Five months. Five long, stinking months of having to be stuck in that room with a machine mind whose feelings were....well, TOO emotional. Lard Nar eventually got used to this, though, and he was fortunate not having to share his valuable brain with the computer, who he had found out was named Hermly. He had been listening to transmissions from Irken-controlled planets and try to get as much juicy information as possible. He didn't find anything worth remembering, until one night......
"And then we can go shopping together sometime! You may look handsome and all but THAT outfit is just too darn normal! You need to wear something with pink, purple and yellow!! Ya know, styles with PASAZZ.....!!"
"Shut it already! I'm programming my spy cameras to collect a dialogue of this important meeting all the Irkens are involved in!" He ignores Hermly and starts talking to himself. "It's something about a 'Great Assigning'...but what are they assigning?"
Lard Nar has on a head set and his laptop in front of him, connected onto a mini satellite dish. He turns up the volume to clearly listen to the meeting.
"Invader Slacks!" Says voices from Lard Nar's laptop. "You have been assigned to Boodie Nen, Planet of the Large Nostril People!"
"Great, I get the moronic planet! I'll look like a fool! A FOOL, I'LL TELL YA!!!"
"Next, Invader Skoodge!"
"Oh no, that's just sad."
"Could you get any SHORTER?"
The computer starts to fizz around a bit and making strange noises. The whole computer freezes. "Oh shit!" Lard Nar punches his laptop, in another one of his fits.
"Someone's blocking my the transmission! And just when it starts to get interesting!" He punches it again, almost breaking the thin piece of machinery. He shakes the laptop a bit and it unfreezes. Then a screen pops up, 'Another satellite blocking Vortian Satellite from unknown planet. Hacker: Young and stupid.'. But the screen goes away before Lard Nar can read the last part, and the transmission continues.
"AHHHHHHH!!"
"The Universe, will be ours, for the taking!" Irken cheers scream in the background, it sounds like thousands attended the Great Assigning, or possibly millions.
"It's only a matter of time before all the races of the Universe serve, The Irken Empire!!!" More cheering is heard, a couple of mumbles, and the meeting ends from there. It just stipos, the laptop screen buzzes and Lard Nar closes it all together.
"They're coming....."
The locked door crashes down to the floor, and Lard Nar runs for it, carrying his blue little suitcase and Hermly, now inside a Computer Storage Robot (a video camera-thing w/spider legs) following him.
"Wait!! Couldn't we just discuss this with a cup of tea first? Be reasonable, my master! You don't have to rush this whole thing through!!"
"We have to prepare for battle soon! If I create an army now, they won't stand a chance! And besides, who knows what is on that conquest list..."
He takes it out while running down the hall and through the stairs and scrolls the list down until a name catches his eye. He stops running, with Hermly running close behind him, and stares at the name with a shock of horror.
"VVVVV----VVV-VORT! Planet Vort!" He gasps a big, long gasp. "I may hate almost every Vortian around me, but I must save my own people, for their own sake!!"
He was about to run again but he got caught by Hermly's spider legs and it pulled toward the small device. "Let me come let me come let me come let me come PLEASE??? I can't leave you!! I'll never let you off by my side ever again, my dear!!!!!"
Lard Nar had the creepy feeling again for a moment but eventually figured out that is was too late to escape from the computer mind now. He shrugged, "Fine! You can come along, just don't get crazy hanging around with me, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...Time to have a real life! YAY!"
Lard Nar slapped himself in the face, regretting this now and forever being. They went out of the building and walked down to the private parking lot.
"Now, we'll need a good ship to steal to fly over to Vort to warn my people of their doom, but just find something that's useful. And be very quiet about it!"
They both went searching all around the place, Lard Nar examining each ship and testing out the unlocking codes and Hermly just picked out anything bright and gay.
"I wanna ride this one!"
"Too pink! And besides, we want to blend in the sky so no one won't notice!"
"This one?"
"It's growing fur on it!"
"That one?"
Lard Nar just shruddered, not even bothering to say it. Hermly continued, "Oh! What about this one next to me?"
"Mmm.....nah!"
"This? Or that one? WOW! This guy's a match for you!!!"
"No, No, NO!!!! Here, we'll take this Spittle Runner since you seem to not get the point of this."
"My god, you have serious fashion issues!"
Lard Nar slaps himself again. They got into the unlocked Spittle Runner and flew into space. The next day, they land the Spittle Runner on Planet Vort, still having its dark and cloudy look. They get off the ship and into Lard Nar's old shack.
"Wow! Your own shack! I'd always dream about being in here and...oh my gosh! Your clothes! And you wear the same thing day by day? How lame can you get? And, OOOOOH!!! Your hand prints! I must take a picture!"
Lard Nar gathers his old equipment, completely ignoring Hermly, and tries to think up of ways to announce what he had heard without being called a nit wit. He opens up his laptop and calls up an old helper of his.
"Hey! It's you, I mean the OLD you! What do you want this time?"
"Oh, my god!! It's your SHOWER!!!" Hermly squealed from the back room.
"Who was that?"
Lard Nar didn't want anybody to know about Hermly, either. "Nobody. Listen, I need to borrow your other ship for this army I'm building! It's an emergency!"
"All right-y then! It's on level 7, garage number..."
Lard Nar closes his laptop and carries his blue suitcase with him, walking out of the shack. "I'll be at the Lances Building to reveal the news, just stay where you are AND DON'T TAKE ANYTHING OF MINE!!!"
Lard Nar runs off to the Lances Building, while Hermly closely examines Lard Nar's boots with much interest. I mean, how do Vortians wear boots on those legs?! At the Lances Building Lard Nar opens the door open, with a proud grin on his face, when the intercom guy started to speak.
"ATTENTION! The next fortunate Vortian to sit on The Couch is...........Lard Nar!"
Lard Nar came in, just in time.
"And then we can go shopping together sometime! You may look handsome and all but THAT outfit is just too darn normal! You need to wear something with pink, purple and yellow!! Ya know, styles with PASAZZ.....!!"
"Shut it already! I'm programming my spy cameras to collect a dialogue of this important meeting all the Irkens are involved in!" He ignores Hermly and starts talking to himself. "It's something about a 'Great Assigning'...but what are they assigning?"
Lard Nar has on a head set and his laptop in front of him, connected onto a mini satellite dish. He turns up the volume to clearly listen to the meeting.
"Invader Slacks!" Says voices from Lard Nar's laptop. "You have been assigned to Boodie Nen, Planet of the Large Nostril People!"
"Great, I get the moronic planet! I'll look like a fool! A FOOL, I'LL TELL YA!!!"
"Next, Invader Skoodge!"
"Oh no, that's just sad."
"Could you get any SHORTER?"
The computer starts to fizz around a bit and making strange noises. The whole computer freezes. "Oh shit!" Lard Nar punches his laptop, in another one of his fits.
"Someone's blocking my the transmission! And just when it starts to get interesting!" He punches it again, almost breaking the thin piece of machinery. He shakes the laptop a bit and it unfreezes. Then a screen pops up, 'Another satellite blocking Vortian Satellite from unknown planet. Hacker: Young and stupid.'. But the screen goes away before Lard Nar can read the last part, and the transmission continues.
"AHHHHHHH!!"
"The Universe, will be ours, for the taking!" Irken cheers scream in the background, it sounds like thousands attended the Great Assigning, or possibly millions.
"It's only a matter of time before all the races of the Universe serve, The Irken Empire!!!" More cheering is heard, a couple of mumbles, and the meeting ends from there. It just stipos, the laptop screen buzzes and Lard Nar closes it all together.
"They're coming....."
The locked door crashes down to the floor, and Lard Nar runs for it, carrying his blue little suitcase and Hermly, now inside a Computer Storage Robot (a video camera-thing w/spider legs) following him.
"Wait!! Couldn't we just discuss this with a cup of tea first? Be reasonable, my master! You don't have to rush this whole thing through!!"
"We have to prepare for battle soon! If I create an army now, they won't stand a chance! And besides, who knows what is on that conquest list..."
He takes it out while running down the hall and through the stairs and scrolls the list down until a name catches his eye. He stops running, with Hermly running close behind him, and stares at the name with a shock of horror.
"VVVVV----VVV-VORT! Planet Vort!" He gasps a big, long gasp. "I may hate almost every Vortian around me, but I must save my own people, for their own sake!!"
He was about to run again but he got caught by Hermly's spider legs and it pulled toward the small device. "Let me come let me come let me come let me come PLEASE??? I can't leave you!! I'll never let you off by my side ever again, my dear!!!!!"
Lard Nar had the creepy feeling again for a moment but eventually figured out that is was too late to escape from the computer mind now. He shrugged, "Fine! You can come along, just don't get crazy hanging around with me, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...Time to have a real life! YAY!"
Lard Nar slapped himself in the face, regretting this now and forever being. They went out of the building and walked down to the private parking lot.
"Now, we'll need a good ship to steal to fly over to Vort to warn my people of their doom, but just find something that's useful. And be very quiet about it!"
They both went searching all around the place, Lard Nar examining each ship and testing out the unlocking codes and Hermly just picked out anything bright and gay.
"I wanna ride this one!"
"Too pink! And besides, we want to blend in the sky so no one won't notice!"
"This one?"
"It's growing fur on it!"
"That one?"
Lard Nar just shruddered, not even bothering to say it. Hermly continued, "Oh! What about this one next to me?"
"Mmm.....nah!"
"This? Or that one? WOW! This guy's a match for you!!!"
"No, No, NO!!!! Here, we'll take this Spittle Runner since you seem to not get the point of this."
"My god, you have serious fashion issues!"
Lard Nar slaps himself again. They got into the unlocked Spittle Runner and flew into space. The next day, they land the Spittle Runner on Planet Vort, still having its dark and cloudy look. They get off the ship and into Lard Nar's old shack.
"Wow! Your own shack! I'd always dream about being in here and...oh my gosh! Your clothes! And you wear the same thing day by day? How lame can you get? And, OOOOOH!!! Your hand prints! I must take a picture!"
Lard Nar gathers his old equipment, completely ignoring Hermly, and tries to think up of ways to announce what he had heard without being called a nit wit. He opens up his laptop and calls up an old helper of his.
"Hey! It's you, I mean the OLD you! What do you want this time?"
"Oh, my god!! It's your SHOWER!!!" Hermly squealed from the back room.
"Who was that?"
Lard Nar didn't want anybody to know about Hermly, either. "Nobody. Listen, I need to borrow your other ship for this army I'm building! It's an emergency!"
"All right-y then! It's on level 7, garage number..."
Lard Nar closes his laptop and carries his blue suitcase with him, walking out of the shack. "I'll be at the Lances Building to reveal the news, just stay where you are AND DON'T TAKE ANYTHING OF MINE!!!"
Lard Nar runs off to the Lances Building, while Hermly closely examines Lard Nar's boots with much interest. I mean, how do Vortians wear boots on those legs?! At the Lances Building Lard Nar opens the door open, with a proud grin on his face, when the intercom guy started to speak.
"ATTENTION! The next fortunate Vortian to sit on The Couch is...........Lard Nar!"
Lard Nar came in, just in time.