Lard Nar fainted down on the pile of metal and rust, shocked enough to see this floating cone scream up to his face.
"Hello? Hello?!?! HELLO?!? Did I knock your brains out, dude?"
The intercom buzzes on. An hour had gone by. "All right, Windeline! You're NEXT!!!"
Lard Nar got himself up from the metal pile and rubs his head, feeling his huge headache from all the dizziness. But he got into a "pissed off" mood.
"No, you did not, and I would appreciate it right now if you help turn on these stinkn' androids before i'll knock your brains out!!!"
Shloonkatpooxis had learned of the Vortian's angry temper immediately. "Okay! Okay! Jeez, you didn't had to be such a party pooper!" But he said the wrong thing, as he would do ever so often.
"Will you shut up about the party ALREADY?!?"
"We're having another party?!?" This cone had learned that this guy was angry, but not of what he can do with it. Parties were always a thing for him! "AWESOME! But we'll need chips and soda and games and..... music! Lots and lots and lots of music to dance to ! WOOO!"
Lard Nar slaps himself for saying that "P" word. He promises himself to never say it again . He grabs onto Shloonktapooxis before he can fly away and stares him right at the face. He's really desperate now. His temper had taken over the Vortian
"LISTEN! Get these robots to work and fight the Irkens with me, or I'll take away that bag of popcorn that's popping inside your portable microwave."
"Pop pop! Popppity pop pop pop pop poppy pop pop pop......."
".......Deal."
Lard Nar checks the controls inside one of the Vortian ships while Shloonktapooxis turns on all the robots on with just one push of a button with his tip. Some were rectangular, others were triangular and had eight legs to walk on, and the rest were just plain triangular. There was a total of eleven robots and all were ordered to play limbo because Shloonkatpooxis still thought they were having a party. Of course Lard Nar hears the tango music and runs out to see what's going on.
"What in zarks are you doing?!? We're leaving for Devastus right now!!! "
"What? Now? Awww, man! And I was just beating the champ! C'mon, guys."
The music stops and the sulking and mourning of the androids started, and Shloonktapooxis slowly flies onto the ship. At least 3 androids were at a table of controls, with Lard Nar sitting at the Captain's Chair.
"All right, soldiers! Start the ship!"
Outside of the ship, a circular door opens, revealing a tunnel for take-off, but when they tried to start the ship, the ship didn't even move an inch.
"What the heck? How come the ships isn't moving?!?"
Shloonktapooxis looks through the ship's computer, and for once he says something important. Well, to Lard Nar, any ways. "We need more people to start the ship, Lard Nar! Controlling a Vortian ship takes teamwork!"
"Well, it's no wonder most of my people were eremophobic. Everyone, split up your bodies to control different parts of the ship!"
They do as he says, with arms, fingers, feet legs and even heads all over the place, but some controls are still left abandoned. Quite bizarre but to the Vortian it'll do just fine for now.
The cone though takes advantage of the fact that there wasn't enough limbs to control all the buttons and levers. "Time to play twister, WOOO!!"
He rolls all over the remaining buttons and switches (how else can a cone play twister?) and all the members of the small group manage to start the ship to move up through the long tunnel, fly it through space, leaving a trail of bubbles.
Lard Nar peered through a nearby window, seeing his home planet getting smaller and smaller by the minute. He shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that worked. Twister is an useful game for desperate times of trying to save the entire Universe, or at least stop one leader from leading, any way."
~30 MINUTES LATER, PLANET DEVASTUS PRIVATE PARKING LOT ~
Shloonktapooxis was just lying there on the control panel, all alone in the ship when just ten minutes ago everybody connected their parts and went out of the ship.
"Hey! Are we there yet! I'm getting tired from all this dog-rolling, man!"
Lard Nar drags him as hard as he can off the ship
"We've been here for over ten minutes waiting for you!! Do you have some kind of attraction with the controls?!?"?
"My favorite cookies are hidden under the green keyboard...My cookies!!! NOO!!!I need my daily 20g sugary goodness!!!"
Lard Nar gathers the group together behind the ship for a meeting.
"Okay, here's the plan, and we only have an hour and a half to do this, since the Irken ships, I've heard, got sucked in to an illegal and unknown wormhole and it won't be long before they come here. Shloonktapooxis and I will check out the library down there to get as much juicy information as we can, and to find a copy of---"
"Boy! I'm thirsty! I want my blurberry kiwi juice!"
Lard Nar just shrugs and continues on, "-- The Irken Conquest List, or TICL, an electronic list of all the planets in the universe planned to be become Irken property, and it automatically crosses off conquered planets off the list! And once we get back to this ship, we'll get out the weapons and ATTACK the invaders and Tallest Spork before they can fight back!
"Keep an eye on the ship while we're gone. Come on, Shloonktapooxis, give me a ride up to the library!"
"Aww man, I hate lifting things up! How much do you weigh?"
"Uh.. I don't know...50 pounds.?"
"Okee-doke! Anything heavier than a candy bar I can carry!"
"But why did you say---AHHHHH! Hey, watch it!!"
Shloonktapooxis pushed Lard Nar up and flew over to a short, pink and gray building. Lard Nar hangs on to Shlooktapoooxis' pink thing for dear life. But he wasn't scared. He was happy as he can be.
"You know," the Vortian thought, "he may be on the wild side for a bit, and he doesn't care in the cons of galactic conquest, but I can officially call him...a friend. My first... friend...."
Shloonktapooxis stopped in front of one of the windows of the top floor. He opened the window with his tip and flies right inside. No one is there, just a bunch of discs and book shelves and a computer Librarian bored to death.
Lard Nar jumps off of Shloonktapooxis. "Good landing! The room I was looking for, the Top Secret Meanings and Forbidden to Public Eyes Information Center. Now we need to find TICL, so look over to that disc shelf while I search the book shelf."
"When are we gonna get to the fun part? I'm bored already! And thirsty! And hungry! Do you have cheese puffs on you?"
"Just keep searching and I'll give you some."Surprisingly, he did brought cheese puffs with him. But as they kept opening up disc cases and pages of words and pictures, none of them found nothing equivalent of a list.
Lard Nar was climbing up and around the shelves, literally throwing the ancient texts onto the floor with big 'Thumps!' and dug up through all the paper files lying on the meeting table. He even found a suitcase on one of the chairs and opened it up, but found nothing but even more cheese puffs and gave them to Shloonktapooxis.
He wasn't really doing much; just flying past the disc shelf repeatedly and quickly looking at the titles while chewing happily on his snacks. Neither of them noticed the computer Librarian, who was moving the security cameras to follow and record Lard Nar's every move and sulking every 5 seconds. There was no actual monitor of keyboard in the room, so they didn't even know there was a machine watching the room.
"Whoa, easy now, easy now, don't slip, don't fa-AHH!" He pulled the bookshelf so hard that it leaned forward and fell right onto the ground, trapping Lard Nar and the books all over the place "Ouch. Shloonktapooxis! Get me out of here! I think someone heard the crash!"
Shloonktapooxis goes and lifts up the shelf with his trustworthy tip. "Wow! You're pretty strong for a party pooper!"
Lard Nar gets up and pushes the shelf back on to the wall. "Don't call me that! And help me clean up this mess before they come in here!"
"What, who's going to come in here before---"
"Before I can help you?"
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!", the cone and the Vortian screamed simultaneously. "Wait, a computer ?" said Lard Nar after regaining some sense into him, "No wonder I felt something following me...."
"Those were my security cameras. Did they bother you? I'm sorry, it's just that I' m so damn BORED today! Working in a library sucks, is all I have to say about it. Here, I'll clean that up for you, my dear..."
A suction tube vacuums all the books out of sight and the tube spits out all the books in the shelf, not one out of place. The computer downloads an applause for himself.
"What are you two doing here, anyway? Searching for TICL? I'm not going to report anything to those stupid Irkens, I'm just verrrrrry curious!"
Lard Nar feels a skinny robot finger tingling up his spine, shuddering in both a disturbing and confused way. "Well...umm... Yes! That's exactly what we need! Can you find it for us? And be quick, we're in a hurry."
"Yeah! I need to empty out myself real bad!" Says Shloonktapooxis, feeling kind of sickly inside.
The computer glees in excitement. "Certainly! It'll be an honor for me to help out.....um, your name?"
"Oh, I'm Lard Nar, and this is my partner, Shloonktapooxis!"
"Yeah! With an 'is' at the end, not 'eez', buddy!"
It scans the location for TICL as it starts a conversation with the partners, "Ah, yes! Lard Nar! Such a lovely name for an ingenious Vortian like you!"
"Well, actually, I'm often called a nitwit back at home."
"A nitwit?!?! Don't be a slaughtering eating rat! You look like the kind of guy who would be an very intelligent and an inventive leader! You know, being a computer who just sits around watching meetings go by and organizing files is nothing but dull and the ultimate bore of my life! I want excitement! I want adventure! I want FUN!..."
A mechanical arm pops out of the room, holding TICL and gives it to Lard Nar.
"Well, thank you very much!"
The machine doesn't hear Lard Nar's thanks and continues rambling insanely. "I want to do more stuff! Be threatened for the first time!!!! Join the ultimate party!!!"
"YAY! Ultimate Party, WOOOT!!!!"
"I want to never have the ability to relax or rest ever again! Battle in space! Discover new things!! Travel into other dimensions!!!! Destroy planets! EAT FOOD!!!"
Lard Nar interrupts the machine gone mad, "But you would be better off here organizing the books and discs? I mean, you won't be used to all that exciting stuff and the people who come here will need you to help them find their wanted information! And do you really want to leave ones who come to research and study?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!!!!" But even the Voritan couldn't stop it now. "The only things I want to do now, which would truly make me happy for the rest of my functioning days, is to depart myself from their idiotic controls and leave this ugly building!! I WANT OUT!!!!! I WANT......... YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lard Nar had a scared look on his face. The computer was dead serious about this. He knew went to leave, which was now. Before the computer could make his move. He walked slowly back toward the window, looking all around the room for the computer's arms. Shloonktapoxis didn't really pay attention to all this, but he had a skeptical look on him and followed Lard Nar to the window.
"You know, ever since you came into the room with your little buddy there," The computer continued, know sounding like a crazy drunk, "I thought of interesting things. Thoughts I, or no one would know, a computer can think about. They were happy things and crazy things, and I want these things to come true so I had my eyes watching you while you were searching for your list thing-y.
"You're a lot less ugly and less Vortian like close-up, ya know? Those goggles you're wearing right now must of enlightened your face up a bit. I like them...I LOVE them...... And I bet your gray skin, being all shiny and pretty like that, must've been ultra-smooth! Like you mixed elbow grease and skin cream or something, and splashed it all over yourself after you take your shower! I would love to see you take a shower sometime....It should be INTERESTING......"
"This guy is definitely on top of my 'Most Creepiest' list," Lard Nar said to himself, still moving backward. "Hopefully Shlooktapooxis and I can escape in time to get the group ready to fight....I never even knew that computers can have this sort of emotional feeling...especially for me!"
"...And I came up with the most outrageous plan! It's simple: make yourself unconscious on the ground, I'll cut open your head down to your brain, and I'll program myself onto 65% of your wonderful brain!!! We get to be together forever and even make your body immortal! Wouldn't that be great? Together forever? Our hearts always in the same place? And there's no way you would want to kill yourself anymore!!!!"
"How did you know that?" Lard Nar asked, but didn't really want to know the anwer and climbed out of the window with TICL in his arms. "Let's get out of here, he's really creeping me out now!!"
Shloonktapooxis mimics the emotional thing, "Certainly! It's an honor for me to for me to help you out, my dear!"
"Shut up, Shloonktapooxis."
Computer stops his babbling to notice his "true love" escaping him. "NOOOO!!!Where are you going? You get back here right at this instant! It'll only take a minute to take me with you!! Please!! I'M BEGGING YOUUUUU!!! You'll regret this one day, LARD NAR!!!!!!!
As Lard Nar climbs up on top of Shloonktapooxis, a mechanical arm pops through the window and grabs onto his leg. "AHH! IT GOT ME!!"
"He's mine to keep! The body, the heart, the brain, EVERYTHING!!!" If this creep had a face, it would be smiling a hideous toothy grin that'll make dentists faint.
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar out of the window, but the Computer still has the Vortian's leg. "No one goes out to steal one of my buddies! And besides, He's got my snacks!!!"
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar viciously away from the arm fly off very fast, very far, from that horrid place.
"Thanks, even though that pull really killed my head there. Ouch...."
"Welcome!" The cone smiled, and was happy to get his cheese puffs back into his mouth.
He flew right outside the academy, just minutes later. where Spork is making his speech. The two watch him through a tiny window.
~ INVADER ACADEMY---AUDITORIUM ~
"And as your new Tallest, I am proud to say that you INVADERS in training are the Future of the EMPIRE! I'm still taller than you , though. SALUTE ME!"
All the Irkens in the crowd salute him. EVEN ZIM! Yes...Zim is back.... "For more chaos probably," Lard Nar predicted.
~A couple of minutes later...~
"Zim, you've done nothing but rain terror down onto the Empire since you were born...and now they're training you to become an invader?! Why??? !I mean... that's just sick!!" Says one of the Invaders, also happening to be the lovable Irken Purple!
"Hah.. flattery aside," Says the shorter Irken, only caring for his own pride, "when I'm Tallest, I will make the Empire rue ever having made me wait so long to rule them!"
Red, another lovable Irken, comes up in to the crowd showing off his ideas, "Yeah, well, when I'm Tallest, I'd probably put you on trial to defend your life." He nodded, along with his buddy, who was laughing at the image of it. "Yep, that's probably what I'd do. Mmmmmm hmmmmm!!"
Zim reveals in his hand a disc object.
~ MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE ACADEMY...~
":See! He's the one who cause the destruction of Vortica and got ME fired!" Lard says, pointing at Zim through the glass surface. "I hope that disc thing he's got there won't cause any trouble...."
~ INSIDE.... ~
"Hey, what's that thing, Zim?" asks Purple.
"Oh...THIS? It used to belong to my absorbing thing-y back before it grew monstrous and nearly wiped out outer space. Remember that?" He chuckles at the good old times back then.
"That little guy used to love this thing. I'm surprised he hasn't come back for it after all these..."
Outside the building, Shloonktapooxis and Lard Nar hear a very loud rumbling and a huge shadow casts over them. They turn around and look up with sudden fear for their lives. They run inside the auditorium, running (and flying) through the crowd. They simultaneously scream out warnings and stuff.
"AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK----"
The ceiling blows in and flops the unspeakable, now enormous Cthulu like horror and roars insanely, terrifying everyone in sight. In an instant, it grabs onto Spork and has a second helping of Irken Almighty Tallest. Everyone, including Zim, Red and Purple scream in horror and run out of the auditorium like the wind.
Lard Nar hops onto his cone buddy and shouts. "Get to the ship, QUICK!! It looks like the monster comes back for dessert and has already murdered Spork and half of the Irken trainees!!!!"
"Boy, I was lucky this monster didn't came over to my planet! This thing is more hungry and terrifying than on TV!!"
By now the Blob had a course of 41/4 buildings, 263 Irkens, 56 ships and a whole lot of land (I guess he's on some kind of diet). By the time the two escapees land over to the parking lot where the ship was parked, it was gone. The only thing left were a couple of big scraps of metal and the ship's engine.
"Damn it!! Lard Nar curse once again. "He ate our ship!!! And our crew!! We'll have to go find a ship to steal for now!"
Shloonktapooxis flies up in the air (with Lard Nar hanging on to his pink antennae), as high as the monster's full height, and zips and zooms all around Devastus. Not a single abandoned ship in sight. They fly down to an alley that most Irkens on the planet seemed to be running in, and try to blend in the green and red crowd as much as possible.
The Irkens meanwhile run down to an underground biosphere, except it's so low that everyone had to be pile up to fit them all in, with Lard Nar and Shlooktapooxis on top, squished flat between Irkens and the rounded clear surface of the biosphere.
Lard Nar whispers to Shloonktapooxis, to reveal his Plan B silently, " Listen to me, this is important: DON'T SAY ANYTHING! No word! No peep! Not even a single giggle! If they hear your slang-term, "cool" tone of voice and my accent, then we'll be thrown out for sure and...well...the rest will be utter chaos."
"Okee doke! I won't say a word in here! YEP! Just like you said, not a sound from my slang-term, "cool" tone of voice, MAN!!!"
"Shhhhh!"
Another know-but-not-lovable Irken name Flobee shouts, "Hey! Who said that?"
"It's an unwanted intruder, obviously! Kick him out before the monster gets full!!" An Irken name El says/
"YEAH!! KICK THE CONE!! KICK THE CONE!!" All the Irkens inside shouted, and pulled Shloonktapooxis, sinking him further and further down the crowd. Lard Nar tried to pull him back up, but the Irkens are a lot stronger than him. As soon as Shloonktapooxis got to the door, he was thrown by Sneakyonfoota out into the far sky.
"NO!!!" Lard Nar declared in despair. "Today, I've made a friend, formed a group, stole a ship, and formatted an ingenious plan, but I also lost them all too! Probably never to be seen again! And what do i get for living in a nightmare? An Irken list that'll probably be completely useless to me, and...."
~LATER, IN THE TOP SECRET MEETINGS & FORBIDDEN TO PUBLIC EYES INFO CENTER ~
"....YOU!"
Computer operates itself with an energetic start, lights beep on and off and his robot arms shake with glee. "Oh, goody! you've come back for me! Staying for the rest of your life, then?"
"No, computer, only for the night." He grudged, cursed himself for going back here in the first place.
He indeed did stay in that very room, with the door locked, for the rest of the night.
Plus 5 months.
"Hello? Hello?!?! HELLO?!? Did I knock your brains out, dude?"
The intercom buzzes on. An hour had gone by. "All right, Windeline! You're NEXT!!!"
Lard Nar got himself up from the metal pile and rubs his head, feeling his huge headache from all the dizziness. But he got into a "pissed off" mood.
"No, you did not, and I would appreciate it right now if you help turn on these stinkn' androids before i'll knock your brains out!!!"
Shloonkatpooxis had learned of the Vortian's angry temper immediately. "Okay! Okay! Jeez, you didn't had to be such a party pooper!" But he said the wrong thing, as he would do ever so often.
"Will you shut up about the party ALREADY?!?"
"We're having another party?!?" This cone had learned that this guy was angry, but not of what he can do with it. Parties were always a thing for him! "AWESOME! But we'll need chips and soda and games and..... music! Lots and lots and lots of music to dance to ! WOOO!"
Lard Nar slaps himself for saying that "P" word. He promises himself to never say it again . He grabs onto Shloonktapooxis before he can fly away and stares him right at the face. He's really desperate now. His temper had taken over the Vortian
"LISTEN! Get these robots to work and fight the Irkens with me, or I'll take away that bag of popcorn that's popping inside your portable microwave."
"Pop pop! Popppity pop pop pop pop poppy pop pop pop......."
".......Deal."
Lard Nar checks the controls inside one of the Vortian ships while Shloonktapooxis turns on all the robots on with just one push of a button with his tip. Some were rectangular, others were triangular and had eight legs to walk on, and the rest were just plain triangular. There was a total of eleven robots and all were ordered to play limbo because Shloonkatpooxis still thought they were having a party. Of course Lard Nar hears the tango music and runs out to see what's going on.
"What in zarks are you doing?!? We're leaving for Devastus right now!!! "
"What? Now? Awww, man! And I was just beating the champ! C'mon, guys."
The music stops and the sulking and mourning of the androids started, and Shloonktapooxis slowly flies onto the ship. At least 3 androids were at a table of controls, with Lard Nar sitting at the Captain's Chair.
"All right, soldiers! Start the ship!"
Outside of the ship, a circular door opens, revealing a tunnel for take-off, but when they tried to start the ship, the ship didn't even move an inch.
"What the heck? How come the ships isn't moving?!?"
Shloonktapooxis looks through the ship's computer, and for once he says something important. Well, to Lard Nar, any ways. "We need more people to start the ship, Lard Nar! Controlling a Vortian ship takes teamwork!"
"Well, it's no wonder most of my people were eremophobic. Everyone, split up your bodies to control different parts of the ship!"
They do as he says, with arms, fingers, feet legs and even heads all over the place, but some controls are still left abandoned. Quite bizarre but to the Vortian it'll do just fine for now.
The cone though takes advantage of the fact that there wasn't enough limbs to control all the buttons and levers. "Time to play twister, WOOO!!"
He rolls all over the remaining buttons and switches (how else can a cone play twister?) and all the members of the small group manage to start the ship to move up through the long tunnel, fly it through space, leaving a trail of bubbles.
Lard Nar peered through a nearby window, seeing his home planet getting smaller and smaller by the minute. He shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that worked. Twister is an useful game for desperate times of trying to save the entire Universe, or at least stop one leader from leading, any way."
~30 MINUTES LATER, PLANET DEVASTUS PRIVATE PARKING LOT ~
Shloonktapooxis was just lying there on the control panel, all alone in the ship when just ten minutes ago everybody connected their parts and went out of the ship.
"Hey! Are we there yet! I'm getting tired from all this dog-rolling, man!"
Lard Nar drags him as hard as he can off the ship
"We've been here for over ten minutes waiting for you!! Do you have some kind of attraction with the controls?!?"?
"My favorite cookies are hidden under the green keyboard...My cookies!!! NOO!!!I need my daily 20g sugary goodness!!!"
Lard Nar gathers the group together behind the ship for a meeting.
"Okay, here's the plan, and we only have an hour and a half to do this, since the Irken ships, I've heard, got sucked in to an illegal and unknown wormhole and it won't be long before they come here. Shloonktapooxis and I will check out the library down there to get as much juicy information as we can, and to find a copy of---"
"Boy! I'm thirsty! I want my blurberry kiwi juice!"
Lard Nar just shrugs and continues on, "-- The Irken Conquest List, or TICL, an electronic list of all the planets in the universe planned to be become Irken property, and it automatically crosses off conquered planets off the list! And once we get back to this ship, we'll get out the weapons and ATTACK the invaders and Tallest Spork before they can fight back!
"Keep an eye on the ship while we're gone. Come on, Shloonktapooxis, give me a ride up to the library!"
"Aww man, I hate lifting things up! How much do you weigh?"
"Uh.. I don't know...50 pounds.?"
"Okee-doke! Anything heavier than a candy bar I can carry!"
"But why did you say---AHHHHH! Hey, watch it!!"
Shloonktapooxis pushed Lard Nar up and flew over to a short, pink and gray building. Lard Nar hangs on to Shlooktapoooxis' pink thing for dear life. But he wasn't scared. He was happy as he can be.
"You know," the Vortian thought, "he may be on the wild side for a bit, and he doesn't care in the cons of galactic conquest, but I can officially call him...a friend. My first... friend...."
Shloonktapooxis stopped in front of one of the windows of the top floor. He opened the window with his tip and flies right inside. No one is there, just a bunch of discs and book shelves and a computer Librarian bored to death.
Lard Nar jumps off of Shloonktapooxis. "Good landing! The room I was looking for, the Top Secret Meanings and Forbidden to Public Eyes Information Center. Now we need to find TICL, so look over to that disc shelf while I search the book shelf."
"When are we gonna get to the fun part? I'm bored already! And thirsty! And hungry! Do you have cheese puffs on you?"
"Just keep searching and I'll give you some."Surprisingly, he did brought cheese puffs with him. But as they kept opening up disc cases and pages of words and pictures, none of them found nothing equivalent of a list.
Lard Nar was climbing up and around the shelves, literally throwing the ancient texts onto the floor with big 'Thumps!' and dug up through all the paper files lying on the meeting table. He even found a suitcase on one of the chairs and opened it up, but found nothing but even more cheese puffs and gave them to Shloonktapooxis.
He wasn't really doing much; just flying past the disc shelf repeatedly and quickly looking at the titles while chewing happily on his snacks. Neither of them noticed the computer Librarian, who was moving the security cameras to follow and record Lard Nar's every move and sulking every 5 seconds. There was no actual monitor of keyboard in the room, so they didn't even know there was a machine watching the room.
"Whoa, easy now, easy now, don't slip, don't fa-AHH!" He pulled the bookshelf so hard that it leaned forward and fell right onto the ground, trapping Lard Nar and the books all over the place "Ouch. Shloonktapooxis! Get me out of here! I think someone heard the crash!"
Shloonktapooxis goes and lifts up the shelf with his trustworthy tip. "Wow! You're pretty strong for a party pooper!"
Lard Nar gets up and pushes the shelf back on to the wall. "Don't call me that! And help me clean up this mess before they come in here!"
"What, who's going to come in here before---"
"Before I can help you?"
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!", the cone and the Vortian screamed simultaneously. "Wait, a computer ?" said Lard Nar after regaining some sense into him, "No wonder I felt something following me...."
"Those were my security cameras. Did they bother you? I'm sorry, it's just that I' m so damn BORED today! Working in a library sucks, is all I have to say about it. Here, I'll clean that up for you, my dear..."
A suction tube vacuums all the books out of sight and the tube spits out all the books in the shelf, not one out of place. The computer downloads an applause for himself.
"What are you two doing here, anyway? Searching for TICL? I'm not going to report anything to those stupid Irkens, I'm just verrrrrry curious!"
Lard Nar feels a skinny robot finger tingling up his spine, shuddering in both a disturbing and confused way. "Well...umm... Yes! That's exactly what we need! Can you find it for us? And be quick, we're in a hurry."
"Yeah! I need to empty out myself real bad!" Says Shloonktapooxis, feeling kind of sickly inside.
The computer glees in excitement. "Certainly! It'll be an honor for me to help out.....um, your name?"
"Oh, I'm Lard Nar, and this is my partner, Shloonktapooxis!"
"Yeah! With an 'is' at the end, not 'eez', buddy!"
It scans the location for TICL as it starts a conversation with the partners, "Ah, yes! Lard Nar! Such a lovely name for an ingenious Vortian like you!"
"Well, actually, I'm often called a nitwit back at home."
"A nitwit?!?! Don't be a slaughtering eating rat! You look like the kind of guy who would be an very intelligent and an inventive leader! You know, being a computer who just sits around watching meetings go by and organizing files is nothing but dull and the ultimate bore of my life! I want excitement! I want adventure! I want FUN!..."
A mechanical arm pops out of the room, holding TICL and gives it to Lard Nar.
"Well, thank you very much!"
The machine doesn't hear Lard Nar's thanks and continues rambling insanely. "I want to do more stuff! Be threatened for the first time!!!! Join the ultimate party!!!"
"YAY! Ultimate Party, WOOOT!!!!"
"I want to never have the ability to relax or rest ever again! Battle in space! Discover new things!! Travel into other dimensions!!!! Destroy planets! EAT FOOD!!!"
Lard Nar interrupts the machine gone mad, "But you would be better off here organizing the books and discs? I mean, you won't be used to all that exciting stuff and the people who come here will need you to help them find their wanted information! And do you really want to leave ones who come to research and study?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!!!!" But even the Voritan couldn't stop it now. "The only things I want to do now, which would truly make me happy for the rest of my functioning days, is to depart myself from their idiotic controls and leave this ugly building!! I WANT OUT!!!!! I WANT......... YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lard Nar had a scared look on his face. The computer was dead serious about this. He knew went to leave, which was now. Before the computer could make his move. He walked slowly back toward the window, looking all around the room for the computer's arms. Shloonktapoxis didn't really pay attention to all this, but he had a skeptical look on him and followed Lard Nar to the window.
"You know, ever since you came into the room with your little buddy there," The computer continued, know sounding like a crazy drunk, "I thought of interesting things. Thoughts I, or no one would know, a computer can think about. They were happy things and crazy things, and I want these things to come true so I had my eyes watching you while you were searching for your list thing-y.
"You're a lot less ugly and less Vortian like close-up, ya know? Those goggles you're wearing right now must of enlightened your face up a bit. I like them...I LOVE them...... And I bet your gray skin, being all shiny and pretty like that, must've been ultra-smooth! Like you mixed elbow grease and skin cream or something, and splashed it all over yourself after you take your shower! I would love to see you take a shower sometime....It should be INTERESTING......"
"This guy is definitely on top of my 'Most Creepiest' list," Lard Nar said to himself, still moving backward. "Hopefully Shlooktapooxis and I can escape in time to get the group ready to fight....I never even knew that computers can have this sort of emotional feeling...especially for me!"
"...And I came up with the most outrageous plan! It's simple: make yourself unconscious on the ground, I'll cut open your head down to your brain, and I'll program myself onto 65% of your wonderful brain!!! We get to be together forever and even make your body immortal! Wouldn't that be great? Together forever? Our hearts always in the same place? And there's no way you would want to kill yourself anymore!!!!"
"How did you know that?" Lard Nar asked, but didn't really want to know the anwer and climbed out of the window with TICL in his arms. "Let's get out of here, he's really creeping me out now!!"
Shloonktapooxis mimics the emotional thing, "Certainly! It's an honor for me to for me to help you out, my dear!"
"Shut up, Shloonktapooxis."
Computer stops his babbling to notice his "true love" escaping him. "NOOOO!!!Where are you going? You get back here right at this instant! It'll only take a minute to take me with you!! Please!! I'M BEGGING YOUUUUU!!! You'll regret this one day, LARD NAR!!!!!!!
As Lard Nar climbs up on top of Shloonktapooxis, a mechanical arm pops through the window and grabs onto his leg. "AHH! IT GOT ME!!"
"He's mine to keep! The body, the heart, the brain, EVERYTHING!!!" If this creep had a face, it would be smiling a hideous toothy grin that'll make dentists faint.
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar out of the window, but the Computer still has the Vortian's leg. "No one goes out to steal one of my buddies! And besides, He's got my snacks!!!"
Shloonktapooxis pulls Lard Nar viciously away from the arm fly off very fast, very far, from that horrid place.
"Thanks, even though that pull really killed my head there. Ouch...."
"Welcome!" The cone smiled, and was happy to get his cheese puffs back into his mouth.
He flew right outside the academy, just minutes later. where Spork is making his speech. The two watch him through a tiny window.
~ INVADER ACADEMY---AUDITORIUM ~
"And as your new Tallest, I am proud to say that you INVADERS in training are the Future of the EMPIRE! I'm still taller than you , though. SALUTE ME!"
All the Irkens in the crowd salute him. EVEN ZIM! Yes...Zim is back.... "For more chaos probably," Lard Nar predicted.
~A couple of minutes later...~
"Zim, you've done nothing but rain terror down onto the Empire since you were born...and now they're training you to become an invader?! Why??? !I mean... that's just sick!!" Says one of the Invaders, also happening to be the lovable Irken Purple!
"Hah.. flattery aside," Says the shorter Irken, only caring for his own pride, "when I'm Tallest, I will make the Empire rue ever having made me wait so long to rule them!"
Red, another lovable Irken, comes up in to the crowd showing off his ideas, "Yeah, well, when I'm Tallest, I'd probably put you on trial to defend your life." He nodded, along with his buddy, who was laughing at the image of it. "Yep, that's probably what I'd do. Mmmmmm hmmmmm!!"
Zim reveals in his hand a disc object.
~ MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE ACADEMY...~
":See! He's the one who cause the destruction of Vortica and got ME fired!" Lard says, pointing at Zim through the glass surface. "I hope that disc thing he's got there won't cause any trouble...."
~ INSIDE.... ~
"Hey, what's that thing, Zim?" asks Purple.
"Oh...THIS? It used to belong to my absorbing thing-y back before it grew monstrous and nearly wiped out outer space. Remember that?" He chuckles at the good old times back then.
"That little guy used to love this thing. I'm surprised he hasn't come back for it after all these..."
Outside the building, Shloonktapooxis and Lard Nar hear a very loud rumbling and a huge shadow casts over them. They turn around and look up with sudden fear for their lives. They run inside the auditorium, running (and flying) through the crowd. They simultaneously scream out warnings and stuff.
"AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK IT'S BACK----"
The ceiling blows in and flops the unspeakable, now enormous Cthulu like horror and roars insanely, terrifying everyone in sight. In an instant, it grabs onto Spork and has a second helping of Irken Almighty Tallest. Everyone, including Zim, Red and Purple scream in horror and run out of the auditorium like the wind.
Lard Nar hops onto his cone buddy and shouts. "Get to the ship, QUICK!! It looks like the monster comes back for dessert and has already murdered Spork and half of the Irken trainees!!!!"
"Boy, I was lucky this monster didn't came over to my planet! This thing is more hungry and terrifying than on TV!!"
By now the Blob had a course of 41/4 buildings, 263 Irkens, 56 ships and a whole lot of land (I guess he's on some kind of diet). By the time the two escapees land over to the parking lot where the ship was parked, it was gone. The only thing left were a couple of big scraps of metal and the ship's engine.
"Damn it!! Lard Nar curse once again. "He ate our ship!!! And our crew!! We'll have to go find a ship to steal for now!"
Shloonktapooxis flies up in the air (with Lard Nar hanging on to his pink antennae), as high as the monster's full height, and zips and zooms all around Devastus. Not a single abandoned ship in sight. They fly down to an alley that most Irkens on the planet seemed to be running in, and try to blend in the green and red crowd as much as possible.
The Irkens meanwhile run down to an underground biosphere, except it's so low that everyone had to be pile up to fit them all in, with Lard Nar and Shlooktapooxis on top, squished flat between Irkens and the rounded clear surface of the biosphere.
Lard Nar whispers to Shloonktapooxis, to reveal his Plan B silently, " Listen to me, this is important: DON'T SAY ANYTHING! No word! No peep! Not even a single giggle! If they hear your slang-term, "cool" tone of voice and my accent, then we'll be thrown out for sure and...well...the rest will be utter chaos."
"Okee doke! I won't say a word in here! YEP! Just like you said, not a sound from my slang-term, "cool" tone of voice, MAN!!!"
"Shhhhh!"
Another know-but-not-lovable Irken name Flobee shouts, "Hey! Who said that?"
"It's an unwanted intruder, obviously! Kick him out before the monster gets full!!" An Irken name El says/
"YEAH!! KICK THE CONE!! KICK THE CONE!!" All the Irkens inside shouted, and pulled Shloonktapooxis, sinking him further and further down the crowd. Lard Nar tried to pull him back up, but the Irkens are a lot stronger than him. As soon as Shloonktapooxis got to the door, he was thrown by Sneakyonfoota out into the far sky.
"NO!!!" Lard Nar declared in despair. "Today, I've made a friend, formed a group, stole a ship, and formatted an ingenious plan, but I also lost them all too! Probably never to be seen again! And what do i get for living in a nightmare? An Irken list that'll probably be completely useless to me, and...."
~LATER, IN THE TOP SECRET MEETINGS & FORBIDDEN TO PUBLIC EYES INFO CENTER ~
"....YOU!"
Computer operates itself with an energetic start, lights beep on and off and his robot arms shake with glee. "Oh, goody! you've come back for me! Staying for the rest of your life, then?"
"No, computer, only for the night." He grudged, cursed himself for going back here in the first place.
He indeed did stay in that very room, with the door locked, for the rest of the night.
Plus 5 months.