLACK, ERLACK!" Emily exclaimed, as everyone looked around at her, "He's my grandfather, I can't sleep with him!"
"Oh, fair point." said Rachael, agreeing.
So the men took Sir Ian, howling and screaming into Rachael's bunk room thing. When they came back out, Emily kept boredom away by busying herself with the remaining men, except for Sinbad who had to run up occasionally to the steering wheel thing and make sure they were still on course.
They were having a pleasant afternoon, lots of sandwiches (which Emily made for them) and singing and dancing to the excellent sound system. But a few minutes later they heard the door to Rachael's bunk room thing being flung open.
They looked up to see Sir Ian, standing there, clad only in his boxer shorts, looking really happy.
"I'M NEVER GOING BACK!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
"HUZZA!" everyone yelled, and they all got up to say "Hooray and Congratulations to you!" to Ian.
Emily walked over to Rachael as she sidled out of her bunk room thing.
"Nicely done." said Emily.
"Thank you. Now, on to the Little Mermaid land."
* * * * *